Losing the battle :(

[EvelynSchremp]

:sign0085:

Okay so , I'm new here my name is Evelyn. I have a three year old daughter, just got married months ago and a new step-daughter. My marriage however is already struggling . I'm becoming more and more depressed. Most of my problems come from my illnesses, I have Endo which was the first thing i was diognosed with. After starting treatment for that they discovered the I.C. So then i went through treatment for that as well, all to no avail. Finally I was just Dianosed with Crohns . I have alot (at least 1 or 2 a week) of bad days. When i say bad day those are the ones i really can't get out of bed for the pain. Then i have hard days, I get out of bed but still stuggle to really do anything. I have been dealing with this for 3 years and 2 months. I have had 4 surgeries which have all made it worse and been on so many diff treatments I lost count. The thing that gets to me most is I'm only 21!!!! 21!!!! I'm missing out on so much and nothing has help in fact alot has made it worse. they want to do a hysto on me but I'm too young also me and my husband still want a baby together some one help me please. I'm starting to feel like just giving up

 

[Gwen pippy]

Ahh Honey, you been through so much, of course you are going to feel depressed, ill health at any stage can be so tough to deal with but then add in husbands, marriage and children and we can get overwhelmed. Is there anyone you can talk to a friend maybe or family member, have you told your husband how you feel? I was dx 25 years ago age 11 and I can fully relate to how you are feeling, I married 6 years ago and even though I explained to my now hubby that I may never have children and he accepted it, I worried every day over our future so much so I made myself even sicker than I was. We now have two girls but that was only after I took a long look at how I was beating myself up over everything that happened in life rather than looking after myself and trying to rebuild my physical and mental health.
I am sending you big hugs and strength and please know that we are all here to listen whenever you need to talk.
Gwen xxx

 

[EvelynSchremp]

I try to tell him but he just don't understand and then it makes me feel worse cause he just basicly brushes it off and that makes me feel crazy i'm scared and tired and hurting and depressed. and i don't know what to do anymore, and now even my 3 year old reconizes when i have a bad day she will ask ' mommy are you not feeling well' and it makes me so guilty.

 

[Gwen pippy]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I think sometimes some people just don't know how to deal with others who are unwell, they struggle to give that support. Is there anyone in your family or friends that you can have a chat with?
The feeling of guilt is very natural when it comes to our children, we find ourselves constantly trying to hide how we feel but we forget even though they are small they understand a lot. I struggled with how to deal with my 4 year old and when she would question me then I started to tell her when I wasn't feeling great and she now knows that when I have my fair to good days we make up for it. I have talked to a lot of others here who feel exactly the same, what we lack in ability and energy somedays we make up for with love. You are a great mum and your daughter loves you very much she doesn't see you any other way.
I hope things settle down for you, give yourself that time to repair and don't be hard on yourself. I am always here to listen.
Gwen xxx