Dear Crohns Forum.
I'm a 31 year old guy and currently live in NYC. Forgive my long story, but if i can find some help myself or help someone else, it'll be worth it.
When I was 8 years old, I was first diagnosed with Crohns disease after multiple undiagnosed flare-ups and then the full gamut of GI testing.
I've been on plenty of medications including Sulpha meds, Prednisone, Lialda, Librax, 6mp, prescription loperamide, suppositories, and Remicade. I was on a feeding tube for a while when i was in my mid-teens and desperately underweight. I was always on the border of hospitalization and surgery, but thankfully never had to go through that part.
It was lousy to be sick all the time, to have to run out of class 2-3 times, to be picked on... the whole bit. But I made the most of it, excelled in my studies, graduated toward the top of my class, thrived at one of the top universities in the country, and ended up in my chosen field. Every day was a struggle, a challenge, an embarrassment at times. Every commute to the office I would hope I could make it (and it was only 15 minutes!).
I fought, and fought, and fought. And then. I stopped fighting. I remember sitting in the conference room that day. I had gone to the bathroom beforehand, and it was only 10 minutes in, but, yet again I had to leave to go. I didn't make it... and i just couldn't take it anymore.
I was 25, and I was leaving a career path that I had wanted since I was 15. I left that job because the stress was so high that I felt sick most of the time, and my doctor refused to treat the anxiety. And I left that job because I was dealing with the same pain, the same urgency, the same depression, that I had been for my whole life, and I didn't know what else to do.
I think I was so confused that I thought a change of environment would make a difference and I moved to New York. Maybe I thought the doctors would take a better approach?
But ya can't run from Crohns disease, and I went through the same cycle of stress instigating symptoms with no real solution (remicade + lialda + even the addition of librax didn't seem to help much with that).
The same scenario occurred that I had in my previous job. I couldn't deal with the stress and the symptoms combined, and after a period where I was able to work from home for a while, I was laid-off.
Well, that only made things worse, and finally I turned to street drugs to help with the pain and anxiety that my doctors never had. At the height I was taking 60-80mg of Oxycontin a day, and smoking weed about 8 times a day.
Well, of course this wasn't the answer either although it was a wonderful vacation from the pain and stress for a while.
After nearly a year of addiction, I managed to quit the Oxy on my own after a couple of efforts. I'm not perfect, but now instead of dosing multiple times a day, it's at most a 1-2x a month thing. I haven't been able to quit the weed.
To be honest, i felt more productive on the Oxy than I ever had, although this may have been a delusion and I was obviously also more physically and mentally dependent on the opiates than I am on the weed.
I am currently supported by my parents under the guise of a family business while I am trying to start my own technology business with a friend. I smoke way too much weed and I'm afraid that despite my best efforts, the motivation killing nature of the weed is going to end the business before it has a fair shot.
I went to see a shrink who didn't seem very understanding and just wanted to put me on an SSRI. I tried it for a few days but quickly noticed the side effects and decided to stop after less than a week because I wasn't sleeping.
So, right now I dunno what to do. I guess my first issue is to stop smoking weed, but it's not easy because I've trained myself to respond to pain by smoking. I wish there was a place that could look at the full picture and really help better with the pain and anxiety I fear as I try to live a healthier life.
-SF
I'm a 31 year old guy and currently live in NYC. Forgive my long story, but if i can find some help myself or help someone else, it'll be worth it.
When I was 8 years old, I was first diagnosed with Crohns disease after multiple undiagnosed flare-ups and then the full gamut of GI testing.
I've been on plenty of medications including Sulpha meds, Prednisone, Lialda, Librax, 6mp, prescription loperamide, suppositories, and Remicade. I was on a feeding tube for a while when i was in my mid-teens and desperately underweight. I was always on the border of hospitalization and surgery, but thankfully never had to go through that part.
It was lousy to be sick all the time, to have to run out of class 2-3 times, to be picked on... the whole bit. But I made the most of it, excelled in my studies, graduated toward the top of my class, thrived at one of the top universities in the country, and ended up in my chosen field. Every day was a struggle, a challenge, an embarrassment at times. Every commute to the office I would hope I could make it (and it was only 15 minutes!).
I fought, and fought, and fought. And then. I stopped fighting. I remember sitting in the conference room that day. I had gone to the bathroom beforehand, and it was only 10 minutes in, but, yet again I had to leave to go. I didn't make it... and i just couldn't take it anymore.
I was 25, and I was leaving a career path that I had wanted since I was 15. I left that job because the stress was so high that I felt sick most of the time, and my doctor refused to treat the anxiety. And I left that job because I was dealing with the same pain, the same urgency, the same depression, that I had been for my whole life, and I didn't know what else to do.
I think I was so confused that I thought a change of environment would make a difference and I moved to New York. Maybe I thought the doctors would take a better approach?
But ya can't run from Crohns disease, and I went through the same cycle of stress instigating symptoms with no real solution (remicade + lialda + even the addition of librax didn't seem to help much with that).
The same scenario occurred that I had in my previous job. I couldn't deal with the stress and the symptoms combined, and after a period where I was able to work from home for a while, I was laid-off.
Well, that only made things worse, and finally I turned to street drugs to help with the pain and anxiety that my doctors never had. At the height I was taking 60-80mg of Oxycontin a day, and smoking weed about 8 times a day.
Well, of course this wasn't the answer either although it was a wonderful vacation from the pain and stress for a while.
After nearly a year of addiction, I managed to quit the Oxy on my own after a couple of efforts. I'm not perfect, but now instead of dosing multiple times a day, it's at most a 1-2x a month thing. I haven't been able to quit the weed.
To be honest, i felt more productive on the Oxy than I ever had, although this may have been a delusion and I was obviously also more physically and mentally dependent on the opiates than I am on the weed.
I am currently supported by my parents under the guise of a family business while I am trying to start my own technology business with a friend. I smoke way too much weed and I'm afraid that despite my best efforts, the motivation killing nature of the weed is going to end the business before it has a fair shot.
I went to see a shrink who didn't seem very understanding and just wanted to put me on an SSRI. I tried it for a few days but quickly noticed the side effects and decided to stop after less than a week because I wasn't sleeping.
So, right now I dunno what to do. I guess my first issue is to stop smoking weed, but it's not easy because I've trained myself to respond to pain by smoking. I wish there was a place that could look at the full picture and really help better with the pain and anxiety I fear as I try to live a healthier life.
-SF
