Love, Sex, and Other Drugs

[xJillx]

Did anyone else see this movie and relate? In case you didn’t, the basic plot is Anne Hathaway’s character has Parkinson’s, and she pushes her love interest (hottie Jake Gyllenhaal) away because she doesn’t want him to be responsible for her and “she’ll always need him more than he needs her.”

This really hit home and it was hard to swallow. I have been with my husband for almost 11 years (married for 3 years), and I always kept him on his toes. I used to be independent, sexy, and confident. Since my diagnosis, I am just the complete opposite. I need him more than ever (including his health insurance!), and it makes me feel so vulnerable. Though I know deep down it wouldn’t happen, I am afraid my husband will grow tired of the changed me and having a sick wife. I can’t wait till I reach the wonderful land of remission, so these crazy thoughts will leave my mind…

 

[Astra]

Aw Jill, that's so sad hun!
This isn't gonna happen just like that, your hubby is a keeper!
In time you will reach that remission, you're still a relatively new Crohnie!
Not even 1 year old yet!
Talk to him, don't let it fester, this will make you anxious, write it all down! Then tell him.
You're gonna be ok, this will pass (I know)
xxxx

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

I've had the same thoughts. I even told my husband this wasn't what he signed up for when he married me (at 19, thin and healthy) and it wasn't fair to him. He said it's absolutely what he signed up for-in sickness and in health. He has to carry more than his fair share of the load (especially with the kids and household-I'm doing well to make it through a workday). But they love us and understand that this disease comes with the territory now. I would talk to him and let him know how you feel.

 

[Jer's Girl]

Excuse me, but would you ladies leave your husband’s if they got Cancer? Would you feel completely at ease saying, “Sorry, this chemo is just not what I signed up for. ” Somehow, I doubt it.

My husband is my rock. He has seen me through so much with this disease, including an ostomy bag for six months, and I know that there is no doubt in his mind that he would rather have me sick, flawed and not always drop dead sexy then not have me at all.
No one is perfect, and it is just plain harmful to expect yourself to be. In some ways, I feel lucky to have been so sick so early on in my relationship because it showed me how much my husband really does love me, and it showed him how strong I really can be. Real love is unconditional.

As far as the movie goes, I did relate to that character. It is hard to let someone else be strong for you from time to time and trust that they will see you through. Before I met my husband, I never used to let any man get close. I just couldn’t see a future in it. I’m so glad that I was brave enough to realize that I was more than my disease, whatever it would take away from me, and finally let someone really love me.

 

[xJillx]

Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to sound so depressing. I just couldn't help but to relate to how Hathaway's character felt. But my husband is surely a keeper, and I know he'll be my rock. And, of course, I'd be with him through anything. But I just thought tough days with health would come later in life, not so young...

 

[chrisnsteph1022]

I know the feeling, Jill. It's just not fair that we have such severe and chronic medical problems so young. It's not fair at any age, I suppose, but it's more expected as you age. I certainly didn't expect to get hit with a lifelong, incurable disease at 23. I've come to accept it as part of me, but I still hate that my hubby and kids have to deal with a constantly sick wife and mom.

 

[wolfem]

Excuse me, but would you ladies leave your husband’s if they got Cancer? Would you feel completely at ease saying, “Sorry, this chemo is just not what I signed up for. ” Somehow, I doubt it.

My husband is my rock. He has seen me through so much with this disease, including an ostomy bag for six months, and I know that there is no doubt in his mind that he would rather have me sick, flawed and not always drop dead sexy then not have me at all.
No one is perfect, and it is just plain harmful to expect yourself to be. In some ways, I feel lucky to have been so sick so early on in my relationship because it showed me how much my husband really does love me, and it showed him how strong I really can be. Real love is unconditional.

As far as the movie goes, I did relate to that character. It is hard to let someone else be strong for you from time to time and trust that they will see you through. Before I met my husband, I never used to let any man get close. I just couldn’t see a future in it. I’m so glad that I was brave enough to realize that I was more than my disease, whatever it would take away from me, and finally let someone really love me.

Wow. I have similar feelings but I always think of exactly what you just wrote. Nicely stated. Someone who really loves you will be by your side no matter what.

 

[Octagon]

I've thought about this a lot too. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now. And I know I'm only 19 but she means a whole lot to me. We use to do a lot of outdoorsy activities before my symptoms really hit. But now because of my arthritis we don't do a whole lot. And I still wonder if she's slowly getting tired of taking it easy with me when I'm sore, but she assures me she isn't. She's the best thing that's happened to me and she's helped me through a lot of my troubles. She's my angel.

I'd just say that you should talk to him. With medication and diet changes you'll hopefully need him less but love him more

Jer's Girl has it down pat.

 

[Nancy Lee]

Jill, I did see that movie as well.
I've actually had the same feelings on and off that you have.
I've had this disease since 1997 and my husband has been a great supporter,
taking on some off the household chores I cannot quite manage anymore.

In the past couple of years I find I am more tired than usual
so when I have naps this leaves him to start dinner.
He says he doesn't mind. But I have such a guilty feeling inside..
even though I smile and laugh and try to 'act' normal.

I don't usually cry in front of him, (not one to feel sorry for myself)
....but...come the end of that movie I could not hold it in and
I broke down and sobbed like a baby...
(good thing we were in our living room) :smile:

He came over to me not saying a word and just held me...
he knew exactly what I was thinking.

Sending you warm hugs on this blustery night~Nancy

 

[Jer's Girl]

Nancy Lee, that is a sweet story. It's nice when people understand what we are feeling without us having to say a word.

 

[Pirate]

Jill, my wife and I have been married for 32 yrs. I was diagnosed 25 yrs ago. She has been my rock through ever minute of those 25 years.
She is a very beautiful lady and she still sticks by my side even though I've lost all my teeth and look like a red-neck hillbilly. She fusses over me like a mother hen making sure I do what I'm suppose to do. I would be lost without her and she says I'm her whole world. Still madly in love with one another after all these years.
For better or worse, in sickness and in health till death do us part. We both feel this way very strongly.
Its great to be loved that much as I'm sure you know.

 

[Shake-N-Jake]

Jill, I know exactly how you feel and still struggle with it! Im not married yet but was very close to getting engaged! I was about to have a house built (actually in PA, New Freedom) and planned on proposing the day we walked into our new house! Thanks to Crohns, we've had to start basically all over! Its very hard for a man who's suposed to be the provider to have that taken away from him (hopefully temporarily)! My girl has been great through all of this, but Ive told her hundreds of times that if she left Id understand and I think she deseves better! Time will tell but Im almost a completely diff guy than she met! I used to take care of myself, workout and always want to go places and try new things! Im just now getting back into the gym but struggling! Hopefully soon I can return to work! Thats the toughest part, we had a seemingly bright future financially but now who knows? Its very hard for me to deal with but I cant imagine how hard it is for her! Id have no problem helping and taking care of her if the situation was reversed, but she is still 3yrs younger than me and could potentially have a tough road ahead with me n my illness! No matter how you look at the situation its tough on us all!