Moody Teen

[Mehita]

Ok, maybe not totally IBD related... but very open to suggestions on how to deal with a moody teenager. You'd think he was on pred again with this emotional roller coaster we're on. At least with pred we could lower the dose.

Help?

 

[upsetmom]

Mehita l don't have many problems with my daughter.

Have you tried sending him to his room or taking something off him.....like his phone etc.

 

[Ya noy]

Aren't the very words "moody" and "teenager" redundant? What teen isn't on an emotional roller coaster? I think I'd be more concerned if he wasn't.

Only advice I can give is to tell you what my husband and I did during his daughters "teen angst" years, which was basically to chose our battles wisely, meaning that most teens love nothing better than to practice their new found ability to argue their bizarre "teenage logic" on their parents, and attempting to get them to see reason is a losing battle. One that's not worth fighting, especially since most teenagers also eventually grow out of it. So we concentrated more on limits and "damage control" until they did, and they did.

I kind of had it easy with 2 stepdaughters, because if 1 annoyed me, I just left the house and took her sister shopping! Worked really well.

best of luck

 

[Sascot]

So far things are going well with my son, but my daughter (who is 10) is another thing all together. Think I will be having alot of issues when she reaches teenagehood! Good luck!

 

[crohnsinct]

Alcohol! For you not him!

Loving Ya Noy's suggestions!

Sorry Mehita my oldest (19) was really a charm. O is just 13 and heading into the difficult years. But one thing I think really helped me with my oldest is that she was involved in something (swimming). Having that "thing" to escape to on a regular basis helped her work out whatever it was that was bothering her and calmed her down. I know not all the kids here feel well enough to do something physical but I have heard art, music, even volunteering at a pet shelter helps.

Positive reinforcement on good days...out for a treat or something...no idea what teen age boys would consider a treat these days...no comments!

It's hard when they have a chronic illness and feel bad too. Hard to discern what is normal teenagerdom and what is effects of disease. ERGH!

 

[Tesscorm]

I like Ya noy's advice too. Stephen's not very moody but my daughter :ack: And, I never found great solution... I'd end up frustrated and getting sucked into a fight! :ymad: But, I did take away privileges for unacceptable behaviour (ie phone, car, etc.)

I think you just have to hang on tight and ride out the storm until it passes. :ghug:

 

[Jmrogers4]

Oh Yeah! Kind of like the weather sometimes.. Don't like the mood, wait 5 minutes. Like Ya Noy I tend to choose my battles. All though I will call him on his moods, basically tell him he is having an attitude and I choose not to discuss "whatever" with him until it changes as I'm not going to just argue.
His younger brother is hitting the same stage although with that kid it is hard because he throws out these incredible one-liners that I have a hard time keeping from laughing. The latest of why he did something "I'm an inspirationalist"

 

[Farmwife]

Oh Yeah! Kind of like the weather sometimes.. Don't like the mood, wait 5 minutes. Like Ya Noy I tend to choose my battles. All though I will call him on his moods, basically tell him he is having an attitude and I choose not to discuss "whatever" with him until it changes as I'm not going to just argue.
His younger brother is hitting the same stage although with that kid it is hard because he throws out these incredible one-liners that I have a hard time keeping from laughing. The latest of why he did something "I'm an inspirationalist"

I LOVE IT:rof::rof:

 

[Clash]

Yanoy, so with you on the "teenage logic" C has some doozies as far as applying his logic to things. We also pick our battles and like Jmrogers4 call him out on attitude and refuse to discuss things until the mood has changed. It is not always as easy as it sounds, C can pull me down to his level quickly which always ends badly. Once I'm sucked into the battle I always come out the other side wondering, "what just happened?"

 

[crohnsinct]

It is not always as easy as it sounds, C can pull me down to his level quickly which always ends badly. Once I'm sucked into the battle I always come out the other side wondering, "what just happened?"

So glad you said it Clash! Me too! I was reading these enlightened parents responses thinking WTH is wrong with me? That was a rhetorical question folks...don't need replies.

 

[Ands]

J is not even a teenager yet and the moods are grim. Hate the not knowing if it is constant battle of the underlying feeling of illness or he really just did say and mean that. I find it so hard not to get dragged in too :runaway:and I'm one for holding a grudge (watch out!!!) so it rarely ends well.

We were in a supermarket earlier and I picked up a bottle of white (as you do) and J asked why I needed that as we had lots at home, I quietly explained that I had already run out and we are only 2 weeks into school holidays!!!!!!!! :lol:

I know it is rare he ever feels close to being 100% well so, I do bite my lip and go with him and his ways of coping. I just hate to think what our neighbours think!!!!!!!

Role on the next few years; I'm putting in my practise now. :lol:

 

[Tesscorm]

OMG, I'm so there with you guys... I swear I won't let myself get sucked in but they can be soooooooo infuriating, that you can't help it! :ybatty: Ugghh...

I've found time-outs still work... but now, for me, not them! :lol: Drive away and go relax at the closest cafe (or bar)!!

 

[Clash]

I swear I won't let myself get sucked in but they can be soooooooo infuriating, that you can't help it! Ugghh...

Me too! I will be saying to myself "Just let it pass, let it pass, he is trying to draw you out, don't take the bait", but some times it just goes beyond my limit of being able to keep my mouth shut.(I liken it to those nature shows you see where the guy with the great accent is describing a battle of prey and predator!!HA)

Next thing you know we are in a full blown argument about the strangest things! Funny thing is he rarely knows the facts behind his arguments or he changes them to suit him(both of which set me off) and it is seldom something I should put the effort into arguing about(which sets me off even more)!!!!!

 

[Tesscorm]

Next thing you know we are in a full blown argument about the strangest things! Funny thing is he rarely knows the facts behind his arguments or he changes them to suit him(both of which set me off) and it is seldom something I should put the effort into arguing about(which sets me off even more)!!!!!

LMAO... That is my daughter sometimes!!! I really, really try to stay out of it but...OMG :ybatty: and, THEN, they look at you like you are soooo out of touch! :facepalm:

 

[Mehita]

Today. Middle of Mall of America. Heated argument with DS, who recently had questionable labs, about why he couldn't get a big bag of popcorn. Seriously! I probably should have let it drop, but anything IBD gets me on edge.

My issue is that BP (before puberty!) DS would get quiet, reserved and moody when he wasn't feeling well. Now he's like that all the time, so I keep asking, out of habit, if he's feeling ok. Then I get the look. Hate the look.

Maybe I just need thicker skin?

 

[Jmrogers4]

^^^^ I so feel you sista! We regularly have the popcorn argument. "But mom, I will only have one piece!"
The one shoulder shrug just kills me!!! Do you want this? ((shrug)) What's wrong? nothing, ((shrug)) Do you feel okay? fine ((shrug)) ARGHHH!!

 

[Clash]

Mehita, I used to do that all the time for that very same reason and having just dropped the MTX, I feel myself falling back into the habit. Every time he gets quiet I ask, "Are you feeling ok?" It's like word vomit, I can't help it, even though I know it grates his nerves!

 

[my little penguin]

since he is older now
would an app or diary or notebook for him to leave you messages in work better
that way you dont have to ask but can still track
obviously have a rule you dont track then mom gets to ask

 

[Mehita]

Oh, the shoulder shrug!! Especially when it's a yes or no question!

It sounds silly, but I am grateful to hear your stories. DS is my oldest so it is all new territory and while I'm glad he's hit puberty considering all the health related issues, I was so not expecting it to be like this.

He does have a tracking app on his phone but won't use it. I'm thinking starting this weekend he won't have a choice. Consequences for being such a poopy butt.

 

[Jmrogers4]

We are on the same boat. SS Moody boys. I'm sure there is someone way more clever then I that can come up with a fantastic name for that boat and please make sure it has a wine room with a lock on the inside and cushy massage chairs

 

[Ands]

Do I still get a space on board, as J only turning 12 in a couple of weeks? I did purchase wine earlier......

Just think of how much more knowledgeable I will be when he turns 13, the poor lad won't have a chance!!!!! :rof:

 

[blessedby3miracles]

That is my first question to my son "Are you feeling alright" When he is not feeling well he is so crabby. Not enough sleep mimics this though perfectly. My other son is 10 and is moody. I usually make him have alone time and sometimes he needs more of my attention. Sleep is huge though, make sure he is getting sleep that is my kids number one issue when they are crabby!!!

 

[DustyKat]

I agree 1,000% with choosing your battles! :thumleft:

Did I treat my kids differently because of the issues they had? Yes I imagine I did, although I had nothing to compare it to but I had to adjust to what confronted us and make it work for us.

For both of them I had to really think what the most important thing was from my point of view. I still maintained the basics of right and wrong but there were many things I let slide because in the scheme of things they really weren't that important.

For Sarah it was keeping the lines of communication open. Her closing down on me and not telling me about her health issues was what I feared the most and she was well and truly moody enough to do that! There was many a time I bit my tongue and said nothing. I did not engage her when she was argumentative, I either said nothing to her rantings or told her that I would speak with her later when she was in a more reasonable and receptive mood, end of story. If I didn't engage her she soon petered out as a one sided conversation is pretty mind numbing.

For Matt the issues started in Primary school, they were his teenage years and so by the time he was a teenager and diagnosed with Crohn's I didn't have problems with him. His issues revolved around his abilities and the behaviours they produced. It was a hard lesson but I had to learn that home was his comfort/acting out zone. He would come home in the foulest of moods more often than not but rather than engage him it was better to let either rant and rave and support him or let him stomp to his room, slam the door and calm down for half an hour.
What it did take me far too long to recognise was that much of made him tick was due to introversion. Even knowing it for some years now I still have to frequently check myself and not ask him if he is alright two seconds or worry that he sits in his room happy in his own company.

So yeah, all in all choosing my battles and not stressing the small stuff is how i got through in one piece! :eek2:

Dusty. xxx

 

[Mehita]

Yes, we've got the introversion bit too. I totally understand that since I'm that way as well. We've had guests all week and I'm just dying to crawl in a hole and be alone for awhile! It's been an exhausting week! I know he needs more sleep too, but it's hard to turn out the lights on cousins who only see each other once every couple of years. He has been sneaking away to go read in his room once a day.

I've been biting my tongue and picking my battles the last couple of days per all your advice. Still a long way to go, but things seem to be... better? I need to watch my sarcasm. Told him he was raining on my parade the other day and had to follow up with an apology. Bad momma.

How long does this last??

 

[Mehita]

... and all this is just normal development, right? Not Azathioprine related? That's all he's on right now.

 

[Clash]

As we are still right in the middle of it, I can't say how long it lasts but I do have friends with older sons who say the moody/angsted/argumentative ship righted itself around 19 or so.

Not sure about the Imuran or if it has any effects!!

 

[DustyKat]

I personally don't think it's an Imuran thing with Sarah.

Sarah was still in the throes of it when she left to go to university at 17 so I received a get out of gaol free card at that point! Visits home after that became less fractious and I would say 90% of the time now she is a perfectly reasonable adult with occasional moodiness that I believe is part of her nature. :lol: So again, when she gets on her soapbox about something I don't engage her but let her babble away until she runs out of steam and realises that I am not listening to her. :biggrin:

I must add that Sarah's worst time hit 3 years post diagnosis, which was her last year of school. I truly do think it had as much to do with her living with Crohn's as it did anything else.

Dusty. xxx

 

[crohnsinct]

OMG Dusty! If I ignored O when she is in a mood and ranting or said something like "I will talk to you about this when you are calmer and rational" she would explode. I can hear her now "I AM CALM AND RATIONAL. What is YOUR problem? You are my mother you are supposed to talk to your child". At that point I would probably be laughing which would send her even more into a fit.

My 9 year old with precoscious puberty is the tough one. She recently figured out when she is in a tizzy that a shower calms her. The other day she was fit to be tied over something. I suggested a shower and she freaked on me.

You just can't win. Just keep buying the booze and ear plugs maybe.

 

[DustyKat]

Um, yeah, did I mention that I am glad I no longer have teenagers? :lol:

Dusty. :Flower: (<the flower of peace)

 

[jmckinley]

Oh, I am so in that "What just happened?" group! I try to pick my battles, but at the same time, I am stubborn to the core. It's all I can do to keep from getting sucked into the strangest arguments.

Even worse is the "tell him nicely" about a gazillion times to do something, finally yell at them and get a "chill out, what are you so mad about" look!

I don't want him to grow up so fast, but then again.....

 

[Amy2]

My soon to be 17 year old son has become angrier about things in the past few months. He's angry about the way his older siblings have treated him and ARE treating him (ignoring him, basically) and angry about having a disease.

He wanted to see a therapist, but now is wavering. "It's not going to fix the fact that they are selfish *****."

He has some very legitimate gripes, forsure, but he's become so negative. He never used to be that way, at all.