My Boyfriend Suffers From Moderate Crohn's Disease

[ky_coz]

Hello to all!

I know this forum is for those of you who suffer from Crohn's Disease and other forms of IBD. I myself do not personally suffer from this disease, so I do not know what you all are suffering from first hand. However, my boyfriend does suffer from this disease, and I was just looking for some support.

My boyfriend Kenneth and I have been together for almost a year. When we first started dating he revealed to me that he had Crohn's disease. I wasn't really aware at the time what that was. My mother is a doctor, so I had heard about Crohn's disease, but I didn't know all the details.

Long story short. My boyfriend is managing his Crohn's well, but he is A LOT worse now than when I first met him. He always tries to shrug it off like he's fine, but I know most of the time he's in a lot of pain.

I guess my question is, what can I expect in the future? And what can I do to support him without treating him like he is weak? He is a wonderful man. The best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to be able to be there for him 100%.

Sorry if this was kinda random and/or confusing. I'm just looking for some advice. Thanks in advance!

-Kylee

P.S. He is currently taking Apriso and Azathioprine.

 

[teach28]

Kylee-

This isn't just a forum for people with Crohn's. There are a lot of people on here who are spouses, parents, etc. of people with Crohn's. So, don't worry about that. We're really all here to support each other.

As far as your boyfriend goes, it really depends on what he'll let you do. I used to just shrug it off too because I was just used to being uncomfortable, having stomach aches and constant constipation. That was until I went to the ER and ended up with a bowel resection!! Now I try to talk about it as much as I can. Sometimes it's hard to talk about bowels, bowel movements with people, but the more I do the better I feel. Sometimes it's nice to be able to tell someone about your pains or that you almost pooped your pants twice today because you weren't close to the bathroom.

I would encourage him to talk about it more, but don't push it. Just letting him know you're there for him might help. He's lucky to have someone there to support him! Maybe encourage him to check out this forum. I've only been on here a couple of days, but reading other people's stories and sharing my own has been wonderful!

I hope that helps a little! Keep it up!

 

[ky_coz]

Thank you so much! Your response actually really helped. Over the past year, Kenneth has opened up A LOT about his Crohn's. I think at first he was hesitant to talk about it because he thought it might scare me off. He talks about it openly now, and answers all the questions I ask him. It's when he's in pain that he doesn't talk about. I can tell he is in pain because of his face, and I know him, but I don't know if it is pride keeping him from admitting that he is in pain. I want to be there for him and comfort him when he's in pain, but I also don't want to make him feel like he is weak or less of a man or something like that.

Anyways, thank you for your response. I really would like to read other's stories on their Crohn's disease and how they manage it.

Thanks again!

-Kylee

 

[Clash]

I really don't have any solid advice for you as I am a parent of 15 year old with Crohns but I think it is wonderful that you are willing to seek out advice to help him cope with this illness! I will say unless it is ER kind of pain my son also doesn't talk about it, like you I just know from his facial expressions or demeanor. Give him time and always have a shoulder ready for him to lean on or an ear ready to listen seems like a good plan. I hope he is feeling better real soon!

 

[ky_coz]

Thank you! As long he knows I'm there for him, I guess that's all the matters right now.

I am sorry to hear about your son. I hope he manages it well and isn't in too much pain!

 

[kiny]

One thing I can tell you is that crohn can be extremely painful, and when someone is angry, upset, not pleasant to be around, it is often a manifestation of the disease. It is really easy to end up hurting people who don't understand that the disease affects your behavior, especially in a relationship. You say and do things you don't mean to say or do because the pain influences your behavior.

 

[Snoflayk505]

hi Ky!
I am so glad you found this forum. You are so welcome here

The best advice I can give you is always remember this is not his fault. A very common fear of people with Crohn's is the fear of never finding someone who will love them and look past their disease. I used to think that way but now I realize we are actually lucky because we weed out the bad ones and find the best! Sounds like you are one of the best I'm glad he found you. Just educate yourself and be prepared for anything and face it with him head on.

As far as him hiding his pain I am pretty sure all of us do it I know I do. Crohn's is an embarrassing disease and the last thing any of us want is all eyes on us. Chronic pain is horrible because it lasts and lasts and lasts. When you can tell he is hurting it's probably because it's bad and he is just trying to be strong and get through it and not be the center of attention at that moment. Just ask him if he's ok and needs anything, if he shrugs it off just accept it. He will ask for help when he's ready. Just be ready for anything and face it together head on.

Good luck to you both and I wish you all the happiness in the world