I am so frustrated with my life and i feel like there is nothing i can do to regain full control.
I am having a difficult time with my personal relationships. Ive been trying to work things out with a boyfriend who doesnt seem to understand crohns or know how to deal with it or me i dont know. but he does all these stupid things that frustrates me. Like every single day he texts me saying "what you doing" and im sure hes just trying to talk to me, but it annoys me beyond belief because all i do with my life is either study or go to school or doctors appointments and hospital treatments. So he knows exactly what im doing which frustrates me, and i guess im also frustrated that i cant answer in any other way. Ive been waiting for him to show signs of making an effort to "get to know" my crohns, we went to a concert last week and i spent the whole time vomiting in the bathroom, to which he left and sat outside with me, and found me some pain killers from the first aid, but he also got ridiculously drunk and it embarrassed me infront of my parents. so its like any effort i see he ruins it somehow, and im the only one that sees it, my parents think i should cut him slack, but why should i, ive not had any slack cut for me.
Then theres my parents, they rarely speak to me, its partly my fault cos i spend my entire life in my room studying and when i leave i usually just want some comfort from feeling so unwell. Which they are bored of dishing out. It sounds mean and I am probably over reacting but i think having crohns used to be a little bit of excitement for my parents who would get a lot of attention from friends and family etc with concern for me, but now the novelty is wearing off with having to pay for expensive health care and me never getting any better.
I am having all these extra health problems and i am made to feel like i am exaggerating something out of nothing, they dont want me to go see the doctor about these problems or ask for additional tests because it costs them money. They get frustrated at me for "not having alife" but i feel to tired and bogged down all the time to want to do anything. If i could have a day off from studying and being unwell i would just have a bath and read a good book in bed.
Its gotten to the point where i dont want to speak to anyone, i replied to my daily text of "what you doing" with 'you know what im doing so why do you keep asking.' So now ive probably caused an issue there. And im planning on going behind my parents back to see a doctor and ask them to run tests so no doubt im going to cause more issues there too, especially if they come back with nothing wrong, which they often do.
i just feel like its about time i deserved some slack. i deal with enough with this damn disease and people just assume it cant be that bad. but im tired of pretending im fine, and feeling so isolated from normality.
Im due to schedule my next set of classes for college soon and i asked my parents for input, they pay my tuition fees and we car share so my schedule has to fit them, and i worry that i may take on too much. but they dont give me any support, they moan about the miles i put on the car and then they moan when i suggest i take mainly online classes, and still give me no input in what they would like me to do. its all so petty and stupid, but all these stupid things add up into a really big equation that i am so tired of dealing with on my own.
im sorry this got so long i guess once i started it wouldnt stop flowing.
I am having a difficult time with my personal relationships. Ive been trying to work things out with a boyfriend who doesnt seem to understand crohns or know how to deal with it or me i dont know. but he does all these stupid things that frustrates me. Like every single day he texts me saying "what you doing" and im sure hes just trying to talk to me, but it annoys me beyond belief because all i do with my life is either study or go to school or doctors appointments and hospital treatments. So he knows exactly what im doing which frustrates me, and i guess im also frustrated that i cant answer in any other way. Ive been waiting for him to show signs of making an effort to "get to know" my crohns, we went to a concert last week and i spent the whole time vomiting in the bathroom, to which he left and sat outside with me, and found me some pain killers from the first aid, but he also got ridiculously drunk and it embarrassed me infront of my parents. so its like any effort i see he ruins it somehow, and im the only one that sees it, my parents think i should cut him slack, but why should i, ive not had any slack cut for me.
Then theres my parents, they rarely speak to me, its partly my fault cos i spend my entire life in my room studying and when i leave i usually just want some comfort from feeling so unwell. Which they are bored of dishing out. It sounds mean and I am probably over reacting but i think having crohns used to be a little bit of excitement for my parents who would get a lot of attention from friends and family etc with concern for me, but now the novelty is wearing off with having to pay for expensive health care and me never getting any better.
I am having all these extra health problems and i am made to feel like i am exaggerating something out of nothing, they dont want me to go see the doctor about these problems or ask for additional tests because it costs them money. They get frustrated at me for "not having alife" but i feel to tired and bogged down all the time to want to do anything. If i could have a day off from studying and being unwell i would just have a bath and read a good book in bed.
Its gotten to the point where i dont want to speak to anyone, i replied to my daily text of "what you doing" with 'you know what im doing so why do you keep asking.' So now ive probably caused an issue there. And im planning on going behind my parents back to see a doctor and ask them to run tests so no doubt im going to cause more issues there too, especially if they come back with nothing wrong, which they often do.
i just feel like its about time i deserved some slack. i deal with enough with this damn disease and people just assume it cant be that bad. but im tired of pretending im fine, and feeling so isolated from normality.
Im due to schedule my next set of classes for college soon and i asked my parents for input, they pay my tuition fees and we car share so my schedule has to fit them, and i worry that i may take on too much. but they dont give me any support, they moan about the miles i put on the car and then they moan when i suggest i take mainly online classes, and still give me no input in what they would like me to do. its all so petty and stupid, but all these stupid things add up into a really big equation that i am so tired of dealing with on my own.
im sorry this got so long i guess once i started it wouldnt stop flowing.
i do plan to be sleeping my 6 tomorrow though haha.
