Needing validation from doctors?

[UnXmas]

I had a hospital appointment yesterday, but my usual consultant was off sick so I saw one I’d never met before. He didn’t know much of my medical history (and my file is way too big for me to expect him to have read much of it!).

He was nice to me, but his attitude towards my illness was quite flippant. When I talked to him about the troubles I’m having gaining weight (due to feeling full, severe heartburn, stomach cramps, etc.) his first response was – "why can’t you just eat more?" He said there was nothing in my test results to indicate that I shouldn’t be able to eat adequately. One test from quite a while back shows my stomach empties too slowly, but he said it wasn’t significant enough to stop me from gaining weight, and I’m on medications that do help a bit with the heartburn. He gave me a new prescription to try. But basically what he seemed to be saying was – your illness is not that bad.

I don’t think this doctor did anything wrong. My problem is with my reaction. I felt down after the appointment because he didn’t seem to think my health was that bad. Actually not even my health in general, just the digestive system part. I have a couple of other medical problems that obviously weren’t addressed in the gastro. appointment. And the doctor is correct – as Crohn’s patients go, I get off very lightly. He gave me a prescription, so it wasn’t like he was totally denying that my symptoms make it hard for me to gain weight. His flippant attitude might just be his character, or he might be used to treating terminally ill and acutely ill patients, in which case it makes sense that he’d view my illness as something I can easily live with.

But it seems I became so used to doctors not taking me seriously – telling me I was just stressed, that I was making it up, treating me for anorexia because they didn’t believe me when I said there was something wrong with my digestive system – that it touches a raw nerve whenever I feel they view my illnesses as less of a problem than they actually are. I wasn’t that upset by this appointment, but afterwards I did start doubting the severity of my illness for a bit – wondering whether I’m making it a far bigger deal than it is, feeling that other people would be able to cope better than I do, asking myself if some of limitations my illnesses have led me to have are actually just a result of me being incapable, perhaps I really could just eat more, etc. etc.

I’m bothered that I reacted in this way. Does anyone else find themselves wanting validation of their illness? If you feel this way, is it because there’ve been times when you really weren’t taken seriously? How do you get over it?

 

[Niks]

Absolutely understand this!

We are going through just the same sort of thing right now. Isn't it enough to go through physical illness and symptoms, but to suggest that 'it isn't that bad' or 'are you sure this is happening', is just horrible.

I do believe that this does make mental health problems far more profound, if the doctor doesn't get it then who will!?

The way we are trying to get round it is by trying to get seen by another Doctor. I really hope you don't take this too badly, at least he is NOT your Doctor and hopefully you won't see him again!

Good luck xx

 

[xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx]

I completely understand why you are feeling the way you are, its horrible when you feel like doctors don't understand you or take you seriously.
I just want to suggest something though.
You say you started doubting the severity of your illness - I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing from time to time. I think it can be easy to get into the mindset of "I can't do this, I can't do that" and I think a lot of that is fear. It is also the fact that other people don't realise how serious an illness it is, so you feel like you have to justify it by saying how serious it is, even if day to day you are able to keep going as normal. (I say this from my experience anyway).
Of course it is almost impossible to measure the severity of someone's illness anyway - you don't know what it is like to be healthy, and a healthy person doesn't know what it is like to be you, just as I don't know what it is like to be you.
Occasionally it is good to push yourself to truly understand what your limitations are. Like when I worked as a waitress in a hotel, it was very physical work and I realised how much I could actually do.
So that's why I think sometimes having thoughts like you have had aren't really a bad thing. Think of it as self evaluating rather than doubting yourself. Especially since we have phases in our illness which means what we can do will change.

 

[Ihurt]

I am so sorry Unxmas. I totally hear where you are coming from though. I remember when I was first got sick back in 2003. I was soooo sick! I remember going to see this professor of medicine( supposedly a top doctor) and he told me all my problem were due to me being a woman!!! He then followed up to say that all women make such mountains out of mole hills! He said we make little tiny things seem SO big! I kid you not, that is what he said to me. My husband was with me at this appointment too. I was so disgusted and felt so awful after that doctor talked to me that way. My husband was very mad. He kind of told the doctor off. I mean here I was so sick and he was making me feel like I was just a cry baby and had no real problems. Well, I never went back there.

But yeah, believe it or not, this happens to a lot of us. My good friend was having issues with getting severe hives and anaphlacitc shock out of no where. She would have to be rushed to the hospital due to her air ways closing up. Well she went to see a doctor here in downtown Chicago. You will not believe what this idiot told her. HE told her she was causing herself to go into anaphlactic shock! He told her she had what he called " hysterical woman syndrome!!! OMG, well lets just say her husband was not so nice and he was escoretd out of the hospital. But hey, I think I would have let that doctor have it to for saying something so ignorant. My friend finally found out she has a prasitic cyst in her liver that was causing the anaphlactic issue and the hives she was getting( they covered her whole body). But yet that a-hole doctor told her she was causing this to happen! SHe ended up having half her liver removed. I mean so ya see, there are stupid doctors all over the place..... Just because one has an MD in the front of their name does not mean squat as far as I am concerned. Hey, they are no different than mechanics. There are real bad mechanics out there, and there are also very bad doctors out there too!!!

Unxmas, you are not alone. Please dont feel bad or that you are at fault. A lot of doctors down play health issues all the time. This guy did not even know you, so he sounds like he was just looking at you at a glance and just spouted off what he felt. I would not pay to much attention since he is not your regular doctor. When my IC bladder was at its worst I went to see a pelvic pain doctor. Do you know he actually told me that because I was not breaking down crying hysterically that I was not that sick and not in that much pain! I mean WTH kind of crap is that to say to someone! Just because I am not one to cry and breakdown does not mean I am not suffering real bad.

If I were you, I would let it go, dont even give that guy a second thought. He is not your regular doctor and maybe he is this way with all his patients. He may just have a nasty bedside manner.

I had a hospital appointment yesterday, but my usual consultant was off sick so I saw one I’d never met before. He didn’t know much of my medical history (and my file is way too big for me to expect him to have read much of it!).

He was nice to me, but his attitude towards my illness was quite flippant. When I talked to him about the troubles I’m having gaining weight (due to feeling full, severe heartburn, stomach cramps, etc.) his first response was – "why can’t you just eat more?" He said there was nothing in my test results to indicate that I shouldn’t be able to eat adequately. One test from quite a while back shows my stomach empties too slowly, but he said it wasn’t significant enough to stop me from gaining weight, and I’m on medications that do help a bit with the heartburn. He gave me a new prescription to try. But basically what he seemed to be saying was – your illness is not that bad.

I don’t think this doctor did anything wrong. My problem is with my reaction. I felt down after the appointment because he didn’t seem to think my health was that bad. Actually not even my health in general, just the digestive system part. I have a couple of other medical problems that obviously weren’t addressed in the gastro. appointment. And the doctor is correct – as Crohn’s patients go, I get off very lightly. He gave me a prescription, so it wasn’t like he was totally denying that my symptoms make it hard for me to gain weight. His flippant attitude might just be his character, or he might be used to treating terminally ill and acutely ill patients, in which case it makes sense that he’d view my illness as something I can easily live with.

But it seems I became so used to doctors not taking me seriously – telling me I was just stressed, that I was making it up, treating me for anorexia because they didn’t believe me when I said there was something wrong with my digestive system – that it touches a raw nerve whenever I feel they view my illnesses as less of a problem than they actually are. I wasn’t that upset by this appointment, but afterwards I did start doubting the severity of my illness for a bit – wondering whether I’m making it a far bigger deal than it is, feeling that other people would be able to cope better than I do, asking myself if some of limitations my illnesses have led me to have are actually just a result of me being incapable, perhaps I really could just eat more, etc. etc.

I’m bothered that I reacted in this way. Does anyone else find themselves wanting validation of their illness? If you feel this way, is it because there’ve been times when you really weren’t taken seriously? How do you get over it?

 

[UnXmas]

Just to clarify – I don’t think this doctor wasn’t taking me seriously enough. (Though I have had that happen with various other doctors.) He wasn't doing anything wrong, it's why I let his casual attitude get to me so much that I'm concerned about.

LittleMissValentine:

You say you started doubting the severity of your illness - I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing from time to time. I think it can be easy to get into the mindset of "I can't do this, I can't do that" and I think a lot of that is fear. It is also the fact that other people don't realise how serious an illness it is, so you feel like you have to justify it by saying how serious it is, even if day to day you are able to keep going as normal. (I say this from my experience anyway).

I agree with you that these could be good questions to ask. I think my problem is with the answers I was giving myself! I was doubting the severity of my illnesses, and trying to convince myself that I am sick after all. Whereas I should have been considering whether I could perhaps be doing more despite being ill.

Thanks for all the replies.