Hello and welcome to the forum, I'm sorry you're poorly but I'm really glad you've found us.
You don't sound selfish at all, that is exactly what we are here for. Please have a look around and make yourself at home. If you have any questions please feel free to ask us and you are always welcome should you need to vent to us at all. No one here will judge you as we all understand what this illness can do to you mentally as well as physically and no matter what the problem we will do everything we can to help. We may not always have the answers but at the very least we can be a shoulder to cry on.
I understand your nerves regarding the new medication, it is daunting starting a new medication especially if you've been medication free for a long time, but remember that the side effects are usually minor and will generally go once your body gets used to things. You will be closely monitored and they should do regular blood tests to ensure that any problems are picked up early on. Please remember that if you do have any concerns and need to chat, we are all here to help. What we give is not a replacement for medical advice but sometimes it can be reassuring to know that other people have been in the same place as you are now.