Not myself anymore

[teeny5]

I have been having kind of a hard time with work lately. I just don't feel like I am doing a good job. I use to be a real go getter. Really working hard all the time and always felt like I was accomplishing a lot. Lately I just feel like I am not accomplishing much more than the bare minimum of my job.

I don't feel stressed or overwhelmed, just not motivated like I was before. Sometimes I think it is because I know if I work too much I feel horrible. Other times I question if it is the job it self, but then I know I really love what I do. Before I got sick I was just beginning my career and was truly excited about it all. Now I just don't feel like it is that important to me anymore.

I guess it is just hard for me to feel this way because I really took a lot of pride in my work and thought I was a great employee. Now I feel totally marginal...not sure how to deal with it all. It is like my whole identity changed or something. I know I shouldn't let the disease overtake my life, but there are some aspects that it has totally affected. I feel differently about things and look at life from a different perspective.

Not sure if this is making any sense, but just had to let it out somehow. Should I rethink my career? Has anyone else felt this way? I get tired of going to work feeling tired and achey or wondering if I am going to have to run to the bathroom that day. I would like to give 110% but often feel like I can barely muster up 80%.

What to do....what to do....

 

[monroe]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, but I honestly don't think it has anything to do with your job because like you said you love what you do. It may just be the Crohns getting to you (I really hope I'm not offending you, because that is not my intention). Once you go through something that changes your life it's normal to have a different outlook on things.

Remember to put yourself first, if you work too much take a personal day or just on your days off dedicate it to yourself/family. Remember to let your body get enough rest. Stressing over the disease probably is making it harder for you at work, atleast thats the way I feel. You have to think if you're gonna have a flare up, how many times you'll use the bathroom, if you ate something wrong, did you remember to take your meds ..etc.

I really hope you feel better teeny. Everyone deserves to live their life fully and happy. And if it is your job then i guess I was all wrong lol. You always have us here on the forum when you need it .

 

[catfud]

You have good days and bad days, I really love my job and I have days where I feel the same. I feel down, no motivation wonder if this is what I really want to be doing. It's usually my body just going through a sluggish patch and throwing everything out of wack. Hard to make decisions about things when your body is doing crazy things with your mood! Then on the days I feel good I can work hard and achieve things and enjoy it. I've just kinda accepted that some days I just can't do my job as well as I'd like, it's not my fault its just the way it is. Like you say you don't want to let this desease control your life but sometimes you just need to take a timeout.

 

[Agent X20]

Catfud has said it all, really!
It's an ahievement for me to reach 50% at the moment.
I think you (I mean all of us) need to get in tune with what we're capable of and do what we can, when we can.

 

[jed]

agreed. i'm not myself anymore either. but i dont let that worry me to much, cant

i used to be such a go getter at work, but these days i just dont have the energy for it. i still do everything required of me, but rarely find myself going out of my way to do "extra" things.

my memory and concentration levels have also diminished.

meh, crohns is stupid.

 

[teeny5]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the kind words.

I think I just really was into my job and feel differently now. I don't want to assume that I can't do something due to the disease, but I really feel like it does affect my job. Nice to hear that it is the same with some of you...well not good for you, but you know what I mean.

Gets hard too since you may not "look" sick, but inside you totally feel icky. People are like "oh you don't feel good??? You look so much better than you did a few months ago though." Well yeah, but I still have the disease.

Anyway...thank you all. I had a better day today, probably just felt better after letting it out. You guys are the only ones who truly know what I am going through. I am so grateful I found this site and all of you!