Pushing away friends

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Ozboz

Ozboz

Joined
Jun 20, 2012
Messages
849
Well a few days ago my sister told me that in the last 10 years of having crohn's I pushed away all my friends and family.

I don't know if I did but whedn your sick and your head is all clogged up you just kinda want to be left alone or is that just me even when my brother in lawe would come over I would stay in my room and tell him today is not a good day and wanted to be left alone. I did the same a few times when other relatives would come over I dunno if it's the crohn's or some other negativity in me but now I do kind of feel alone. anyone else have any similar experiences with this
 
It sounds like something someone professional might be able to help with. The thing that helps though is that you're recognising something is wrong. Please keep us updated. :hug:
 
Ozboz said:
Well a few days ago my sister told me that in the last 10 years of having crohn's I pushed away all my friends and family.



I don't know if I did but whedn your sick and your head is all clogged up you just kinda want to be left alone or is that just me even when my brother in lawe would come over I would stay in my room and tell him today is not a good day and wanted to be left alone. I did the same a few times when other relatives would come over I dunno if it's the crohn's or some other negativity in me but now I do kind of feel alone. anyone else have any similar experiences with this
Click to expand...



Hi there

I can 100% relate to this. I have one friend who I feel understands and she quite recently moved 4 hours away from me up north. We talk on the phone etc but other than that I don't really open up to anyone.

Last year was awful, I was so ill that I put off seeing my only local friend for months. I was also down on my luck in other areas in life and just didn't have the energy to discuss it and dredge it all up.

I've gradually come to realise that I have nobody. My partner of 10 years is great, but not the same as having a well rounded social life. All my other friends are spread out across the country and whenever they suggest a meet up I can't really afford a trip to London plus accommodation etc.

Family? Well just don't even go there! I know how hard that is. In my experience they often only want to help and support but that in itself can entail stressful conversations, leading to resentment if you just aren't up to it.

Hope you get some relief soon, this forum is great for venting or advice. If you can maybe you should speak to a professional as suggested above. They will understand better than anyone.
 
I don't think you should be blaming yourself for not knowing how to cope with a chronic illness. Who does? I'm certainly making it up as I go along. In addition, many people do want to be alone when they aren't feeling well.

That said, I do think it would be a good idea to see a psychiatrist/therapist. I've been seeing a wonderful psychiatrist for years; he helps me understand my feelings and reactions. Chronic illness can lead to depression, anger, even self-loathing. I'd really like to see you go a bit easier on yourself. What right now makes you feel even a tiny bit happy? A favorite book, or movie? A simple cup of tea? A particular place? A special person? If you can find just one thing that helps your mood, go with that. Make a list of things to do: get up, eat something simple, read an article, take a walk, take a nap, etc. it sounds silly, but a really basic list of things we are able to do can help make us feel we have accomplished something.

Please give yourself the benefit of the doubt and love yourself just a little bit if you can.
 
half way through 2015 I started to feel great stupidly I was having fatigue and some side effects from humira and decided to stop it well the BM's came back but still felt good went to my favourite countryside etc... then started feeling kinda poorly again but still managed to get to the hill. then half way through 2016 my mother became very i'll and so did i started having horrid pains again etc.. gave up my diet started drinking heaps of cola I think I became depressed and didn't realize it till now and now i'm tottally FUBAR

I was even researching other gastro problems and bought meds that my GI prescribed and didn't take them started a course of probiotics entocort and humira and felt great then some thought bounced into my head to take a double dose of prunelax the night I took humira let's just say that didn't end well and like I said now tottally FUBAR and also I raged like a lunatic at everyone last year and don't know why maybe I ate too many carbs when I eat too many carbs I become like that cause I can't digest them properly.
 
I personally find it hard to keep up with the texting and remembering the different conversations, and general goings on in different peoples lives at times. It shouldnt, but at times when im bad it can feel like a effort. But i do push myself to keep up. I had a friend years ago who cut off nearly everyone because of crohns. It was hard as i was offering so much help and just wanted to be in the loop, despite being ill myself. It was as if she was the only ill one ever. Thats why i try so much now.
 
I know just what you mean. For me, a big problem with my IBD condition is not only stomach pain but extreme fatigue. I can be so worn out and tired that it can be difficult to hold a conversation. During those times, which is frequent sadly, I'm not looking to be around others. I don't try to push people away per se but I'm not much fun to be around when I have zero energy.

Of late, I'm the exact opposite. My energy levels are greatly improved. I'm a chatter box, more of less. I've found it enjoyable being around and engaging with others now that I have more energy. May the good talking days continue.

I'm sure those that know me must find this confusing.
 
I can identify completely with what you experience. Being somewhat of an introvert it isn't a huge problem for me. I have my wife, daughter and immediate family here, and they are good. However, when I was in my late teens and through my 20's my friends circle pretty much disappeared.

I would suggest maybe look for some sort of club locally for you that you can drop in on when you are feeling well. Build up at least some circle of acquaintances so you start to rebuild contact with people. You want to have someone around for when you do feel better. Even in small amounts, we are social.
 
Friends? Only on here! I totally get it. I am at the point now that I have become independent socially. Sure there are people that still like me, I just don't see them very often. I pushed aside most of the losers but lost some good ones in the midst. If you can count your true friends in life on one hand you are lucky. Most are what I refer to as "Fairweather Freinds" The kind that have no time for a sickie like us. I just found other things to do. If you reach out some of them may come back to you, maybe they are afraid of an outburst or general negativity(which is easy to become trapped in). Prone to those myself. This forum has really helped me to still feel in the social loop. When you are ready just call up an old friend and go shoot some pool or something.

Certainly if you have proper access to a Psychiatrist or certified Therapist (I emphasize certified) anybody can call themselves a therapist. Take full advantage. I would but I live in a small town and the shrink comes once a month. You are lucky if you get 15 minutes of therapy(from what I have heard from others).

I hope you get it sorted out, best wishes,

cmack
 
This happened to me swell. When i'm sick, I just want to be left alone or atlas have very little people around me. But i also find that when I do have free time, I like to have sometime to myself while healthy. All my friends know I have crohns and know how it is, so if I call them to go out after awhile of not seeing anyone, real friends will pick up where you left off. I also have a hard time keeping up with some of my friends busy social schedules.
 
Animals have been known to crawl into a hole in the ground and die when they get too sick and don't want to carry on. Are we not animals too?

I believe we are. Us determined ones don't give up quickly and don't die quite so easily.

cmack
 
cmack,
I agree, we are animals too. I also, over the years, feel ok to want to be alone when i'm sick, I have come to terms with that and am ok with it.
 
Thank you so much. Im currently in a flare, was in emerge last night, now starting prednisone. My crohns gets so bad when I don't get proper sleep.
 
See I have been very ill over the years but I remeber times when I went bowling with my cousins and they're partners and also I went to the movies a few times over the years but I get this weird thing where all I can think of is going home like I went out for a bit to a amusements center with my brother in-law and my cousin for his bday in 2015 yeah sure I was weak and felt half decent but for some reason I can remeber all I wanted to do was go home.

Also last year my mum was in hospital I would drop off my grandmother her mother to go visit her I would stay for only a little bit and run home to my computer and couch I don't know if it's a mental thing or what

Also I did a horrible thing on here ronroush would answer my posts and I would go off on him like I was annoyed or angry and I don't even know where it came from to be honest it's like something inside me annoyed me for some reason but when I eat alot of carbs I would get like that. I know it's not an excuse but something was really wrong last year I was always angry even at my dad
 
OZ,

Ronroush is a super nice guy! He himself has had a tough time or 7. I'm sure he is very forgiving as well. You know it and so do I. We all make mistakes(to err is to be human) we can always apologize to one another and learn to forgive. I got Valium and it calmed me down a little. Maybe you should consider addressing your angry behavior. Mine used to be terrible, always wanting to feel sorry for myself and being a dick in general.

I see good in you my friend. You have to want it to dominate though. I think you have behaved yourself very well as far as I have known you. Keep up the good work. We are all here to help and support one another.

Feel free to vent! I'm a big boy and I can take it as well as I can dish it out.


Not trying to be mean to you bud, Just try not to take out anger if it is misplaced.


Wishing you calm and peace,

cmack
 
Last edited:
cmack said:
OZ,

Mine used to be terrible, always wanting to feel sorry for myself and being a dick in general.

cmack
Click to expand...

See I was the same always an angry dick I remeber my sister had a bday party at our house and I went off at everyone jumped in my car and took off like a maniac I always did crazy shit before parties and stuff I never went to councelling or anything for it before in my life now wish I kinda had but I kinda forgot about these issues until the appeared then never did anything about it maybe I should of been in therapy a long time ago.
 
Oz,

You want the right thing. I think you can do it. It's a very hard thing to bite a sharp tongue. I have been there and almost had fisticuffs about silly things. I guess i just found my inner strength and did better. Valium helped a lot!

I can see real potential in you. First off you recognize the problem. Now the next step is making amends and improving you! From the inside out. Just concentrate on youself, be selfish. It's OK to put yourself first. how can anybody love you until you truly love yourself?

I hope this chat helped, the main point is(learn to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself for who you are and what you want to be) Basically you need to work on your own self, physically and mentally. Whatever that takes for you is what you have to do. Then reach out to others as the new improved OZ Man.

I wish you all the best my fellow sickie,

cmack
 
OZ,

Listening to Metallica and Megadeth are my favorite way to work out. Or just plain old be mad and not take it out on somebody.

hope you are well,

cmack
 
Ozboz,
Sometimes angry outbursts and impulsivity can be part of having something like Attention Deficit Disorder. Adult ADHD is not easy to diagnose, but if you researched it, you could see if it fits for you.
 
My husband is basically bedridden and is severely depressed because of the constant pain and not being able to move around freely. He does the same thing you're describing. Other people don't understand it because all they see and hear is negativity but can't feel your pain or your sense of hopelessness. Depression is a powerful thing that not only affects you but those around you. Those around you may say things that upset you even more like, "you never smile," "can't you at least pretend to have a good time," "you're always so negative," etc. I admit I've said similar things to my husband because when you're around it all the time it can bring you down as well. That basically means that I need to take a break and get some alone time for myself so I can bring back some positivity rather than take out my frustrations on him when he's already going through so much.

It's hard to get friends and family to understand unless they're around you 24/7. Even then sometimes people don't try to understand. Have you talked to your sister about your depression and how you do care about everyone it's just that it's become difficult to force yourself to be with everyone?

With depression it's normal for your moods to fluctuate so you may feel horribly helpless and hopeless at times and other times you may become angry and take it out on anyone or anything or even yourself. My husband has yelled at people (random people in the parking lot and also family members), he's called me a bitch before (I got pissed and lashed out right back since I'm the only person who takes care of him but I understood where it came from and don't hold it against him) and he's hurt himself before by hitting things or himself and has thought about suicide. He's in therapy now and has been for a few months. Sometimes he hates going but I also think that's because he hates going outside. He wants to go outside but given the opportunity, like you he'd prefer to be at home. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand so when you constantly stay at home you may feel more anxiety when being outside which may be more along the lines of agoraphobia which my husband now has as well. One of the things that helps with that is therapy and going out a little bit at a time.

If you're able to try therapy I'd recommend it and maybe try talking to your family and friends about what's been going on if they aren't aware already. They might be more understanding than you think if you haven't yet.
 
I think I neede therapy a long time ago I would lash out as well and hit and break things I think I may have had either food intolerances all my life that were never diagnosed but in saying that I was always weak and never really stuck to diets especially half way through last year was a bad time in my family and had a surgery I didn't need really.

I spoke to councillors at the hospital and it helped but now I'm going to go as well.

The thing is would just withdraw into my own little world and if anyone asked me to do something I would rage like crazy I'm p=d off noone pushed me to go to councelling in the first place over the years
 
For my husband he doesn't tend to talk much with therapists so at the beginning he tells them that they should ask him questions otherwise there will be a lot of silence. If you're similar (have a hard time opening up) you may want to suggest the same when you start seeing one.
 
Jennifer,

You are such a truly good person. Your husband is one darn lucky guy to have you in his life. I wish more people were as supportive as you are.

God bless you,


cmack
 
Jennifer said:
For my husband he doesn't tend to talk much with therapists so at the beginning he tells them that they should ask him questions otherwise there will be a lot of silence. If you're similar (have a hard time opening up) you may want to suggest the same when you start seeing one.
Click to expand...

Hi Jennifer. Just wanted to say thank you for that advice! I'm the same. Going to use it when I see someone. Thank you!
 

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