Really sad and feelin out of control

[BLM]

So this year has by far been the hardest year of my life. Ive been in and out of the hospital with an unconfirmed diagnosis of CD and on and off so many meds its insane. Tomorrow is a big day for me, I am having surgery for a possilbe small bowel resection, hernia, gallbladder removal and mesenteric lymp node removal...hopefully drs will either be able to confirm my presummed diagnosis, or just give me some kind of solid answer. This whole situation has really taken a toll on my life in perticular my marriage. I feel so alone and absolutely distant from my husband. We are having financial issues, and it all goes back to me in and out of the hospital, ER copay visits, perscription cost, and much more medical costs. He has made me very aware that he cant except any overtime right now, because of my illness, and inability to care for myself and my two young children. I finally told him today, that I dont need him putting it in my face, I know Im a burden to this family, I know he wouldnt have to worry about anything if we NEVER married, or had children. I feel so down, and depressed. I feel like Im alone in this battle, and I feel like there is some resentment from him. I just dont know what to do....two young children, Im unemployeed and really sick. He and I barely see one another and when we do, its usually in passing. We have no time with each other, and when we do, I feel so insufficient...unable to fulfill his needs, physically and mentally...just cant do it right now. I often wonder if he ever thinks about leaving me...sorry for rambling, Im just so down and out today.:depressed:

 

[Babs1957]

Hope that tomorrow will b a turning point for you. This disease ain't for sissies. Have you ever considered talking to someone professional about your depression? It might be a good idea...

It will get better...it might get worse first...but it will get better!!!!!

 

[Jerman]

Hi BLM, sorry that you are feeling so down and that the relationship is struggling. Having a chronic condition is a really tough thing to handle even if you do not have a family to juggle. Unfortunately, depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with the gut issues. As you know, stress does not but exaserbate the gut stuff and feeling the level of stress that you seem to be feeling is not good for you. I would definately talk to your doc about something to help with the depression, it can be a big bad ass dragon to battle if not addressed. I hope all goes very well with your proceedure and that you have a speedy recovery, then hopefully the rest will fall back into place. Sending you supportive thoughts and a bit of hope. (((((hugs))))
Good luck and take care.

 

[Astra]

Hiya Bev

sending you a big hug hun!
I've been there, know what it's like. Hope you get to speak to someone, or even a course of anti depressants, there are some good ones on the market now, the SSRIs like fluoxetine (Prozac) and paroxetine (Seroxat) are the ones I've tried. I'm now on Amitriptyline which is an anti depressant (tricyclic) and it's keeping me calm!
good luck Bev
xxx

 

[fateful_one]

hang in there

Ur totally not alone in thinking these kinds of things and feeling bad in general. do not feel guilty though, none of this is your fault. i seriously recommend anti-depressants and/or anxiety medicine, they are very helpful. i hope your husband starts to come around, but for now just concentrate on yourself and getting better - thats all that matters