Recent diagnosis

[Azaelia]

Hello! I'm going to rant I'm afraid... I am 24 and have had digestive issues for years, including a trip to hospital for severe hemmorhoids (sp?) when I was a lot younger, embarrassment, pain, feeling suddenly sick and having to bolt before my bowels exploded or feeling like I'd eaten a washing machine. At one stage I was told I had a demon in my stomach and tried to pray it out.

It was only when I began to have really bad symptoms and was crapping scary amounts of blood sometimes with chunks in it, that I got a colonoscopy.

I was relieved it was Crohn's and not IBS at first (diagnosed a few weeks ago) coz I'd been frustrated to the end of my rope trying impossible diets that didn't work. It is surprising how long I went for without even thinking there might be something actually wrong even though the symptoms were there. I think I assumed I was just faulty or not eating enough bran or something.

But I really really don't want to be sick. I don't want to talk to doctors or stuff myself full of tablets or have to be all princessy and delicate. I am not a delicate person, I like to be independent and strong and run around and get my hands dirty. I like to be able to deal with things myself, and I have dealt with this myself for years. Now I feel like they've cornered me and they're invading with all their rules of how to get better and I don't trust them. I feel like the weak diseased wildebeest that would be picked off by the lions in the wild. Maybe that would be better.

They have put me on Imuran, the immunosuppressant. And I don't want it coz I don't want to be sick all the time. I don't want to be friggen bubble girl. And all the tablets... So unnatural. Can anyone empathise or have any advice? Slightly freaking out.

 

[shazzy]

I understand how you must be feeling. Im a very independent person & now have to rely on other people to help me. I have only recently been diagnosed in May & have never been really sick. I guess its important to find a GP and GI that you can trust. This forum is great, lots of lovely people that can offer there support. I hope you are feeling better soon xxx

 

[Azaelia]

Thank you. I have been told that, and I suppose it is kind of humbling to have to rely on other people. Perhaps I have to not be so proud...

I am feeling okay now, it usually only happens maybe twice a day and a bit of bloating so I don't have it half as bad as other people really. Just wanted to whinge in a space where other people might be able to relate, coz it isn't really something discussed other places.

 

[shazzy]

You can always vent here !! I have been angry & down , the drugs can make you feel that way : ) I have had a few rants here, and the people that have responded have been great. It can be hard to talk about & to explain . It does take time to get your head around it. Not sure im there yet .

 

[Niklovely]

You and I are a lot alike in the sense that we are both independent women. And I congratulate you for that! That is definitely an admirable personality trait.

For me, I don't like to ask people for help particularly because I don't like to depend on people and because I think I can do the job better myself, but like I said, that's just me. It came as a huge shock to me when I was diagnosed, especially since I spent 10 days in the hospital. Those 10 days were full of people coming in and out of my room helping me. The first few days, I didn't want anyone touching me. I tried to do everything myself. I was not going to let myself be helped out of bed, to the bathroom, showering and other grooming efforts, etc. But when I realized I was not getting better and actually getting weaker, I had to let people help me. And it was scary at first but I came to realize how much I needed it and appreciated it. I still needed help from people even after leaving the hospital.

Give yourself a little break and let people in to help you. It will give you a little time to relax and maybe even give yourself some time to heal and get better.

I do hope you get better!

 

[EmilyElizabeth]

Azaelia I am in the same boat as you, same age, recently diagnosed, put on Imuran. I am also the naturalistic type and have always hated drugs. It can be just as hard emotionally as physically. I know what you mean about not wanting to feel weaker than everyone else, and more sensitive and having to be so careful about being sick. I didn't even want anyone to know for a long time. But I have been finding out as time goes on that people actually see you as STRONGER for having to deal with a disease like this and still living an (almost) normal life. And you are. People complain about the stupidest things like a cold or drama between friends like they are the unluckiest person in the world and their life is so hard. But here you are dealing with this and still wanting not to ask for help and wanting to be independent, not letting trivial things bother you because you know what's important and what's not. Anyway there's no easy answer to all of it and everyone's experience is very individual but from someone going through the same thing I'd just tell you to trust yourself, do what you feel you have to do and don't apologize for it, but take it easy and get help when your body tells you that you need to. Good luck xo

 

[kimberlyH]

I understand how you feel because I feel that way alot. I was diagnosed only a year and a half ago and I'm tired of the drugs esp when they don't seem to help. I just found this forum also and I'm excited to reach out to people who understand what I'm going through. So have faith and go to your doc and hopefully you will be feeling better soon. Good luck:heart:

 

[Azaelia]

Wow. You are all really encouraging. Thank you so much!

It's so weird, one day you think you're all fine and invincible and chronic incurable diseases would never happen to you, then bam, you've got one! We take our health so often for granted ...

I had never even heard of Crohn's Disease until I got diagnosed. It's a whole new reality and thing to plan your life around.