Welcome to the forum! I hope you can find some comfort and possible answers here
I have 1 rectovaginal fistula myself (also 2 perianal fistulas) and couldn't possibly imagine how you can bear two of the dreaded things. I hope you can hang in there and not get too frustrated by them. Treatments can require a lot patience and sometimes tough decisions - but they are all in the aim of trying to make you better at the end of the day.
Having Crohn's does make the treatment a bit tougher but not impossible, make sure to see a specialist gastro doctor and colorectal surgeon if you haven't already - I found many doctors, nurses and medical staff had no idea about aspects of treatment. Turning up to surgery for setons and having the nurses ask what they are was a bit alarming for me.
So the treatment options offered to me were setons, humira & remicade, ileostomy. However there are other options out their advanced flap surgery & fibrin glue procedures are just some I have heard of. So don't be alarmed when your doctor says there isn't anything you can do...there definitely are options!
Setons: They are like rubbery stitches which are put in place to actually keep the fistula open, help drain and keep the site clean. Your surgeon would probably check up them and if you notice improvement such as less drainage it means they can be removed and your on your way to healing! I had 3 in place for 7 months, some people have them for longer or shorter periods - really depends on the individual. They are uncomfortable at first and take some getting use to but you can do things to help - having sitz baths, sitting on a donut cushion, using barrier cream for irritated skin, wearing disposable pads etc. They don't always work, as is my case but it is a far less intrusive surgery and usually a simple procedure done by the right surgeon.
Humira & Remicade: These biologic meds are very similar in what they do and each offers there pros and cons. Humira is usually injected by yourself or whoever you choose once every 2 weeks. Remicade is an infusion administered at the hospital every 8 weeks and takes a few hours. Both seem very good drug options for healing draining fistulas (also helping crohns symptoms) but they do have come with some warnings about possible side effects and complications. My doctor advise me that both meds can take up to 3 months to kick in. Again humira hasn't worked for me so far and I will begin remicade in February to trial for 6 weeks - as my doctor believes remicade will be more effective for my fistulas. If that doesn't work I will go for ileostomy surgery - I refuse to live with 3 constantly draining fistulas forever.
Surgery (ostomy): Ostomy surgery usually seems pretty drastic course of action but can sometimes be the most effective, having a temporary or permanent ostomy means that there is nothing flowing through your fistula and it has a better chance to rest and heal. Having an ostomy looks pretty damn scary at first but once you get over the learning curve everyone I know who has one has fantastic lives and keep telling me it was the best decision they ever made. I had a temporary ileostomy about 10 years ago after removal of my large bowel and jpouch creation - so I am a bit rusty in my knowledge of them. If you head over the stoma subforum I am sure the guys and gals there could give you a better understanding.
As I mentioned earlier each options takes time so while intercourse may not be an option for the next few weeks or months it doesn't mean you won't be back in action later this year
Make sure you and your husband understand this and think of other ways you can show affection in the meantime. My partner and I have really struggle having sex life over the past year but we haven't let it stop us from showing our love for each other in different ways. I would also discuss with my doctor the possible chance of the fistulas returning, their position in the vagina (lower or higher means different approaches) if you become pregnant should you choose a natural birth? as this may aggravate or open the fistulas again.
Sorry for the length - trying to fit as much info as possible in. If you have any questions everyone here will do their best to help