Scared of not waking up

[mcjmalaboot]

So I am 3 days off having bowel resection surgery. I have had my pre op appointments and I am comfortable with what is going to happen (or as comfortable as can be). I am struggling majorly with tiredness and exhaustion at the moment, people around me are having a hard time understanding that and I think the lack of sleep is not helping my mental state.
I am feeling a bit depressed but my main thing is I have a very off feeling about the surgery and have had dreams and can't get out of my head that I am going to die on the operating table.
This will be my 7th surgery (1st crohns related though) and the biggest surgery of all that I have had, but in the past I have never gone through this.
I am constantly running through my head that I need to write letter to my kids, partner and family to tell them how much I love them and what I want. I am constantly in tears everytime I think about the surgery because I just have a sinking feeling I am not coming home.
I know this is probably so stupid and I think a big part is how exhausted I feel and the fact I am on leave from work so I can rest so I am lying on the lounge most days. I just cant shake this feeling, I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[afidz]

The last surgery I had was the biggest and scariest yet. I felt like you did, I cried a lot, I made sure my boyfriend promised me not to surrender my cat, I was freaking out. I think its natural to have those feelings. Any surgery is scary, but especially the big ones. If it would comfort you to write those letters to your loved ones, then do it. But if it is going to only upset you more, then I wouldn't. Try not to overthink it (harder said than done I know) and think about the things you will be able to do when your healed. Think about how much better your going to feel. Think about all the good that is to come from the surgery. Don't think of it as "if I come home" think of it as "WHEN I come home" Have faith in your surgeon(s), they are really good at what they do.

 

[Trysha]

It is a more common feeling than we think.
It is natural to have some fear and trepidation before major surgery.It is not at all stupid to feel this way , it is partly the adrenalin reaction of fright and flight.
I had minor surgery last year and felt a bit the way you do., and made sure my affairs were in order.It was only day surgery and I recovered well.
Maybe it has to do with relinquishing our responsibility and control for our bodies and handing it over to a group of strangers..
I know we must give informed consent after the surgeon covers all the risks etc.
On the plus side you have a group of well qualified professional experts who do not want to lose you and are anticipating successful outcomes for their patients.
They have expert equipment at their fingertips.
You will have a whole team dedicated to your safety and well being.Trust them.
Look forward to recovery and feeling so much better once this is over.
Although not easy you can do this.
Feel better soon
Hugs and prayers
Trysha

 

[mcjmalaboot]

Thank you both so much! I calmed a bit reading your posts feeling like I was not alone. I did write the letters, I cried a lot doing it but felt better after. The biggest ones were obviously my 10 year old twin daughters. I also had a talk with my partner about how I was feeling and he was great. My ex husband (who is a great friend and support) is looking after our girls for the next few weeks so I also spoke to him and he promised me he would never let them forget me but also on the humorous side told me he was too busy at the moment for a funeral so I would need to plan my demise for another time. between you guys and them I felt so much better last night.
The fear is still there and the feeling, but I feel a little more organised and calm.
The other thing I did (not sure why I didn't think to do this myself) which my best friend suggested was I made a list of all the things i am looking forward to doing after the surgery that may have been difficult to do before. Like a wish list. Something to look forward to. I have hung this up on our noticeboard at home that i have to walk past a million times a day so i can look at it and remind myself of the good things ahead.

Thank you all so much. 2 more sleeps to go and i will be in recovery.

 

[pink&green]

Sending:ghug: your way. Praying for a speedy recovery.

 

[fozheart]

That is good that you made your wish list- you are going to have a lot to look forward to! Each surgery I have, I am more petrified about being put to sleep, so I just concentrate on my daughter, think positive, and say my prayers as I go to the OR. That gives me strength, and the next thing I know, is that I wake up and she is right there holding my hand!

You will feel like a new person, once you recover! Best wishes!

 

[Bart4u]

I have had three resections and we all feel the same way you do. Just try to relax and the hospital you are going to get the surgery done at is very professional and will take good care of you. If you have worries talk to your doctors and they will explain everything to you. When you are prepped they give you Meds in your IV to help you relax. You will not remember a thing and soon you will be waking up in the recovery room with a warm blanket around you. As soon as you wake up your family can come in and hold your hand. You will do fine. I wish you the best.