Sick of relationships

[porter89xxx]

Im so sick of trying and trying, im so upset ive been with my partner for 6 years and in them six years theres always been rows and things but i feel since ive become ill its all got on top of me. I just feel so alone, the problem keeps occuring that at the moment im in this big flare up and so stressed out am currently awaiting a capsule endoscopy test on 5th july, i feel so ill and my dr believes i may be steriod dependant. Work is testing me and making me feel bad for having to much time off and for the last few months me and my partner have been going downhill. I dont like her drinking i think purely because i cant drink because of this, she has this life i dont im 21 and young and feel so jealous of things she takes for granted, she has said such hurtful things to me such as she doesnt wanna be on medical watch with me 24/7 and thinks i dont want her to enjoy herself even though i would make the effort to go out with her for a few hours, im sick of feeling so **** in this relationship and like nothing to her i feel so unloved, an ex of mine wrote on my facebook page and just complimented me for running a 10k and how proud and she just throws it all in my face and slags her off, then when i dont want to talk about it because im to upset and stressed im made to feel guilty because i dont want to talk and sort it out, she's pushed me so why should i talk i dont want to end up in hospital stressed out. I dont no what to do anymore for the best, i love her but i cant keep living my life and becoming more ill, i need support not rows :hang:

 

[raeleene7]

Hiya Porter! Ugh! sounds like your really having a stressful time of it, sorry. I know for me a big change came when I figured out that the stress in my life was adding to if not triggering a flare, yup! I started slowly eliminating the things that stressed me waaaaaay out, and of course the last thing to go was my very dysfunctional relationship (shock! lol) I'm not telling you what to do or anything, but I will tell you that I also figured out it was how I was dealing with the everyday stress. I learned to pause, take a really really really deep breath and let it out slooooooooooowly. Ahhhhhh. Sometimes even repeating it over and over until I felt my muscles relax. Sometimes I just go outside and just breathe. Listen to life happening, the birds, the neighbors, etc. I then realize that life is way too short to stress out over things, and get sick as a result. I focus on all the good things in my life,and all the good things I WANT in my life. Then I feel better, on the inside, and as they say, its an inside job baby! ,LOL!
Hang in there, it'll get better, you'll get better. Believe it!
Take care!

 

[xoxava]

I know exactly how you feel! I'm in the same position now and I am so sorry you have to go through this. I'm 20 and I think its unfair I can't live life and my partner just seems to take advantage. It's such a hard thing to deal with. Relationships are soo hard when one is sick with something the other will never understand. I've had many times where my partner accused me of only feeling sick to get pain meds. I really wish he'd understand or I could find someone with ibd around here but it just seems impossible. Congrats on your 10k I can't imagine lasting that long! I hope things look up for you soon. Hang tight we have to stick together!

 

[crazycanuck]

Really sorry to hear that. I too am 20 (we drink up here already) and it does get difficult. My girlfriend of 4 years has been great to me but a large majority of my friends not so much. They just don't understand, they don't understand how I can just 'be sick' all the time and I'm always asked if I'm better yet.

I've found its not always that they don't care or they don't want me to feel better it is just that they don't understand. They see me play hockey one night and then the next I can't come out because I feel sick? Doesn't make sense to them and they can't understand that. I'm sure you've done it a thousand times but I'd do your best to lay it all out very bluntly as to how you feel and what happens when you are feeling this way. It may just be hard for her thinking your always going to be upset and sick for the rest of your life but if you can somehow explain to her this isn't all that Crohn's is (maybe show her these forums?) then it might help.

Best of luck to both of you!

 

[porter89xxx]

Hi thanks for all your comments everyone, i guess its just so hard because i am young and just feel like lifes over already, the last time i drunk was 2 and a half years ago and it killed me, i just feel like i get somewhere with the doctors and then take 3 steps back to square 1 currently waiting for the pill cam, am on steriods at the moment as i collasped at work, my partner sometimes is great with it but when it comes to going out on the razz as she says it annoys me, i cant seem to hack watching ppl pour drink down their throat and taking advantage of their body and act like a complete idiot. When my partner drinks she turns into someone i dont reconise, the last time she turnt her phone off on me when i was telling her i felt really ill earlier on and said i might be going to hospital and then i did end up in hospital and was a mug trying to call her up all night in hospital to let her know i was in there. Is it me or am i beating my head against a brick wall. I dont no what to do for the best

 

[Jennifer]

Porter, I think you do know what is best for you. Sometimes what is best seems like the worst thing possible but in the long run it's the best thing you could do for yourself. I was in a 5 year relationship and sure we had good times but there were many times where I would wonder why I allowed myself to be in this mess of a relationship. When they show you so little respect, what's the point anymore? We're afraid of being alone yet don't realize that we already are and don't need the added stress. Forget the whole, "we've been together for ___ years" business. That obviously doesn't matter to them. There are plenty of other people out there. I met my current fiance on the internet. Shocking I know. Before you find another though, you need to focus on getting yourself well and as mentioned, you need to focus on the good things in life and remove as much stress from your life as possible because stress can prolong or even begin a flare. Good luck to you. *hugs*

 

[butterfly]

my partner sometimes is great with it but when it comes to going out on the razz as she says it annoys me, i cant seem to hack watching ppl pour drink down their throat and taking advantage of their body and act like a complete idiot. When my partner drinks she turns into someone i dont reconise, the last time she turnt her phone off on me when i was telling her i felt really ill earlier on and said i might be going to hospital and then i did end up in hospital and was a mug trying to call her up all night in hospital to let her know i was in there. Is it me or am i beating my head against a brick wall. I dont no what to do for the best

Maybe you should talk to her and explain to her that you need her support. She doesn't understand how bad your sickness is, and you should really try to sit down and have an adult conversation/discussion. You should express your feelings to her...but not get angry at her...try to come up with a solution. I agree with the poster above me, you know whats best for you. If you think she is best for you, then try to tell her you need her support and her understanding. It sucks that she couldnt be there for you when she was intoxicated and you needed to go to the hospital - so maybe you really need to distance yourself from her and her drinking. Find other activities to enjoy, have "sober" nights out so you don't feel alone - Ask her, if the same thing happened to her, what she would want from you or expect. good luck

 

[shamrock15]

Hey Porter - I can completely identify with you as I was diagnosed at 18, now 42. I know all to well what it is like to walk in your shoes. I was an avid hockey player - power forward type, high energy. When Crohn's was active, I couldn't recover from a once a week game. I have a very active case of Crohn's, but managed to keep both playing and reffing (up to university and high level competitive hockey) for almost 20 years. It takes a bit of learning, but once your Crohn's settles down, you should be able to do it again. You will learn how to work within it and with your challenges.

As has been mentioned, you will need to identify clearly what things are helping you through your challenges, and which ones make it worse. I made sure early on that anyone I would consider being with longtime had to see how I am when I am sick. You need to know if you are going to get your support. Maybe your partner will grow out of it, but that is a (hard) decision you will need to make. On a lighter side, being the designated driver is both cheaper and it hurts less the next day! Do the same review of your work situation. Find something that you truly love to do and will support you.

Since my last surgery 5 years ago, I have regained a lot of my fitness, changed careers, had a beautiful child who is now 3 that I love as much as my wife, and learned how to take good advantage of my healthy times. You can most certainly do it, but you need to take control over it, and you need strong support for the times that your Crohn's has you down.

Best wishes!

 

[crazycanuck]

Porter I know what you mean about the watching everyone else drink and its incredibly hard to watch. I think it may be because Crohn's forces you to grow up so much faster. You have to be responsible when dealing with this and being drunk every weekend really isn't an option anymore.

However, Crohn's isn't the end all disease. By no means is life over already and in fact Crohn's has opened up a lot of different things for me that I'm quite sure wouldn't have otherwise. Sure I've had to miss out on a party here or whatever there but in the end I've gained so much from Crohn's I don't know I'd go back and change things if I could. Crohn's has given me a confidence that I didn't have before my diagnosis and its given me a sense of who gives a crap what others think (to a point). I think you have to think this way because your more or less forced to. Early on in high school I could have never walked through a group of friends and marched into a bathroom. Grade 10 I was diagnosed and by grade 11 I was doing it with pride and I couldn't care less what others think. Life isn't over because you have Crohn's and it never will be.

I really hope your next talk with your partner gets you somewhere. It really is nice to have somebody there beside you but Crabby is likely right. What's the point in suffering and stressing about the person your with when it may be easier to move on and relieve yourself of that. I'm not saying go break up with her as if anybody told me that I'd have to slap 'em but don't sell yourself short either.



On a side note congrats on the engagement there Crabby. I believe I remember writing in your dilemma thread just like this quite a while ago? Memory is bad though so may have been you commenting on a thread like this too.

 

[Jennifer]

On a side note congrats on the engagement there Crabby. I believe I remember writing in your dilemma thread just like this quite a while ago? Memory is bad though so may have been you commenting on a thread like this too.

Thank you! It was probably me commenting in a thread like this one cause unfortunately there have been many threads like this. I left my long term ex well before I joined the CF.

 

[porter89xxx]

Hi all again thanks for your comments i really appreciate them, right now i am not talking to her yet again had another row on my break at work i made a beeline for her and apologised for saying some nasty things last night and she spoke to me like crap im sick and tired of it all tbh, i know ive had to grow up alot since my symtpoms started when i was 18 but i think its because im constantly not feeling well, still struggling and fighting for a 100% diagnosis and being taking off treatment for crohns also being put on treatment one minute then taken off it again for different tests and to suffer is taking it toll. I think im just growing tired of everything everything just feels like im not moving foward with my life, as much as im thankful for this disease for changing me for the better i absolutly hate it, it has taken over my life and taken things away such as my career, people i love and also my self esteem, i really am not the person i used to be in good and bad ways

 

[Catherina]

Forget it! You're so young, you have plenty time to find a girl that really deserves you. Going out and having a good time with your partner should be easy and not causing any stress. What will you do if you have no support and whining if things get difficult economically, with children, morgage, troubles at work etc. etc. She sounds immature and non-appreciative of your efforts to meet her half way. She should be able after four years to see how much you try and what impact Crohn's has on your life. It is not that she doesn't understand, she does not want to let go of HER priorities. It's normal for a girl her age but perhaps she and you would be better of finding somebody that have same levels of energy and understanding for each other.