Sick of this disease ruining my social life

[cmci]

Anyone else feel like this disease totally destroys your social life? I'm 22 years old, like most people in their early 20s I want to be out drinking having a good time with my friends, but instead am stuck sitting in on a Saturday night. I was supposed to be going out tonight but cancelled at the last minute because I got so stressed out about whether I should or shouldn't drink. Been out the last 2 weekends without drinking and am sick of the constant "Why aren't you drinking?" nonsense and the looks people give you when you say you aren't drinking. I feel like I have no life, I'm so concerned with trying to keep this disease at bay that I'm afraid to go out and actually enjoy life. F*** this illness.

 

[Jennifer]

You just started a new treatment plan haven't you? Flares are temporary and you should be able to fully join the group again eventually. I know its not fun to hang out with your friends while they are drinking and you're not so for me its best to avoid them while they are.

Back before my resection when I was 16 I was in a pretty bad flare but still drank with my friends. Only difference I noticed was that I could drink more with Prednisone. It also had a lot to do with age though. After I turned 25 my hangovers got worse and worse and now (I'm 30) if I drink I can really only tolerate a few (alcohol and 6MP don't mix well) and I have 2 day hangovers. Its easy to say now that drinking is overrated but I know back when I used to do it a lot, it was simply the fun thing to do. Makes for great stories later on but most people lose interest after a while.

I guess for now maybe you could find another activity that your body can tolerate. Some of my friends would run an anime night where we'd all hang out and watch different animes. Maybe you could start a movie/game night or something else that interests you and your friends.

 

[Trysha]

Hi cmci, sorry to hear you are going through a bad spell and hope you will soon be better.
When I go out usually I tell people that my medication does not agree with any kind of alcohol and leave it at that.
You could also always get some lemonade and pretend it is mixed with something.
It is important to get out and about and have friendships---don't let things get in the way of your life.
Mostly when stabilised on meds we can try to live a near normal life.
Don't let it get to you.
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha

 

[skippy111]

I can have fun no matter where I go, I go to the casino here and sit and just have a soda or cup of coffee... My health is more important to me than pleasing others.

Ever since my surgery, I have been making a conscious effort to eat right and surround myself with positive and encouraging people...

I believe God gave me this second chance for something big.

CMCI, you are young, when I was your age, I had just recently been diagnosed with chron's. I was working in the casinos in Atlantic City so after work it was the same routine, straight across the street for drinks and a game of pool with the crew...

Eventually I got tired of the pain and started with just Soda or Coffee...
Someone would usually ask why wasn't I drinking and I told them straight, I have Chron's and shouldnt really drink.

I still had just as much fun as I would have if I drank...

Enjoy your youth while you have it and take care of yourself... I made the mistake of neglecting my nutrition and chron's and it nearly cost me my life at 44.

I get greater joy out of life through being involved in things I like doing. I help out in the community and help with fundraisers that benefit various local charities, we have a children's dyslexic learning center that is funded soley through donations from sponsors and fundraising events so that the children's parents pay nothing for the kids to attend the school...

Im not saying you shouldnt go out and have fun, what I AM saying is please take care of yourself and dont make the same mistakes I did..

 

[cmci]

Thanks guys, it's good to hear from people who actually know what you're going through. My problem is that I'm not a very outgoing person and so I tend to feel anxious/uncomfortable around people I don't know when I don't have alcohol making me feel more at ease. I know people shouldn't depend on alcohol to have fun, but it just seems like for me personally it does make my nights more enjoyable and I'm alot more relaxed.

I have drank in the past and it doesn't seem to really affect my symptoms, the problem is that I am now on Humira and Methotrexate and am just getting over a bad flare, things finally seem to be getting better again and the last thing I want to do is go out and drink and risk making things worse, then of course there's the meds interactions that concerns me too.

I don't really have many friends and I blame that on the fact that I tend to avoid social events because I feel uncomfortable attending them sober. I just feel like life would be so different if I didn't have this damn disease, I could be so much happier. It just sucks that we only have 1 life and I'm really unhappy with how mine is turning out at the moment tbh. I put a brave face on it and act like things don't bother but the truth is that it gets me down alot but I hate to be the guy that burdens family/friends with my problems/feelings...so I guess I'm just letting out some of my bottled up frustrations on here.

 

[Trysha]

It is a good thing that you feel you can unload on these pages and is one of the reasons for having a crohns forum.You will find new friends in these pages and lots of interesting information.
Just let it all go and you will feel better.
When life hands you lemons--make lemonade!
Feel better soon
Hugs and best wishes
Trysha

 

[EthanPSU]

I feel ya, I'm 22 and always need to limit myself when I go out and drink with friends. I get out of hand sometimes but I try to watch it

 

[jsein86]

cmci,

I am in the same boat. I am 28 at the moment. I was lucky enough to be in remission for most of my early 20's, but it seems like I have been flaring since 25.

Right now my biggest problem is not having a lot of control over my BMs. When I feel the urge I don't have long before it is coming out. I haven't had any alcohol in several months while I am trying to get back into remission. I am also pretty uncomfortable in social situations and I like the way alcohol loosens me up a little bit.

I would be OK with hanging out with my friends and not drinking - but the place needs to have a decent bathroom. And any kind of event like a concert or sports game is out because of the potential traffic and long lines for the bathrooms. I also will actively avoid social events like dinners and lunches for work or whatever because I don't want to explain to everyone why I am not eating anything. I HATE it. I can only hope I get back into remission someday.

It could be worse, but I want my life back.

 

[tots]

With Crohns in my life I have never felt the need to put anything in my body i didnt need too.
At 40+ I STILL have people in my life who think its a kick to try and get me to drink. I have never understood the draw to drinking so its been an easy choice for me. My good friends laugh I get a contact buzz as I have as much fun as they do when we hang out.

You will find what works for you! Just dont allow social pressure to cause you anxiety! That sucks!

Lauren

 

[nikimazur]

I completely understand. At this point it's not even about drinking, it's the fact that I don't feel up to going out whatsoever. Between waiting to be rediagnosed, and a year of lovely IBS treatment that failed miserably, my body is not happy about leaving the house. I miss being able to spend a night out without worrying about the bathroom, looking at my elephant calves due to swelling from arthritis, or feeling like I got hit by a ton of bricks.

My body just wants to sleep and lay around and be lazy anymore, and violently disagrees with me when I go out, even if not to drink, even more so when I drink. I went from being a bar manager/ craft beer distributor to not being able to look at alcohol without up chucking. Granted I still cheat and pay for it miserably, I mean it's hard to say no to tasty tasty beverages, but the Bod says no.

I feel like I miss out on so much, whether it be not being able to go out at all, or being forced to go home early. I just hope I get my body straightened out somewhat, and get this disease under control. I just wanna be 23 again...

 

[tots]

nikimazure-

I am sorry to hear your having trouble!
I too would like to be 23 again!

I see that you have or had a tramatic brain injury.
My son took a liitle spin on the back of his "friends"
motorcycle. The friend then thought it would be funny to
race around the corner (it was in his neighborhood) and
dumped him off the back of the motorcycle. Josh broke
his back and tramatic brain injury. Not fun fun at all! I wish
you well with that too!

Lauren
:thumright:

 

[cmci]

I completely understand. At this point it's not even about drinking, it's the fact that I don't feel up to going out whatsoever. Between waiting to be rediagnosed, and a year of lovely IBS treatment that failed miserably, my body is not happy about leaving the house. I miss being able to spend a night out without worrying about the bathroom, looking at my elephant calves due to swelling from arthritis, or feeling like I got hit by a ton of bricks.

My body just wants to sleep and lay around and be lazy anymore, and violently disagrees with me when I go out, even if not to drink, even more so when I drink. I went from being a bar manager/ craft beer distributor to not being able to look at alcohol without up chucking. Granted I still cheat and pay for it miserably, I mean it's hard to say no to tasty tasty beverages, but the Bod says no.

I feel like I miss out on so much, whether it be not being able to go out at all, or being forced to go home early. I just hope I get my body straightened out somewhat, and get this disease under control. I just wanna be 23 again...

I know exactly what you mean. For the past 6 months I was barely ever up to leaving the house out of just feeling generally unwell and fear of not getting to a toilet in time. From September 2011 up until about 4 weeks ago I think I saw my friends about 3 times, it's been such a lonely time, throw in the fact that my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me late November 2011 and it's been probably the most lonely and miserable 6/7 months of my life. In the past few weeks I've felt more confident to start going out again finally, but again, when I go out all I hear is "Oh go on just have a drink, one drink won't hurt" and when you say no people just seem to think you're some kind of party-pooper. People seem to really not understand what Crohn's is and how it affects us. I think a lot of people just think of it as the "Sh***ing disease" when really they have no idea about all the other aspects of health that it affects. It's so frustrating that the disease isn't more widely known.

 

[nikimazur]

nikimazure-

I am sorry to hear your having trouble!
I too would like to be 23 again!

I see that you have or had a tramatic brain injury.
My son took a liitle spin on the back of his "friends"
motorcycle. The friend then thought it would be funny to
race around the corner (it was in his neighborhood) and
dumped him off the back of the motorcycle. Josh broke
his back and tramatic brain injury. Not fun fun at all! I wish
you well with that too!

Lauren
:thumright:

My TBI happening eight years ago as a teenager, after being hit my a car while I was riding my bike. It was hell going through recovery, and I know that the crazy amount of meds I was on, and the stress definitely have contributed to Crohns. Now it just complicates things, medically. I just feel terrible for my parents, and my health insurance provider haha

 

[tots]

nikimazur

Thats alot to deal with at your age. I am sorry you have to go through all of this!

Lauren

 

[Sonny]

:sign0144: If it makes you feel any better, I'm 22 and heading to a bachelor party at Myrtle Beach a couple weekends from now and guess who the DD will be... Haha yeah CD can be a pain. A beer or two here and there may not hurt but you can still go out and enjoy time with friends. If they're understanding they won't get on you for not drinking. Let friends know without hesitation, "Hey I've got this incurable disease that's a pain in the ass (literally), so I may not be drinking or smoking but I will be enjoying my night out."

 

[CMaxwell]

I had to reply to this thread! I totally feel your frustration. I'm 20 and it's my 21st birthday a week today, and as I've just been put on a 3 month course of Prednisolone... I can't drink to celebrate my birthday! The fact I can't drink doesn't bother me entirely, it's the fact I had to cancel plans with my bestfriend two nights ago (who I havent seen in 6 months), because my Crohns flare up was particularly bad! It's annoying how much Crohns really can screw up your social life! I've had to miss out on so much stuff this year because of it, and most of my friends don't understand Crohns at all. Starting to feel particularly lonely because of it :thumbdown: oo:

 

[hunnibunny]

my mum and I both have crohns, we are both on the SCD diet and my inflamation on my last visit to hospital was greatly reduced! infact my gastroenterologist was amazed and said it was more or less the same as a person without the disease! I started the diet about 5 months ago and after just 2 weeks on the diet I went from going to the tolet 20 times a dayoounless i took my lopermide hydrochloride) to just 1 - 2 'normal' bowel movements a day(I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE DIARRHEA TABS ANYMORE I have....i am 95% pain free too! the fact that my mum has had a similar improvement after following the diet with me is clear evidence that FOR SOME PEOPLE the SCD diet is very benificial. There is a list of legal foods like chiken, fish, any vegtable except gasy ones like brocilli(unless you can tolorate it) any fruit, extra virgin olive oil only! honey...there are some great recipes its not as hard as you think..I grate corgettes to make pasta cook it with some onions and fresh garlic squeeze of lemon juice and its amazing..i can eat tons of it...banana pancakes made with nut flour and topped with blueberries roasted peppers with tuna.. sorry to ramble on.. I just had to leave a message because I know how terrible this disease is and after 2 years of misery(my mum for nearly 20 years ) we are living life again. Check out the 'legal and illeagal list of foods I know it sems like there is a lot you CANT eat but there is an awful lot you CAN!! you have to change your way of thinking...if you can PLEASE give the diet a go..theres nothing to lose ..we also both take digestive enzymes and Acidophilus complex xxx

 

[EvelynSchremp]

I feel your pain completely!!! I miss out on so much of my life family gathering, friends, outing, because I physically can't go. I HATE IT!!!! HATE IT!!!!!! HATE IT!!!!! I hate making my family suffer becuase i don't feel up to it. I feel weak and tired. Just my luck to that when I do happen to have a good day my husband don't feel like doing anything I'm so fed up and so angry and guilty.

 

[KMoose]

I completely agree. I'm 23 and have only been dealing with Crohn's for a year, and it definitely limits everything. I too get nervous, not so much with my own group of friends, but in large crowds, so I was always one to drink, but if I do now, I definitely pay the consequences the following day.

Even if you have a small group of friends, its good just to try to explain it to them. They will never fully understand how you feel, but it can't hurt to try. Also, it is true that ordering a soda and calling it a rum and coke works wonderfully, especially if your friends are drinking, they'll have no clue.

 

[rkoll327]

I completely understand. At this point it's not even about drinking, it's the fact that I don't feel up to going out whatsoever. Between waiting to be rediagnosed, and a year of lovely IBS treatment that failed miserably, my body is not happy about leaving the house. I miss being able to spend a night out without worrying about the bathroom, looking at my elephant calves due to swelling from arthritis, or feeling like I got hit by a ton of bricks.

My body just wants to sleep and lay around and be lazy anymore, and violently disagrees with me when I go out, even if not to drink, even more so when I drink. I went from being a bar manager/ craft beer distributor to not being able to look at alcohol without up chucking. Granted I still cheat and pay for it miserably, I mean it's hard to say no to tasty tasty beverages, but the Bod says no.

I feel like I miss out on so much, whether it be not being able to go out at all, or being forced to go home early. I just hope I get my body straightened out somewhat, and get this disease under control. I just wanna be 23 again...

I hear this, pretty much exactly how I feel. And let's be serious, bathrooms in bars are the WORST. It just seems to take too much effort to go out and have to be stressed about getting sick all night. Now having a full time job makes it even more difficult because it's not like I can spend the whole next day at home recuperating (and I don't even mean from drinking, I am at the point where my body gets too tired if I am out doing too much or out too late).

Luckily all my close friends are really understanding, but it still is kind of a bummer to miss out on so much. There are a lot of things I used to do/want to do that I don't. Gotta get over that eventually I guess, but you're not alone!

 

[TammyKathleen]

I can relate and know how tough it is. I was 25 when I was diagnosed. And I missed every social event there was.

One thing that turned out to be a wonderful thing is that after 6 years, I KNOW who my true friends are. I have no illusions about the people who truly love me. They stuck around when I wasn't "fun" and even sat home with me and stayed in with me.

Yes, I missed alot and continue to do it. Was it worth the trade off to know early in life those people that would stick with me NO MATTER WHAT??? For me, the answer is yes.

~Tammy

 

[liv]

I feel like all of us with this disease at this age can relate to this. I spent my 21st birthday this year in my pjs and I haven't had a drink in 7 months with the exception of one glass of wine which caused me to flare even worse and landed me in the hospital for a week. What I wouldn't give to have gone to Vegas with my girlfriends for the weekend or even just have a pitcher of sangria on the patio during this crazy beautiful summer!

I found the best thing to do is to not act like you're not drinking. When I go out I socialize and dance the night away and it isn't until we're leaving when people start to realize I haven't had a single drink. So be confident in your decision not to drink and people will respond more positively and hey if some ass hole still keeps bugging you to drink just tell them if you get sick because of it it's their shoes you're going to throw up on.

 

[Beach bum]

I am really rubish at going out and not drinking, I am quite quiet and shy sober, I love to have a few drinks and a dance (when I am feeling well enough of course )

If you would still like to drink it might be worth experimenting with a few different ones (in the comfort of your own home might be best ) because I found I couldn't drink any of my normal drinks without feeling very sore for days after, but having gotten fed up of being the only sober one, I tried some Morgans spiced rum at a party and found to my amazement that it seems to have no bad effects.

I only have it occasionally and only a few, but it makes all the difference knowing I do have the option and don't have to feel quite so frustrated on a night out.

 

[JamieG]

For me I find it is mostly mental. I'm definitely more reluctant to go out to social events because of what could potentially happen. Most of the time afterwards I think to myself 'I would've been fine if I'd gone out. But the thing is it only takes one bad experience to knock confidence back even further. As for drinking, personally I haven't touched the booze for half a year now as I am still in somewhat of a flare having not settled on medication yet since being diagnosed in February. Did have a can of cider a few months back and had the squirts the next day so decided it's for the best that I don't touch the booze again until achieved complete remission.

 

[crohnicaly stinky]

Hi cmci,

I'm sorry to hear about your break up and your having trouble loosening up in public. I was once painfully shy, it was quite extreme, I could hardly speak to men or women. I was around your age when I decided I needed to start getting over it. So I challenged myself one day that when I was on an elevator, when it stopped who ever got on I would look in the eye and say hello. I hoped it was not some hot looking woman! well it was a hot looking woman! lol I said hello and she said hi back. It was not easy but one step at a time I got over it and it just takes a little resolve and a lot of practice. Look at the bright side, once your confident sober you'll have all these half liquored up ladies to sweet talk, what an advantage eh? lol! Good luck!

 

[darlene]

i can really relate to this like i think we all can,i was diagnised just before my 21st and even the smell off alcohol makes me sick and just not having the energy to go out it is beyond frustrating giving up on your social life at such a young age but if you have good friends they will understand and chill with at home

 

[FriendoftheKiwis]

Hey! I am 22 and want to add to further show you are not alone. It definitely gets lonely for me too. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago and he was the one to always support me when I was feeling sick. Going out isn't as fun when your not drinking and have to keep telling people all night that your not drinking. My close friends know the reason but in large groups or with random people, I don't explain every single time. Plus I feel like they don't need to know that I have this disease.

I wish I had a friend who had the same disease so I could personally talk to someone and relate with them. It is difficult on my social life. This disease does suck. This forum is great though. I love it, thanks guys:]

GOOD LUCK keep us posted.

 

[Scaryman]

Well for me I am anti social, so crohns works for me in a strange odd way. My point is I didnt drink much before crohns, but I didnt and still don't have a social life either. But i do socialize online, or my community. As I can identify with friendsofthekswis, this disease does suck on your social life.

 

[RecoveringDave]

I totally understand you. I've always had something planned every weekend and now I'm scared to venture off with friends. It's really changed my life but I keep thinking positive... If I do go out to drink I limit myself to 2 drinks of gin/tonic, drink lots of water throughout the day and eat safe on days I work. Good luck!

 

[martinF]

I completely agree. I'm 23 and have only been dealing with Crohn's for a year, and it definitely limits everything. I too get nervous, not so much with my own group of friends, but in large crowds, so I was always one to drink, but if I do now, I definitely pay the consequences the following day.

Even if you have a small group of friends, its good just to try to explain it to them. They will never fully understand how you feel, but it can't hurt to try. Also, it is true that ordering a soda and calling it a rum and coke works wonderfully, especially if your friends are drinking, they'll have no clue.

My heart goes out to the OP and, Kmoose...this is me. It is incredibly annoying. Even when down there is behaving you're never too sure.

 

[723crossroads]

I was at my neices Birthday party yesterday and bam had to run to John. Ate a little spinach dip forgetting about the spinach being raw! Whatr an ordeal. In and out of the bathroom and then the hour long drive home and sleeping last night with bad dreams and waking up with pains. Love it!