Singles Living with Crohn's Support Group

Crohn's Disease Forum

Help Support Crohn's Disease Forum:

J

Judyc

Joined
Apr 23, 2006
Messages
12
This is a group for singles with Crohn's, to share info and become friends as we have the same one thing in common. (I couldn't find a "forum" that really goes with this name so I picked "your story".) To tell stories how hard it is to be friends with healthy people, how difficult it is to explain to them what we live through daily. Hopefully, we can share ideas on how to live single with this disease or maybe even meet others here for friendships/relationships as only people with this disease really understand what this is all about. No one knows but people living in our shoes daily. We will learn from each other on very different subjects relating to crohn's and friendships and/or dating. I've had this disease since I was a small child, for decades, unable to have kids because of it and a divorce partly because of it. I know how hard it is to date healthy people and then tell them what I have, even though I look healthy, I have a very severe case but I don't let it get me down. I still go out when I have good days. Some long term friends seem to understand but they don't, especially if I cancel at the last minute due to a flare. I'm anxious to see if there are many singles of any age come on this forum and share their stories or hopefully have advice for us singles living with crohn's.
 
Thanks for creating this group. I'm
a single gay male with Crohn's. I haven't had the energy to date, all my energy is focused on this disease and the toll it's taken on me physically and emotionally. I would love to find a boyfriend and settle down and start a family.

I always wonder if ill find that special someone, can they look past my Crohn's, my surgical scars. I know non-judgemental and loving people are out there I'm just trying to find one!
 
Definitely need to be a part of this group. I will update to share my story in detail soon but I wanted to just join first and say thanks for creating it :)
 
Thanks for your comment. I know after decades of this disease, you will have the energy soon! Don't give up! I've had many surgeries and have many scars and yes, I think meeting people like us, is better than trying to explain this disease every time we meet new dates. It's even hard to explain to family members after all these years. Good luck! I pray you will be having more good days than bad very soon. We all need happiness in our lives.
 
Thanks and I wish that for you as well. I found that when I was in a relationship that I was doing much better with my symptoms. I think the stress and lack of affection being out of a relationship makes my flare worse. I was in surgery very soon after my last relationship ended and I wonder if there is a correlation.
 
I think you are right. I have found that some, not the majority of healthy people, but some, just don't have the compassion that is needed to deal with people like us, especially when having surgeries, etc. I wish more people would be more understanding, compassionate to people like us, as I know many with our disease over the years. We call each other, write each other, check on each other and I'm blessed to have these people in my life. We compare notes, we help each other in times of deep depression which goes with chronic diseases. I had these people in my life way before anything that was online so I'm so thankful for that. Many of you are very fortunate to have this outlet for support. I had nothing when diagnosed and no one had heard of this disease at the time. Times have certainly changed for the better. I will write my story soon, it is a long one that I will try to keep short.
 
Hello all
I am not single but I think it was a great idea to create this support group as I could not imagine what it is like to go through this by yourselves.
Take care to all of you and once again it shows what a great place this forum is:ghug:
 
Very happy to see this support group here :) I'm a divorced single parent of a 17 year old and not in a relationship at the moment. Haven't been for some time. My family are pretty widespread, but I have good friends and neighbours where I am who are sympathetic. I reckon I cope pretty well on my own, not just with the illness but with life in general, but I have to admit that going through surgery and in the period afterwards, I did feel a bit vulnerable.
 
Hi, this is a good support group! And hopefully one day we can leave it! :p
I've been single for a long time now, only really had one serious relationship and a few other ones which didn't really go anywhere.
I genuinely am happy being single, but I'm young and I don't want to regret this time when I'm older.
One of my best friends recently started a relationship and that was hard for me, because before we would text each other constantly all day, do valentines day together and such. I found myself in that horrible position where I was envious rather than be happy for her. I feel ok about it now that I'm used to the situation. It might be a bit awkward when I finally meet him this month though.
Its also hard because at the moment I don't have a job or a social life. I moved back home after uni so don't live near my close uni friends and any friends I had from home I'm not as close to.
I think I have reached the point now where I would like to meet someone, but I also want to feel more confident and better in myself.
Thats how I was when I met my first bf, it was shortly after diagnosis and I didn't really know much about the illness. So I was all like, oh yeah I've had a crap time but I don't let it get to me. And he really admired that. I'm not sure if everyone would be the same though.
 
I understand the feelings of jealousy. I feel them too and feel bad about it but at the same time I ask why me or why not me? I would normally be happy for others but I have been a little depressed and bitter about life. It just seems like everyone is healthy, happy and has a great social and romantic life while I have none of the above. Pardon my French but F Crohn's.
 
I currently live alone with my cat (lol). It's really hard especially being ill and living alone with no family and real support system. When I am ill, it's up to me to find a way to get to my appointments, get my meds, clean my house, make my meals, and console myself (I have wasted much money on cab rides). I try to explain it to folks and my closest friends but the reality is that they really don't get it. They say a few kind words, offer to help out but then I don't hear from them for weeks at a time because they have forgotten or don't realize how sick I really am.

I have had one very serous relationship in my past. I wasn't diagnosed with crohn's at the time but other health and stressful situations I was dealing with definitely played a factor in it's demise. And it was made known to me by this person at one point that it contributed to the strain on our relationship and they just didn't want to work on the relationship badly enough to get through it. A really hard thing to hear someone you loved say to you especially when your health and stressors were of little to no fault of your own. At a time I really needed someone to be there for me I had no one, not even the person sharing the same home as me.

Since diagnosed, I find when I date and start to find someone, I shut them out because I guess I have conditioned myself into thinking it is damn near impossible to find someone willing to tolerate a partner with a major illness. And I would think it would be more stressful on a relationship to have a partner with an invisible illness such as crohn's because you can't visually see what they are dealing with and thus wouldn't know how to offer support and just get annoyed and break it off.

I still try to date and put myself out there when I am well and enjoy it when I do, but these are typically my underlying fears that lead me to push people away before they can hurt me with rejection. There may be some truth but it is also a self-fulfilling prophecy I am creating that I will have to live life alone and suffer alone. I'm working on trying to open myself up more and face my fear but it's a learning process that doesn't happen overnight. I do believe there is someone out there for everyone, but many times I have thought "but that doesn't mean you will necessarily find each other before time runs out...."

Constantly toggling between hopeful and hopeless
 
Hi guys, I'm Jono, I'm 27 and I'm new to the forum and thought this would be a good place to start. I had surgery in May 2011 (laparotomy, limited right hemicolectomy, removal of perforated appendix and appendicieal apscess) and was diagnosed with Crohn's shortly after that. I'm taking Pentasa 2g every day along with some supps (vit C, D, K, omega3). I work as a metallurgical technician in Perth, Australia, and studying mineral science (BSc) at uni. My wife and I are separated and I just moved back in with my parents, at least until I have graduated. I like the look of this site and hope to meet some more people.
 
Last edited:
I'm so glad that this group was started! I haven't had any real relationships in over 10 years, though most of that was pre diagnosis. I was only recently diagnosed with Crohn's. For many of those years it was a matter of really not having time to date between work and school and volunteer work. I am also fairly self conscious as I've always been very overweight. Then for the last 2 years I was always feeling too crappy to even really try to put myself out there. Then after being hospitalized in December and being off work for a month, I have been too tired to do much beyond going to work and doing my volunteering. I'm finally starting to feel more energetic and more confident about my appearance (the one good thing that came out of getting so sick). I'm lucky that my parents who I still live with have been supportive and I have one friend who has been supportive, but I'm really not sure how to even approach the whole dating thing with this disease. I'm still at the point of trying to find what foods sit well and which don't, so how do you even really go on a date. I don't trust myself to make it through a movie as of yet. So I guess that's my story and rant combined into 1.
 
Judyc said:
I think you are right. I have found that some, not the majority of healthy people, but some, just don't have the compassion that is needed to deal with people like us, especially when having surgeries, etc. I wish more people would be more understanding, compassionate to people like us, as I know many with our disease over the years. We call each other, write each other, check on each other and I'm blessed to have these people in my life. We compare notes, we help each other in times of deep depression which goes with chronic diseases. I had these people in my life way before anything that was online so I'm so thankful for that. Many of you are very fortunate to have this outlet for support. I had nothing when diagnosed and no one had heard of this disease at the time. Times have certainly changed for the better. I will write my story soon, it is a long one that I will try to keep short.
Click to expand...

I would definitely agree that we are lucky to have online support communities like this to help us get through the rough times. It gives us a place to speak freely and have people be able to relate to us and our situations. I think that as time passes by, more and more will find out about our disease. Like you said, back then there we not such support groups online as there are now. More people are talking about it as well. I wish that we would come across the compassionate people in our lives to date. I am glad you found this support site as well and I am glad you can use this when you need us to talk to concerning the disease. Depression definitely comes with the territory of having a chronic illness. We have so many ups and downs, but I know those of us that are single will one day find that person that will stand by us.
 
CeeCeeGo said:
Hello all
I am not single but I think it was a great idea to create this support group as I could not imagine what it is like to go through this by yourselves.
Take care to all of you and once again it shows what a great place this forum is:ghug:
Click to expand...

Yes, I am single and I like that this group has been created as well. For those of us that are single, we can ask our questions and advice here. I have been going through all of this alone and it does take a toll on me. I wonder if there is that person out there who will stick by me when the going gets rough with the disease. I know sympathetic people exist in this world, I just haven't been able to find those people as of yet. It would be nice to be able to share my life with someone right now especially where I am at in my life. Now that I am in remission, I have this confidence boost to put myself out there and try the dating scene. I look forward to asking advice here in this group. Take care of yourself as well. :) :hug:
 
nogutsnoglory said:
Thanks for creating this group. I'm
a single gay male with Crohn's. I haven't had the energy to date, all my energy is focused on this disease and the toll it's taken on me physically and emotionally. I would love to find a boyfriend and settle down and start a family.

I always wonder if ill find that special someone, can they look past my Crohn's, my surgical scars. I know non-judgemental and loving people are out there I'm just trying to find one!
Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean. I want someone to be able to accept all of me, including my disease. I want this person to accept me for me. I think that there is someone out there for everyone and I hope one day we both find our special someones. There are compassionate people in this world and people who will find us worth it to look past our illness and see us for who we truly are. We may have Crohn's Disease, but we are so much more than that. I know what you mean when you are talking about the toll it takes on us. It makes it very hard to date sometimes because for me when I have planned ahead, I noticed I had to cancel dates because I would always get sick the night before probably most likely due to my nerves. I wish people out in the world would understand how chronic illnesses work and how debilitating they can be for us. Cheers to meeting our other halves. :hug:
 
itsme2 said:
All my friends are married and even some have kids now. So why not me??? Since I've been home from surgery I haven't heard from anyone except one friend who's sick with something else but not as serious.
I don't see anyone ever loving me and putting up with this crappy disease and especially now with my scar and I get so tired so easily. Who the heck would want me now. I had a great education, great job and was always able to fool everyone. Well now I have no energy to do so or keep in touch. I don't want to tell my work friends because when I can work again (I pray) in this economy I will probably be looked upon as a detriment to any company.
This can be an isolating disease and it stinks! I also worry about ending up alone and having no one to advocate for me if I should be hospitalized again and trying to manage on my own.
The words never and can't were never in my vocabulary but now I'm not so sure.
i feel like everyone on this site so thanks for the validation. But what can we do about it??
Click to expand...

I know exactly how you feel. Everyone around me including my friends and my siblings are in committed relationships and here I am alone and single. The dating scene I know is going to be harder having Crohn's Disease. I always feel so anxious about knowing when to reveal it to the person that you are dating. I think you, like me, have not met the right person yet. I have had my string of bad luck as far as people not being able to understand where I am coming from as far as being sick. People hear the word disease and their whole view changes from my experience. I wish people would just look it up and not snap-judge. Is that too much to ask?

I think that there is someone for everyone and that the right person is out there for you. I can relate to everything you are saying here. I have been scared to enter into a relationship because I am afraid of getting rejected because someone wouldn't be able to handle all that comes along with the disease. It definitely is isolating at times, but I have been learning to put myself out there (which I have been doing recently). I know it's not easy, but you never know the outcome until you give it a try. There are people I am sure out there who will look past our disease and care more about our character. I hope I find someone myself who sees my disease as only a mere piece of me. I want to let you know that I believe in you and I know you can get there on the dating scene. I am giving it my best shot and I know you can too. I am still single, but we will never give up. There's a good way to use never. :) :hug:
 
Great idea for a support group - I think there is a real difference between having this disease with a supportive partner and going through it all on your own!

I'm 28, been diagnosed for 1.5 years, and single for just over a year. Timing! My previously great relationship broke down due to a number of factors, the main being we were living overseas and never saw each other due to work and other commitments, but my illness played a part (I was quite down and felt I was a burden and didn't speak up when I needed him, while he withdrew more and more as he felt helpless). My ex and I are still in occasional contact, I know he wishes me well but a part of me, right or wrong, couldn't help feeling abandoned by him when I got sick. I learned it's better to be single than to try and save a dying relationship!

I really enjoy being on my own now and I'm about to move out with 2 single friends; one male, one female; we always have such a laugh together (I've been living with my parents since I got back from overseas). Great friends and family have saved me! I would eventually like to meet someone but I haven't been putting myself "out there" yet, I guess I'm a little nervous about it and yes it does seem harder for us as we have to find someone who not only "gets" us, but gets our illness as well. But hey, as many people on this site have proven, when it's the right person you accept everything about them :)
 
This is wonderful. I really appreciate that there are others out there who are all alone and fighting through IBD. Sometimes I wish that I had a partner, just so I could feel more supported. It's tough out there, but I'm glad that we all seem to keep our heads up, even if we feel like falling down and not getting back up.

Thanks everyone for all of your stories and insights. Its so helpful, especially feeling so isolated lately. Keep on fighting.
 
I didnt know we had a group like that. Like the idea. I am the youngest member here I guess.
 
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." - Carl Jung

"Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand." - Anonymous

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." - Dr. Seuss

:tongue:
 
This is just something I've been thinking about recently. Knowing that the date site mentioned above exists has increased my curiosity. Can anyone share experiences being with another IBDer (or person with major life affecting/changing illness such as MS, Fibroyalgia etc...)? I was thinking that would be a more supportive environment if both partners have sort of "walked the walk".

When things are in remission for me, they are pretty good, but this is not always the case and of course having someone who understands would be ideal in one way. On the other hand, I was thinking if both sides 'go down' at the same time, then its like a double whammy...

Any thoughts are appreciated :)
 
I think about that as well. I would obviously never stop seeing someone just because they have an illness, being where I am I think I would know how to deal with it, and obviously know there is more to a person than their illness. (Although I have trouble convincing myself about that one sometimes).
But I think it would be a worry of how would I cope if we both weren't well. Either party could poss end up hiding symptoms if times were tough.
I don't know though, I guess it would just be good and bad times like all relationships!
 
while I have never dated an IBD person, I have dated someone with chronic pain (nerve damage in their back).

Unfortunately what I learned from that experience was that if I am going to date someone with chronic pain myself, they have to have a level of commitment to their health that almost, exactly or exceeds my own expectations for my health.

This person I dated for two months did not. And it showed. I was supportive of this person and understood their pain, but they expected me to take care of them instead of them building a good foundation of health on their own. And after a while they stopped really taking interest in my health issues and placed primary focus on their own. Not fun especially when you are dealing with your own health issues. Also our lifestyle, (especially food and alcohol choices) did not mesh where it counted and they were very uncompromising in these areas. Eventually the stress of dating someone in constant pain that was openly doing nothing about it caused my pain levels to elevate (I actually started my current flare during the mid/end of this relationship) and I realized I couldn't continue the relationship.

Lesson learned. If I go the route of dating someone with a certain health condition, I just need to make sure they really understand their condition and are committed to learning to maintain a healthy lifestyle to the best of their being. Even if they cannot. I think the fact that they clearly and openly try is what is most important to me.
 
Hard to date when living at home with your parents late in your 20's and suffering from crohn's and a long flare. I can't be on my own with this disease right now. Every girl I knew pretty much begged to see me because of how long its been. I warned them about my low weight from the crohn's flare up they said no problem. They see me, they gasp and ask if i might die, stay for a little while for chat, then left to never talk to me again or just to say hi now and then.

Can I really blame them though?
 
go outside meet more people if your desease allows you..just dont worry about your looks, this is the time when you can actually see who are real and who are fake buddies.
 
Hi everyone,

I think this place is a wonderful idea! I've been single for year now and I've always thought if there was somewhere I could go to meet people who have had or are having the same experiences as me it would be a wonderful idea!

I recently met someone who I seemed to get on with, and a week before we were meant to be going out I had a really bad week and was being sick. When I explained (in as little detail as possible!) what it was all about he just didn't get it.

I also found that being single, being ill, and being on my own without my family made my recovery time a lot longer. Sometimes there's no better medicine than having a cuddle with someone and getting a bit of sympathy!
 
Yet, often I feel grateful to be able to deal on my own. I guess its part of your individual personality. Crohn's can change a lot of things... but for me, I'm an independent person regardless. My family is not really in a position to help me, but I would not want them to even if they could. I put an extremely high value on my independence. It certainly is a double-edge sword, being so stubborn on my independence, but I figure I'll take my chances.
 
I agree with you very much. I value relationships but I also value my independence just as much if not more...a double-edged sword for sure.

Taking chances is all we can do and hope that what we want to achieve will come to us. The more we put ourselves out there, the higher the chances are that we find something/someone we desire.


ProspectorsQuartet said:
Yet, often I feel grateful to be able to deal on my own. I guess its part of your individual personality. Crohn's can change a lot of things... but for me, I'm an independent person regardless. My family is not really in a position to help me, but I would not want them to even if they could. I put an extremely high value on my independence. It certainly is a double-edge sword, being so stubborn on my independence, but I figure I'll take my chances.
Click to expand...
 
Hi everybody,

I thought I'd cross-post this from where I originally put it in the LGBTQ & Allies support forum since it applies here just as much. I was responding to a post from someone who was afraid to date because he was afraid of what potential partners might say or do if/when they found out about his Crohn's. This is what I wrote:

sickofcrohns said:
OK, here are a few of my stories, just so you have an idea of some of the less-than-negative reactions. (I'm straight, but I don't think this matters in this context). These take place over about 6 years.

1. I met someone I really liked at a conference. We spent lots of time together over several days, then communicated very frequently for several months before I had a chance to visit him. When we met again, the feelings were there, but we were both really nervous. I told him that in the morning I would have to wake up at a specific time to take a bunch of pills for a medical condition. He looked seriously relieved, then said that he is also taking pills for a medical condition -- he'd been stressing about hiding them from me at each meal! Telling each other the truth about our health issues was a huge relief for both of us. Now, this guy has a completely different condition, and because of where we live (different countries), things didn't work out between us, but that was probably the nicest way things could have gone.

2. Met a guy I liked, told him after about 4 or 5 dates that I have Crohn's. It turns out that he had Crohn's too, though his was very mild (occasional use of pentasa) and mine is very severe (various meds, now Remicade)! We had a long discussion about esophagoscopies and other stuff over a beer. A few weeks later, the relationship was toast because this guy just couldn't figure out what the hell he was doing.

3. Went on a date with a guy from the Remicade clinic! Nice enough, and no awkward discussion about Crohn's or Remicade, but no sparks.

4. I met someone else and told him after 3 dates about the Crohn's. He said that he had wondered why I seemed so "grounded." It turns out that a close member of his family had been seriously disabled in a freak accident years ago, and he'd spent a lot of time dealing with the fallout from that. This partner was stellar in dealing with my Crohn's-related fatigue and illnesses. We broke up (after 2 years) for other reasons.

5. Just got back on the dating scene after breaking up with guy #4, and met someone I really liked. I told him about the Crohn's on date #3. We had a 4th date scheduled, but he emailed me to move it and then to cancel it because, according to him, there was no chemistry. At first I thought it might have been because of me telling him about the Crohn's, but it is probably more likely because I told him that I would not sleep with him until he submitted his divorce papers! (I have no interest in being dragged through someone's messy divorce, regardless of whether he considers being separated to be the same as divorced).
Click to expand...

Edit: Actually, we did go out for coffee and it turns out that he had met someone else around the same time we had met, but wants to remain friends. We get along very well, so we are developing our friendship. I had actually asked him (before he said that he had met someone else) if he wasn't interested in me because of the Crohn's, and he was horrified that I had even thought that. (So my earlier hunch was correct!)

sickofcrohns said:
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that Crohn's is just one part of what can make a relationship go right or wrong. It is an extra stressful thing to deal with both at the beginning of a relationship (bringing it up) and as a relationship progresses (and your partner gets a better sense of how it affects both of your lives), but relationships can and do tank at various stages for many other reasons. So, chin up! There are great guys out there (gay & straight) and people can be assholes regardless of whether or not you have Crohn's, so don't let the Crohn's hold you back psychologically from meeting people.

<hug>
Click to expand...
 
I'm 26 and have never been in a relationship. I wasn't that confident to start with, and somehow the addition of constant stomach problems and anal leakage didn't seem to help that much.

It's reassuring to see so many people here who have supportive people in their lives, but it's also tough to see people who have significant problems in their marriages and relationships because of Crohn's. It seems like it can go either way, even if things start out great, and that makes me even more reluctant to date than I am already.
 
I just turned 46 and have not dated much since my divorce 13 year ago. I am just now trying to find someone so that I am not the old guy sitting on the front porch yelling at kids to get off the lawn. That image is a motivator for me. lol
 
@Superzeeman. My brother my brethren.. I wonder the same thing. But I also wonder...

Can't we not be that guy without being in a relationship? Boy I hope there are some options. Singles 40+ I think will have less of a stigma going forward. Just as we are more culturally accepting of homosexual relationships and transgenders, I think people will evolve to understand it is okay to be an older single person. We achieve this marital status a number of ways. Through divorce, health issues, just not matching up well with others...

We should not have to be outcast for that reason. We can still have careers, become mentors, become community organizers, hobbyist musicians/painters/writers/gearheads, the local wine connoisseur or even a vintner. Being single can help the wallet sometimes after all (lol)

I might have a slightly positive bias as I work in a research lab with a bunch of "dudes", many single. Among them are amateur pilots, robotics competitors, boat hobbyist, competitive squash players...

But if a relationship is really your thing, then you have a right to that as well! More power to you and whoever is fortunate enough to be with you.

I'll tell you one thing, Sturgis or bust for me this year baby! ;)
 
I don't know what to say really. I lost everything because of this disease.
 
Last edited:
Hey there, was just having a wee nosey.
would just like to add that ive had a few relationships and the crohns/colitis thing has never been an issue. i dont even tell her until i know we like eachother and each girl had no problem with it whatsoever. So id urge any guys not to mention it until you both realise you really like eachother.. that way it will be harder for her to ditch you lol
 
Danico85 said:
Hey there, was just having a wee nosey.
would just like to add that ive had a few relationships and the crohns/colitis thing has never been an issue. i dont even tell her until i know we like eachother and each girl had no problem with it whatsoever. So id urge any guys not to mention it until you both realise you really like eachother.. that way it will be harder for her to ditch you lol
Click to expand...

Hey I tried that but still got dumped on, so now I tell em upfront still don't get nowhere, so guess I'm destined for the top self for life :ylol:
 
I say let them know as soon as you can in whatever way you see fit for the situation. Why waste anyones time, ESPECIALLY your own. Let me know up front if you are absolutely uninterested because of my crohn's so I can focus my time and energy and efforts elsewhere towards someone or something else that matters.
 
Hi Sandi and CC.
I think it may be different with males and females. I think guys might get a little spooked when they hear the word crohs or colitis or IBD. they will probably think you shit yoursel etc. They need to be educated on the symptoms etc. But i cant comment on telling someone right away because ive never done that. Believe it or not, my ex didnt know i had IBD for the first couple of months we were going out. By that time she liked me too much and it was never an issue for her. Its never been a problem for any girlfriends. infact my IBD was more of a joke subject. i used to ask her if she remembered to bring my nappies (diapers for you americans) infront of her friends when we were out lol
 
Hi Danico,
I find it's not the Crohn's they can't handle it's te fact I wear 3 bags they can't handle, I don't tell them I'm due surgery to remove 2 of them, if they can't have me at 3 then there not worth having at 1 lol
 
Maybe it's me, but I think that in a way it's a great (sometimes painful) way to weed people out! Anyone who doesn't want any baggage (oh my gosh, the PUNS. and i hate puns) clearly has none of their own, and who digs that? boring. maybe it's just me, but i feel like my crohn's and other things that have happened over the past few years have shown me that the very *worst* people are the ones who have had it the easiest. i'm single at the moment, but my ex is still wonderful about my illness and we're still close. i wound up in the ER a couple weeks ago and live far from my parents for uni - i had been called to go in by my doctor about blood tests and after the ativan wore off was practically hysterical i was so scared of what was going on, felt so sick, and had left my cell charger at home in my rush. where my own best friend/roomie couldn't pass up going to dinner to bring me a way to contact my parents with news from imaging and docs, he trekked all the way from his place to the other side of town and back to bring me the charger and some hugs, and managed to calm me down so i could get some sleep. there are good ones out there, and sometimes this bad part of us can bring out the best in them :) i feel like anything less just isn't worth sticking around for.
 
any single men out there. 35 yr old crohnie looking for serious long term relationship. hard to find someone that understands this nasty disease. send me a private message please.
thanks
 
I would take queues from life in general. I don't have opportunities to try out the Crohn's things on dates, but as far as having good/close friends, I now try to let them now as soon as possible about of my situation. Of course, I only interact with them for a limited time.

When you date someone, presumably, there are extended periods of contact? It seems wise to be straight with them up front. Before the expectations ratchet up. You wait too long, then someone might try to stay the night or even just a few hours past bedtime and then its like, "Damn, should have said something earlier":poo:
 
ijl said:
any single men out there. 35 yr old crohnie looking for serious long term relationship. hard to find someone that understands this nasty disease. send me a private message please.
thanks
Click to expand...

Would just like to urge some clarity. First, this is not a dating site and second, we are an inclusive community :ghug: here so you should specify if you are male/female in general so Gay/Straight confusion does not happen.

:)
 
I know it is not a dating site but just putting it out there.
I am a straight female seeking a straight male for a LTR.
Please do not get upset that I posted that I am looking for a LTR. This is a singles group of people, so I thought maybe there is a chance of meeting someone on here. It does not hurt to try !!! I am a good person with a heart of gold and I will one day make someone very happy.
Hope that it will happen soon.....
 
32, single, I was diagnosed with Crohn's when I was 18 and had problems with it for many, many years. Anyway, while I am single and have been single for over 2 years now, I doubt Crohn's for me personally really is that big of an impediment when it comes to relationships. My cousin got Crohn's too and I'd say in the last 2 years she had a considerably worse experience with it than me and she had two long-term relationships in that time period and went dating in between as well.

Being single has its advantages (also a lot of disadvantages...), but if I am honest Crohn's wasn't the biggest factor for not being in a relationship. I had times where my Crohn's wasn't behaving and I was in a relationship and I had times when I was all good and was single.
 
I'm new to the site but this is a big deal for me. I could hide the crohns before by just saying i had stomach problems. My doc said i'm very "stoic" which is probably why i could fight and push through alot of my pain. Its after the surgery ( having the ileostomy) that's worse for me. I used to be the girl that always showed her mid drift, wore nice clothes, etc. Now i'm always self concious and never want to tell anyone about the bag.

People think "poop bag" and i can imagine it being a huge turn off. Before i had to get one i had my own pre conceived notions as well. Crazy thing is since my surgery, ive had more people joke around me or to me about bags that didn't know i had one, than in my whole life...so yea that makes me feel extra comfortable lol
 
Yupitsme said:
I'm new to the site but this is a big deal for me. I could hide the crohns before by just saying i had stomach problems. My doc said i'm very "stoic" which is probably why i could fight and push through alot of my pain. Its after the surgery ( having the ileostomy) that's worse for me. I used to be the girl that always showed her mid drift, wore nice clothes, etc. Now i'm always self concious and never want to tell anyone about the bag.

People think "poop bag" and i can imagine it being a huge turn off. Before i had to get one i had my own pre conceived notions as well. Crazy thing is since my surgery, ive had more people joke around me or to me about bags that didn't know i had one, than in my whole life...so yea that makes me feel extra comfortable lol
Click to expand...

I hate my poop bag! I had my ileostomy on Jan 11th and had some other complications so I'm just starting to do normal things again. Now when I think about asking a girl out first thing I think about is my poop bag! I was never afraid to take my shirt off now I never would. To me the only person I could date is someone else with an ileostomy. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Hopefully I can get a reversal.
 
Herndog said:
I hate my poop bag! I had my ileostomy on Jan 11th and had some other complications so I'm just starting to do normal things again. Now when I think about asking a girl out first thing I think about is my poop bag! I was never afraid to take my shirt off now I never would. To me the only person I could date is someone else with an ileostomy. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Hopefully I can get a reversal.
Click to expand...

Yea I had a colostomy bag during my 2nd year of college after a surgery complication lead to a fistula. The doctors didn't want to do another surgery around the same area so I had to use the bag till the area healed up a little.

Plastic cement was horrible. It left rashes around the wound. It didn't even seal the bag properly to my skin. Oh, whenever I went out I would always think about "the bag"! >:[ I hated this thing. During this time I had a wonderful girlfriend whom I dated for a year. She helped me with everything, the cleaning, the support, and her determination to enjoy our time together even with the bag. lol worked around it. :] It was just disgusting to have the bag on you. Feces coming out through a hole in your intestine to the bag. The smell was horrible. I didn't travel far from my dorm or my home for that entire year.

I can't imagine trying to date with the bag on you; however if you are confident enough and your girl is wonderful enough... anything is possible. :] Hang in there. Praying for you. :]
 
If I put myself in a normal persons shoes would I date someone with a poop bag? I really don't know but you can't blame them if they wouldn't. Like I said earlier you almost need to find someone with your same condition. Oh well, I'll just keep trucking!
 
Herndog said:
If I put myself in a normal persons shoes would I date someone with a poop bag? I really don't know but you can't blame them if they wouldn't. Like I said earlier you almost need to find someone with your same condition. Oh well, I'll just keep trucking!
Click to expand...

Good way of thinking positive. :] You will find that perfect gal somewhere in due time.

Yea I totally agree on finding someone either who has done her research and knows about your condition or someone with a similar disease. Why? Because people just don't get it. We may look fine on the outside during remission but for us it is a daily battle with the bathroom, pain, sleep, and diet.

Keep trucking indeed. :]
 
Well ive been told i "may" need a bag if my stricture is benign and doesnt respond to any treatment. To be honest, i know alot of peoples way of life has improved due to a bag. But i know my way of life will decrease. I have a good life just now without a bag. so the only way it go was down. To be honest, id rather ANYTHING than a bag. Id only take one if it was a matter of life and death.

I dont think many women would choose to go out with a guy with a bag. And i dont see any colostomy bag dating sites kicking about lol
 
I,ve got cynical the older I get,heard it all before,thers someone for everyone,I wish she,d hurry up,i don,t beleve it.and now to really put the cat amongst the pigeons got this scunnersome health problem.i find the whole thing frustrating and maddening
 
Danico85 said:
Well ive been told i "may" need a bag if my stricture is benign and doesnt respond to any treatment. To be honest, i know alot of peoples way of life has improved due to a bag. But i know my way of life will decrease. I have a good life just now without a bag. so the only way it go was down. To be honest, id rather ANYTHING than a bag. Id only take one if it was a matter of life and death.

I dont think many women would choose to go out with a guy with a bag. And i dont see any colostomy bag dating sites kicking about lol
Click to expand...

actually there are ostomy dating sites lol

http://www.ostomydating.com/ http://www.prescription4love.com/index.cfm
 
46, strait, female, mom x 4, grandma x 2, been single for about 2 years. Most days I'm glad I'm single, too exhausted to not be. Date? are you kidding? get dressed up and have a conversation with someone? That would seriously cut into my nap time! (risk having gas in public? no way!)
 
I couldn't figure out how to quote you herndog,

but I have a loop ileostomy. I got it out of a sense of urgency and I fought getting the bag all the way until i couldn't fight it anyway. Doc can reverse it at anytime. However, I haven't even requested a reversal yet because my quality of life has been so much better since getting it.

I was off of meds for 3 years (probably why i have to go back on now, because i was a symptomatic) I'm out of constant pain, and not always running to the bathroom. I haven't had a really "bad time" with the bag per say, no horror stories...its been pretty good to me.

I'm pretty conservative for my age i guess so ive actually gotten pretty far with folks not even knowing i had a bag. I just hate that i have to have it period. as if there aren't enough relationship issues to deal with without having that conversation
 
Yupitsme said:
I couldn't figure out how to quote you herndog,

but I have a loop ileostomy. I got it out of a sense of urgency and I fought getting the bag all the way until i couldn't fight it anyway. Doc can reverse it at anytime. However, I haven't even requested a reversal yet because my quality of life has been so much better since getting it.

I was off of meds for 3 years (probably why i have to go back on now, because i was a symptomatic) I'm out of constant pain, and not always running to the bathroom. I haven't had a really "bad time" with the bag per say, no horror stories...its been pretty good to me.

I'm pretty conservative for my age i guess so ive actually gotten pretty far with folks not even knowing i had a bag. I just hate that i have to have it period. as if there aren't enough relationship issues to deal with without having that conversation
Click to expand...

Do you think if you get a reversal that your quality of life will go back to the way it was? I agree, In the short time, I've had my ileostomy I haven't had any pain or discomfort from any food. So I'm grateful for that but I feel if I get a reversal maybe just maybe I will be some what normal again.

People have no clue I have a bag. Heck I still play tennis like a champ but I fell like I would have to tell someone that I went out on a date with that I have a "poop bag" And it's my belief that it would be no dates again with that person. Maybe I'm being dumb but it'll be hard for me until I get a reversal or I meet someone else with a bag.
 
Herndog, I understand how you feel, as I have felt the same way myself, but I think that we ostomates are sometimes our own worst enemies in this. We often imagine all the bad things that can possibly happen.

I sometimes think back and realise that, in my worst times pre-stoma, things were far uglier, messier, and embarrassing than they are now. But, if I let myself think about having a plastic bag on my stomach, collecting my faeces, I plunge into a black pit that I then have to drag myself out of. So I try not to let that happen.

If you read stories in the Stoma section, and in the General Forum, you will find plenty of examples of people with Crohn's and with stomas who have active social and personal lives. Yes, they have relationships that fail - but so do people without Crohn's and without stomas. Our problem is that we blame our condition, rather than accepting it as a normal part of life. (In my youth, I dumped blokes because I became aware of a bad habit or two - far less offensive than we imagine having a bag to be!)

Sorry if this sounds like a lecture, but I've been there, done that.

You CAN find a relationship that will last and be fulfilling, but it won't drop into your lap. Go out and fight for it!!
 
Herndog said:
Do you think if you get a reversal that your quality of life will go back to the way it was? I agree, In the short time, I've had my ileostomy I haven't had any pain or discomfort from any food. So I'm grateful for that but I feel if I get a reversal maybe just maybe I will be some what normal again.

People have no clue I have a bag. Heck I still play tennis like a champ but I fell like I would have to tell someone that I went out on a date with that I have a "poop bag" And it's my belief that it would be no dates again with that person. Maybe I'm being dumb but it'll be hard for me until I get a reversal or I meet someone else with a bag.
Click to expand...

I am very afraid to life sucking after the reversal. I had lots of complications watering pot fistulas, abscesses, perianal disease, strictures etc. So I don't want to go back to that. I probably would be able to reverse now if I had still been actively treating my crohns, I was just so happy not to NEED to go to the doctor anymore.

I just keep telling myself that the fact that I do have the ability to go back is fine in the meanwhile. There are so many advances in medicine that even if in 5 years theres a way i can go back with no pain at all i'm fine with the wait. I guess i'd feel different if it were permanant. Im thinking patience is the name of the game. I want to get married and have kids one day soon. Hopefully, i'll find the one that is ok with me. I still wouldnt tell anyone until i got to the point of them having to know. You may not even like someone after the second date. Why would you have to tell them?

Just to add. I have dated a guy who i told about my bag. we saw eachother for a year or so and are still good friends. Our reasons for working out had nothing at all to do with the bag. But it was surprising how ok he was with it. I think people's reactions may be based on our own. If we don't make a big deal of it, neither will they. That being said, I haven't had the courage to tell anyone else lol i'm a walking contradiction:ybatty:
 
Yupitsme said:
I am very afraid to life sucking after the reversal. I had lots of complications watering pot fistulas, abscesses, perianal disease, strictures etc. So I don't want to go back to that. I probably would be able to reverse now if I had still been actively treating my crohns, I was just so happy not to NEED to go to the doctor anymore.

I just keep telling myself that the fact that I do have the ability to go back is fine in the meanwhile. There are so many advances in medicine that even if in 5 years theres a way i can go back with no pain at all i'm fine with the wait. I guess i'd feel different if it were permanant. Im thinking patience is the name of the game. I want to get married and have kids one day soon. Hopefully, i'll find the one that is ok with me. I still wouldnt tell anyone until i got to the point of them having to know. You may not even like someone after the second date. Why would you have to tell them?

Just to add. I have dated a guy who i told about my bag. we saw eachother for a year or so and are still good friends. Our reasons for working out had nothing at all to do with the bag. But it was surprising how ok he was with it. I think people's reactions may be based on our own. If we don't make a big deal of it, neither will they. That being said, I haven't had the courage to tell anyone else lol i'm a walking contradiction:ybatty:
Click to expand...

Spoken brilliantly!

High Five!! :bigwave::bigwave:
 
Yupitsme said:
Just to add. I have dated a guy who i told about my bag. we saw eachother for a year or so and are still good friends. Our reasons for working out had nothing at all to do with the bag. But it was surprising how ok he was with it. I think people's reactions may be based on our own. If we don't make a big deal of it, neither will they. That being said, I haven't had the courage to tell anyone else lol i'm a walking contradiction:ybatty:
Click to expand...

I would also add that our expectations of reactions are sometimes based on our old views on an acceptable mate before we have to deal with real world issues. No longer is the high school jock, ditzy big-chested cheerleader or the jerk-face high-powered stock broker (nothing against jocks, cheerleaders or stock brokers in general, just trying to pain the picture with some societal stereotypes ) considered viable mating material.

Instead, we actually have to look for genuinely good matches and good people who The Bachelorette and the Bachelor does not tell us would be good people to want to date. They guy you were with probably would not be considered by the mainstream to be worth a damn, but we all know better than that.

Thanks for your story.
 
For the record, I went on a 2nd date with someone a few days ago. We were getting on really well. Long story short, about 2 hours into the date, I had to run to the washroom and was in there for about 45 minutes! It was hugely embarrassing. . .

. . . but actually, he didn't think it was a big deal!

We're now officially a couple. :)
 
sickofcrohns said:
For the record, I went on a 2nd date with someone a few days ago. We were getting on really well. Long story short, about 2 hours into the date, I had to run to the washroom and was in there for about 45 minutes! It was hugely embarrassing. . .

. . . but actually, he didn't think it was a big deal!

We're now officially a couple. :)
Click to expand...

That's awesome to hear.
 
Me currently single 25 male - Moving to northern Nevada in a month. Currently in Wisconsin. Only have been on medication so far with crohns. Never had kids.

Likes:
Hiking
Outdoors
Scooters
hangout
basketball
running

Dislikes:
Drama



PM me. Looking for a female.
 
It may be true that being in a relationship is a double-edged sword, but it's better than the knife wrenched in your gut by loneliness! If some of you actually do get together because of this thread, I think that's awesome.

I find that making a plan of how I would go about dating alleviates my despair a bit, although I'd hardly say I'm acting on my plans. Eventually, I'll gather enough courage to try my luck on match.com - dating is just a numbers game, right? The bigger the pool, the better the selection? (Or does a bigger pool just mean more pee?)
 
Had a few great dates and am now a little hesitant to make things romantic b/c of seton drain. The stress of dating and worry of what guys will think when we hook up is terrible! Wish me luck!
 
smack116 said:
Had a few great dates and am now a little hesitant to make things romantic b/c of seton drain. The stress of dating and worry of what guys will think when we hook up is terrible! Wish me luck!
Click to expand...

I agree its hard to get romantic when I take off my shirt and theres my poop bag. Nothing says romantic like a poop bag. :lol2:
 
Hey everyone, I thought I would quickly share my "relationship story" because it's changed recently and has a lot to do with my illness.
I've had a boyfriend for about five years, we started going out when I was 17, I was diagnosed when I was 18, and didn't get really sick until last year when I had to have a bowel resection in May. As there was a possibility I was going to wake up with a colostomy bag, and I was supposed to go overseas later in the year I was a complete wreck, I wasn't myself at all, I was always anxious and upset and cranky, and not to mention really sick. My boyfriend just didn't know what to do. We don't know anyone else with Crohn's and I've tried to explain it to him, he's a 23 year old guy... I think a lot of it goes over his head. Anyway, I didn't end up with the colostomy bag, went overseas, and came home but my boyfriend broke up with me as soon as I got back to Aus, he said I just wasn't myself and didn't know how to support me. I was heartbroken. That was four months ago and then a week ago he came over out of the blue and said he has made the worst mistake of his life. I'm in the process of trying to get approved for biologic infusions, which the Australia government makes it very difficult to get... I guess the hardest thing for me is not to let the stress of being sick get me down and affect how I relate to other people but it's hard to be my usual happy self all the time! I think I just wanted to share that for me.. the mental part of being sick and coping with surgery really affected my relationship. Hopefully this time around I'll be less stressed!
 
Herndog said:
If I put myself in a normal persons shoes would I date someone with a poop bag? I really don't know but you can't blame them if they wouldn't. Like I said earlier you almost need to find someone with your same condition. Oh well, I'll just keep trucking!
Click to expand...

I feel similarly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but not their own facts. I just have to go on Youtube to find out how people who have no true concerns or issues in life like to spend their free time (search terms: "epic fail") And even not taking things to that extreme, most people feel stressed out enough with the everyday burdens of work, money and 'family'. I used to see a psychologist who made it clear that dealing with her clients on an everyday basis was more than enough drama for her to deal with. As you can tell, that relationship did not last. She (in no uncertain terms) left when I was going through a major flare up.:yrolleyes:
 
Grugsley said:
Hey everyone, I thought I would quickly share my "relationship story" because it's changed recently and has a lot to do with my illness.
I've had a boyfriend for about five years, we started going out when I was 17, I was diagnosed when I was 18, and didn't get really sick until last year when I had to have a bowel resection in May. As there was a possibility I was going to wake up with a colostomy bag, and I was supposed to go overseas later in the year I was a complete wreck, I wasn't myself at all, I was always anxious and upset and cranky, and not to mention really sick. My boyfriend just didn't know what to do. We don't know anyone else with Crohn's and I've tried to explain it to him, he's a 23 year old guy... I think a lot of it goes over his head. Anyway, I didn't end up with the colostomy bag, went overseas, and came home but my boyfriend broke up with me as soon as I got back to Aus, he said I just wasn't myself and didn't know how to support me. I was heartbroken. That was four months ago and then a week ago he came over out of the blue and said he has made the worst mistake of his life. I'm in the process of trying to get approved for biologic infusions, which the Australia government makes it very difficult to get... I guess the hardest thing for me is not to let the stress of being sick get me down and affect how I relate to other people but it's hard to be my usual happy self all the time! I think I just wanted to share that for me.. the mental part of being sick and coping with surgery really affected my relationship. Hopefully this time around I'll be less stressed!
Click to expand...

It is important to share your feelings. I hope posting here has helped make your day a little better :smile:
 
:hug:
Grugsley said:
Hey everyone, I thought I would quickly share my "relationship story" because it's changed recently and has a lot to do with my illness.
I've had a boyfriend for about five years, we started going out when I was 17, I was diagnosed when I was 18, and didn't get really sick until last year when I had to have a bowel resection in May. As there was a possibility I was going to wake up with a colostomy bag, and I was supposed to go overseas later in the year I was a complete wreck, I wasn't myself at all, I was always anxious and upset and cranky, and not to mention really sick. My boyfriend just didn't know what to do. We don't know anyone else with Crohn's and I've tried to explain it to him, he's a 23 year old guy... I think a lot of it goes over his head. Anyway, I didn't end up with the colostomy bag, went overseas, and came home but my boyfriend broke up with me as soon as I got back to Aus, he said I just wasn't myself and didn't know how to support me. I was heartbroken. That was four months ago and then a week ago he came over out of the blue and said he has made the worst mistake of his life. I'm in the process of trying to get approved for biologic infusions, which the Australia government makes it very difficult to get... I guess the hardest thing for me is not to let the stress of being sick get me down and affect how I relate to other people but it's hard to be my usual happy self all the time! I think I just wanted to share that for me.. the mental part of being sick and coping with surgery really affected my relationship. Hopefully this time around I'll be less stressed!
Click to expand...

Take it one day at a time and ask your Dr. (if you are able) if you can have some ativan or zanax or something like that to help you when you have THOSE days. I do and it really helps so much. IF you don't have an addictive personlity. If you do, then try prayer, or meditation or relaxing thngs when you are stressed. Take time apart too when you need some down time and get the rest you need. Don't feel you have to be everything HE wants in a relationship or you lose yourself. Girls do that way too much. I did when I was younger. Now you either love me for who I am or hit the road. My hubs chose me!!!:hug:
 
Hi everyone,

I hope your all well as can be.....

I was at the Hospital this week and they have confirmed that my MRI scan on my small bowel came back fine, which is great news, so now they are thinking I've got Bile Acid Malabsorption, which I need to take a breath test at my GP surgery to confirm this, and live on sachets for the rest of my days. Could be worse I suppose. I asked if they have tablet form of medication instead as I've heard that the sachets are disgusting, but I've to try the sachets as they are more effective and are less expensive to produce. I'll give them a try, has anybody else had these? I think they are called Questran.

BTW I've just been seeing somebody for a month and had to end it as too difficult when I have to rearrange dates etc because I need to stay at home close to the loo :(
 
TheGhirlEmma said:
Hi everyone,

I hope your all well as can be.....

I was at the Hospital this week and they have confirmed that my MRI scan on my small bowel came back fine, which is great news, so now they are thinking I've got Bile Acid Malabsorption, which I need to take a breath test at my GP surgery to confirm this, and live on sachets for the rest of my days. Could be worse I suppose. I asked if they have tablet form of medication instead as I've heard that the sachets are disgusting, but I've to try the sachets as they are more effective and are less expensive to produce. I'll give them a try, has anybody else had these? I think they are called Questran.

BTW I've just been seeing somebody for a month and had to end it as too difficult when I have to rearrange dates etc because I need to stay at home close to the loo :(
Click to expand...

Yes, I use it the powdered form and mix it with juice or whatever and it really does work well. They do have pill form too.
 
I think it is all too easy to judge a partner for not being able to cope with our illnesses or to even understand it.

Image being on the outside looking in, especially for a bloke. It's in a man's nature to want to 'fix' the problem and if they can't then they can feel pretty useless.

I'm not excusing anyone who uses an illness as a reason not to be with someone. But to be honest, if it was the right person, the illness wouldn't even be an issue.

I find that my illness and illeostomy bag is a great way to sort the men from the boys, without me having to look to hard. But, I always give guys a chance to get to grips with it, even if their initial reaction is bad, they are only human after all.

I believe my ex broke up with me because i'm stubborn and pig headed...and lets face it there is no cure for that either :ylol:
 
I just wana say thanks for this support group it's great to hear from other people in the same situation as me, just wanted to post this here too.


Caceres said:
Hello everybody my names Cory caceres, I'm 22yo m who has been battling the symptoms of crohns since high school... Feeling bloated, pain in lower right stomach and occasional diarrhea, under weight, ect...

I always just ignored it thinking it was just a upset stomach or something,
But it's only getting worse sever stomach pain right lower side, mucus In stool, nausea, heat flashes, frequent bowel movements, heartburn, fatigue I went to see my doc but he was out so I seen a replacement who put me on carafate, omeprazole, bentyl she did a lot of blood work, a rectal exam, and did a fecal test

I got the results back not sure what they mean

Interpretive information: calprotectin fecal
50/ ug/g or less: normal

51-120 ug/g: borderline elevated, test should be re-evaluated in 4-6weeks

121 ug/g or grater: abnormal, sugestive of inflammatory bowel disease( ibd)

Does that mean I have ibd, any help or advice would be great

I have a appointment with my doc Tomorrow just not sure what to expect...
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
steffers said:
I think it is all too easy to judge a partner for not being able to cope with our illnesses or to even understand it.

Image being on the outside looking in, especially for a bloke. It's in a man's nature to want to 'fix' the problem and if they can't then they can feel pretty useless.

I'm not excusing anyone who uses an illness as a reason not to be with someone. But to be honest, if it was the right person, the illness wouldn't even be an issue.

I find that my illness and illeostomy bag is a great way to sort the men from the boys, without me having to look to hard. But, I always give guys a chance to get to grips with it, even if their initial reaction is bad, they are only human after all.

I believe my ex broke up with me because i'm stubborn and pig headed...and lets face it there is no cure for that either :ylol:
Click to expand...

well said
I tend to fix lawnmowers to cars, just cant fix me
 
I hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting here, but I just wanted to say this to you all:

Don't EVER give up hope- especially when it comes to something like a relationship. I've been with my girlfriend now for exactly 22 months today. And I have to say- I NEVER expected to find someone. I was 19 when we met, and though we were both single, it took me forever to ever ask her out. As all of you have mentioned, dealing with Crohn's was enough, I wasn't even thinking about a relationship. But as it worked out, she has become the most important thing in my life. And if I'd never gotten the courage to invite her to a simple movie one day, I'd be without her.

Now that doesn't mean anyone NEEDS to have a significant other. All I want to convey is that you DO NOT need to be at "optimal health" to spend time with someone. If your Crohn's is a little active, then deal with it! It's awkward I admit, but if the person is worth being with, they will understand. Even from the beginning.

Here's to hoping all of you find happiness- even if it doesn't at all involve a significant other. Learning to love yourself and to be comfortable with yourself is so vital. You need that before you should be thinking about a relationship.
 
It's always encouraging to hear from others who found someone. I'm so glad you found love and that your illness wasn't an obstacle. It gives those of us singlefolk hope that there are good people out there who will follow their heart even if we can be difficult to be with.
 

Similar threads

M
Active flare with Scleritis
Replies
1
Views
620
my little penguin
my little penguin
L
Isolated Perianal Crohn’s - new here
Replies
1
Views
605
MrWheat
M
N
Any powerlifters here in the Crohn's Forum?
Replies
0
Views
962
NeverBeenEasier
N
R
Nearly 4.5 years in with Crohn's.
Replies
2
Views
1K
ras96mg
R
valleysangel92
Hello Old Friends
Replies
1
Views
294
my little penguin
my little penguin

Latest posts

Back
Top