Hey everyone so I'm relatively new here but I felt like I really need to get this off my chest so I apologize for the wall of text >.<
I'm a 20 year old m, 2 years ago, in the middle of my spring semester of college, I began having trouble with hard stools. I was frequenting the bathroom a lot have these bowel movements with traces of blood. 3 weeks later I went to the doctor and he gave me some laxative and a referral to a gastroenterologist to do a colonoscopy. Upon my first visit there, the gi checked my behind and said I had a fissure, I received topical medication for that and scheduled for a colonoscopy a couple of weeks later. That scope only found internal hemorrhoids so gi chalked up my symptoms to my diet. A couple of weeks after that, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and had bloody diarrhea with severe stomach pain. Dad took me to the Er but they didn't find anything and said it was probably a stomach virus. Now starting at this point I began having bowel movements 3-5 times per day, it wasn't diarrhea, more normal stoolish, but if I hadn't used the bathroom in a while, it would become hard. Prior to my original bout of constipation, I went once a day.
Fast forward a year and I'm in the Er again, my stool had become so hard, I couldn't have a bowel movement, I could feel it right at my anus but it just wouldn't come out. They gave me an enema and a laxative but it wouldn't come out. I ended up being discharged cuz of a huge snowstorm coming, still having no bowel movement. Upon arriving home I finally had one and resumed the new normal 3-5 times a day routine. Had another visit to my gi and he blamed my diet and told me to increase fiber.
Fast forward a year to June, and I have another anal fissure. Except this time I had a painful bump I could feel when I wiped. It got so painful I could barely sit down. This bump ended up bleeding and disappearing a couple of days later. Went back to my pcp and he looked and said he saw nothing. A couple of days later the bump came back, another couple of days later, it bled, this happened twice more before I went back to pcp while the bump was still formed. He said it was an abscess, potentially a fistula, and prescribed me antibiotics and told me to come back in 2 weeks. 2 days later I went to the ER cuz of the side effects of the Meds were affecting me pretty badly, the nausea and extreme fatigue, I even fell off my bed at one point. The Er Doctor took a look at my behind and said I had an abscess and told me to see a gi ASAP and that I might have Crohn's. They did a blood test and said I was ok and I was sent home. The day after I went to the Er, I had 3 bowel movements that had normal stool formation but we're completely red. I had to go to another gi cuz my normal one wouldn't see me till 2 weeks later. This new gi said I could have Crohn's as well and immediately referred me to a surgeon at another hospital who drained it. The surgeon said it could probably end up becoming a fistula, I've had 3 follow ups since then with him and he's said that it really is likely a fistula is forming.
I ended up seeing a new gi last Monday, the partner of my original one. He listened to all my symptoms and said I could have Crohn's too, the only problem was my clear scope from 2 years ago. He ordered a blood test, an Mri of my pelvic region, a calprotectin test, and another colonoscopy on this Thursday. 2 days later, he called me and said that everything on my blood test was perfect, I had no anemia or anything, except there was a part that confirmed inflammation in my bowels and was indicative of Crohn's. I gave my stool to the lab last Thursday for the calprotectin test so no results from that yet and I had the mri yesterday, gi will receive results tomorrow. I have bowel prep tomorrow and the scope early Thursday morning.
I have felt heavily stressed and scared throughout this entire period. I have a fear of public bathrooms as well so going out is difficult for me. During this past week, my bowel movements have increased to 5-7 per day, 2 days where it was 9 and 11+ respectively. There was normal stools, diarrhea, and hard stools throughout that. The draining abscess occasionally has blood when I wipe after bowel movements for the past week and I panic at the sight of it (surgeon says its a small amount). This morning it was leaking blood after my first bowel movement of the day but it soon stopped and hasn't bled for the 3 other bowel movements I've had so far. Im scared of sitting down and having the abscess bleed. I'm scared of the bowel prep and the colonoscopy worrying that something'll go wrong and I'll die
I'm just in a really bad place right now. I'm scared of potential surgery for my maybe fistula. I'm scared of the future. I've occasionally had suicidal thoughts but haven't been really serious about that
I'm a 20 year old m, 2 years ago, in the middle of my spring semester of college, I began having trouble with hard stools. I was frequenting the bathroom a lot have these bowel movements with traces of blood. 3 weeks later I went to the doctor and he gave me some laxative and a referral to a gastroenterologist to do a colonoscopy. Upon my first visit there, the gi checked my behind and said I had a fissure, I received topical medication for that and scheduled for a colonoscopy a couple of weeks later. That scope only found internal hemorrhoids so gi chalked up my symptoms to my diet. A couple of weeks after that, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and had bloody diarrhea with severe stomach pain. Dad took me to the Er but they didn't find anything and said it was probably a stomach virus. Now starting at this point I began having bowel movements 3-5 times per day, it wasn't diarrhea, more normal stoolish, but if I hadn't used the bathroom in a while, it would become hard. Prior to my original bout of constipation, I went once a day.
Fast forward a year and I'm in the Er again, my stool had become so hard, I couldn't have a bowel movement, I could feel it right at my anus but it just wouldn't come out. They gave me an enema and a laxative but it wouldn't come out. I ended up being discharged cuz of a huge snowstorm coming, still having no bowel movement. Upon arriving home I finally had one and resumed the new normal 3-5 times a day routine. Had another visit to my gi and he blamed my diet and told me to increase fiber.
Fast forward a year to June, and I have another anal fissure. Except this time I had a painful bump I could feel when I wiped. It got so painful I could barely sit down. This bump ended up bleeding and disappearing a couple of days later. Went back to my pcp and he looked and said he saw nothing. A couple of days later the bump came back, another couple of days later, it bled, this happened twice more before I went back to pcp while the bump was still formed. He said it was an abscess, potentially a fistula, and prescribed me antibiotics and told me to come back in 2 weeks. 2 days later I went to the ER cuz of the side effects of the Meds were affecting me pretty badly, the nausea and extreme fatigue, I even fell off my bed at one point. The Er Doctor took a look at my behind and said I had an abscess and told me to see a gi ASAP and that I might have Crohn's. They did a blood test and said I was ok and I was sent home. The day after I went to the Er, I had 3 bowel movements that had normal stool formation but we're completely red. I had to go to another gi cuz my normal one wouldn't see me till 2 weeks later. This new gi said I could have Crohn's as well and immediately referred me to a surgeon at another hospital who drained it. The surgeon said it could probably end up becoming a fistula, I've had 3 follow ups since then with him and he's said that it really is likely a fistula is forming.
I ended up seeing a new gi last Monday, the partner of my original one. He listened to all my symptoms and said I could have Crohn's too, the only problem was my clear scope from 2 years ago. He ordered a blood test, an Mri of my pelvic region, a calprotectin test, and another colonoscopy on this Thursday. 2 days later, he called me and said that everything on my blood test was perfect, I had no anemia or anything, except there was a part that confirmed inflammation in my bowels and was indicative of Crohn's. I gave my stool to the lab last Thursday for the calprotectin test so no results from that yet and I had the mri yesterday, gi will receive results tomorrow. I have bowel prep tomorrow and the scope early Thursday morning.
I have felt heavily stressed and scared throughout this entire period. I have a fear of public bathrooms as well so going out is difficult for me. During this past week, my bowel movements have increased to 5-7 per day, 2 days where it was 9 and 11+ respectively. There was normal stools, diarrhea, and hard stools throughout that. The draining abscess occasionally has blood when I wipe after bowel movements for the past week and I panic at the sight of it (surgeon says its a small amount). This morning it was leaking blood after my first bowel movement of the day but it soon stopped and hasn't bled for the 3 other bowel movements I've had so far. Im scared of sitting down and having the abscess bleed. I'm scared of the bowel prep and the colonoscopy worrying that something'll go wrong and I'll die
I'm just in a really bad place right now. I'm scared of potential surgery for my maybe fistula. I'm scared of the future. I've occasionally had suicidal thoughts but haven't been really serious about that 
