Wanting to be brave... considering dating

[ProspectorsQuartet]

Hey Community!

I am undergoing treatment that has made me a bit more hopeful recently. I sometimes think about things that are usually unthinkable such as dating.

Knowing the long term with CD will likely always hold challenges, I have gotten the feeling that it would be so much nicer to be with someone who also has an IDB condition as we would be able to be more understanding of each other up front and more likely supportive when the hard times come.

Does anyone have any experience with trying to meet people post IDB diagnosis and any thoughts on avenues for trying to date a fellow IBDer?

Thanks!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

Hi ProspectorsQuartet, welcome to the forum. There is a support group on the forum for singles living with IBD, you might want to check out that group. Here is the link:

http://www.crohnsforum.com/showthread.php?t=48232

Hopefully they can provide you with some info and support! Good luck!

 

[ProspectorsQuartet]

Thanks! I was trying to find this earlier and failed.

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

You're welcome! Always happy to help.

 

[CLynn]

I was dating one guy when diagnosed in college, then finally broke up with the jerk and the first guy I dated after is the man I am married to now. I was too stubborn to let Crohn's take all of my life, so I refused to give up on life, love, marriage and children. And I don't regret it at all.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

If you want to date someone with IBD you can certainly join the singles support group, participate in the local sub-forum, goto a CCFA support group in your area. You can also try prescription4love.com

 

[EvieBaby]

Hi everyone I'm glad I've just come across this! I've been single for nearly a year now, and just when I feel like I want to go out on a few dates, the crohns is playing up and I don't know if I could cope with this as well as meeting new people!

 

[jwfoise]

Does anyone have any experience with trying to meet people post IDB diagnosis and any thoughts on avenues for trying to date a fellow IBDer?

I come, in a sense, from the complete opposite direction. My wife has had Crohn's for a long time, well before we ever met. But I found out big time what that meant within a couple of months of dating, on our first out-of-town trip together, when she had a serious problem and we ended up in the ER for a couple of hours.

The happy ending is we've been marrried almost 23 years.

Within the last 10 years I've been diagonosed with UC. So we are really fellow travelers now (though her Crohn's is much worse than my UC).

One of my points is that I wouldn't worry about meeting a fellow IBDer, just meet someone nice, and the rest will work out.

But if you want to meet a fellow IBDer, maybe there is a local chapter of the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation, or a similar group, that you can become active with.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

So I'm considering joining an online dating site. What are some good ideas for a username. I don't really wanna put my name in case the person is a stalker but maybe something fun coupled with ny and my age?

 

[CeeCeeGo]

NGNG
I like that. But also NY + your age.
I met my hubby in a chat room 15 years ago. Started out as mates and quickly changed to soulmates. We have been through a lot especially during the last year with my diagnosis, emergency surgery and everything since - but I could not have done it without him.
If you do join, just take it slow and only reveal what you feel comfortable with.
Have some fun with it and if it is anything like this forum, it could be great.
Let us know how you get on.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I think I'm going to do it in a few more weeks when I'm hopefully fully back on my feet. But it's fun to plan my profile now lol.

 

[Kev]

Hi PQ

I am trying the dating scene at the present. It so far has been a 'daunting' challenge. If you factor in I'm old, have a chronic incurable illness, and drive a garbage truck to earn a living... well, you can see why I'm not exactly the knight in shining armor women yearn for.

I've gone the online route out of sheer necessity. With the work I do, the hours I work, and the energy levels from Crohns AND aging... well, I really didn't have any other viable options. I wouldn't recommend one site over any of the others. It really isn't the site at issue. It is knowing/deciding who on these sites is there for a legitimate dating situation Vs those who have other agendas. I have chosen to be very upfront about my medical situation. There have been a few who immediately lost interest at that point. But better to get it out of the way (or at least that is my opinion) and to move on, than to pursue something that might develop at the start; only to crash and burn when the truth comes out. I don't beat people over the head with my health.. typically it starts out with a.. What do you do for a living? If they 'survive' the news about my work, then I will typically add.. I didn't always do that, I used to do this.. which often merits the question.. Why the career change? Anyway, the point behind my long winded story is... not everyone I've met has cut and run at the mention of my health problems.. AND some have conveyed their issues to me... and a dialogue starts from there. The benefit to me has been... I always (since diagnosis anyway) sort of perceived myself as less than I was before getting ill. Like I was 'damaged' goods. The more people that I have met in the 'dating' circle, the less that notion seems to have a hold on me. You know what I'm trying to say? The 'person' out there for you doesn't have to have IBD to accept you as the person you are... regardless of your IBD. 'They' do exist. All one needs to do is narrow it down to the one who is most right for you, the rest is easy. (God! Listen to me giving dating advice... can you hear Ann N Abbey spinning in their graves?). That 'hard' part is putting yourself out there. I won't go into the numerous perils of online dating, regardless of gender. But, after all, life is full of risk, right? Good luck.