What do I do?

[ThatGuy2006]

I have a question...part of this is me venting some built up aggravation over the last few days so excuse me if it comes off a little angry sounding.:voodoo:

Anywho, recently I have made some big changes to my diet by taking out alot of the sugary, artificially flavored junk foods and started going for things that are healthier. I also stopped eating red meat and I've seen a difference. I am 20 and still live at home because I havent been able to keep a job long enough to save up money for my own place. My mom is pretty good about helping me out, but it seems like I get no support from anyone but my girlfriend. For example, I asked if everyone could start eating better because it would help me stick to it. They did for about a week and now its back to fried this and sugar filled that...

I can't do this by myself so my question is, whats the best way of going about getting support from family members, because as of now...it seems like they don't really care.

 

[Cookie]

I think we have all been in that position where it feels like a family member or friend does not care or is not giving us the support we need, but in most cases, I have found that it's not that easy for them either because they just don't know what is expected of them. I think the fact that your family was willing to try to eat healthy, even if it only lasted for a week, shows that they really do care and want to help. Unfortunately, it may be up to you to really help them understand how they can help you. For instance, help your mother plan meals. Go to the grocery store with her and educate her on what kinds of foods she should buy and what to avoid. Maybe even get her a subscription to a health magazine. It's funny because I have spent so much of my life educating myself on diet and nutrition that I just assume that everyone else has this same knowledge that now seems to me to be common sense. I am so often floored by how little people actually understand about nutrition if they have never made it a part of their lives. Really try and drive it home to your family that this is very important to you and as an added bonus they will be helping theselves as well!

Try not to get too down on them...they really do care! Hope this helps a little.

Good luck!

 

[Mark33180]

I know how you feel. my friends have basically done the same things, and they are pretty good about the whole food thing, but they have basically learned what i can and cant really have and try to go placed to eat where i can have something to eat. its tough but it shows that they do care and do try. Just take it in stride and see if they will be more willing to continue working with you.

 

[ThatGuy2006]

@ Pen:

Part of the problem is that I've bought a book or two and encouraged them to read it after I did. I also try to tell them as much as I can so they can understand too. As far as sugar, I get the occasional sweet tooth but I actually prefer foods that aren't sweet.

@ shady:

I've told her that if she would give me the money I needed, I would plan meals and do the shopping.

@ mark:

I'll try to be more patient, its just frustrating. You would think after 5 years of dealing with this that people would at least understand a little bit, but I guess it takes more time than that.

Thanks to you guys who've replied thus far! I hope everyone knows that this forum has been a godsend for me and that everyone's support has helped me get through some pretty rough patches. Thank you guys/gals!!!

 

[katiesue1506]

I would agree with E Cameron... I wouldn't expect others to change their lives because of me... I mean just because I'm diagnosed with a disease and have to alter my life, should they have to change theirs too? Its not really fair that we, as Crohn's sufferers have to do this, but its WAY not fair for normal people to have to either if they aren't wanting to.

I mean theres no reason you can't just eat differently than they do. If they have a huge fried chicken, just bake some for yourself. If they are wanting cake... have some fruit. I come from a family that doesn't eat meals together though... so its not a huge deal here.

Ultimately its a change that you have to do for yourself... no amount of them changing for you will change you. Your family can be supportive without going through it with you.

 

[daisy_dueller]

In my house, there's just me and my husband. He's usually pretty good about eating the same things that I do, but every once in a while, he wants a normal meal! I don't blame him, either! sometimes I'll make him up a big steak, or bacon and eggs...just so he doesn't feel deprived. Say I'm making rice and chicken (the usual at our place, mostly)...I will make some stir fried veggies with sauce for him to put on his rice, and maybe separate his chicken and put some spices on there for him...it is kind of strange having to make 2 meals at once...but it works, and we're both happy at the end of the day.

It's hard to ask people who don't know what it's like to change. I think it's something that you might have to take on by yourself for the time being. do your own shopping, and see if your mom will let you have a shelf that is just food for you, so you have somewhere to go to everytime you are hungry...and you will actually be able to eat what's there!

 

[ThatGuy2006]

@ E Cameron & Katiesue1506:

I don't expect them to change their diet completely, that would be selfish. It's just seeming to be more and more impossible to find a middle ground.

I have talked to her about doing my own shopping and she seems open to the idea, so we'll see where it goes

 

[Guest]

i hope you can find a compromise - one which makes you feel supported and independently in control of your diet at the same time. i agree that it's probably a bit too tall an order to ask your whole family to change their diet permanently for one person, but i wonder if you would feel more relaxed about it all if you felt more supported, and your condition more understood. maybe ask your mom to come along to your next GI appointment? or sit down and have a heart to heart with your family.. tell them exactly how Crohn's makes you feel, physically & emotionally.

some of us look like we're coping, when really we're not. and others around us don't realise just how difficult things are for us, unless we spell it out. good luck!

 

[katiesue1506]

I went back through and read my post and it came out really harsh. I'm sorry about that... this morning I had just woken up and was posting my thoughts in that direct order without even thinking about it. More like I just listed things that came through my brain... anyhow, I wanted to apologize and say that basically its going to be really difficult to get your whole family to change when they don't really have an incentive like you (feeling better).

And I completely agree with what ding has said... maybe your mom could come with you to a GI appt. I bring my mom and that has made her really understand me and my disease, and I don't feel so alone about it.

 

[kello82]

yeah i agree that planning meals for everyone that suit you would be a good start. then they might go "oh hey this is ok, we can live without the fried whatever or steak dinners"
i understand what you mean about a middle ground too. i did the SCD for a few months and its very restrictive and theres no way that i wanted my family to do it as well. we had some family dinners that suited all of us, and if their were nights when they wanted something i couldnt have, then i would just cook myself something different.
i also tried to keep things on hand that i could just pop out when i was in a situation with food i couldnt eat. make a meal or two ahead of time and just put it in the fridge, that way you have it when you need it.
sympathy was hard for my family to understand, and maybe that is where part of your frustration in your first post stemmed from? pizza was my HUGEST craving while i was on the diet and believe me everyone was very aware of that. yet i cannot count how many times someone elses piece of pizza ended up in front of my nose as i crucnhed on my salad. like i said, i didnt want them to not eat something just b/c of my, but a little discretion and consideration would be nice.

 

[ladyB]

I think after nearly 20 years of CD, it has come down to me.
I feel a lot better if everyone around me helps me make my food and is encouraging to my eating habits.
Not that they have to eat like I do, but that they respect my food.
My hubby and dad will cook my food seperatly when they cook (WHEN is a big word...lol)
But it has only been in the past few years that I have learned how to get along with everyone else getting to eat things I can't.
If they all leave my food, that I CAN eat, alone, and help and encourage me, it goes smoother for me.

Good luck, and don't give up the food battle...lol

 

[cheeky]

Just to clarify the point I was trying to make: The more you try to force people to adapt to your disease, the less supportive they'll become. You'll have to find that "happy medium" that requires an acceptable amount of change from them and from yourself. For your family, dinner time and eating habits will be something that will require some toying with to get right.

yes i agree.

think of this... if it's hard enough for you to adapt new healthier eating habits and you have a disease that kind of makes you have to do it, imagine how hard it must be for people who don't have an excuse/health reason to change their eating habits.

 

[CD68]

I can't do this by myself so my question is, whats the best way of going about getting support from family members, because as of now...it seems like they don't really care.

Getting someone to change their eating habits is hard! Think about this, the biggest health problems we have in the US right now, diabetes, hypertension, heart problems all mostly due to poor eating habits. Most people can't change their eating habits if their lives depended on it, literally.

Some six years ago I went on a weight loss diet that restricted my foods to only certain things...I was dragged along to restaurants with nothing on the menu that I could eat, I was tempted with buffet bars full of desserts, I bypassed birthday cakes, beer, etc. No one else around me was dieting but my husband was supportive because he continued to make room in the budge for the expensive foods that I wanted. I lost all my weight.

Fast forward, a couple of weeks ago I decided to cut out the sugar. I'm down to eating eggs, cheese, unprocessed meat and diet drinks. No carbs, no fiber. I'm feeling a lot better but again no one around me is doing this. I had to watch my husband eat the most delicious looking pizza. I don't think it's so much that no one cares but more that they have their own issues!

I keep reminding myself that there will still be macadamia and white chunk cookies for sale when I'm feeling much better and can afford to cheat a bit. That is my mantra. I'll get my turn one day, and who knows if at that time one of my loved ones will be trying to watch what they eat because they desperately need to lose weight. Pay back, baby! ;-)

 

[D Bergy]

Change of this type is usually incremental. It is hard to make a drastic change, but your family will gradually change their ways once you start. It will be slow but the slow changes are the ones that usually stick.

Congratulations on making such a wise decision. Good eating habits are really important since somuch of our food has little nutritional value.

Dan