Why Me??

[agirlwithadisease]

I always thought my life meant something til the day i came down really sick. Things just changed from there and now it is hard to keep moving on. I mean like someday i am okay then there are day where i am stuck on the toiletstinks like everyday and after while it gets old. i just don't know why people have to get hurt in order to find out there purpose in life. i am only 20 and i am having a hard time dealing with things. Why did God put diseases that are uncureable to his people. I feel like it might be my fault because i did alot of things wrong when i was younger and i thought that god has punished me. and til this day i still think that, now when i got sick my mum thought it was her fault because i would tell her that i didn't want to go to school because i didn't feel good and she made me and then once i started to hunch over badly she would put her knee on my back and lift me straight until i stood up. and same with my mum til this day she thought it was her fault and i tell her no its not because she didn't do anything wrong.

Sorry for the long speech that just how i feel and i just want to thank you guys for reading this and not judging me. and i can feel like i am apart of a family now thank you <3

 

[Jennifer]

Its nobodies fault and certainly not your own. The exact causes of the disease aren't fully understood but its more than likely that you're a carrier of the disease and it simply decided to affect you for whatever reason be it environment or stress etc. It was not within your control basically. I do think that you would have likely been diagnosed sooner if your symptoms had been taken more seriously in the past but the past is the past and you can't dwell on it. Stress is a known trigger for flares so these thoughts aren't helping but I know its hard to not think about what ifs and why me and all that business. I still struggle with it sometimes and even lost my faith because of this disease. Maybe the disease was a test that so far I've failed, who knows. Just remember that its not anyone's fault and remission is possible for everyone, sometimes it just takes a little longer for others or unfortunately surgery for some to get there.

Edit: By the way, your life isn't over yet. It still means something and you still have the potential to make it even more meaningful.

 

[PsychoJane]

I'll second Crabby,
It's definitively not YOUR fault or anyone's specific fault. I'll add something, it may worth thinking about it. Like you, I have been sick with crohn quite early, at 14 I was severely ill from it. Like you I had those questions that would pop up in my mind such as the classical "Why"s and "What": Why me?, Why know?, What have I done to deserve this?, etc, etc. For me they still come up when I go through harsher times. But one thing I can tell you is that I one day took that whole causality story and turned it to my advantage. When I kept wondering what I had done that could cause it, or what from the exterior could have caused it. I started to see it the other way around. If I were to be the cause of it, that would mean I could revert it and make it better and if someone or something around me were to be the cause of it, I could "protect" myself from it and once again make it better. It's not science, it's not proven, but I believe we can do a lot with our minds.
I don't know if that saying from Lavoisier is common in English but we frequently hear it in French: "Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed." I've manage to base my inner speech on that and to kinda gain control over my own situation if I may word it that way. I like to think I have a bit of control over what is happening, it helps me to stay strong when dealing with adversity.

It is just my two cents and I hope it may help you

 

[EthanPSU]

I feel like it's just something unique about me. Like I know it's bad and everything but I see it as a kinda good thing, like it's a convo starter, so don't look at it with any aspect of whos fault it is. Look at it with a positive attitude

 

[agirlwithadisease]

I feel like it's just something unique about me. Like I know it's bad and everything but I see it as a kinda good thing, like it's a convo starter, so don't look at it with any aspect of whos fault it is. Look at it with a positive attitude

you are right, although it is well sometimes hard to do that but lately it's been good. It does make me different in your own way but at the same time it doesn't make you stand out in the crowd well that's what i think. I now realized that i have found a group of people who are just like me in there own way with CD or UC. Other days i think and dwell on it and i guess that's what makes me start to flare up. So thank you for putting it in a positive way :ysmile:

 

[agirlwithadisease]

I'll second Crabby,
It's definitively not YOUR fault or anyone's specific fault. I'll add something, it may worth thinking about it. Like you, I have been sick with crohn quite early, at 14 I was severely ill from it. Like you I had those questions that would pop up in my mind such as the classical "Why"s and "What": Why me?, Why know?, What have I done to deserve this?, etc, etc. For me they still come up when I go through harsher times. But one thing I can tell you is that I one day took that whole causality story and turned it to my advantage. When I kept wondering what I had done that could cause it, or what from the exterior could have caused it. I started to see it the other way around. If I were to be the cause of it, that would mean I could revert it and make it better and if someone or something around me were to be the cause of it, I could "protect" myself from it and once again make it better. It's not science, it's not proven, but I believe we can do a lot with our minds.
I don't know if that saying from Lavoisier is common in English but we frequently hear it in French: "Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed." I've manage to base my inner speech on that and to kinda gain control over my own situation if I may word it that way. I like to think I have a bit of control over what is happening, it helps me to stay strong when dealing with adversity.

It is just my two cents and I hope it may help you

i was diagnosed when i was 18 but they thought it was younger and no body one anyone side has CD or UC so that is why i am like what happen why is it me like i had my life all planed out and now it is ruined so i lost my way in life because of this disease and when i was younger i was in marching band and went to other places and now i don't even want to pick up my instrument because i am scared if i blow to hard will i start to flare or will my (Guts come out haha) but i write poems and songs based on how i am feeling with my disease and i think that will get be far because i plain on being a poet like a famous one Hopefully.

Thank you for your Quote "Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed."

it really opened my eyes to things

 

[agirlwithadisease]

Its nobodies fault and certainly not your own. The exact causes of the disease aren't fully understood but its more than likely that you're a carrier of the disease and it simply decided to affect you for whatever reason be it environment or stress etc. It was not within your control basically. I do think that you would have likely been diagnosed sooner if your symptoms had been taken more seriously in the past but the past is the past and you can't dwell on it. Stress is a known trigger for flares so these thoughts aren't helping but I know its hard to not think about what ifs and why me and all that business. I still struggle with it sometimes and even lost my faith because of this disease. Maybe the disease was a test that so far I've failed, who knows. Just remember that its not anyone's fault and remission is possible for everyone, sometimes it just takes a little longer for others or unfortunately surgery for some to get there.

Edit: By the way, your life isn't over yet. It still means something and you still have the potential to make it even more meaningful.

No one in my family has UC or CD and i just feel like What the Heck peoples what i do... you know what i mean? i try to tell my mum thats its not her fault that shit (sorry) does happen and no one can control it and i know it's hard but i have to live with what i have so thank you <3

sometimes i wish i had been diagnosed sooner because i might be okay with it right now but now that i am older i had plans for my future and now its out the window:yfrown:

 

[PsychoJane]

plans for my future and now its out the window

You're life does not end with Crohn. Yes you have to keep in mind that it is likely that you will have roller coaster events ahead. It is quite annoying at times but by all means, don't cancel out your dreams and project and what not. Our situation are all different, our disease will act differently from one another but take one minute to scroll up and read Crabby's signature : "Currently in: REMISSION for 13 years and counting!"
I've had 10 years without a single manifestation of Crohn or at least nothing serious enough to make me want to seek for medical attention and that being said I am a bit of a hypochondriac at times so believe me, if something seems slightly suspicious, i'll be the first to have it checked out. Yes I had to get surgery when I was really sick, but I've been able to live my life fully at times. I've traveled multiple times, backpacking, without caring so much about my health. I was not being only naive or neglectful. I was caring for my condition but I won't restrict myself from living my life fully. For instance I went around Cuba's island by bike for 2 months and I haven't been sick once (well yes once, I ate too much coconut flesh and that is seriously not something I would suggest to any crohnies... lol). I study, like many others. It's gonna take me longer to have my degree, but ill have one and I haven't chosen what I would call a "crohn friendly" career.
I don't want you to think I'm suggesting you to do crazy things but I want you to keep in mind that your life is not over, that it is important to have plans and hope and dreams. I've had deception too, I had to give up on certain passion at times and do compromise but the pendulum always came back and allowed me to enjoy something else fully!

 

[agirlwithadisease]

You're life does not end with Crohn. Yes you have to keep in mind that it is likely that you will have roller coaster events ahead. It is quite annoying at times but by all means, don't cancel out your dreams and project and what not. Our situation are all different, our disease will act differently from one another but take one minute to scroll up and read Crabby's signature : "Currently in: REMISSION for 13 years and counting!"
I've had 10 years without a single manifestation of Crohn or at least nothing serious enough to make me want to seek for medical attention and that being said I am a bit of a hypochondriac at times so believe me, if something seems slightly suspicious, i'll be the first to have it checked out. Yes I had to get surgery when I was really sick, but I've been able to live my life fully at times. I've traveled multiple times, backpacking, without caring so much about my health. I was not being only naive or neglectful. I was caring for my condition but I won't restrict myself from living my life fully. For instance I went around Cuba's island by bike for 2 months and I haven't been sick once (well yes once, I ate too much coconut flesh and that is seriously not something I would suggest to any crohnies... lol). I study, like many others. It's gonna take me longer to have my degree, but ill have one and I haven't chosen what I would call a "crohn friendly" career.
I don't want you to think I'm suggesting you to do crazy things but I want you to keep in mind that your life is not over, that it is important to have plans and hope and dreams. I've had deception too, I had to give up on certain passion at times and do compromise but the pendulum always came back and allowed me to enjoy something else fully!

i just don't want to do something and turn around and have to give it up. like i want to work but every where that i go no one will take me because i would always have to use the bathroom and i can't help it and i just wish that the boss or who ever would understand. now i have to go thur a program so that i can get a job and go to a good college and i wan't to go to college for marching band and a nurse.

i thought i would become a nurse to help people who have cancer and CD and UC and other things reason why is because this Disease has inspired me to help people at any age. but part of me is sick and i don't want them to get worse and me get worse at the same time

 

[Jennifer]

agirlwithadisease there are people on the forum who are currently going to college and who have finished school (I have my Masters in Fine Art, sculpture) and there are people on the forum who are nurses. Remember that remission is possible and you wont be running to the bathroom constantly. I'm currently in clinical remission (means you do have some symptoms but not an uncontrolled flare) and I do care giving for my grandparents and sometimes the stress did get to me (it would with anyone who worked 5 1/2 days a week for 24 hrs a day) but never threw me into a flare (I only work with them two days a week now though, long story). Doesn't mean it isn't possible to flare again but there are always ways to get them back under control so you can continue with work or school or whatever.

You should check out the Success Stories section of the forum here (mine is in there too): :http://www.crohnsforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5