Why me?

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Ssnuff

Joined
Feb 18, 2017
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So I was recently diagnosed with crohns. Like a month ago. I have 2 small children, and a husband, and a house full of pets. I used to be a happy, always busy, nothing got me down kind of person. Now all I want to do is lay around the house and watch tv. Part of the reason being, I'm scared to not find a bathroom in time, and the other part I'm so embarrassed by how skinny I look. This has put a tole on my marriage, my kids, my family, my house needs attention. I feel like I have nobody. Both my parents are alcoholics and are hard to rely on. I don't want anyone else around me until I gain some weight. I have had 2 doses of remicade and am supposed to go for my 3rd this Friday. But my kids have the flu and I feel awful. I don't know if it's the flu or my crohns. My husband has zero sympathy for me. He has been working all
The time so he doesn't have to deal with everything. Somebody please tell
Me it's going to get better. Please
 
I am so sorry for all you are going through. Yes, it will get better. I hope the Remicade works for you. If not, keep pushing the doctor for the right mixture of medicines.
 
It's a rollercoaster ride for sure. Try drinking smoothies with added coconut oil to add calories. Honey in it ads a lot too to help and ensure. I enjoy them. Play board games with the kids. With less energy you can sit on couch and have a table there and you both will love it, I've done this. Is there a local church organization youth group. They will do chores sometimes.
Take care.
 
Oh Ssnuff, you poor possum. Of course it will get better, although it is hard to see how that is possible when you feel so down. I have a household much like yours. Try to push household needs out of your mind and do the bare minimum. Regarding leaving the house, I am much like you too, except that I am enormous. Pop a sanitary pad on for security, eye makeup to distract (and make you feel a bit better), and clothes that make you look bigger. Try to shop when you think it will be emptier so you can be quick. In dire need you can take an immodium or similar for a longer outing, but they can back you up for days so use very sparingly.
You are on the big guns medication-wise, so you are on the right track. As Ron said, keep pushing until you find the right fit for you, even though it is an exhausting thought right now.
Forgive yourself and lay on the couch. Getting a diagnosis only a month ago is an enormous thing to get your head around. It will take time to get used to.
Can anyone take the kids for a playdate to give you a break? Do you have a close friend in whom you can confide that you feel like crap and need a hand?
Your husband is probably adjusting too. Is he at least helping with the kids when he is home?
I still give myself permission to have a couch day and wallow in my misery. Be kind to yourself. You are going to be ok. There is loads of support on here to make up for what you are not getting at home (although we can't vacuum your house for you).
 
Thank you all for your replies. Especially the last one, I almost started to cry a little. My boys are 3 and 4. The 3 year old was just diaganosed with ADHD. Nobody wants to watch him, not even family. He is awful. He would never sit I play a game, or even watch tv. Honestly, and I would never tell him this, I think dealing with the stress of him is what put this disease in full blown action for me. My husband is just as stressed out with him and now dealing with a sick wife. But he gets to leave for long periods of time. Even if it is for work. He's a good dad when he is around though. He's just very old fashioned. The housework is my job and he goes to work. He will do something if it is out of control, or he needs clothes or dishes etc. but he's not happy that he has to do it. I'm very domestic, and have been our whole marriage until now. I just want him to understand I need help now so I can go back to being my old self. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself. I have been known to do that. I was thinking about getting some ensure drinks. Thank you for that suggestion.
 
That is certainly a lot to deal with. It there a private place where you can go and have a screaming tantrum? Maybe drive around the corner and park somewhere - I do this ALL the time.
Could you say to your husband that you can only do small tasks at a time and ask him what he would like done as a top priority? If you can manage that one then you ask what next? If you can't manage it, then say "this one is up to you. Sorry".Have you told him what you need, or is that a conversation you aren't comfortable with? Alternatively, could you pay for a cleaning service to come and get everything to a more manageale state?
My kids are 16 months apart, so I know how much of a handful they are. Could the 4 year old go for a playdate by himself? I know you would still have your hands full with your 3 year old, but would that help?
 
Ssnuff,

It is OK to cry and ask why me? Sometimes the tears help. I know that type of feeling. Feel free to vent to me any time. pm me if you need to, that's cool. I understand how hard this disease is and I will try to help.

cmack
 
Hi there. I totally get you. I'm a mum of 3 (aged 4, 9 and 11). I'm a stay at home mum and over the last few months the house has fallen behind. So has my attention with the kids, attention with my husband yadda yadda.

But the way I see it, is life goes in swings and roundabouts. You don't get the good without the bad and to get back to the good you need to get through the bad. If you haven't already, I suggest talking to your husband and telling him what you need. If that doesn't help then I strongly suggest relationship counselling. My husband and I did it when we had only 2 children and it helped immensely.
Try not to go down the why me path. I know it's hard not to when you're feeling so miserable in all aspects but it won't help. Put your focus on getting better x
 
Hi Ssnuff, I really feel for you as I'm having a little pity party for myself today as well. It's frustrating and difficult and exhausting having an illness like this, especially given that you still have to deal with everyday life while trying to navigate this illness. You've only been diagnosed for a month, so try to be gentle with yourself. I think most of us go through a grieving process with this illness, so it's okay to feel sad or depressed or angry or whatever you're feeling. You thought your life was going to be a certain way, but now you have a chronic, incurable (but treatable) illness and everything has changed. It's okay to be upset about that, and it's okay that you haven't yet fully absorbed what that means. It's still early days so be kind to yourself, it's okay. And it will be okay.

Stress doesn't cause the illness, but I believe that stress can definitely set off flare-ups. I think that's what set off my first ever flare as well, 7 years ago I had a ton of job stress (my department had a lot of cuts and went from 10 people to 2, I was one of the 2 that got to keep my job but I had to take on a ton of work from the 8 people who got cut, and shortly after that I had a flare up and have never been the same since). I hope you can find productive ways of dealing with the stress of your ADHD child - does the child qualify for any sort of therapy to help with the ADHD?

As for the housework, it can wait. My mother once said to me that she wishes she spent more time with me when I was growing up, but she doesn't regret having a messy house most of the time. She said, nobody ever looks back on their life and says, I wish I had done more laundry! So don't beat yourself up over the housework too much. Hopefully once you're over the flu and once the Remicade has had more time to work, you'll be able to do a bit more - but again, don't beat yourself up if you can't. In the grand scheme of things, housework is not that important but your health is.
 
Yes give yourself a break it is so new. You are in the grieving process right now. Children that get bored easy can love doing chores. I know the push broom or rag on windows or change the laundry over was loads of fun for a few years. I bought a little broom and mop and the dust buster and it might work the the little one.

Thoughts and prayers.
 

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