Work got me down- can you relate?

[Jer's Girl]

I am having a hard time right now and just needed some support.
For the most part, I can’t complain about my health compared to last year, but I am pretty sure I am not in remission anymore since I have been having pretty bad D and C for the last few months now off and on. I have also been very low energy, and just basically not feeling very good. Still, livable, but it does get me down from time to time.

I am mostly just upset because I have been working in the same place for six years and haven’t gotten the promotion I deserve, and a woman who has been working here for less than a year just got promoted above me (she went to a different department to get it, but still). Her gain is not my loss and I am happy for her, but it was still a slap in the face to me. Even though I know I do as much work as everyone else around here, if not more, I feel that because I have had to be out sick as much as I have, my bosses and co-workers don’t always trust me to be able to get the work done, and don’t really understand how much I do despite my illness. I have remained the low man on the totem pole, and I am convinced it is because of my health.
Working is so hard for me as it is, but feeling like I have been passed over because I am sick is the worst. I find that the hardest part of this disease is trying to work while I feel like crap all of the time, but I still manage to get what I need to get done, done.

When I got passed over for the promotion I was supposed to get last year, I just wasn’t up to fighting it, and also I felt like I was lucky to still have a job after all of the time I had spent out of work and in the hospital. This year however, I have taken on all kinds of new responsibilities, and I have been set up so that I can work from home when I am too sick to come into the office. I know that the reason that I haven’t gotten my promotion yet is that I haven’t demanded it, but that sort of thing is hard for me.
On the other hand, I feel a little like this might be life telling me to make some changes, so I am contemplating weather or not it is time to move on. It is just so hard to find work right now, even if you are well, and I do have the luxury of working from home sometimes where I am now, which I am grateful for.

Anyway, I just needed a vent this morning. I’m not quite sure if I can stay in such a high stress job, especially if I am not even being recognized for my work. I just wanted to know if anyone else can relate to what I am going thorough. Have any of you been passed up for a promotion or disrespected at work because of your illness? Does anyone else consider working to be the hardest part of this disease?

 

[Terriernut]

Yes Nicole, I do understand! I've been told I'm 'not myself' at work. Umm, is that because I have a bag now??? What does that mean?? One long stint in hospital and surgery...once in 6 1/2 years!!!!??? Taken off a money earning site. Frankly because I dont look 'hot' anymore with a bag?? WTF?? Put on dead site and will make no money. Thanks.

I remember fondly being a realtor in the US and making my own hours. Course, that would be bad right now! But back then, it was great. Ok, sometimes it was 70 hour weeks. But I think some of us should consider our own businesses! Sadly the world economy is terrible right now, but there must be some opportunity?

You, like I may have to bide our time for now. But soon, well, we'll get out there and make our lives better.

:ybiggrin:
Misty

 

[LOSTnut]

I can relate to that too. After my emergency surgery my She-Devil told my daughter that I didn't need to worry about my job, it would be there when I am ready to return to work. Mind you, that her and I never got along all that well but still ... it was a decent job and I liked the work.
So, after finally feeling better and got in touch with her several times and finally last Saturday she called me and told me that my position had to be filled, which she did by hiring a PERMANENT replacement and that my job in the sense that I did before I became sick doesn't exist anymore. The new person can handle it all and there is just no work for me anymore.
Not that I expected anyhting less after she didn't respond to several of my emails and calls about when I can return to work.
The company is too small to have FMLA so I basically don't even have legal ground to go after them.
And, to make matters worse I wasn't even there for a whole year, which looks reall good on the resume (sarcasm off) especially at my age.
Sometimes I do wish bad things will happen to people who treat us like second class people because we are sick due to no fault of our own.:mad2:

 

[Terriernut]

Bad things WILL happen to them, no need to worry about that Lostnut!
I hope you can heal up very soon and find a place that will treat you right!
Misty

 

[Jer's Girl]

Thanks for the support guys. I’m sorry that this is happening to you to, but unfortunately, I’m guessing there are a lot of us Crohnies out there who have had similar experiences. People just do not understand chronic illness at all I have found. I think a lot of people feel like, well okay, you were sick and we get that, but shouldn’t you be all fixed up by now? How ‘bout now? How ‘bout now? You don’t look sick, what’s the problem? It is very frustrating, and it is really getting me down right now.

 

[dreamintwilight]

Sorry to hear you re going through this, Nicole.

You do deserve to be recognized for your efforts, despite your illness. I know it seems there are more terrible employers compared to good employers when it comes to these matters. Whatever you decide to do (push for recognition or look elsewhere), I hope your boss can empathize with you and listen to your concerns. I struggle with fighting for myself at times, so I can understand why you said it's something that doesn't come easily for you.

Either way, take care of yourself and I'm praying you find the strength to do what's best for you!

 

[Jer's Girl]

Thanks Marisa. I know you have struggled with work issues too because of this disease. I know last year was hard for you, looking for work. How are things going for you now? Still at the bank? Sorry if I have missed some posts. I try to keep up with everyone on here, but with welcoming newbie’s, and dealing with my own stuff, unfortunately a lot of posts slip by me, and I’m sorry for that, especially when it comes to people who have been there for me in the past like you have.

So I talked to my boss today, and she told me that while I am exactly on track to get my raise, She said that they couldn’t justify increasing my grade last year because, although I somehow stayed on track even though I was out sick as much as I was (which she said she was impressed by), and got everything done that was asked of me, I was still out, and therefore not increasing my skills here which would have lead to a grade increase. Can’t say I disagree with that one totally. She also admitted that they really didn’t know how much I was doing around here (same thing they told me last year). So, clearly I need to toot my own horn a lot more.

So it was a pretty frustrating conversation, but I guess I am on my way to getting my raise, although I have to wait until reviews come around again. I don’t really know how I feel about all of that, but that is where things are. It isn’t fair that my illness has gotten in my way, but life isn’t always fair.

I’m feeling pretty bummed still. Work issues really get me down.

 

[dreamintwilight]

Hey Nicole - Things are going alright for me. I don't work at the bank anymore. I quit after 3 months. It just wasn't what I wanted to do and it stressed me out. So, it wasn't worth it to me to stay there. I enrolled in a creative writing class as a way to find the career path I may want to pursue long-term. It's been a lot for me. I've got 2 weeks left and I cannot wait. But, I've been looking for work again. Right now, my husband and I really just want to be out od debt and actively working toward some day buying a house. With how things are currently, that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. So, I really need to find some sort of work, but obviously something I enjoy doing and doing at least for a while to get us out of the hole we're in right now.

I had a job offer from Banana Republic just last week and I turned it down because the pay was so low I couldn't justify sacrificing my weekends and rearranging routine medical stuff that we always schedule on weekends and evenings (2 prime time ranges for work shifts for the job). I was glad I made the decision in the end because I found out how rude and unprofessional the hiring manager was when I told her I was going to pass. Thank goodness I didn't say yes and have to put up with that!

I was lucky that the managers at the bank were understanding of my illness. I obviously wasn't there for very long and it wasn't affecting my ability to work, but they knew about my condition and asked me about it. One of the manager's wife was going through cancer treatments, so he could empathize with dealing with medical issues. But, I've struggled, even in the interview process, with when/if I would tell my employer and what would happen down the road if I flared up again.

I really admire everyone here that is dealing with their illness actively AND working. I just can't imagine doing both at the same time. I'm glad you were able to talk with your manager about being passed over. It does sound like they had a somewhat legitimate reason for doing so, but that doesn't make it suck any less now does it? LOL

It really is hard to "sell yourself" when that sort of thing doesn't come naturally. I have a problem doing that sort of thing and I KNOW I'm an extremely loyal and dedicated person when it comes to work. Why can't managers just be better at noticing?

Hang in there, Nicole! Sounds to me like your employer does acknowledge how hard you work, so that is a huge plus! Give it a little time to sink in before you make any decisions. The conversation is still fresh and you're entitled to still feel crummy about it.

Take care of yourself

 

[Jer's Girl]

Thanks Marisa! I often wonder if I will always be able to work and manage this disease, but for now I am sticking to it. My husband is perfectly willing to be the only bread winner if it comes down to that, but it would be hard on us financially, and we are also hoping that buying our own house could be in our future.
I feel better about things today. It will all work out, and if nothing else, I am lucky that I (knock on wood) am a lot healthier than last year and have managed to stay out of the hospital for the whole of 2011 (whoo hoo!).
Basically it comes down to:
A) you never get anything if you don’t ask for it and
B) Life isn’t fair and people are going to judge you if you are sick.
The challenges that we are given are what makes us stronger!

 

[dreamintwilight]

Glad to hear you are feeling better about it today! It's nice that you have a supportive husband. Mine is the same waywhen it comes to being the sole bread winner. He tells me all the time that he wishes he could just take care of me so I wouldn't have to worry about working. But, that's just not our reality! Haha. I guess the only thing we can do is take it day by day, you know?

I agree with both of your statements! And you are right..."it will all work out."

 

[shamrock15]

My previous job was working at a bank - big one that had night time hours. I found out that it was evening and night shifts that gave me difficulties. Even when I could prove to them that the nights were the problem, I couldn't arrange accomodations. I changed employers and careers, and while it has been a financially challenging time, it has possibly been the best decision I have made in my life. While I am not symptom free, I am certainly in far better health since leaving. I made sure that I took anything that I could to prove how strong an employee I was there too. Hope you find a good employer (at least up here in Canada an interviewer is not allowed to directly initiate questions about health).

 

[Jer's Girl]

Thanks Shamrock. I certainly have a lot to think about right now job wise. I'm starting to think the money might not be worth the stress.