You know your farts are bad when...

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Ok time to be truthfull.... You know your farts are bad, when they happen at school and the people you work with think that there is a dead animal in the basement....!

I didn't know if I should giggle or run. The next day I was out of work with a bad flair, but honestly.... I didn't know what to say. They had the custodian down there looking for some dead animal!!! Ohh can't believe I just admitted to that, but everyone on here has had their moment too......

Woops!
 
My dog and I shared about 2/3 a pound of ground turkey an hour ago. We're currently having a biological war and I'm not sure who is winning. Neither of us I think.

I'm glad I'm home alone...
 
David said:
My dog and I shared about 2/3 a pound of ground turkey an hour ago. We're currently having a biological war and I'm not sure who is winning. Neither of us I think.

I'm glad I'm home alone...
Click to expand...

I'm thinking that it's a lose-lose situation...:eek:

~Lisa
 
I know my farts are bad when my husband gets out of bed and sleeps on the couch.

Or, I know they're bad when my own eyes water from it.
 
When this disease hit, and the effects of that on the odours emanating from me became apparent, I realized my days as a network administrator were behind me,, and anything else related to working indoors in confined spaces with innocent people in close proximity.

Thought I'd made the ideal 'new' career choice. I became a garbage man. My co-workers dealt with the most noxious of odours known to man on a daily basis. My little episodes would certainly go un-noticed, or at least unheralded. Right? WRONG!!!

Somehow, (and, WARNING, following language not suitable for minors or those easily offended), in my new work environment, I've earned the title of 'Stinky Old Bastard'.

When you stand out amidst the stench of garbage, then you know your farts are bad.. real bad
 
My farts have been so bad at one time that I've been able to clear out a full isle in a craft store or a good portion of a small gift shop...wouldn't have been so bad, but my poor Mom has been with me and had to smell it along with the customers. Sorry Mom:(
 
You know your farts are bad when:

...the cat just stares at you and gives you the evils before standing, stretching and jumping to the floor.

...your hubby stops trying to compete cos I always win

...pull the fingers games are banned - due to the stench

...you are walking in a shopping mall and you sound like a trumpet as you fart with each stride for about ten metres

...you share a bed with your hubby - but you have seperate duvets to keep your own smells in

That's my top five so far - I am a great farter
 
You know your farts are bad when you sleep with the window open, in the middle of winter

...When you do not DARE to get into your car after you had a souvlaki sandwich for lunch

...when your kids play "drop dead" everytime you pass next to them
 
you know your farts are bad, when family and friends go to different rooms after you eat as they know it will onlly be a matter of time till you start and they don't want to be anywhere near you.
 
epic-fail-probably-bad-news-a-foul-blow1.jpg
 
You know your farts are bad ;
-when they come out so hard and fast that your bum feels like the back end of a jet engine with the after burners full on!

Gra
 
Gra said:
You know your farts are bad ;
-when they come out so hard and fast that your bum feels like the back end of a jet engine with the after burners full on!

Gra
Click to expand...

You must either know someone close or work with airplanes like my husband does:lol: Btw our chickens have pretty bad gas too. Sometimes they're about as bad as something that we pass, along with the diarrhea too:)
 
When you have to get your couches reupholstered from the permanent stench hehehehe


Febreeze only works so well, even the extra strength pet smell remover
 
During my cousins daughters dance concert, I was hanging to fart for like a half hour before intermission. I rushed to the toilet as soon as intermission started, and there were only 2 cubicles in the public toilet closest to the exit. I sat down to let out one explosive fart after another, and when I opened the door, there was a que.
You know your farts are bad, when an entire line of people busting to go to the toilet, scrunch up their faces as the smell hits, and all of the sudden aren't so eager to use the toilet after you.

And lol dusty....yep, when your undies need a change. But I rarely wisper in my nickers, I groan and shout....lol
 
Well, it wasn't one of mine.... but years ago, when we were kids (well, teenagers) we were coming back from vacation... Little did our parents know that our teenaged cousins we had visited on vacation had fixed us up with a big old batch of moonshine. Yeee HAW!!

I think our folks were too exhausted... or else just happy for the peace N quiet amongst their brood of usually constantly bickering kids ... to notice that we were all pretty quiet.
Travelling hungover isn't fun. My younger brother was sitting in the back seat of my Dads stationwagon between my younger sister AND her best friend. I was ... napping in the very back of the wagon. My baby sister was in the front seat between Mom N Dad, and my baby brother was in Moms lap... in the days before seatbelts or even childrens car seats. You get the layout? Well, my younger brother farted... apparently affected by the moonshine. Thankfully, I was passed out... but my sister N her girlfriend weren't.
They were closest to it when it 'hit'... and their immediate reaction was spontaneous. They both threw up.... True, the shine they'd consumed might have played a part in it, but it was still priceless...
 
Stoma Farts are the worst lol
:shifty-t:
they come from the stomach so naturally they have that RIPPING hollow sound.. and then your bag fills with air, (note to self get bags with the charcoal filters)

then you have to go somewhere to vent the bag, (hopefully you have spray with you)

:yrolleyes:
 
...when people think the neighbor's septic tank is backed up lol

I went to a lodge meeting the other night, my bag (of course) was full of air, then another stoma fart happens and I blew a gasket! the plastic seal between the bag and flange opened from the pressure and the air came out... no one knew it was me because the wind from the open windows blew it to the other side of the room...

they were all looking out the window thinking the neighbor's septic tank was backed up.. that is how bad it smelled...

I took advantage of this distraction and snuck out to the bathroom and let out the rest of the air, put in some deodorant drops, sprayed the bathroom and walked back in as innocent as bananna creme pie. lol
 
Farted in the van, hubby says "what's that stench?" Told him that methane was odorless. He says "then what am I smelling?" Says I, "The farticles"
 
Kev said:
When this disease hit, and the effects of that on the odours emanating from me became apparent, I realized my days as a network administrator were behind me,, and anything else related to working indoors in confined spaces with innocent people in close proximity.

Thought I'd made the ideal 'new' career choice. I became a garbage man. My co-workers dealt with the most noxious of odours known to man on a daily basis. My little episodes would certainly go un-noticed, or at least unheralded. Right? WRONG!!!

Somehow, (and, WARNING, following language not suitable for minors or those easily offended), in my new work environment, I've earned the title of 'Stinky Old Bastard'.

When you stand out amidst the stench of garbage, then you know your farts are bad.. real bad
Click to expand...

Oh wow...that was hilarious!!!
 
you know your farts are bad when the damn things wont stop
:sign0085:

Im sitting here at my desk and have to open the damn bag to let the air out every 5 minutes..

I had a bowl of Ice Cream earlier... I think that gave me gas? :confused2:
 
Well, if it wasn't lactose free ice cream, it might have. Have you tested yourself to see if you are also lactose intolerant? It is fairly common amongst people with different types of IBD. I found a lactose free ice cream... there were 2 flavours.. French Vanilla and Double Chocolate.... I say were... apparently they stopped making it. Lack of buyer demand...
 
well I can eat cheese and tollerate milk in my coffee and cereal, it probably was the ice cream lol.. I usually have frozen yogurt. We have a Froyo here in NJ with all kinds of flavors..

I was told i was lactose intollerant back in 91 but never really had a big problem with it..
 
Some cheese is loaded with lactose, some isn't. Even chedder loses it the longer it ages. And milk is bizarre.... skim milk has more lactose than 3 1/2% whole milk. Go figure. All it would do is probably increase the amount of flatulence... which can be pretty hard to distinguish when dealing with Crohns. I caught on to my issue with it by keeping a daily food journal of everything I ate (something my IBD dietician had suggested that I do).. Since LDN, I really don't bother; but prior to... I was fighting constantly to avoid flares and struggling to maintain any improvement I could muster up.
 
I was picking up my kids from Sunday School, and let a (rare) quite fart slip out... All the moms started checking their baby's diapers.....
 
This page is the best, have had a great laugh ! thanks to all who contributed, I can relate really well...
 
Last edited:
Omg-this is good stuff. Just found this page. I've had an internal pouch for 22 yrs.
I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm sure I've changed lives forever.
 
OMG this made me laugh so hard! Especially the post about the "farticles" I love that everyone can poke fun at this often embarrassing body function, I always have to laugh at a fart! This story isn't about me but a friend of mine made himself throw up from his own fart! That made me laugh for hours and we still talk about it.
 
I was awoken by what I thought was my dog, to which I yelled at him to get out of our room, my wife gently grabbed my arm and let me know it was not the dog, it was me, and the sound is what had woken her up.

Nice!
 
My farts stink so bad, that I can no longer blame the dog or the kids. EVERYONE in my family can now recognize the smell, and say "OH MOM!"
 
After a miserable few days enduring the pain/ inconvenience of my current flare-up these pages were a welcome relief! One of the doctors I've seen referred to these symptoms as "foul farts" - sums it up pretty well, I think!

I was working in empty offices one Saturday, with a friend (we were updating computer software). He was working the ground floor, while I had the top floor. I had to let a "foul fart" go and carried on working then, about fifteen minutes later my friend finished downstairs and came into the room. His instant reaction was to say, "Wow, it's like the death-chamber of farts in here!" I was a bit embarrased, but couldn't help laughing! :) I've since been diagnosed with Crohn's/ UC (jury still out) so at least he's sympathetic, and still a mate!
 
You know your farts are bad when...
... You get air freshener and a 2000 pack of matches for Christmas and Birthday presents.
 
Irene3 said:
During my cousins daughters dance concert, I was hanging to fart for like a half hour before intermission. I rushed to the toilet as soon as intermission started, and there were only 2 cubicles in the public toilet closest to the exit. I sat down to let out one explosive fart after another, and when I opened the door, there was a que.
You know your farts are bad, when an entire line of people busting to go to the toilet, scrunch up their faces as the smell hits, and all of the sudden aren't so eager to use the toilet after you.

And lol dusty....yep, when your undies need a change. But I rarely wisper in my nickers, I groan and shout....lol
Click to expand...

Irene, LMAFO(laughin my angle face off) Thanks! Maybe I'll be able to go to sleep happy now. :lol2:
 
skippy111 said:
well I can eat cheese and tollerate milk in my coffee and cereal, it probably was the ice cream lol.. I usually have frozen yogurt. We have a Froyo here in NJ with all kinds of flavors..

I was told i was lactose intollerant back in 91 but never really had a big problem with it..
Click to expand...

Skippy, If the ice cream had high fructose corn syrup as one of the first few ingredients, that could have been the problem.
 
amyh said:
I was picking up my kids from Sunday School, and let a (rare) quite fart slip out... All the moms started checking their baby's diapers.....
Click to expand...

...it's always the quiet ones.... So which baby was lucky enough to get a diaper change? Tee, hee.
 
:rof::rof:Thanks everyone! Got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.... I think my stomach muschles got stronger too...:rof::rof:
 
Crohn's farts are so bad one could permeate an entire city block. Someone has your favorite seat at the movies, just work one up, you can sit anywhere you want.
 
Forgive me Doug, I can't help it ...

you know your husband's farts are bad (Doug is the one with crohn's) when:
...after he has been in a room, any one coming in yells "gas masks"
...several hours after Doug has been in the car, I open my passenger side door and gasp, "oh, you have been here Doug"
... the spoiled dog, who likes to sleep between us, under the covers, will occasionally come out, gasping, then sleep on top of the blankets, giving Doug a dirty look,
...I have to clean the leather recliner often, not because it is dirty, it just smells.
...full faced C-pap masks don't help,
...I can tell the instant Doug goes to sleep, not from the sound he makes with breathing, but the sound he makes with his behind. tornados do sound like freight trains.
 
by the way, you know you are getting lazy when you tell your husband you just posted and where when he is only one and a half rooms away (a bath room in between)
 
Using a public toilet at a wedding reception one night when I was in a bad way, heard a bloke come into the toilets and say to others at the urinal "holy crap, he must be dead in there with a smell like that".
 
We have names for different kinds being 2 in the family have Crohn's and the other ones are lactose intolerant. We have milk farts (obviously from dairy and they have a certain odor), crop duster farts (keeps going as you are walking), chair thunder (extremely loud but not too smelly) and OMG something died inside of you.
 
I just know it's bad when somebody says they are going back to the bathroom because it was less smelly in there.
 
Similar to the "crop duster farts," I often play fart ping pong with my 14 yo daughter who, though (fortunately) is disease free can, nonetheless, fart at will. We blast back and forth in rapid succession until someone either runs out of ammo or sharts.
 
Kev said:
Well, if it wasn't lactose free ice cream, it might have. Have you tested yourself to see if you are also lactose intolerant? It is fairly common amongst people with different types of IBD. I found a lactose free ice cream... there were 2 flavours.. French Vanilla and Double Chocolate.... I say were... apparently they stopped making it. Lack of buyer demand...
Click to expand...
find a Jewish grocery store they should have 'parev' (deary and lactose free) ice cream
 
You know your farts are bad when the smell of sulfur suffocates the room you are in :p

(FACT: women's farts are smellier but men produce more gas than women when they fart. The more you know..... :p)
 
I work on a production floor where the noise is loud enough to mask trombone emulations and the ceiling high enough that the fumes quickly go upward.

One time I felt one coming on, made sure the coast was clear and let 'er rip. Then these two maintenance techs came stumbling out of a machine they had been working inside, gasping for air and each in denial "it wasn't me!". This was over twenty feet away. Then they saw me with a sh!ta$$ grin on my face "it was HIM!"

The machine they were working inside had an exhaust vacuum, and it drew the fumes in. :yfaint:

Around here the good stories don't go away, and that was one of them. Hey I ain't proud.
 
I know my farts are bad when I can judge the state of my insides by the specific scent, like a sniffer dog, despite having a very weak sense of smell.
 
We had gotten lost, pulled over to figure out 'where are we?' when partner say, OMG, what did you do, that smell, that stench, I know it was you!! I DID NOT DO IT!! back and forth we went, til we noticed parked close behind us was a septic truck cleaning out someones tank! We still laugh about it.

More of a "it wasn't me" but is that what they are compared to? lol.
 
Allie, our Boston Terrier, is spoiled and sleeps under the covers with us, usually in the crooks of our knees. The other night, in the middle of the night, she jumped out of her skin and was trying to claw her way out desperately. I couldn't figure out why until I tried to help her out and opened the covers ...
(Sorry, dear!)
 

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