Anyone get married during Crohn's....?

[ibdoer]

Hey guys. Recently diagnosed with Crohn's. I'm doing fairly well on Mesalamine alone right now, which is good, but I have read a lot on how unpredictable this disease can be.
Anyway, I got engaged about a month ago to my girlfriend of 6 years. We are having an engagement party the end of February, and she has started planning for the wedding which is gonna be in October of 2011.
There is a lot of money and a lot of planning for this one big day, and it is putting a lot of stress on me.
I cant stop thinking of the worst. What if I am in a serious flare that day? Or even worse, I end up in the hospital.
She is aware of my situation and I tried overiding the wedding day thing, but you know how girl's get with their wedding day (no offense ladies). I explained to her my fears, and all she said was that "anything can happen to anyone on their wedding day". She has a valid point but still. It is really freaking me out. I keep thinking about the worst.
Please share your thoughts and/or experiences.

 

[CrohnsHobo]

Just try to stay calm and relax, if you work yourself up you are going to make things worse.

I had intended on proposing last fall to my GF, but I was in a flare and just felt lousy and decided to wait until I started to feel better. So hopefully sometime this year.

 

[Peaches]

Oy! This is such a psychological type question buddy!! I didn't get diagnosed formally until a year and a half after my wedding, but believe me - I was sick as MESS on my wedding day. I probably drank (because liquid was all that was available 15 years ago) half a bottle of Imodium before the wedding. It worked! I got through it and the reception just fine. Can you imagine being the GIRL in the wedding with the BIG white dress etc and having to run to the bathroom?? Talk about anxiety :O) Didn't happen - but don't think I didn't fret about it.

She is right about anything can happen - and that is just reality. So - with that thought in mind - the best you can do is make sure you are settled with this choice (because isn't that were a lot of people's stress comes from - making sure this is what they want?) and get straight with her what her expectations are of YOU for the planning part of it. Communicate that stress can cause your disease to worsen and so you need to plan the planning (crazy, I know) to keep the stress down as much as possible. I bet you'll be fine - and your day will be EXCELLENT!! Visualize it that way...and it will be :O) Good luck and congrats!

 

[imisspopcorn]

Never put off happiness...that's my number one rule......It took me a while to learn it.....try not to worry, and help her out with the preparations. If you have a better idea about what is going on, maybe you will feel more in control of the situation.....

BTW, you are an awesome guy for letting her have this special day.

 

[Brad P]

That was a concern on my mind too back when I got married in 2006. Luckily I never had any issues during that time and my wedding day I felt pretty good minus my nerves haha

But the days, weeks, months leading into my wedding I would wonder if I may have a bad day that day, or a flareup, etc. But that is really out of your control. In the meantime, any signs you may be going downhill in the final days or short weeks prior your wedding day, act on it quickly. Call your GI or doctor. I am sure they would try and help you out.

Also, be careful what you eat prior your wedding day. Eat what you know won't bother you and don't take chances. I do recall watching what I ate and even the amounts.

 

[Mountaingem]

I got married about 2 years after diagnosis, and everything went fine. What helped me was to delegate as much wedding prep as was possible and that helped relieve alot of stress. I also had a scaled down wedding-we did the whole traditional thing but on a smaller level. You guys can still have the wedding she wants but in a way that you aren't overwhelmed. You not being stressed out will help alot towards your big day being healthy for you.

 

[alexandros8]

Hey ibdoer,

I've had Crohn's since '01 and I got married in October of '08. I had similar fears leading up to the big day. As you are already aware, weddings can be stressful. Stress can lead to flares, so its best you stay relaxed, as others have said. Here's my $.02:

-Plan everything early. The earlier you plan, the less stress you will have as you get closer to the big day. There will no doubt be surprises, but the better you plan the more prepared you are to deal with them.

-Ask a friend (best man, maid of honor, wedding planner, or all of the above) to help. Delegating to people you can trust will help you feel better and thus stress less.

-TALK about everything, to your fiance, to your friends. Keeping an open dialogue will help lower stress.

-Know that at the end of the day, you're going to be married. Thats all that matters. Everything else is small details. Keep this in mind the week before. It will all turn out great.

-If you're able (and don't), exercise can make you feel a lot better and clear your mind.

-Stay on top of your condition (don't let it slip while you're busy with everything else). Make regular (and maybe a bit more than regular) visits to your doctor, don't miss medications, etc. If you feel changes, act on it! Call and report them in, and go in to the doctor if its necessary.

I think that covers my advice based on my wedding experience. Congrats on the engagement, and good luck! Feel free to ask if you have questions!

 

[uab grad student]

I did. We ran to the courthouse, which was much less stress than a ceremony (this is my second marriage so I didn't need all the fuss). The thing is, there isn't a cure for Crohn's so it isn't going away... No matter what, you will have to get married during Crohn's (but maybe not a really bad flare, like I did) unless you just don't get married.

I think life goes on and if your fiance loves you they are prepared for life with you, including your Crohn's. Another thing, is a wedding is not marriage--even though formal ceremonies are great memories, I would limit your stress as much as possible b/c what matters is your commitment to each other.

 

[ibdoer]

Thank you all for your kind words and responses. I really appreciate it. But its not really the marriage part that stresses me out. Its the fact that I keep thinking the worst. "What if the night before I'm hospitalized for a blockage or something crazy like that". I can't get that stuff out of my head. Anyway, I guess I just need to wish for the best. Thank you all!

 

[saidinstouch]

I'm getting married in two months and my fiance completely understands what I am going through. She is very supportive and knows we'll get through the day just fine. The absolute BEST thing you can do (and should be done by EVERYONE getting married) is to buy wedding insurance. That way if something prevents the wedding from happening (i.e. crohns flare) you can simply change the date for a small deductible. Granted some things like location and vendors might be hard to come by and there would be a delay to redo it, but it protects your investment in the celebration for friends and family.

My policy cost like $375 for 25,000 of coverage. It also includes a $25 deductible for if a vendor cancels last minute, I can get a new one at the cost I payed and an additional 2000 of added cost (since finding a vendor day of can be costly and you cant be picky). Also, it protects things like your wedding gifts from being stolen (assuming you are responsible) and from breaking I believe. I went with a company called WedSafe(www.wedsafe.com) if you want to look into them. Also, a lot of wedding facilities require you to have 1,000,000 in wedding insurance anyway, at least they do in the San Francisco area.

Good luck with your wedding planning. It is a lot of fun, especially the food and cake tastings! The wedding insurance is my absolute biggest peace of mind that I have and for such a low price, you'd be crazy not to provide yourself with the same.

 

[D Bergy]

I have never seen a perfect Wedding yet, and I am sure yours will be no exception. I have never seen a worst case scenario, and this is not likely to happen either. You cannot prevent unforeseen problems, so there is no point in worrying about them. You can use my rule of thumb. If it is not going to kill you, it is not worth worrying about.

The point of the thing is you will be married when you are done. So as far as accomplishing your objective, you should be fine. The rest does not really matter.

I am so old I hardly even remember my wedding anymore. I could not tell you what went wrong, because I do not remember. I do know I am still married, and that is all that really matters to me.

I hope it is a wonderful experience.

Dan

 

[Tan]

I wasn't actually diagnosed when I got married in May last year but I started to have small issues leading up to my wedding like a kept getting a stomach bug (most likely a small flare now thinking back) I think this was due to stress! Everything Alex said is spot on to making it less stressful leading into the wedding. My downfall was that I completely stressed out the week before the wedding and was so nervous on the day that I made myself sick (probably another flare) I woke up on my wedding day after minimal sleep I had nausea, vomiting and the runs!! Lovely just what you want while trying to get ready. But you know what I had the best day of my life even with how sick I was. I got to marry the love of my life and have him stand by me knowing that he will be there for me thru the best and worse times of my life. And we have had some shity times over the last six months with dealing with being newly diagnosed with crohns. Unlike peaches I did run to the bathroom alot at the reception to vomit or cause I have the run!! Lovely.. I have to say during the actually ceremony and photos I felt great I think I was just soooo happy that my mind wouldn't let my body react negatively. But at the end of the day you can't control everything and like Dan said no wedding is perfect thats for sure it poured down the whole weekend of our wedding but I still wouldn't change a minute of my day!
Good luck... no matter what happens it will be the best day of your lives

 

[shazamataz]

I understand! Not the getting married thing but the having something big coming up and worrying about how you will feel/manage on the day!

I am a wedding photographer (occasionally) and a couple of months after hospital and diagnosis I had three wedding to do within a month. I was petrified about it because it is such a big responsibility! I arranged with my doc to not reduce my prednisone too much before then so I didn't flare up again. I also arranged an emergency back up person to do the job if necessary, although one of the weddings was hers!

I guess the hard part of Crohns is planning ahead as you don't know what's going to happen. You can certainly keep an eye on things in the weeks leading up and get some pred if needs be to get you through it! Good luck!

 

[Pirate]

ibdoer, I don't have any advice for you, but I would like to say. Congradulations to both you and your bride-to-be. I wish you many, many years of happiness and never ending love.

 

[Nyx]

I don't have anything to add either (never been married myself), but congrats to you and your financee. I wish you many years of happiness!

Cindy