Bullying :(

[hbonsky]

I know we have all talked about this before but I have to vent. My son, now in 1st grade is always being picked on in school or on the school bus. It is frustrating. They make fun of him at school for wearing pull ups. Today he said a kid hit him in the face and gave him a nose bleed and he also said a kid said he would break his glasses. A few days ago another kids squirted him with water on the school bus and he came home wet. He says he gets pushed around alot. Seriously, these are 6 year olds... I don't understand where this type of behavior comes from. Really hoping it doesn't get worse. Thinking he needs to learn how to defend himself. Any advice on what I should say to him to help him with all of this?

 

[Lisa]

FIRST thing you need to do is contact the school and make sure they know this is going on! If necessary, go right to the principal and if possible put this in writing. Document what is happening with your son, names of any children you can get, this needs to be stopped NOW before it escalates any further.

Did the school do anything when your son was given the bloody nose? I personally don't care if it is 6 year olds or 16 year olds.....what starts at a young age, if not nipped in the bud, will continue to escalate as the children get older.....

Do the other kids know/understand that your son is ill and the reason for him to wear special clothing? Maybe an educational session with the teacher and children might be in order too.....

 

[Farmwife]

Find out the schools anti-bulling rules. Every school has to have one and adhere to it. If they don't you can then hold the school responsible.
I believe Michigan just passed a law on bullying. I'm not sure but I think it did.

 

[Lisa]

http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/nevada.html

 

[Mehita]

Yes, most definitely contact the school and tell them what is happening. Document everything your son tells you and follow up with it. Does he have a friend or older student who can sit with him on the bus? I think at this age, kids don't always understand what bullying is, but older kids do.

I don't know if this is true for your little guy, but I remember my son being very small and shy and sort of had this hangdog look to him. This was pre-dx so we weren't aware of his health issues and how miserable he was feeling, but looking back, I think his body language, demeanor, and (unhealthy) look just screamed "weak" and kids took advantage of that.

When he was 7, he asked to try karate. I wasn't entirely on board because I just thought of it as fighting, but I've since learned its so much more. He's currently a black belt and has this quiet confidence about him. He's still small and shy, but seems to carry himself taller and have more of a presence. He doesn't have that "weak" look to him any more. It's hard to describe, but I think karate gave him this along with regular exercise and a goal. In the back of my mind, I also know he could defend himself if needed, but in a smart sort of way.

I don't know if that's something your little guy would be interested in, but it's something I'm glad we did. Yes, there were times when he needed to take a break for flares and things, but overall it's been a good thing. Just a thought.

 

[Jison0612]

Contact the school and make it clear that if they start it he can Forsure finish it self defense dosent have a age requirement it's a good lesson learned all around!! I hate bullies!!!

 

[my little penguin]

All of the above contact the school ASAP principal and the teacher .
Most schools will deal with it quickly.
Hugs

 

[Devynnsmom]

Def go straight to the principal. If you don't get anywhere, contact your school superintendant. Your poor little man

 

[Ams-Qld]

I'm so sorry!! Hugs to you both :ghug: kids can be just awful!! I second all those comments previously, I hope the school acts quickly and draws a line in the sand for those bullies!

 

[killcolitis]

This is shocking and heartbreaking. Why do the other kids know that he wears a pullup in the first place? That should be confidential and it's up to the school to make sure that it remains that way as part of confidentiality around 504 plans. I would go to the school asap as others have said and put all of your concerns in writing demanding immediate action. If they don't then take it further asap, don't give them too much time to dither as this is very serious.
Your poor little guy. I hate that this is happening to him and at six years old it's outrageous. You can do some roll playing with him ie. what to say to the bullies but if they're actually violent I would not want to encourage them. I've not actually heard of physical violence at that age (I have a six and seven year old). I hope you get this sorted very soon.

 

[Brian'sMom]

I hate hearing this. Why do kids have to be so mean!! I agree to go to the principal. And also have him/her talk to the bus driver. This should not be happening on there either. I also think the principal should get these kid's parents notified.

 

[GutlessWonder86]

if someone is laying hands on your child, that's assault if you think about...they gave him a bloody nose and caused him harm. Most schools should have a 0 tolerance policy. If not, I'd see the principal and bring the brat in who harmed your son. If the bully doesn't stop, heck I'd file assault charges on this kid and get a restraining order if the district doesn't do anything.

Nobody should be laying a hand on your child. NOBODY.

 

[hbonsky]

I did have a meeting with his teacher about this and she is working with the kids who say stuff about the pull ups. I think the other kids know just because sometimes they are visible of his shirt or pants move. Like I can see the top of his pull up when he is playing. I try to put longer shirts on him for school so this is less likely. He is little so as Mehita mentioned, he is little for his age so he may appear more weak. I never actually heard about the nose bleed or lip bleed from the school. Maybe they assumed it was an accident. Zachary did tell me that his teacher talked with one girl who laughed at his pull ups. He does say that he has other friends that he plays with and he says he stays away from the mean kids. He is also in a small school so there is no counselor that works there that helps in these situations.. I'm thinking about finding one for him to talk to. It is a good school and I'm sure they will help.... It is just sad that this happens to him at school and sometimes the teachers don't see it happen.

 

[Farmwife]

I don't know if this will help but I've done it for Grace who's four. Put his "BIG BOY" underwear over the pulls ups. That way if any show they see just the regular underwear.

 

[CrohnsKidMom]

This is horrible! Like the others, I'd definitely be contacting the school.

 

[Johnnysmom]

I am so sorry you and your sweet boy have had to deal with this.

I agree with all the advice above. I would only add that it might help to have him practice some appropriate responses. What he can or should do when a bully approaches him. I was a school social worker and we did that often with kids.

As a parent I would want to know if it was my kid that was bullying. I would try to talk to the parents of the kids who are the biggest problem. In my experience most children don't behave that way, it is usually one child that is especially aggressive or mean that changes the dynamic for the whole group.

 

[polly13]

I am absolutely heartbroken to read your post, my daughter is 5, so I can appreciate how upset you are that your little boy has to go through this. You seem to be doing everything right talking to the school and trying to build his confidence. Like farm wife s suggestion of putting the big boy pants over the pull up. Hugs to you
Xx

 

[momoftwinboys]

It broke my heart to hear your son is dealing with bulling at such a young age. I hope the school takes appropriate action.:ghug:
I second what Mehita said about martial arts. My son wanted to take it because he always felt smaller than the other kids. He and his brother both got their black belts in tae kwon do this fall. It is amazing to watch the kids gain that quiet confidence as they move up in the ranks. It is about doing YOUR best, setting and achieving goals and yes, the ability to defend yourself. If you have any questions about what to look for in a place feel free to PM me.

 

[Sudsy]

Great idea about wearing underwear over the pullup. Unless he has very bad accidents, I would also consider cutting the top few inches off the pullup and seeing if it's still comfortable/stays up (with underwear over it, I would imagine that it would, but try it tomorrow just to be sure!). That's always the giveaway with pullups, that giant band that goes halfway up the kid's back!

I also agree with the martial arts idea. My older dd did karatefor about 4 years when she was first diagnosed and it was a HUGE help with her working through her feelings about her illness and feeling strong in her body. (fwiw, we attended a parent-child class so I took as well! It was lovely to bond over!)

The only thing I don't agree with is the idea of you contacting the other parents on your own. I am a school nurse (private school) and I have never read of professional advice suggesting that parents do that (my guess is b/c relatively few parents who are called are not going to get defensive over the idea of their little "angel" bullying your child). Is there a school nurse at your son's school? We are very helpful to have on your son's side! When our school did not have a guidance counselor, that was one of my functions as well....(not saying I did it as well as someone trained in that field).

Please contact your school's principal and make it clear that you have ZERO tolerance for bullying. The school is very likely to have that same policy.

Good luck to you and your son.

 

[Johnnysmom]

Sudsy,
I am sorry but what sort of world do we live in where a parent can't call another parent or talk to them at a school function about their kids? People do this all the time. I was a behavioral consultant for 3 counties and covered 15 different school districts. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and a masters in social work. I am a certified school social worker. I also had one boy bully my son when we first moved to Ohio (6th grade which is much tricker than 1st grade) and I talked to the parent about it at a basketball game. My son and her son are now friends. It's all in how you say things.

I would want to know if my son was bullying someone, I would appreciate another parent talking to me about it. I think there is a real problem when adults can't talk to each other about their own kids. They are 6 years old for goodness sakes. If you would handle it another way, I can appreciate that. But please don't suggest that parents talking to each other is somehow unprofessional advice.

 

[Sudsy]

It sounds like you are VASTLY better prepared to speak to another parent about a difficult subject than most people.

 

[Mylittlesunshine]

My daughter is 4 and goes to school in pull
Ups and like farmwife I buy underwear
A size bigger to cover the pull up.
Hope things get better for your son . Hugs

 

[Sudsy]

I've been thinking about this more, and again want to put in my $.02 for having the school handle it with the child who is bullying and his/her parents. **You need systemic change there. This is not just an issue with one child/a small group of kids**.

The culture in that class and in that school permits this kind of cruelty to happen and that culture needs to change.

My school started using the WITS anti-bullying curriculum two years ago. While things are not perfect, it has been a help and is definitely stepping us in the right direction.

 

[momoftwinboys]

Hi there
Been thinking about you guys. How are things going for Zachary? Was the school responsive?

 

[ChampsMom]

Heather,

I am SO sorry to hear what your son is going through... My son was bullied like crazy when he was in elementary school (5th grade) as he developed uncontrollable tics (he has a mild case of Tourette's). It was awful to watch him going through it and he too was very shy...

As much as I try to support our teachers, I am more focused on ensuring our kids have a safe environment where they can learn. EVERY child deserves that and right now it sounds like that is being taken away from your son (not to mention the stress of the situation could be causing him internal issues). I would go straight to the Principal. Our school had a bullying form that once filed it becomes a legal binding document that states that the bully may no longer have any contact with the child being bullied (no talking, no sitting together, no gossiping, no finger pointing, no nothing) and IF the child does there are heavy penalties.

It is a sad world we live in that parents can no longer talk to parents - but it is true. Frequently kids who bully have issues at home, therefore the parents can be equally as difficult. The school administrators are paid to handle this - the teachers are not.

Good luck - at such a young age it is difficult to teach him to advocate for himself. If he isn't already talking with the school guidance counselor and/or a child therapist - I would encourage it - it has be WONDERFUL for my son.