Dating and crohn's...
- Thread starter Gems867
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I'm just starting date again after my relationship ended in the fall.
My theory is 3-4 dates, at that point both people involved should have an understanding if you want to continue seeing each other. Too early they might get scared off, any later they might be upset that you didn't tell them sooner.
I also try to segue it into conversation some how, the last girl I date that went beyond the 3 date mark had major food restrictions due to allergies, which enabled me to slip in the IBD. For the first couple of dates she kept her issues hidden by making excuses for why she took all of the topping off her burger, she said that if they were on there it would be too big to fit in her mouth.
My theory is 3-4 dates, at that point both people involved should have an understanding if you want to continue seeing each other. Too early they might get scared off, any later they might be upset that you didn't tell them sooner.
I also try to segue it into conversation some how, the last girl I date that went beyond the 3 date mark had major food restrictions due to allergies, which enabled me to slip in the IBD. For the first couple of dates she kept her issues hidden by making excuses for why she took all of the topping off her burger, she said that if they were on there it would be too big to fit in her mouth.
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I agree with vonfunk, three to four dates is a good time frame. For myself, it was pretty hard to hide, as I was flaring when I was dating my husband.
I will say this, having this illness shows you a person's true colors in a hurry, which while at times can be painful, in the long run is really for the best.
You'll be fine. Now get out there and have fun!:dog:
I will say this, having this illness shows you a person's true colors in a hurry, which while at times can be painful, in the long run is really for the best.
You'll be fine. Now get out there and have fun!:dog:
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I'm pretty open really, so I'd say anytime it would come into conversation. I've had crohn's most of my life so most things in my past relate to my crohn's. Like, why I finished my degree so late etc. So when something like that comes up, I mention it.
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I agree with everyone else, Gems. I'm on the other side of the coin: my bf told me early on in the relationship (can't remember which date it was, but it was within the first month or two at the most) that he had Crohn's. I remember at that time his explanation (for telling me so soon) was that I would find out sooner or later.
Looking back, I definitely appreciated his honesty so early in the relationship. It helped give me the start I needed to think and consider the road ahead, even though he has been healthy for the first few years of our dating life.
I would have to agree, within the first few dates, or within the first month or two at the most I believe would be a good time to tell someone. I think at that point they should have a good grasp of who you are as a person, and will be able to make their decision.
Good luck!
Looking back, I definitely appreciated his honesty so early in the relationship. It helped give me the start I needed to think and consider the road ahead, even though he has been healthy for the first few years of our dating life.
I would have to agree, within the first few dates, or within the first month or two at the most I believe would be a good time to tell someone. I think at that point they should have a good grasp of who you are as a person, and will be able to make their decision.
Good luck!
So update 
Met someone and have been dating him for about a month. And the odd thing is he mentioned that he had UC so not that I am happy that he has it but sure does make it easier because he understands the kinda issues I have... Don't have to worry so much about embarrassing moments.
Met someone and have been dating him for about a month. And the odd thing is he mentioned that he had UC so not that I am happy that he has it but sure does make it easier because he understands the kinda issues I have... Don't have to worry so much about embarrassing moments.
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I am pretty up front about it, Crohns has seemed to ruin some of my past relationships because they didnt get why i was constantly in pain, even though she would know that i have crohns, she didnt get it. She thought i was using it as a cop out.
if someone can not handle that i will be in that position sometimes then they are not gonna be with me. I am, what seems like, at the end of another relationship, I would not say that Crohns is a total part of the potential break up, but one thing i live my life by now is to not let things bother me and to be relaxed about things, she is the opposite and it is to much for me to handle, last year during a flare up she would still go on and on and fight with me when i just wanted to relax and lay down because of the pain.
if someone does not understand what you go through, then the relationship will not work. It has happened in a marriage and 2 other relationships for me. working 12 hours a day is enough, i do not have the energy to go do anything after. That seemed to take its toll on every relationship.
if someone can not handle that i will be in that position sometimes then they are not gonna be with me. I am, what seems like, at the end of another relationship, I would not say that Crohns is a total part of the potential break up, but one thing i live my life by now is to not let things bother me and to be relaxed about things, she is the opposite and it is to much for me to handle, last year during a flare up she would still go on and on and fight with me when i just wanted to relax and lay down because of the pain.
if someone does not understand what you go through, then the relationship will not work. It has happened in a marriage and 2 other relationships for me. working 12 hours a day is enough, i do not have the energy to go do anything after. That seemed to take its toll on every relationship.
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I was actually dating my now husband, i had no side affects prior to being diagnosed, just one day wound up in the hospital with severe stomach pains. Well, he was there the entire time and even when i threw up on him he just kept stroking my hair as its dripping down his arms and legs. The guy didnt even flinch!!! i knew before but i definitely knew then that he was sticking around. But now a days I actually will tell anyone when it is relevant, especially at restaurants so i can get a meal specific to my diet, almost everyone has been understanding. Only my mother inlaw seems to forget i cant eat pork or greasy foods etc and she will cook pancakes in bacon fat and fried chicken lol, be up front with people tho, and learn to laugh about it too. More people than you think have it or know someone who has it and can relate.
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I can't say ive been to to open about it, hell I just told some of my close friends (they asked why I dropped out of post secondary so I kind of had to tell them). As for my past girlfriends I never told them (prob a mistake). But you live and you learn, my current gf knows and she actually understands why I act the way I do when I do and shes always there to comfort me. But anyway, what im trying to get at is eventually your partner will start to wonder why you do the things you do so id say 3rd date. The sooner the better imo and like mountaingem said the persons reaction shows their true colors.
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i've had a relationship in which the girlfriend and her parents thought it was just a cop out whenever i said i wasn't feeling too good, i've also had a bad experience after surgery with a girlfriend of a few years walking away.
it has changed how i look at relationships i don't go in with my heart on my sleeve nowadays but i do try to get the message of crohns disease across as soon as i can
it's better that they know sooner and run than to find out later and run, maybe it's just me but i don't like wasting any time in my life
it has changed how i look at relationships i don't go in with my heart on my sleeve nowadays but i do try to get the message of crohns disease across as soon as i can
it's better that they know sooner and run than to find out later and run, maybe it's just me but i don't like wasting any time in my life
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I haven't felt like dating for four years until now, so I've been charming full force making up for lost time.
It's Great that you met someone that feels your pain (literally). That's why I hope to move to Houston and get into the support groups. Although I may not find anyone worth creating a relationship; I can at least make a connection with someone on a friendship level who goes through the same thing as me.
It's Great that you met someone that feels your pain (literally). That's why I hope to move to Houston and get into the support groups. Although I may not find anyone worth creating a relationship; I can at least make a connection with someone on a friendship level who goes through the same thing as me.
Good luck
I hope you meet someone. It had been about 5 years since I have had a relationship and decided to give it a go and so far so good 
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Good on ya!
i think you just told me what i needed to hear now i just gotta do it.
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I am upfront from the door, I do not want to waiste my time nor hers.
Like it was said earlier, you learn who your true friends are and ppl show their true colors once they learn about your conditions. I feel it is best to know if someone is understanding and supportive before I get too attached.
Like it was said earlier, you learn who your true friends are and ppl show their true colors once they learn about your conditions. I feel it is best to know if someone is understanding and supportive before I get too attached.
Ive always been upfront about my Crohns, if i left it a dirty secret then we are just going back into the old age....Ive been single now for 7 years if im lucky enough to meet anybody, i would tell them from the onset if they stay its because they want to, if they go they wasn`t worth the effort anyway. Good luck and every success..
Cath x
Cath x
I most likely wouldn't tell on a first date. I would want that date to go finding out the lesser and normal things about the girl. Maybe the 3rd of 4th date if it's getting somewhat serious and I can see it going further i'd tell her
I guess there is never a good time to tell people but it has to be done.....wish you well in all you do
Cath x
☀
Cath x
☀
I was with my ex when i was diagnosed and eventually crohns ruined our relationship. I was always sick and couldn't do the things I used to do. I'm trying the dating thing again, and I'm trying the straight up telling the girl I have cd right away. We will see how it goes.
I was in the same position, eventually the help and support dried up. Good luck hun and hope we both find that certain someone.....
I'm for being straightforward. Crohn's has been a problem in relationships for me, but never at the beginning. It's only after a long time that the strain of being so frequently ill begins to manifest itself.
A number of years ago I met a fantastic guy. After a few dates I told him that I have to take medicine for a health problem. He seemed very relieved -- it turns out that he had to take his own medication for his own health problem and it was a big weight off him to be able to say that to me and no longer hide that he was taking his own pills at meals! Eventually that relationship ended (long distance) but the point is that being honest is important and it may be helpful both ways.
A number of years ago I met a fantastic guy. After a few dates I told him that I have to take medicine for a health problem. He seemed very relieved -- it turns out that he had to take his own medication for his own health problem and it was a big weight off him to be able to say that to me and no longer hide that he was taking his own pills at meals! Eventually that relationship ended (long distance) but the point is that being honest is important and it may be helpful both ways.
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I definitely am upfront about it, I like to be open with people sometimes too much haha. but for me, it effects the date, because my diet is so restricted I usually don't want to go eat somewhere and I get sick instantly after, so I suggest coffee or the movies, or something usually not involving food lol. you'd be suprised at how understanding people are even when your blunt about it, its nice.
I was upfront early on. I had been married for 15 years and my husband looked at me like I was doing it on purpose. He constantly made me feel dirty. I told my new guy just about straight away. One to get it out of the way and see what his facial expression said when I told him I sometimes cr*p myself! And secondly there are times when I have to find a loo NOW, not when we've finished looking at this painting or we're nearly at our bus stop, now! If you're telling me something and I disappear, I'm not rude just have to go. New guy is fine with it. He is very supportive. Puts up with my stopping suddenly and not being able to move while I have an internal struggle. He doesn't get frustrated when I have to go to the loo, come down, turn round and go back. He knows how mad this disease makes me, having no control at times, and he's patient. I'm lucky. I hope you are as lucky.
