Feeling Like Boyfriend Doesn't Care About Protection

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TwinkleToes

TwinkleToes

Joined
May 21, 2011
Messages
158
Hi All -

So, a little background on me. I was dx'd with Crohn's in 2011 and as of April 2013 have some pretty active inflammation. About two weeks ago I was in the hospital for severe flaring of my terminal ileum. I was out back on steroids on top of my current meds - Pentasa and humira.

While I love my Boyfriend and know I will spend the rest of my life with him, when we are intimate he sometimes isn't as strict about using protection. He says because I am on the pill I'm fine. However, after not having my period for a year I finally started getting it again in April. On top of that, I never get it during my placebo week - I always get it mid-month. After doing some research I know that my pill might not be getting fully absorbed and my pill is already low dose.

I am constantly freaking out about being pregnant (because I seriously do not need to be having babies right now), but when we use a condom my boyfriend has a hard time feeling satisfied. I push him to use a condom and he gets discouraged but does it because it's what I want. He keeps assuring me that everything is fine and that I can't get pregnant because he can control himself. But, it makes me angry because I feel like he is being selfish. Even my GI doctor said that the humira could affect my birth control and to be careful. This is somethin we talk about all the time and he says I am being stupidly anxious over nothing. I just want us to be careful, but I don't know how to get him to understand. I know that in a flare/active inflammation chances are low of getting pregnant, but am I being stupidly anxious over nothing? I take my pill religiously and should be getting my period any day now, but have yet to get it.

Help. :(
 
Have you thought about trying a different form of birth control like the patch, NuvaRing or the Depo-Provera shot? If you don't think the pill is reliable enough then I'd consider switching to something else. :)
 
I have, but I'm just not sure how it would affect my emotional well being. I'm on a low-dose pill because I'm sensitive to the estrogen and what not, and the last time I took a high-dose pill I felt straight up bi-polar (kind of like being on prednisone).
 
I switched from the pill to Depo (awful, hated it) because of concern about possible absorption issues. Depo lowered my sex drive, raised my blood pressure and can also steal calcium from your bones. Given your sensitivity to hormones, I wouldn't recommend it.

After Depo I did Mirena IUD and loved it. No side effects, no periods, no worrying. It has a very low dose of progesterone so might be okay for you. There is also the copper IUD that has no hormones, so you might think about that as well.

I had my first Mirena removed nearly at the end of its 5 year life span and conceived within a couple of months. I had a second one inserted after my daughter was born.
 
In the US a lot of doctors don't like to use Mirena or other IUD's if you haven't already had children but you can give it a try.
 
The only reason to do it after children is that insertion in easier, but it is fine it get them before. I had one before and one after. After was definitely easier, but before was just a bit crampy for a few hours.
 
I made an appointment with my GI for the end of December. So, we'll see what happens. I just want something that I know will protect me. I know my chances are slim, but I just need that reassurance. It also doesn't help that my prednisone is making me more anxious than normal.
 
If you get an IUD I hope it works for you. Keep in mind that for some people it doesn't work out as it can become embedded in the uterus (says that its rare, it happened to my mom). My sister had one and it fell out of place and got tangled which resulted in a lot of pain and bleeding. I didn't mention it in my post above because I rarely see people on the forum who have anything good to say about them. I'm glad you made an appointment though to discuss your options. :)
 
I have heard those stories too! Honestly, I care most about what's going to protect me rather than convenience. I always remember to take my pill, so that's never been an issue.
 
Mirena iud...omg...I.had such a horrible experience I would never ever recommend it...bled for the entire 12 months I had it...then removed it and nearly "bled out" on the table...had to go for an emergency d&c..doctor saw so much clotting he thought it was certainly a pregnancy loss...the biopsy said otherwise so he just chalked it up to the hormones didn't agree with me. Everyone is different so if you take this option just keep in mind if you are having problems with it don't wait 12 months to remove it like I did!
 
I decided to cancel my appointment with my GI. I don't think Mirena is right for me at this time. I will talk with her soon about my birth control in hopes that she can provide some insight into everything.
 
Sounds like your boyfriend could use some cold showers. If he really loves you, he will respect your wishes. If you were to get pregnant before you two were married, would he hot tail it and run leaving you to raise the baby by yourself? Loving someone is not about yourself, but about what you can do for the person you love. He can wear a condum or go take a cold shower. Ask him and I'll bet he chooses the condum over a cold shower any day.
 
I'm kind of in this situation right now too... Although I think I might be stressing a little too much.

I am in a very new relationship. At first I didn't tell him I was on the pill so we used condoms. But then he found out and the next time he didn't want to use one. I don't really have an issue with that, but I had had a really bad week pill wise. I was on antibiotics, had a sickness bug, and missed two pills. So I said to him we need to use a condom. He said he will at the end but doesn't want to at first.

But this still worried me so I went and got the morning after pill the next day. Because my sickness bug was in the last 7 days of my pill I have had to put two packs together which means I still have a couple of weeks to wait and see if I get a period or not.

So this was about a week ago now, I feel anxious about if I am pregnant or not but I'm too scared to take a test, so I think I'm just going to wait and see if I get my period. I have been a lot more careful about taking my pills since though. And I am also thinking about changing my contraception.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, just wanted to share my similar experience.
 
Naturelover said:
Sounds like your boyfriend could use some cold showers. If he really loves you, he will respect your wishes. If you were to get pregnant before you two were married, would he hot tail it and run leaving you to raise the baby by yourself? Loving someone is not about yourself, but about what you can do for the person you love. He can wear a condum or go take a cold shower. Ask him and I'll bet he chooses the condum over a cold shower any day.
Click to expand...

Since my original post, things have been much better.

My Boyfriend is a responsible man, and we have already talked engagements and weddings. I assure you, he's not the type to bail if I were to get pregnant. My issue is that I don't want to get pregnant before marriage. We are both middle-upper class people and have the same values.

xX_LittleMissValentine_Xx - I am sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. Unfortunately, most men do think with their down-there head instead of the one above their neck. I would be firm (like I was with my guy) and let him know that unless he wants to support a child, that using protection (in addition to birth control) is the only way to go. Only a real man will understand and accept your wishes.
 
Thank you.

I think this situation will improve for me - when he sees that I do my bit and he needs to do his too. I know that he will want to be responsible and do his part to not get pregnant. He is just a little more care-free personality than I am. I am a lot more err on the side of caution. I think that he just didn't see the seriousness in the situation as I did.

I have started bleeding today - still in the middle of my pack. This worried me at first because I thought of implantation bleeding. But then I remembered I have been getting mid month bleeding every couple of months anyway. (put a thread on here). So I calmed down a bit then... this could still be completely normal for me. Just really can't wait for my period! Two weeks to go! lol
 
I used to get mid-month bleeding too. Especially on higher doses of prednisone. I'm also on Humira and Pentasa. My GI said it's most likely because the humira can affect my pill. So, that could be a reason why.
 
Just thought I would update that I got my period now. No babies for me yet, which is obviously a good thing! Going to make a doctors appointment for next week now to talk about changing contraceptions.
 
afidz said:
In the US a lot of doctors don't like to use Mirena or other IUD's if you haven't already had children but you can give it a try.
Click to expand...

This may be a regional thing. I am in MA and they almost push it as one of the best methods here.
 
Personally, I found the nuvo-ring to be very easy and effective. Simple insertion, you can't feel it once it's in.
 

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