Feeling pretty down

[drew_wymore]

Hey all .. having one of those periods again. It seems they still don't have a clue about what is wrong with me otherwise I don't think my GI would keep bouncing me around from specialty to specialty.

Anyways. I called my sister to give her the news about the Rheums and Infectious Disease referrals as she was getting irritated that it seemed like nobody was doing anything and so I tell her and she launches into this tirade about how if I just exercised, ate better and stopped smoking (and if my parents didn't smoke) things would be better <-more on this in a second. And the promise I felt about getting some movement on things was absolutely crushed.

As I've noted already I had to move back in with my parents back in February of 2008. They both smoke, my step dad especially is a heavy smoker and they smoke inside the house. I can't really say anything, hey I'm being given a place to live so what I can't exactly start telling people what to do in their own home. So I smoke inside too because everyone else is so screw it.

So yeah about my sister. She's short, 5'1" and had 2 children young and ended up gaining a ton of weight and was as high as like 250 or something nuts. She is one of those people who find God, exercise or some other vehicle and then go nuts with it and now everything is about exercise and eating blah blah blah. In the time that I've been ill and previous to that I didn't always eat well. I ate out a lot, fast food, processed food and all that garbage. But for damn well near a year I have watched very carefully what I've eaten. I do sometimes still have some pizza and I crave candy and of course she hears/sees that and suddenly that's all I do. Somehow she doesn't understand in my case, it doesn't really seem to matter what I eat. It all makes me sick so I try and eat what I enjoy and as it is, I can't keep on weight so calorie rich foods are a good thing for me right now but that doesn't seem to matter to her.

Even without her giving me ****, I've felt for awhile that people are thinking int he back of their minds that I'm doing something to myself to cause this or not doing enough to make myself healthy and well. I just feel like pulling up the covers and sleeping for days and ignore everyone so I don't have to feel ****** about things.

Ugh anyways thanks if you read this. Just needed to get it off my chest as it were.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

You have every right to feel like just sleeping for a while and trying to forget everything. I can't imagine how you feel being undiagnosed for so long. I guess the more specialists you see though and the more they rule things out the closer you will be to having an answer.

You know you're not bringing this on yourself. Diet and smoking can play a role, but not completely. You don't get hospitalized for a stricture "just cuz you want to". Blood tests don't lie. Diarrhea doesn't just happen for no reason.

Your mom has been SO supportive of you, maybe she would be willing to do something about the smoking. Smoke outside maybe? Or cut down a bit? What about those ashtrays that supposedly suck up the smoke or a tabletop filter or something? Maybe it would eliminate some of the smoke?
She probably doesn't even know that it could improve you health so greatly. Tell her and she what she says.

I'm really sorry you are going through a funk right now. We're all here for you hun.

(note to self - do not mail any more Kit-kats to Drew...)

 

[seaofdreams]

I know exactly where you're coming from. I don't smoke or drink alcohol but I do eat junk food. My mum and boyfriend are health nuts and they're constantly riding my back about it, claiming that the only reason I'm sick is because I eat sugary and fatty foods and if I didn't I would be miraculously cured.

It must be so hard for you to not know what is happening with your body but I'm sure you'll get a diagnosis soon and then you'll know what you're dealing with and you'll be able to manage it.

Feeling like running away from it all is okay, everything feels so much more overwhelming when you're ill and run down. And I know you know this but how you feel is nobodies fault, especially not your own.

Best of luck getting some answers and sorting things out with your family.

 

[shazamataz]

Wow, Shantel, I'd heard about that. So, now I just need to get my diagnosis changed to Ulcerative Colitis and I can carry on puffing away with no guilt!!!

 

[forum contributor]

I'm sorry, Drew

Some people can be really insensitive.

Just know that you always have us and we care about you.

And hey - you seem like you could you a cheesy hug!

 

[Jerman]

Hey Drew, Wish you were feeling better man. It sucks when family members are so insensitive, it really is counterproductive. It also just adds stress to an already overtaxed immune system and makes us feel worse physically as well.

I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I hope that things turn around quickly for you and that you get a diagnosis and treatment soon. I had to move back in with parents a few years back and can relate that just having to deal with that dynamic alone is super stressful as you are still their "child"and that can can be a bit of an shot to the self esteem. Wish there were something I could do to help. Take care.

 

[imisspopcorn]

Hope you feel better. Dealing with chronic pain is hard and very depressing. People, even when they love you, don't always get it. I wish i could pull myself up by the "boot straps". I've found that Zoloft helps. I never considered myself as being depressed and never thought i would take meds for it. It really has helped me deal better with the whole disease/pain issue. Also, there are seritonin receptors in the gut and the meds may help in that way too. Any way I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

 

[drew_wymore]

Thank you everyone. I emailed my sister later after posting that vent. I basically wrote, look I know you love me and I know you're frustrated and upset that you can't be here (She's in Japan) and you feel helpless but laying into me when we talk about my choices is not going to help the situation and make it better.

She wrote back that she's just so damn tired of the doctors not finding an answer. Even my Dad who isn't really the holistic tree hugger type suggested maybe going to a homeopathic doc (my stepmom works for one) and at least seeing what he/she has to say. I need to see if my insurance will cover it.

 

[seaofdreams]

I went to see a natural "doctor" after 2 years of pain and sickness and modern medicine failing to figure out what was wrong with me. I paid nearly $400 to be told that I had gallbladder stones and a thyroid problem and that it was pointless for me to go to a doctor because that it was it was and she was going to cure me. After much time and money spent on her "cures" my health kept getting worse and worse until I finally saw another doctor and was diagnosed with Crohn's.

Although I do believe there is a place for natural alternatives, I think it's important to not just rely on them to fix a problem as serious as Crohn's.

Also if you're looking at natural alternatives, look into naturopathy and acupuncture over homeopathy, unfortunately much of it is based in absolute bullcrappery whereas acupuncture and herbal supplements have a basis in tradition and science.

 

[shazamataz]

I agree with sea

Homeopathy doesn't sit with me at all. i went once years ago for chronic fatigue and it did nothing but cost a lot.

Naturopaths are different as they use actual herbs. Plus, I reckon its good to go to them with an actual medical diagnosis so then they know what they are working with.

I'm off to see one in a couple of weeks. It is not too expensive - $90 new zealand - and I expect to get some good advice

Shaz :Flower:

 

[drew_wymore]

Damn .. I just logged in to pay my insurance for the month and it says "pending cancellation" .. I mixed up the months that I needed to pay, it was due in August not September. **** .. I'm calling them as soon as they open to plead to not cancel it. I would be really up **** creek if they cancel it. It just keeps getting better and better every day.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

As long as it's only pending, they would rather have your money than cancel it. Should be okay - I've done it before on other bills by accident.

 

[drew_wymore]

I had to file an "appeal" by email ... god I hope they just "re-instate" it .. I was off by 1 ******* day *sorry for swearing*

 

[forum contributor]

I'm sorry, Drew

We all love you!

 

[Lisa5326]

Sorry Drew, sometimes the luck just flows, doesn't it?

RE-IN-STATE! RE-IN-STATE! RE-IN-STATE! ::the forum cheers::

 

[forum contributor]

Crap rolls downhill... and I have a feeling some of us are just chillin at the bottom looking up.

 

[Procyon]

You know, I'm really starting to hate these insurance people. It seems the more difficult your situation, the harder a time they give you. It's so screwed up. Don't these companies have any... I don't even know, is scruples the right word? Well, hopefully it'll all sort out. Good luck.

 

[My Butt Hurts]

deleted

 

[gibby]

bad times....

i dont know how i would cope with the US insurance system, everyone i see on here seems to have the huge stress of whether they'l be covered for certain meds, i would be constantly ill i think if i live in the US because stress is such a huge factor with me......

....you know, they can say what they like about how crap the NHS in the UK is, but i tell ya for one, paying 50 pounds a year and getting whatever meds you need certainly seems a good deal to me.

Hope you kick some insurance idiots butt drew....and hope you feel better soon x

yvonne x

 

[drew_wymore]

Well they re-instated it which is great, originally I was told it'd take up to 30 days for a decision but they did it within 8 hours.

It was my mistake, my fault it happened in the first place. It was an honest mistake but not one I will make again.

 

[Sparky]

Thank goodness it worked out - I really don't know how you cope with worrying about insurance on top of everything else!

 

[Lisa5326]

Good

 

[BWS1982]

Many in the US don't live (literally) with our insurance design, Gibby, which is why it needs a damn overhaul so those c*********s don't hold all the cards and pull all the strings.

Good thing it's back on Drew, I don't know how, but somehow they hired someone with a soul.

 

[BWS1982]

"So, how much of a horrible person are you, Mr. Johnson?"

They answered in the interview that yes, they were a horrible person, just to get the job, and even though they were a kind and caring person that just needed money after being laid off, the fact that they were deceitful enough to lie to get a job made them qualified to work there...that's how?

 

[drew_wymore]

Strangely enough guys I've had Blue Cross for many many many years and I've never had a problem with them. The only time they denied anything was a claim for capsule number 5 an I honestly don't blame them.