Feeling useless

[ruthyp]

feeling useless

:depressed:

Hi All,

Once again i am going through a flare, the strange thing is that i dont feel that bad, but my bloods tell a different story. I have been told i am not aloud to work until further notice, and i have only just got back to full time work, i achieved a month of full time.

My manager has been incredibly supportive, but i have a feeling that her sympathy is going to run out. My consultant in london has said for the next 6months that i am on reduced work and should not come under any stress.

I feel i am letting all of my colleagues down, i am getting paid the same but doing half the job, thats not fair! i feel useless and like im letting everyone down. Its been nearly a year now since i have done a proper days work and completed my job role to the highest standard. My consultants wrote in his letter that i am coping well with a condition that alot of people do not cope with. But i dont feel like im coping, i put on a brave face which everyone see (except my mum) and i am fed up with people saying how well i cope and how strong i am, as i really dont feel like it right now.

Im also being reffered to Cognitive behaviour theropy, in 4months i spent 58days in hospital, i found it so hard and can not even think about it without crying. And my doc wants me to try anti depressants, anyone else on antidepressants? what feeling do you get with mixing the other meds with them?

thanks for reading, i really just need someone who understands, no matter how much you explain to someone, they dont understand. xxxx

 

[Grant]

ruthyp, please try & feel better about yourself. I haven't worked for 7 yrs because of Crohns & Crohns related problems. I went through the guilt phase as you are now. Its horrible & made me depressed. But remember your illness is not something you chose or brought on yourself. It happened & only you can understand what its like, not your boss or work colleagues.
And of course stress is a big no no.
I genuinely think that because Crohns is not fatal (although the effects can be ) its not considered to be in the same league as cancer for instance. But some people get cancer once, get treatment & thats it. Whereas with Crohns if you've got it its for life & its very difficult to try & run a normal life with it.
Dont be so hard on yourself & remember you need to try & forget about work & try & concentrate on getting yourself well again. That is more important than anything. If that happens the rest will fall into place.
You are no.1 now-its your needs that count. Hope this helps, get well soon.
Rgds
Grant

1st symptoms 1983
Diagnosed 1985
1997 Right Hemicolectomy & Resection
2002 Laperotomy & Resection
2010 Laproscopic Ileocolic Resection

Been on Azathioprine & Pred

Currently on Entocort 3mg every other day
Humira 40mg every two weeks
Calcichew
Pentasa 4gm daily
3mthly B12 Jabs

 

[Jennifer]

I genuinely think that because Crohns is not fatal (although the effects can be )

Means the same thing. Still fatal if not treated. The difference is that Crohn's can be easily treated meaning less and less fatalities.

I agree though, do not be hard on yourself. All it does is make things worse. You will be able to join work full force again so focus on staying well so you can accomplish that goal of yours.

As for antidepressants, I have taken them in the past. None interacted with the meds I was taking at the time (Asacol, 6MP, and Prednisone). All I noticed was the side effects from the antidepressants. It can take a while to find one that works for you (usually on one dose for 3 weeks and see how that goes, then up or lower dose see what happens or switch to another med entirely and start the 3 weeks run all over) because they take a while to start affecting you. Everyone is different so I wont suggest any particular ones. Good luck and remember to focus on the good rather than bad. Doctor has ordered no stress for you so don't stress yourself out.

 

[ruthyp]

When i went into hospital the second time, i refused to go at first because of what a horrible experience it was the first time, in the end i had to go in an ambulance. the doc sat on my bed and told me very bluntly that i could have easily died from the blood loss. Even though i have told a few close colleagues this, i still feel like they dont think its serious and its really upsetting because i thought they were friends as well as colleagues, but they are acting like "why arent you better yet, is this still going on?" and i dont think people realise its a lifetime condition. thanks for your support, iv been signed off for another 2 weeks so im going to try to take it as easy as i can. xxx

 

[Terriernut]

:hang: Ruthyp! You are in the right place to get better. (although NOT to rest certainly as they keep us awake 24/7 in the blasted hospital!)

Dont you ever feel useless. Crohns takes a heavy toll on our emotions as well as our bodies. As for your work collegues, make them look it up for heavens sake! It's not like you have the flu or something!

Please dont worry about what they think right now, just get yourself better. Thats all that matters.

Misty

 

[ameslouise]

Hi Ruthy -

Antidepressants? Hell yes! Better living thru chemicals, I say! Lots of folks here on amititrypiline (sp?), which has the added benefit of being an antispasmodic so it actually helps a lot of Crohnies with that as well.

Stop feeling guilty - it's a killer for your disease! Take care of yourself, and hopefully soon you can go back to work. Really, the most important thing is your health and taking care of yourself. I've never seen a gravestone that says, "Here lies Amy, she wishes she had worked more." As for your colleagues, when they ask you something like, "aren't you better yet?" you can respond with, "Would you be asking me that question if I had cancer or AIDS?" That'll shut them up!

Hang in there!! -Amy

 

[Absentminded]

Oh love, it sounds like you've had a really tough time lately.
I've even on antidepressants a few times since my teens. I most recently finished a 6 month course a few weeks ago. Each time I've been given sertraline, which has very few side effects.
I've also had COgnitive Behavioral Therapy in the past too, and I know that had a really good result for me.
I hope that things start to get better asap!