Frustrated and feeling like a failure

[aideen33]

I should preface this by saying that i have always had a bit of a "superwoman complex", that I know isnt healthy, but comes from being a caregiver to my mother who was terminally ill until her death, raising my own kids plus my sisters 2 girls for 2 years during that time etc.

I am currently working in a part time capacity, in that i babysit for a friend a few days a week because its only one child and i can bring mine with me so its something i can handle and get a little income. I am also a mom of 2 special needs kids that I am homeschooling at this time.

Ive been a grad student in an online based distance learning program since march. And I was formally dx'ed with Crohns in June of this year.

All of this is leading to the fact that i recently had to admit that right now I am too sick to manage everything. Since parenting is obviously not optional, homeschooling is relatively low stress and crucial to my children's success, and the work i do is relatively low stress and the income matters, i finally decided to take a leave of absence from school for a quarter maybe two. I can pick up after LOA ends and be fine... and it will give me a chance to try and get better control, find a more effective med etc.

However.... it is not in my nature to admit I cant do something. Ive always managed to juggle everything, handle everything... be supermom and superwoman. Its really hard to admit that isnt possible right now.

I think im going from the "this is no big deal., i can do this no problem, everything is fine" stage to "nothing is ever going to be fine again" phase. If its like my sons autism diagnosis this will be followed by starting to find balance, im just struggling to get there right now..

Sorry for the novel and TIA for any advice or support.

 

[Lisa]

Hi aideen - I too am a 'type A' personality - super woman/mom etc...

Maybe if you can look at the time off as a regrouping, focus on 'me' time - not as a failure, but as a time to make sure you DO succeed in what you need to do....to me, a failure would be trying to keep going at that pace knowing it was nearly impossible, then having to drop out and/or failing school.....taking a break? That is all it is...a break....maybe that would help?

Best of luck - we are here to listen and help!

 

[horseshoe2985]

I am so sorry to hear this. I know it must be really frustrating and it's hard to put things on hold. I struggle with that as well. I hope the doctors are able to find a good medicine for you soon and you start feeling better as well!

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on

 

[ChrisCrohn's]

I feel your pain I was a carpenter most of my life hard working Viking now I'm just I don't know...less of a man. I was always the strength of my family always to be counted on I was helped others now I am unable to do so and it just kills me inside

 

[aideen33]

Thanks for the support yall. I also talked to a friend on the phone who put it in perspective too, reminded me that I have not quit school, only taking a break so that i *can* finish and that if I dont I run the risk of not being able to and that i am still doing plenty to be proud of