Frustrated

[Novice]

Im feeling really frustrated and ready to give up with trying.
I caught some kind of virus which made me quite sick fevers migraines all that lovely stuff.
I had my mum ignoring me. Which then blew up into an argument where she told me shes fed up of the stupid noises I make when im in pain. Shes mad that I ask her leave me other chores because certain ones leave me in pain.
it got really ugly.

I know shes probably just as frustrated as I am but im having such a hard time coping.

I had 3 exams monday. I got a D on one which I expected because I struggle to stay awake long enough to concentrate. The only time I found I was awake was when I took a pain pill. But im not relying on those to get through school.

so I guess the stress got to me monday n I thought id had an "accident" so I called my mum freaking out. Luckily it was a rare occasion where I had the car. But her response was "how did you let that happen!"

On top of that I have a boyfriend asking when ill take time out of studying to see him and if ill eat out tomorrow. And I have spent all night in the bath room my stomach is being so angry at me. Im hurting so bad not just physically but mentally too its all getting a bit much. I dont even know how to face 7/8 hours in school tomorrow without the car but the more I miss the more I fail... urgh

im sorry for always always being so negative on here. I try and contribute when im in a good place but its been a bit of a tough time this year. Part of me wants to move back to my home country where ill be entitled to benefits and free health care. But then I hate myself when I feel well for giving in on my dreams lol but givings up sounds so appealing right now.

 

[Cross-stitch gal]

:hug: Just wanted to send you lots of hugs. No advice. Just letting you know I'm here. :hug:

 

[Amy2]

Your mum probably regrets saying that. As a parent of 2 children with Crohn's, there are a few things I'd take back, if I could.

Getting mad at you for having an accident doesn't make sense and just shows that your mum is feeling stressed.

Dreams are nice, but your health needs to come first...

 

[plantluvr]

it's good to vent! i know im a pain in the butt when im sick and it drove my mom crazy. but i apologised to her and she felt it was her fault i was sick. she had alot on her plate and really no knowledge of crohns. because the ccfa says we can live normal lives thats what she and anyone else who looked at it saw and expected of me. my life and disease have been far from normal. you might need a break to relieve stress. you can always go back. im on disabilty only 36 but i still have dreams and goals. just had to do what was best for me and my health. just wanted to share and let you know you're not alone. big hugs.

 

[Novice]

It's just hard. I know she gets stressed and overwhelmed with stuff not just me and my health but it hurts when she takes it out on me like I choose this as my life. She in so many words said I use my illness as an excuse. But I wish she would understand hoe hard it is just to get out of bed n face the world every day when all I really want is to sleep.

im in a country on a visa that requires I be enrolled in college full time. So if I were to actually take a break id be going back to a diff country on my own with no money n no drs till I could sort it out.

I hate how complicated life can be when all I want right now is rest lol. Last semester I took so many more hours and I got As n Bs I wanted in a way my "slowing" down and still not coping to be an eye opener to my parents cos I had to give up my job too and im still failing exams and theyre seeing it as laziness. I wish I was just being lazy.

Im so frustrated. I wanted on fri to go to urgent care cos I had a fever over 101 and a sore throat migraine I wanted a dr to give me anything but I said if urgent care will cost more than seeing my family dr ill wait 5ill monday. Monday came n she told me I looked better I should just keep pushing through. Well last night I found out we pay the same to go to urgent care as our family dr. Im just so over her little temper tamtrums. She got in a mood this morning because when she asked. Whats the matter with you. I replied with nothing. Because I figured she never responds when I say I dont feel well n when she does she just shouts at me that itd be easier to say nothing at all. I feel like im in a situation where im never allowed to win.

I know there are people who have it so much worse than I do. With worse health and no parents. I am grateful but its hard to constantly feel positive when dealing with so much ignorance. Especially from your own family.

 

[ForeverCrohns]

I understand what you're feeling novice. Everyone need understanding and compassion from their family and at the same time the feeling of burdening them with all that is too much. I don't know how you can handle this but this kind of stress is very bad for you and will only get you sicker I went through that myself. Just focus on getting better for yourself. It is hard because part of getting better is having emotional support, but you need to focus on your health and if you think it's a good idea maybe you can talk to her when she is in a good mood and tell her how you feel.
I think that when someone is healthy they don't believe that a sick person can be sick everyday.

 

[Novice]

Thank you. .. is just hard to know what to do. And where to go for advice.. I hope u can sort things out soon cos I still need anti biotics but I know asking for an appt will cause a problem.

Thanks for always being supportive I dont expect anyone to give me answers but sometimes I just need someone to hear me and have no expectations.
Thank you.