Having Crohns, has made me wish I had someone like a 'nurse' around, to help me in those situations where I have trouble seeing well enough to help myself..
Crohns hasn't really affected my relationships all that much, like they say, it seems to affect family relationships more then anything else it seems like. family not understanding my condition, and how sick I really am, and all that.
it would be nice to meet someone who wasn't so "weasy" around blood, so that I can get some help in the bathroom, ya know what I mean?
For instance, with these Fistulas, since they drain all the time, I've had to take some 4x4 inch gauze pads, and tape them to my butt, so that the brown bloody pussy stuff doesn't get all over the inside of my underwear, whenever I have to put those on, I wish I had a female companion around who could help me get that tape on, and other such things that I can't see too well.. I'm visually impaired anyway, and I find that, my Visual Impairment affects my relationships more then Crohns does per se, because I always got made fun of for being visually impaired to begin with, or how I look because of my visual impairment...
but it has affect my most intimate relationships.. For instance, I haven't gotten intimate with anyone in over 6 years, not to mention holding hands, kissing, or any of that other stuff.. but because I have been thru so much, its hard to really say if its Crohns or Blind/Visually impaired related, because the majrity of the oppisite sex out there wants nothing to do with me because of my visual impairment, so for me I think its more that then anything.
Right now, I am married to a woman 16 years older then me, because I can't afford to live by myself, but there is no passion there whatsoever, and hasn't been for years, so its kinda like living with someone out of necessity then anything else... I got into that situation, because of my crohns and needed somebody around, and because of my visual impairment needing somebody around to drive me places and stuff like that, but thats the closest I've had to an actual loving relationship in years so.
but oh well, like I always say, I made my own bed, I gotta live in it.
but it wasn't what I wanted.. I wanted to get married, have a good healthy loving relationship, have children of my own, so on and so forth, it just didn't happen, and I probably want that more now then I ever did, but its too late for me now. I ended up getting into this situation because of my illness, and now I gotta live with it best I can
Before this current marriage though, I was also in an abusive relationship.. My ex-wife would say the same kinds of things to me, how she got tired of listening to me about my crohns, and even worse yet, would make fun of me in front of other people about my lack of eyesight.
Makes me glad to be married now, after all the crap I've been thru in relationships in my past.
I remember one time in particular, we were at a bowling party with some of her friends, and she made it a point to make fun of the fact that I couldn't see the scoreboard, all she talked about that whole time we were bowling, was how stupid I was for not being able to see the scoreboard, and there were other more serious situations that I won't talk about publically, but still same kind of thing.
so I think thats why I ended up settling down and getting married to someone much older, because I just wanted out of that situation.. Don't get me wrong, my current wife kurlylox is a wonderful person, its just we're too different. we live together with her youngest daughter, because we have to, out of necessity more then anything else, she did it to get out of an abusive relationship herself, which is ok we get along good and all that, it just wasn't what each of us wanted I guess.. but we live with it, because we figure, it could always be worse
she can't stand the sight of blood, so if I need help in the bathroom, or anywhere else, she will not help me at all.. its more like we're roommates then actual husband and wife, its always been that way since before we were ever married to start with.
I still want to get remarried someday and have children of my own, since I never had any.. She has 2 grown children of her own (24 and 29) and she's ok with me wanting children of my own too, we've discussed it before, she just doesn't want any more. we can't afford to live separately so this is just how it ended up.
I'm 36, and my wife is 52, and although I've seen relationships with partners further apart then that before, it works just as friends, but nothing else, if that makes any sense? That's pretty much how all my relationships have been for me though, no more then just good friends really.
