I'm Afraid My Husband Will Divorce Me Due To MM Use

[NicoleKS]

I guess I should start by saying I rarely use marijuana (and only when I feel really bad health-wise). I used it yesterday and the last time before that was in August. I'm scared to use it more often because I feel like I have to hide it from my disapproving husband. I've tried explaining to him that I rarely use it and I only do when I absolutely need to. His issues with it are the legality issues and not doing it in the house/around the kids (I don't).

Yesterday when I came home, he didn't want to be around me, he made me go downstairs and "sleep it off" as soon as I got home. He said there is no trust in our marriage when I use marijuana. I'm seriously afraid that it's either going to be my health and well-being or my marriage. Why should I have to choose? I just wish my husband would understand not only the pain that I endure on a daily basis but how much better I feel after using marijuana! My stomach immediately feels better and the diarrhea is stopped in its tracks. But somehow I feel that my husband would rather see me in tears and in bed curled up with a heating pad all day, everyday.

What do I do?!

 

[ctrl z]

I don't know. That's a hard one. Your health and well-being is definitely very important. It makes you wonder whether your husband would rather you be incapacitated by an illness or feeling better in your own body.

It also seems like perhaps he doesn't realize the legitimacy of cannabis as a medication.

I know how frustrating it is to want to use cannabis but not being able to for various reasons. It's heartbreaking to not be able to use something that has such obvious benefits for your health for fear of being discriminated against.

I hope you can come to some sort of a compromise.

:hug:

 

[SkinnyNinny]

Such is the deeply ingrained stigma against pot that exists in our culture. I really feel for you - I have actually lost two relationships due to my pot use in dealing with Crohn's. The first was my wife of 7 years who was also, ironically, a doctor! She said to me one night, 'it's me or the pot', and I was shocked. Two weeks later she had moved out.

I'd say, that if a partner has no empathy with what you are going through then if this was not an issue there may be others that will. Maybe that's just my way to rationalize the guilt and pain and depression that follows a break up over such a minor thing. Like, she must have been unhappy about other things she didn't want to talk about, or was seeing someone else.

I really hope your husband can dig a bit deeper and begin to question his beliefs about the medical efficacy of cannabis. He only sees the blurry eyes, or impaired speech or whatever else side effects you might have. For me, smoking once and a while kept away the pain and inflammation. Yes at some times it probably did become recreational, but its hard to know because when you are using it to keep pain and discomfort away you really don't want to experience those things anymore and so don't really know whether a puff a night is enough, or a joint a week, or for many people with cancer, several joints a day or more.

Try to point out the vast array of other significantly more powerful pharmaceutical drugs out there that have much greater risks for dangerous side effects. Let him know what some of those side effects are. Ask whether a doctor's recommendation for you to use cannabis would help placate his fears. And they are his fears, though imagined, that are real right now. Maybe take some effort to find material to educate him on the history of prohibition of cannabis, and why legislators made it illegal, while making alcohol legal. Question is fears, but respect his right to feel them. Likewise, he should do the same for you. This is, in cliche, a teachable moment, not only for him but for you and likely your children too as this may be a long term solution for maintaining your health.

Good luck!

 

[Jennifer]

Its definitely more than a legal issue in his eyes. I mean he told you to go, "sleep it off." As if marijuana is some horrible mind altering drug. There are different strains that don't give you the high at all yet give the same benefits of reducing pain, increasing your appetite etc. Does he know anything about them? Is that the kind you use?

In all honesty I think his actions are absurd and sound suspicious. If he's ever smoked marijuana before then he'd know that there's no reason for it to be illegal and that if you've smoked some you don't need to be placed in a special section of the house until you come down or whatever. This issue doesn't sound related to the Marijuana at all. Its more of a trust/control issue he has with you. Sounds like something else is going on honestly.

Your health is important first. Then your kids are important (can't help your kids if you aren't healthy). Hopefully your husband also thinks your marriage is important as well because its obvious that you care. You're willing to give up on your health for the marriage and honestly he shouldn't be forcing you to do that, not over this.

 

[David]

If he can't put your health first then I agree with the above, there are much deeper issues at play here manifesting themselves through this specific situation. I'd suggest counseling. Some mediation on this issue and assistance going deeper would likely be highly beneficial.

 

[SkinnyNinny]

If he's ever smoked marijuana before then he'd know that there's no reason for it to be illegal and that if you've smoked some you don't need to be placed in a special section of the house until you come down or whatever.

Well I can't totally agree with this one comment. Growing up, my father said if he ever smelled pot I would be kicked out of the house, so I grew up with a lot of fear about it - and at the time I didn't know anything about it or had tried it then! Later in university I had what might be called a bad experience, I thought I was dying after smoking some particularly powerful Jamaican weed. It scared me away, for that reason - fear - for many years.

It is a powerful medicine...don't underestimate what it can do - especially when your body has not acclimatized or you are not prepared for some of the more potentially scary effects. Moving out of 'reality' is something that can impact people in different ways. The effects can be unpredictable.

BY the way, since my surgery a week ago I have not used any at all, for that reason, somewhat. I need to be careful to not lift anything beyond a few pounds, and I know pot gives me an elevated sense of well being. That combined with some forgetfulness, I'm afraid I might feel too well and get a hernia!

 

[tropez]

I guess I should start by saying I rarely use marijuana (and only when I feel really bad health-wise). I used it yesterday and the last time before that was in August. I'm scared to use it more often because I feel like I have to hide it from my disapproving husband. I've tried explaining to him that I rarely use it and I only do when I absolutely need to. His issues with it are the legality issues and not doing it in the house/around the kids (I don't).

Yesterday when I came home, he didn't want to be around me, he made me go downstairs and "sleep it off" as soon as I got home. He said there is no trust in our marriage when I use marijuana. I'm seriously afraid that it's either going to be my health and well-being or my marriage. Why should I have to choose? I just wish my husband would understand not only the pain that I endure on a daily basis but how much better I feel after using marijuana! My stomach immediately feels better and the diarrhea is stopped in its tracks. But somehow I feel that my husband would rather see me in tears and in bed curled up with a heating pad all day, everyday.

What do I do?!

He sounds ignorant to be honest.

I used to get stoned to get stoned. It took a while for my wife to get over the "illegal" factor but as the years went by, as more states passed medical use legislation, and as more states passed full use legislation, I think her objections have really been diminished. It's almost like a discussion of gay marriage where some still feel it's "illegal" and should not be allowed.

I have to admit, since I came down with Crohn's, my daily use dropped way off. I hardly use now, maybe once per week, but when I do, the big advantage is the munchies, I actually get hungry and eat which is very hard to do without the weed.

I hope he comes around, ignorance is a tough thing to fight.

 

[Trithan]

I guess I should start by saying I rarely use marijuana (and only when I feel really bad health-wise). I used it yesterday and the last time before that was in August. I'm scared to use it more often because I feel like I have to hide it from my disapproving husband. I've tried explaining to him that I rarely use it and I only do when I absolutely need to. His issues with it are the legality issues and not doing it in the house/around the kids (I don't).

Yesterday when I came home, he didn't want to be around me, he made me go downstairs and "sleep it off" as soon as I got home. He said there is no trust in our marriage when I use marijuana. I'm seriously afraid that it's either going to be my health and well-being or my marriage. Why should I have to choose? I just wish my husband would understand not only the pain that I endure on a daily basis but how much better I feel after using marijuana! My stomach immediately feels better and the diarrhea is stopped in its tracks. But somehow I feel that my husband would rather see me in tears and in bed curled up with a heating pad all day, everyday.

What do I do?!

That sux to hear, but to be honest.......i am going through the same thign with my wife. I have Crohn's and MJ helps me out greatly. My wife does not approve at all, but seems to be a little more understanding. I am currently on Humira, but started smoking again. I have to sneak around and ensure that i have visine, axe spray and hand sanatizer always ready so she cant smell it. But it may be worth sitting your husband down and trying to educate him on the benfits to your health. I have been doing this for a while now and my wife seems to be slowly getting it, but some people will always be against it because they do not understand and society has brainwashed people into thinking it is a horrible drug. Does your husband drink? If he does, Maybe run the facts and stats about alcohol compaired to MJ to make him understand. Good luck.

 

[NicoleKS]

I apologize to anyone my husband may have offended with his post... I didn't log out of my account. I appreciate everyone's input about our situation. I'm just going to drop it for now since my husband obviously isn't going to change his mind until marijuana becomes legal. Thank you, all.

To answer a question that was asked, No I'm not working. I stay at home with our 3 year old. However, I do have to take UAs every few months for pain management.

 

[AckMac]

It's a misdemeanor in Kansas. She wouldn't do any time for her first offense IF she ever got caught. And you're putting your kids and wife at FAR GREATER risk by not letting your wife treat her Crohn's disease with a medication that is scientifically shown to reduce inflammation and decrease the chances for surgery.

Next time you catch yourself speeding with your kids in the car, be sure to take a look in the mirror.

Sad.

 

[ctrl z]

With it being illegal, you are looking at a lot of WHAT IFs.

I've been using cannabis to self-medicate for over 10 years and never have I once been fired from a job because of it or have ever been in trouble with the law for using it.

Does your wife have a job that does random drug testing? If so, then it's something that should be avoided. If not, then don't worry about it!

Does your wife go about obtaining it carelessly? If not, then don't worry about it!

She's probably at greater risk of getting in a car accident every day than getting caught buying or using mm... and the more you oppress her, the less chance she will have of safely using it.

She could be vaporizing it or eating it in the safety of her own home and enjoying her family while the medication is providing her relief... instead, she's banished to the basement to "sleep it off".

If you live your whole life being scared of the WHAT IFs then you are going to miss out on a lot of things.

You could have your wife, feeling good, and being a part of the family.

Or you have her feeling sick and broken, without the use of something that makes her feel better.

 

[FullM3lt]

All of you people are not seeing the big problem its illegal in the state of kansas! I love my wife and no its not ignorance or that i dont feel for my wife, the fact is that its not legal you can get fired from your job if caught with it in your system or be charged with it if you are in position of it. I love my wife and i hate to see her in pain but im not going to risk my kids or my wife over an illegal substances

The "big problem" is your spouses disease. She's not a drug dealer and I'm sure she's not getting behind the wheel after using cannabis. Like the others said, as long as your wife is not getting drug tested she'll be fine using cannabis every once in a while for this horrible disease without the risk of losing her job.

What is this about risking your kids? The CPS are not going to knock your door down for using a little bit of weed in a responsible matter.

I know Kansas is kind of a backwards state when it comes to drug laws but it's still only a misdemeanor.

It's completely legal in the state where I reside, but I'm still breaking federal law every day. The cops have real criminals to worry about.

 

[bobbyearle]

Your husband has very reasonable concerns -- they just happen to be built on bad info.

Like others have pointed out, MMJ would be a misdemeanor. If your husband thinks that your pain is comparable to a misdemeanor, maybe so. But knowing the disease first hand, I'd take 10 misdemeanors a year if it helped me (like it does).

You just don't have any real, serious consequences with using MMJ. You have small, unlikely ones. You only have real, serious consequences in being disallowed to use MMJ.

To your husband, as a fellow husband, I know the deep desire one has to protect his wife. I'm incredibly protective of my family. I was also 100% against cannabis use until my disease. My parents, both Christian conservatives (my dad being an ordained foursquare minister from Arkansas), immediately changed their mind once they saw it first hand -- in real life. They now help me grow. Seeing is believing.

Please share with your husband some of these...

Prescribed Grass. An Israeli documentary that changes lots of minds on the medical efficacy of cannabis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQ8HZtD6aZI

Clearing the Smoke: The Science Behind Cannabis. An excellent PBS documentary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq9xpUBRliU

If he can't see the wonder of this natural plant in person, this will be the next best thing. Remember, he's been brainwashed like most of us (in regard to cannabis). But if he's open minded, I think he'll see that you can probably use cannabis without getting in any real trouble (parents do not lose their kids over small, personal use amounts -- especially if only one parent is using for a disease and the other doesn't use at all) and effectively treat symptoms in a way you likely haven't been able to with other medications.

 

[GraspIt]

I recently went through a very similar thing with my wife. When we first decided to be in relationship she said she would only do it if I quit smoking pot. I said I would because INew she was a very important person in my life.

Coincidently symptoms appeared soon after quitting, I did not realise the link. and took 4 months till diagnosis.

After three years being "off it". I started again during her last pregnancy because i rally needed something to relax. As I am super sensitive to alcohol and hate the sh!t, I starte to smoke (maybe over did it)
She found out and left with our kids. I made her realise that if it is a choice between getting high and having my family, that if that is the simple CHOICE it is a no-brainer and she came back. She has been by my side through all my flares, searching for alternative therapy etc.. so she knows that I would do just about anything not to be sick. I made her realise that if it was a CHOICE between my family and my health. I would have to choose my health becaue I cannot be there or my family without my health.

I just want to say now how proud I am of my wife for opening up but it still took more....

Next I started to research MM and in particular, studies involved and the "proven fact". I sent these to her in email. Google marijuana and ulcerative colitis and I get about 1,5 million hits (now that is high (sorry damn sense of humor)) Anyway the point is she could not turn away from the evidence.

Finally we were talking about it without her bringing up the immediate barrier. We spoke about her fears of me smoking. The big ones were me becoming addicted, out of control, not there for my kids, driving under the influence, secrecy. We worked through these individually.

The turning point. She spoke to it with a psychologist who was very mutual to the idea and not taking sides. She worked out her conditions. We worked out a list of what I named "Rules and Regulations".

Which include the following
*None in front of kids
*None while driving
*Be open and honest, fill in diary
*Discuss any changes with wife first
*Always get all tasks done for day first (i may be getting 1 lunchtime puff approved for health reasons soons, we will trial)
*Stick with agreed dosage
*Prioritise. Family + Health is number 1
*Be open with communication
*No lying, No hiding, No secrecy, No being tricky bending rules, Be open
*Use for medical purposes only
*Reflect on self for dependency. Discuss with wifeif so
*Be open
*Stick with the planned and agreed way
*No social smoking, strictly medical
*Only get from 1 known source and quality

She had questions for grower (it is not legal here so was uncomfortable for me so i asked her what questions she would have so I could answer the ones I could honestly and help her not ask silly ones) we agreed on dosage and that i was to use Vapouriser after kids were in bed, one chamber and we moniter and adapt according to health. I keep a diary of day, time, dose, observations of bowel motion, gas, pain, etc.
We may try eating once I do some baking (notice how ithas turned to a "We")

All aspects of this disease "we" are in together. Be it your wife, husband, partner, dog, neighbour, grandmother, cafe owner with toilet..........

There were times over the last couple of weeks I could not see light at the end of the tunnel and I am suprised we reached it so quickly.

Tips: Do not use force to reach a point, once we let go of what we desire we reach closer to our goal. Open communication is key!

Good luck, I hope my story may provide hope and a couple of practical steps. You can buy my book from Amazon.com for a special this month $39.99 Just joking

GI

 

[David]

Good for you working through things with your wife GraspIt! I'm glad you were able to reach a compromise.

 

[GraspIt]

Good for us David, it took a lot of work from both of us. She has a new view on it and as a result of her challenging my beliefs, I have a new understanding of it too

 

[eastwood]

I guess I should start by saying I rarely use marijuana (and only when I feel really bad health-wise). I used it yesterday and the last time before that was in August. I'm scared to use it more often because I feel like I have to hide it from my disapproving husband. I've tried explaining to him that I rarely use it and I only do when I absolutely need to. His issues with it are the legality issues and not doing it in the house/around the kids (I don't).

Yesterday when I came home, he didn't want to be around me, he made me go downstairs and "sleep it off" as soon as I got home. He said there is no trust in our marriage when I use marijuana. I'm seriously afraid that it's either going to be my health and well-being or my marriage. Why should I have to choose? I just wish my husband would understand not only the pain that I endure on a daily basis but how much better I feel after using marijuana! My stomach immediately feels better and the diarrhea is stopped in its tracks. But somehow I feel that my husband would rather see me in tears and in bed curled up with a heating pad all day, everyday.

What do I do?!

I am sorry to hear your husband is so uneducated on the subject and he is judging you and not understanding that this can benefit your life and possibly save your life. I am currently separated from my wife and had the same issue. She was so brainwashed into believing the lies we were told back in the 30s for political and money reasons. The proof is there and the research has been done and there are so many studies to see this from. Also there are just so many people including myself that see great benefits from it. I understand if you don't like to use it much because you have to hide it but you shouldn't have to hide it and you shouldn't feel bad if you want to do it more often as long as you're not abusing it. Anything can be abused so are we just going to outlaw anything that could have potential for abuse? Just to let you know I do completely understand where you're coming from because I was just dealing with the same thing but that is not the main reason for my separation but it definitely had some influence. Have you seen the documentary that was done on CNN? Maybe show him that. There's two versions the first one was called weed the second one was called weed 2. Not to mention all the studies that you can find online that are actually done on a scientific scale.