I'm jealous of healthy people

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f_else

f_else

Joined
May 3, 2011
Messages
97
I've been diagnosed with crohns now for about 18 months and it has been pretty active in that time. I've had one resection already and will be getting an MRI in about a month to check for scarring in my small bowel as they think I have more strictures - which could mean more surgery.
I'm 21, I can't drink (alcohol), can hardly eat, struggle to get out of bed, struggle to stay awake, my hair is falling out and am always feeling pretty crappy. I just get so jealous of my friends and the people I know at the moment. I'm jealous of how healthy they are. That they can just do what they want with no repercussions. All my friends are going off travelling to different countries, partying a lot and just enjoying life while often I feel like I am struggling to just exist. Does everyone with crohns feel like this? I just hate constantly wishing I was someone else and getting annoyed that they don't appreciate what they have. Do these feeling eventually go away as I get older and more used to dealing with the condition, or will I always feel this way?
Sorry to be a bit depressive guys, just a bit sad at the moment because I feel like I'm always being left behind.
 
Yeh I get that way, its pretty lonely as you cant go out, I just had to find hobbies that I could do on my own and have goals in them so I cold feel like ive acomplished soemthing (tidying up the garden, painting the fence etc) Was anything too exciting but it kept my busy and I could stop if I felt bad.

Have you had your Iron levels checked recently? That was one of the main reasons that I was very tired all the time.
 
I know that feeling... just a little too well...
It gets better, when you get better. I have been lucky enough to have great years between my total colectomy and now where I could live med free and do pretty much everything anyone was doing. These day, I'm sick again, pretty much can't drink either, and yes it is hard to keep a social life when the symptoms are active... Everyone goes out, everyone parties and I often feel like the party breaker or I even get to find myself boring... cause I don't go to events or faculty partys and such... But it is so very hard to convince yourself to go out when you don't really have the energy to go there and enjoy yourself... So yeah, you are not alone and well, the feeling did fade over time for me... I just get moments where I feel really upset about everyone getting **** faced and trashing their life style and being perfectly healthy...

On a brighter note, keep in mind that remission are possible, that sometimes it can be a matter of treatment that is not the best suited for you. It also gets better as you get older from the simple fact your friends will get to start their family and have to deal with responsabilities and work. For me, I feel like I'm not missing on stuff as much since they party less often.

And remember, some good days should be ahead! Thankfully you will have a medication or surgery that gets you in remission and allows you to live your life fully!
 
Hi f_else,

You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. The worst of my symptoms occurred when I was 19 and in my first year of university. While many people were enjoying life partying and making new friends, I was at home in pain losing more weight every day. When I could go to school I would not bring up my condition or problems with anyone as it just did not make sense. I was dealing with a problem that (I assumed) no one would be able to relate to or even consider as they were all healthy.

I did my best to realize that being sorry for myself did nothing to make me feel better or help my cause. Instead, I did my best to be happy with my situation. I made sure to get lots of sleep (which was needed) and tried not to stress out too much. I had a pretty fixed schedule throughout the day which kept me busy (including watching certain tv shows, making my meals throughout the day and other general activities). I also tried to realize how fortunate I was for many things in my life (including my family who supported me and that fact that even though I was not well enough to go to it I was able to qualify for university, while many people in the world do not even have a possibility for education in their lives) that I did have. At one point during my first year at school for example I learnt that a classmate's father had passed away suddenly when this classmate was a child. This was something he dealt with silently just like I had to deal with IBD silently.

Even though it appears that everyone has it good, we really do not know what goes on in people's lives. I have met people who party and drink a lot who have serious medical conditions. Their doctors tell them they should not even drink alcohol but they say they don't care and want to live their life. Who knows what long-term consequences these people will face from their actions now.

I do not want to belittle the situation you are currently in at all as I know from personal experience it is a hard place to be. I just want you to know that you are not alone and even though it seems like everyone else in the world is leading perfectly normal and healthy lives, that is not the truth.

If you are able to find it, I highly recommend reading the book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He lived through the Holocaust and survived a concrentration camp. The book describes what he went through and his thoughts on where meaning comes from in our lives. I did not read it during the worst of my symptoms, but I wish I did as it would have made the journey to better days (which came for me and will come for you also) easier to handle.

Best of luck going forward and know that we are all here for you :heart: !
 
I have had crohn's sinse I was 15 and I am 19 now. At first it was kept under control with Remicade but when Remicade stopped working my life spun out of control. I had to drop out of high school & get my GED. I lost all of my friends, started isolating a lot more, dropped a lot of weigh and had to deal with people thinking I was using drugs but didn't think they were worth explaining myself to. It's really hard. In the past year I lost a bunch more weight, my teeth are pretty well destroyed, I have maybe 3 friends, I am in constant pain and recently got surgery to get a stricture removed. I am still having symptoms and pain plus my fibromyalgia is becoming much more apparent. Sinse my surgery I have lost half of my hair (it is so thin now) and it is still falling out. Your body is dealing with a lot of stress and it makes you a stronger person. I get jealous of other people and compare myself to them all the time but I always step back and realize that, that is so unhealthy for my recovery and state of mind. Be grateful for what you do have, not for what other people have that you don't. Everybody has their own personal struggles and you can't always tell by just looking at someone so comparing yourself to someone especially if you don't completely know their circumstances just doesn't make sense. Sorry for the rant but I have been dealing with the same feelings lately. You can't have a healthy body if you don't have a healthy mind. Start loving yourself<3
 
I'm like this at the moment but I have decided to get the bag and get on with my life i'm tired of watching life pass me by and i'm just existing in my house and I'm over feeling like **** all the time I have constant infections from being on imuran and remicade so I have decided to get the bag and move on with my life I have heard alot of positives about the surgery and I want to live my life and not just exist in my recliner and toilet I love the outdoors and camping/fishing and now all my mates keep telling me to come camping but I;m weak as hell and can't do the things I love.

I need to go to a reception tommorow for my aunties bday but I think it's looking like I;ll stay home over it bad its time to move on with life

And don't worry about drinking alchol isn't doing you any favours even if you are healthy I see my uncles and cousins get pissed then they suffer the next day remmeber every high has a low so don;t beat yourself up about not drinking your saving your brain cells atleast
 
I have totally felt this way. The sucky thing about Crohn's is that it strikes a lot of us at a time in our lives when we're supposed to be at our healthiest. We see our friends going out and putting their bodies through hell - eating crap, drinking, smoking, etc. And they get away with it! Meanwhile if I look at a salad the wrong way, I know it's going to b***h-slap me in a few hours on the way out.

I think the important thing is to focus on getting well and fill your life with friends who accept that you can't party all the time. I've found that alot of my friends are perfectly happy to spend a night in with me watching a movie or similar. I hope you find treatment that puts you into remission ASAP. In the meantime, know that you are not alone.
 
i felt a lot like this. it was barely 4months ago when i was diagnosed, and already im feeling a bit better. had symptoms for a year and ignored them, leading to me losing a bunch of weight, depression, and hospital time. but now that i feel a little better, i can include myself again, but before that i couldnt really hang out with my friends because there was no bathroom or i couldnt eat what they did. it was the beginning of my junior year in high school and i was worried my life was over. luckily i surpassed that and so can you! good luck and i hope you get well soon
 
Miss Gypsy said:
I have totally felt this way. The sucky thing about Crohn's is that it strikes a lot of us at a time in our lives when we're supposed to be at our healthiest. We see our friends going out and putting their bodies through hell - eating crap, drinking, smoking, etc. And they get away with it! Meanwhile if I look at a salad the wrong way, I know it's going to b***h-slap me in a few hours on the way out.

I think the important thing is to focus on getting well and fill your life with friends who accept that you can't party all the time. I've found that alot of my friends are perfectly happy to spend a night in with me watching a movie or similar. I hope you find treatment that puts you into remission ASAP. In the meantime, know that you are not alone.
Click to expand...

haha that's funny about the salad but so true!!!
 
Jealous - I flat out can't stand them!

Between having severe sleep apnea (probably all my life) and crohn's (IBD to some degree since childhood) I cannot ever remember waking in the morning wanting to do anything. Never had friends, never actively dated, never partied, no happy-hours. In spite of being good-looking I have slept with a grand total of 3 women my whole life. I was really sought after in my early 20's as I was almost identical in appearance to Christian Slater - who was the hearthrob of young ladies at the time - my god women would come up to me practically falling over with their legs open but although the guy down their wanted to, I was always too tired and depressed and usually on the verge of having to crap so a sheepish grin later I was left to another night of jerking myself off to sleep.

The best I had felt in my life - when I met my wife - was for a short period where I was on Zyban to help quit smoking and Androstenodine to build muscle. I had aggressive enough energy to pursue the needs of the little guy and my stomach was OK, I was beoming a bit too energenic though and she urged me to quit the Andro which led to a huge flare and a re-start of the smoking. The poor lady was hooked though - what a ****** husband I have been.

Yes life does certainly suck. The thing that I try to reinforce is that at least I have been given an opportunity unlike many that die when they are children, are crippled, developmentally disabled, blind, deaf, or just plain ugly (just kidding). I try to live with hope that someday I will feel better (even though I am running out of time).

Any improvement you experience must be celebrated. I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea over 7 years ago...I stubbornly fought CPAP therapy until finally this past summer I finally started to comply. I am very dissapointed to find I have not gained the energy I thought I would, but WHOLLY CRAP - I am not paranoid, irritable and a tight wound ball ready to burst into a temper tantrum anymore! All my life I was treated for depression, anxiety and bi-polar - - - -all the time it was just sleep deprivation!

Yes this sucks!
No, it is not fair!
I am jealous of those who are well!
I wish I could (have) phucked every hot woman alive!

But

I am still alive

And

Maybe some day I will know what it is like......
 
Hey everyone,

Thanks for your heaps supportive comments, it really does help to know that I'm not alone in this, and that I'm not a bad person because I envy what others have. I think I am just going through a bad stage at the moment, with a few of my really close friends off traveling and on various adventures (while I've put all my travel plans on hold) as well as having broken up with my long term boyfriend basically because I was too exhausted most of the time to be a good partner. I am seriously thinking that when I go back to university, I will avail myself of their free counseling service because it would be nice to vent some of these feelings in a place where they won't hurt anyone else or myself.
In the meantime I just keep thinking about how fortunate I really am. I am not bed-bound, I can still hold down a part-time job, go to university and go out as long as I don't push it too much and stay nice and sober.
Life could be so much worse and I am really lucky with a super supportive family so I know I will pull through this. Even if I never feel any better than I do now, I know I can deal with it. Even if it gets worse, I will deal with it. From this point on I am going to try and not be as jealous of those who are healthy and don't even realize how lucky they are, because in the end I know that with their health and happiness, most people won't smell, taste and feel some of the beauty that we will, as it is only with an understanding of deprivation that we can truly experience the sweetness that the world holds.

Thanks for all your support guys and as always best wishes for your health,
Fabs
 
Just like everyone elae here I too have felt this way. Friends and family out having fun while I have to stay home and feel like crap. The worst part is not being able to tell people what is wrong or talk about my symptoms. Nobody wants to hear about diahrrea and cramps and bleeding etc. Its not like having a bad back where you can discuss in detail all thepain and symptoms at the dinner table..... most of us suffer in silence and it sure makes me feel even more blue about my situation. And more jealous. You will go into remission one day and you will enjoy your life much more. Just hold on for now. I have no suggestions on how to make your life better...... I wish I did. Hang in there.
 
You're not alone. It's understandable to be jealous of those who are healthier than you - good health really is massively underrated and taken for granted. It think it's fine to have yourself a pity party once in a while. But do move on from it. Instead of comparing yourself to your healthy friends, compare yourself to the people who have it worse than you - or better yet, try not to compare at all! Concentrate on yourself - finding a good treatment for your disease, doing the things that make you happy, and taking care of yourself.
 
yeah:) Just think we all are unique and different healthy or not. It just makes you little extra special and when you do meet that guy or friends you know they will be real and not fake. I guess you just have to learn to love yourself and be thankful for the extra days god gave us. I bet you have an awesome personality to make up for it and your friends that went on tons of adventures well when they get back they will have tons of stories to tell you so in a way they take you along with them:)
 

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