Is sick of people saying I look great!

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countrycoffeehouse

countrycoffeehouse

Joined
Oct 4, 2010
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72
I am sure I am not alone in this. People comment that I look amazing for having 4 kids. They tell me wow for some one who is so sick you look amazing! I see people at church who know that I am really sick and they say " I wish I looked as good as you when I am so sick". I know they are trying to be nice ( I hope so anyways) but I just want to scream at them.. and say " well let me show you my new fissure that has tracked its way to a little back of my rectum" Or well you know I have pooped my pants once today already so this is my new outfit... or "great it must be the 17 times I have had to rush to the bathroom and poop sheer water and blood" and to the very fat lady at the check stand who comments how I am sooo skinny.. " gee lady you can be this way too if you poop constantly and never want to eat because its so painful to process" I really do wish that I had an energy bar on my forehead so people can see that wow she is exhausted and is still smiling and doing life with her family...its not something that many people even family can "see" and they forget that just because I am not being a baby about it that its still HUGE and very real.. Friends at church make comments at birthday dinners " wow maybe we all need a case of crohns disease so we can be as tiny as Daniele" I seriously wanted to yell WTF ( and I never talk that way).. I looked at all of them eating these amazing salads and just said.. " if you only knew" then I ate my potato soup!
What do you say to people?:crabby1:
 
I know what you mean! I understand people are trying to be nice and don't know what to say - but...I mean, how ill do I have to look before they stop saying things like that! Especially when I have lots tonnes of weight, swollen moon face from the steroids, hair falling out, skin awful, have v little enthusiasm for make up and alike when I feel like S**T, baggy clothes to try and ease whatever pain I am currently in...so really, I don't look great, I know it, they know it, but I guess - what else are they to say? ....x
 
The age old dilemma of how to deal with stupid comments. There are always good retorts like, "I was up seven times last night and already crapped myself twice today -wanna trade?" Or you can take the nice tact and reply with "I'm sure you don't know how hurtful that is to me."

I am lucky that I don't run into that stuff too often. My friends and family and even acquantances know how sick I have been lately and most are educated enough not to make stupid comments about my weight or how good I may look.

Hang in there - try to let it roll off your back.

- Amy
 
I usually just say thanks and kind of laugh to myself. They're trying to be nice and think it'll make you feel better, but they just don't know.

This happens somewhat often to me if I use my credit card at a place that checks your ID. My picture is from when I was on a lot of prednisone so they assume I was really overweight and lost a bunch of weight and all that. It's funny to my friends. :p
 
The first time people make a stupid comment, I politely explain things to them. The second time I might get a bit sarcastic, the third time, well I just walk off. Even if we were in the middle of a conversation. Otherwise I will get mad or upset, and that will make my belly hurt, and I haven't got energy to waste on stupid people. Generally though, once you explain so they can understand they shut up.

Example 'how can you stay so skinny when you eat so much?'
'It's because of the Crohn's'
'What do you mean?'
'My intestines are inflamed so they can't absorb food properly'
'ohhh' *dawns on her just how insensitive she's being*
 
Oh, forgot to add, even the doctors are guilty of this sometimes! In ER, pulse 120, blood pressure 150/90 or something, when it's usually more like 110/60, doubled over in pain with a plastic bag at the ready *just in case* but the doc repirted that the patient 'looks well' and has good colour. Of course I do, I'm mixed race, this is as pale as I get!
 
One time I was trying to explain to a colleague about Crohn's and I said some people have to go to the bathroom 20 times a day. 'Well H (girl at work with very small bladder) must go that often' 'Yes but I don't mean for a wee' 'uggh, too much information' she says as she walks away in digust. Too much info??? At least I missed out the part about not making it, or having to clean the whole toilet because it's gone everywhere, and having to use baby wipes because you're just too sore.

By the way, even though I do moan sometimes, I'm well aware of just how lucky I am that I only have this on bad days. Anyone who has to deal with that on a daily basis and still manages to get out of bed in the morning has my utmost respect.
 
Manzyb said:
...I replied with "You can have the disease, but you'll probably still be FAT."
Click to expand...

That almost made me laugh out loud, and I'm at work so that would not be good! I'm not on pred right now, but I kind of wish I were just so I could blame any snarky statements I make on pred! :D

I also hate it when people comment on how thin/good I look. "Ohhh, you're so thin/you've lost weight, what's your secret?" "It's not a secret. It's a chronic illness." That's my go-to line.
 
Manzyb said:
"You can have the disease, but you'll probably still be FAT."
Click to expand...

I agree, I would soooo LOVE to have said this to several people!! and I too laughed out loud when I read it. It may be a little drug induced, perhaps a bit harsh - however sometimes it needs to be said!!!

Does anyone get these comments at the other end of the spectrum? i.e when they are all puffed up and fluidy from steroids and people say ooo you look good, you've put on weight. Seriously can they not see how swollen my face ( and the rest of me is?!) is?!!

x
 
haha!! I'm glad you thought it was funny! After I posted that I was like...uhh... people will probably think I'm hateful. But good lord!! Sometimes you can't help but make the snarky comments. However, it did shut her up for good, probably out of pure shock I had the nerve to say it.
 
Oh yes bethany!!! Definitely had it both ways. I once had a person say something about me being pregnant (at the time I was definitely not). grrr.. that time I couldn't do anything but cry. If they don't know what to say, then they should just keep their mouths shut.

And... i agree.. it was a bit harsh..(blushing!)
 
Manzyb said:
I once had a person say something about me being pregnant (at the time I was definitely not). grrr.. that time I couldn't do anything but cry.
Click to expand...


God! People are just ridiculous sometimes! Do they have no control over what comes out of their mouths?? and it wasn't really harsh given the circumstances!!...I'm still smiling now when I re-read it! he he!

Just wish I had had the courage to say something like that! I would probably just get upset - then think of a good come back 2 hours later! ha! I'm rubbish at such things!

x
 
Rebecca85 said:
Oh, forgot to add, even the doctors are guilty of this sometimes! In ER, pulse 120, blood pressure 150/90 or something, when it's usually more like 110/60, doubled over in pain with a plastic bag at the ready *just in case* but the doc repirted that the patient 'looks well' and has good colour. Of course I do, I'm mixed race, this is as pale as I get!
Click to expand...
LOL, sorry that was funny.

I've had people be completely honest with me before it's almost sad. In high school when my growth was stunted I had multiple girls come up to me and ask me "What is wrong with you"? That really does a load for your confidence. One girl last year told me I looked ill straight to my face. I sarcastically said "Thanks". Then she's like..."well, not in a bad way." How the **** can you take that in any way but a bad way?
 
Poppysocks said:
One girl last year told me I looked ill straight to my face. I sarcastically said "Thanks". Then she's like..."well, not in a bad way." How the **** can you take that in any way but a bad way?
Click to expand...

You should have said, "You look ugly... well, not in a bad way!"
 
Docs are fab for stating the bloody obvious! They often say to me things like "Bethany - you are losing weight - you need to try and eat..." SERIOUSLY?? This said to me whilst I am in hospital puking everything up even water (As a crohnie I'm more of a puker than a pooper!!) I have to laugh or I would cry! LOL! x
 
With my initial flare I lost 60lbs in about 6 weeks. I was off of work for 2 months. I got the "you look great, you've lost a lot of weight", to which I often replied " I did, and it was the most pain I had been in my entire life"
 
Oh yes I am in the you look grate field also. I was obese before my surgery and I lost 15kg which, of course I never gained back. All those who have not met me for over a year they say "WOW you look great you lost so much weight". I Usually reply "This is what happens when you dont eat anything solid for three months" But still... my own MOTHER who sees me every other day, who knows I am sick and who was with me at the hospital whenever she sees me she says the same thing "Did you lose more weight?" "yes" "Well thats good" No mom its NOT good, it means that Crohns is still active and that I am sick as a dog mmmkay?
 
One of the best shared moments I had with someone in relation to Crohn's came the first day that my Pred cheeks puffed out. I showed a friend, and she managed to move beyond the mandatory "oh, it's fine! You look fine!" and groan along with me. I was (am) swollen like mad and she wasn't afraid to acknowledge that, especially with the unevenness of the swelling on the two sides of my face, I looked kind of strange when I smiled.

Otherwise, I'll confess that I like when my friends say things like how they wish they had a disease that doesn't let them eat fruit and veg. I am trying to take myself lightly in a serious situation (take Crohn's seriously but Kelly not at all seriously) and I appreciate that they're willing to play along. I respect that many people would prefer not to joke about Crohn's, but it's part of what gets me through difficult moments / days.
 
bethany84 said:
Docs are fab for stating the bloody obvious! They often say to me things like "Bethany - you are losing weight - you need to try and eat..." SERIOUSLY?? This said to me whilst I am in hospital puking everything up even water (As a crohnie I'm more of a puker than a pooper!!) I have to laugh or I would cry! LOL! x
Click to expand...

You know whats worse than the doc stating the obvious, you having to state the obvious to the doc. Was in a lot of pain yesterday, my GI was in surgery and i had to explain to the other doc there what he should put in my IV cause he didn't have a clue. PATHETIC!
:grumpy:
 
As someone who IS overweight and who has lost 25 pounds in a month because of this disease... I can admit, the weight loss has been nice. Don't get me wrong, I HATE how it happened and I would trade being healthy for being a chub chub any day of the week... But like Kelly mentioned, you kind of have to look at the positives when it comes to this stuff.

People really are stupid though. I was raised never to ask such rude questions. Or to make comments. I think sometimes its just as insensitive to comment on how skinny someone is as it is to comment on someone being heavier.

But ManzyB as someone who is kind of fa t ( that someone being me )... I don't blame you for saying that at all!
 
I once had a person say something about me being pregnant (at the time I was definitely not). grrr.. that time I couldn't do anything but cry

^^ I have had that too. I just say nope and they look shocked. I know i get bloated but not that bad.
 
I lost 10 pounds in a week, yet have fat face from prednisone. The comment I got: "Oh, menopause kicked in early for you, huh? The weight gain can really do a turn on your self esteem."
Hmm.... no, probably just someone with an incorrect assumption.
 
looool!!
I have just sat and red all comments and it has really made me laugh and cheered me up as we can all relate to the original post in some way or another!
I am heavily over weight but with each bad flare up I do loose quite alot. The way I look at it is 'yes I am in total agony and feel like I just want to cry and scream but at least there is one tiny positive to what is happening to me and that is that it seems to be the only way I am loosing weight'!!!
Don't get me wrong I would rather be fat and without this illness.
I am back on pred at the moment and my neck and face are huge but even my closest friends say to me that I look better than I have in years 'yes that is because the weight has shifted from my butt and waist to my neck!
 
Hi CountryCoffeHouse,

Hope you're having a great day! Had to put in my 2 cents too.. lol.. I feel your pain! It's hurtful, annoying, rediculous, incensitive, and all that good stuff. But so many ppl aren't educated on the disease. I've been trying to have patience @3#?!. It just baffles me when ppl think they can "fix" u if u just do this different or that.. Heck i'm still trying to figure out what the heck is going on with my own body. And even though I don't know exactly what "is" going on in there at the moment.. I "do" know that I have IBD, and there is no cure for this - well Crohn's anyways. Some Dr's say this, then others say that.. It's like geeze.. really? Waiting for more testing, having to switch up meds, the tolls it takes on your body physically and mentally are enormous.

I'm rambling.. ok.. well my weights been up & down, over & over, it's driving me flippin nuts! When ppl ask me about what's going on with me or seem like they still dont get it after u tell them as much as you can.. I've come to terms with saying "I have a disease that was turned on, and doesn't know how to turn itself off, and since there is NO cure for it.. it will be with me for the rest of my life. Whether it be rough times or smooth remission times, it will always be there." Ah, and I also like to mention that its like having "good" cells in your body attacked b/c they are mistaken as bad, so your body is constantly working double time inside where no one else can see, which causes inflamation that the outside person would not see..

. (i may not have said that quite right, i'm still new)..

but it frustrates me too. And sometimes ppl say - well u r not going to have it that bad.. I'm thinking oh Yea?? and U know b/c i look normal Give me a break! This is when i say.. "well you know what sometimes Crohn's can cause fistula tracts that can connect your instestines to an organ, or another part of your intestines, or cause strictures which have to be cut out of you.." etc.. When u tell someone what a fistula tract is they seem to begin to form a new opinion on the whole thing.. for me I just say .. when again they say: but yea not you.. Me: well I've already had one fistula.. humm.. i wonder if they'll find any more.. but i'll just have to wait and see.. oh well..

I dont bother going into too much detail w/everyone. But lately it's been family and friends that mean well but just dont get it
 
I just mention the word remission and everyone assumes it is as bad as cancer. That shuts them up... You should try it.
 
lol Dras....yeah I get upset...or used to but now its like HERE WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WEAR A BIG DAMNED BAND AID ON MY HEAD...that shows you Im sick? People who do not have this really have no idea what it is or how it can effect you. The empathy you wish people had is so lacking sometimes it is very frustrating.
 
wow guys! I have to say reading your posts is making me smile as it did for many of you. Bottom line we all know rude people but it does get old.. I am a very direct person and yesterday I was asked by a friend who said "Daniele how do you do it, 4 kids and a busy life" I replied what? ( thinking she was talking more about my suck it up and function in spite of pain and disease) then she said " you look amazing and have such a great mom body how do you find time to hit the gym" I burst out laughing and almost had gatoraid go through my nose. I then replied well its really easy when you poop blood and have a zillion trips to the bathroom and a fissure that is causing so much pain at my rectum. It totally takes the joy or desire to eat away. And no to the gym heck I can't even walk up my stairs in my house. And to even open this gatoraid took everything I had. But Im glad my jeans look great on me!
She sat there for a min then said how sorry she was.. I said I was sorry for unleashing a rath of frustration on her.. and were still friends!

Please don't get me wrong When I look in the mirror and see that I look cute in my clothes its a small smile that comes across my face and today I put on my smallest jeans and they were easy to button.. 2 months ago I couldn't pull them up.. its a sign I am sick and its going to get worse.. do to know medication..My husband is not making comments about it though.. to him it scares him and I see tears when he see's how thin I am.. talk about something making you feel awful
 
Cat-a-Tonic said:
That almost made me laugh out loud, and I'm at work so that would not be good! I'm not on pred right now, but I kind of wish I were just so I could blame any snarky statements I make on pred! :D

I also hate it when people comment on how thin/good I look. "Ohhh, you're so thin/you've lost weight, what's your secret?" "It's not a secret. It's a chronic illness." That's my go-to line.
Click to expand...

I LOVE this response! Straight to the point without being mean! :)

I hear a lot of stories about being asked when the baby is due and the woman not being pregnant. That just goes to show you that people are most of the time not thinking, whether you have an illness or not. People just don't think before they say things.

I will never get people, haha.
 
To me the hardest thing to explain is the Low Fiber Diet I am on.
People laugh at the fact that I cannot have a lettuce salad but I am ready for a T-bone steak.
This is not what everybody thinks about when considering a diet.
 
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I agree, Braveheart. Recently, I went out with my husband and stumbled upon this cute cupcake/chocolate shop. They were giving away free samples of some of their gourmet candies and the woman told us the name of each candy that was pretty self-explanatory of what they were made of, except one that had a vague name like "Jewel of the Nile." I asked what was inside and she said it was a nut of some kind and I said, "Oh okay, I can't eat whole nuts." She immediately freaked out and wouldn't let me have any of the other ones because she interpreted what I said to mean that I had a nut allergy. My husband even tried to help explain sayng it wasn't allergy problem, but a digestive problem. So, I could eat peanut butter, but not whole nuts. She still wouldn't let me eat any of the other ones, haha. It was slightly annoying because I think I am obviously responsible enough to know what I can and can't eat, but people aren't too familiar with a low fiber diet. She was nice enough to bring me an entirely different one that was banana, but it's funny how people just don't get it, even if you try to explain.
 
I had a similar problem when I went on a plane. They had a whole list of meals for specific diets (vegan, nut free, gluten free etc) but obviously no low res. And they couldn't tell me what each meal entailed. When I gave them a list of foods I couldn't eat, the woman was like 'why are you doing this to yourself?'. Even when I said it was a medical diet I don't think she got it. In the end I swapped foods with my boyfriend, so I had all the chicken and he had the veg.
 
I ran into some friends at a bar/lounge last week and saw someone whom I dont really talk to but we know each other. he said "Wow, you got really skinny!" I replied, "I have Crohn's Disease."

He eyes me and then says "I don't believe you." My friend who was with me was yelling at him that I do have it. That guy must of felt stupid as hell after that.

Stupid comments dont really bother me though
 
Went to varsity today and my friend goes, "Woah buddy, you're whithering away" And I was like thanx.... (Sarcastically) and she caught on to it and just said sorry.

The moral of the story is that sarcasm can help as well.
 
when i was in the hospital each day the doctor would come in and ask if i felt better than i did before i came in (when i did i had a SEVER abces and horrible inflammation, a result of 2 years with sever crohns and not treatment). hmmmmm i wonder...
 

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