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I have luck, it's all bad.
Nevertheless I'm never sad
Pain is fear, leaving the body
That's what they taught me in Karate
To be alive, honestly, I'm glad.
 
True dat!

If pain is fear leaving my body yo
I might have to tell all the fear to get on out the do'
Because I don't want any more pain
I feel like there's nothing left to gain (no pain no gain)
So go away pain, I don't want you no mo'!
 
Peaches said:
True dat!

If pain is fear leaving my body yo
I might have to tell all the fear to get on out the do'
Because I don't want any more pain
I feel like there's nothing left to gain (no pain no gain)
So go away pain, I don't want you no mo'!
Click to expand...
So good, Peaches!
 
Well fuck me runnin' cuz I'm full of pain
I'm losing composure and going insane
Go on and get
Before I throw a fit
Begone fear and let me drink some champagne

Yeah!
 
This morning i drank salty orange goop,
because they said it would make me poop.
Now i run to the can,
From which my husband's been ban,
so i make it, and don't have to say "oop!"
 
Dear Lord, today my gut hurts me
I just wish there was something the doc could see
But of course everything came clear
Confirming my absolute worst fear
So I'll suffer today at work 'til it's time to flee

Hah... finally got one.
 
Playing again. It's entertaining my mind. Distractions are good right now. :)

Hi! My name is Jess
My poor gut it quite the mess
The problem hasn't been so clear
So to find answers, we'll persevere
'Cuz I don't wanna live my life in distress
 
Gut problems stink
Literally, like a clogged sink
I hope you get better fast
And the docs figure out your ass
Then your pain will be gone in a blink.
 
Nessa is weak and sick as a dog
Her body aches and and head is a fog
My throat freakin' hurts
But at least I ain't got the squirts
Cuz I ain't got the energy to unclog (a toilet)
 
You are a star
I know you'll go far
A star on a pole
O bless your sole
Working late night in the bar.
 
All the boys be calling me Trailer Park Trixie
Tell me whatcha' want and I'll give you a fixie
Gimme one dollah'
And I'm sure to make ya hollah
It don't mattah if you're a business man or convicty
 
Not any mo
Now you my ho
See this pimp hand
Don't make me brand
Now off to the corner you go.
 
Farmie be thinkin' he's got me, Sha Nae and IMissPops
While he be buying jewelry from tha pawnshops
With your big medallion
You be lookin' like a stallion
How long before we end up on an episode of "Cops"?
 
I got me a cane
Pimp shoes and ring (pronounced rang)
Working with ya'll
Will be a ball
Now lemme hear ya sing!
 
Farm is a ding-a-ling
He wants to hear us sing
A cowboy pimp might be cute
If we were working in a house of ill repute
But I would not share my bling
 
Rumor has it that Farm be a player
Cruisin' with a drop top and being a paint sprayer
In his hood
There he stood
Not listening to rap, but some good John Mayer
 
I'm down with bizatchs and hos
There isn't much I don't know
I send you out
You make them shout
Then we all be rolling in dough.
 
Save a horse and ride a cowboy
Hearing those words make Farm scream for joy
We tip our hat
To the biggest dingbat
Is that Farm in a speedo or just another decoy?
 
Singing Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters no doubt
That's surely what a pimp would shout
I think he would be singing like Garth Brooks
Getting all sorts of crazy looks
Then he would pout;(
 
I'm original ya see
Not a copy of Run DMC
My pimp hat is Stetson
But whatcha wanna bet son
All the ladies would wanna work for me.
 
Big, pink flip flops and rollers in my hair
A low cut spaghetti strap showing off my pair
Shopping at Wal-mart
I let out a fart
My knockoff "Juicy Couture" shorts were beyond repair
 
Those shorts would be juicy alright
Better get a pair that's air tight
How about some plastic training pants
You can borrow a pair from an elderly aunt
You would be looking dy-no-mite.
 
This hot mami needs some Depends
I think I'll start a new Crohnie trend
A diaper thong
Won't agree with a man's dong
But us ladies will look hot, dontcha' think, girlfriend?
 
Well, I think we'd be sendin' the wrong message
They might think we want a little spank-age
Dressed up like life sizes babies
Those dudes would give us scabies
We better leave the diapers in the package
 
You guys all crack me up.

Tomorrow i'm getting a camera put up my colon,
should be about as much fun as bowlin.
I hope they find what's wrong,
then i shall sing a song,
and back to work i'll be rollin!
 
Pick your GI and pick them right
Mine used a waterhose and damn maglite
I didn't pick him because he's a man
I picked him because he had small hands
The whole roll of waterhose went out of sight!
 
Peaches said:
A diaper thong idea is not good
I mean, reverse it and maybe it would
Catch the stuff it's meant to catch
But then it'd be up your snatch (you know - a backward thong - ouch!!)
Stick with the cock pot idea Nessa, if you could
Click to expand...

:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
Peaches said:
:ylol2: Sometimes I think you just ain't right....then you come up with brilliance like this and change my mind ;)
Click to expand...
I do try to impress! :ybatty:
 
Farmie may have a brain the size of a pea
But he's the world's greatest poet, you see
He bounces off the walls
Writing rhymes about his balls
That's what happens when you listen to country
 
Wanted, a cowboy who can last more than 8 seconds
Just a wink, and you have been beckoned
They're happy to jump in the saddle
But leave you up a creek with no paddle
Girls, does such a thing exist, ya reckon?
 
Dunno about cowboys, but there are men who exist
Who will give you a good workout that you cannot resist
Throw on some Marvin Gaye
And get ready for some foreplay
Just make sure he's gentle and doesn't use a fist
 
There once was this Crohnie who liked to canoodle
One day HE had a big helping of struddle
He snuggled in tight
But something wasn't right
Poor guy had a limp noodle.
 
I can forward The Colon Ninja to you
He is suppose to help us poo
You just drink some Mountain Dew
And your bowels are good as new
Spammer's have no clue.
 
If I dare to drink Mountain Dew
It'd be like my gut doing voodoo
Tasting like sugary piss
Is not what I'd call bliss
I'll take a Manischewitz and I ain't even a jew!
 
Last edited:
Cowboys are rough
The life is tough
Horse shit and mud
But the best kind of love
If you can put up with the snuff.
 
Busted up, bruised, hardly get out of bed
Waking up with nothing but work in your head
Scarred up, used, thoroughly worn
Skin so tough and heart so scorned
Look back and can't remember everyday you bled.

Life isn't quite as bleek
Every scar is unique
Every cut a tale
The bulls you rode, the horses you sale
It's worth it all, even when your bones creek.
 
Pain can never be a friend
I really hate today's trend.
Pooping has been crappy
And also very snappy.
When is it all gonna end?

I guess it what I deserve
I have had a great up curve.
I wondered if it was over for now
For me to stop saying ow
I guess I have to wonder do I still have the nerve?

I want to go back home
In the east is where I currently roam.
I'm from the west coast
Its the place I love the most.
I feel like that traveling nome!
 
Went to the movies with the FIL and his girlfriend
Saw "It's Complicated" and turns out my FIL is good at pretend
Because he had a freakin' heart attack
So off to the ER we did pack
Surgery he will have on Tuesday, then he'll be on the mend

Quadruple bypass people! The man had a heart attack right there in the theater and was trying to blow it off like it was nothing. It was mild - like I had to convince my doctor husband to take him to the ER - but STILL!! Ugh!
 
He's fine right now - sitting up at Duke Medical Center in a posh room...waiting. The waiting game is going to get to him though. Surgery won't be until after the holiday weekend. That would get to me too! Then I'll have him and the girlfriend for 4 weeks at my house while he recovers. Should be interesting.....
 
That's one of the many, many scary things about heart attacks is how mild the symptoms can be! I'm glad to hear that he's okay and am hoping the surgery and recovery go smoothly for him. Keep us updated.
 
Heart Attacks are no fun
I'm sorry it happened, hun
Tuesday will be the day
A prayer I will say
After that I hope the surgery will be done.
 
I may be a mom, but I ain't no sucker
I kiss my boys makin' them squirm and pucker
Sure, my language is diverse
And I try not to curse
But why is my toddler yelling, "ROCK ON, FUCKER"?!?!?
 
farm said:
LMAO!!!!!

It was real funny when he yelled NIPPLE!!!
Click to expand...

I know! He likes to come up to me, flash me his manboobs and yell, "NIPPLE"! as loud as he can. Wonder if Joe Francis is interested in starting up, "Babies Gone Wild"?
 
Congrats to Minnesota
Thanks for taking down your Cowboy quota!
Next up is the Saints
Probably not as easy as those Dallas taints,
Line 'em up and take them like a rota!
 
Dallas taints......, sounded right
You don't wanna fight
I was raised to root for the Redskins
Because they have more wins
Dallas back then, what a terrible sight.... (kinda like they are now)
 
The big D.... going into the shitter
Now we're back to the CF big hitter
Talking about poop and how it sucks
And how CD is always in flux
I'll tell you what, I ain't no quitter!
 
I just spent an hour tonight
Cleaning up my smut that wasn't right
Deleted everything dirty
Deleted anything that could have been misconstrued as flirty
Now my lips will be shut tight

MAN....I deleted some brilliance just now :( But at least I didn't have to start "looking" until after page 37 because all my other posts had already been deleted! My hat goes off to you guys....this is one funny freakin' thread!!!
 
I found out today
As of Friday I could have no pay
My whole crew could be gone
This, my friends, is WRONG!
But it's out of my hands, what to say?
 
No it sucks. Just over 5 years here and I get a 4 day notice that "Hey, Friday we find out if you (and 8 other people) have a job or not!"
 
Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.
I'll have to get my pimp hand back in shape....
 
farm said:
Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.
I'll have to get my pimp hand back in shape....
Click to expand...

We'll get throught his together, big daddy. Guess it's time for me to go out and shake what my mama gave me?
 
I'm sorry Farm!! That is sucky news! Let's hope they had some sort of delusional disorder and that it won't be true. :(
 
The economy sucks
Where are all the bucks?
The gov't is spending more and more
But I don't like what's probably in store
It even sucks for all the men who drive the trucks!
 
Farm wants to be a Pro
Not your ordinary Ho
He'll take your bucks
Just to buy a new truck (thought I was going there didn't ya'll)
And hope you come back for mo'
 
Pirate said:
Farm wants to be a Pro
Not your ordinary Ho
He'll take your bucks
Just to buy a new truck (thought I was going there didn't ya'll)
And hope you come back for mo'
Click to expand...

Right on, Pirate! You're a natural. :)
 
Oh Pirate is pretty easy
Some say that that he's sleazy
He'll roll in the mud
pop off a dud
While you guys stand around getting queazy
 
Glad to see you man with the eye patch
Pirate take on that ginormous catch
Hi Nessa, I sure do miss ya
Where you been the day spa?
These rhymes are a certain match!
 
What up pop
You know I can't stop
I gotta spit my lines
Don't make me flip my gang signs
You gonna make me drop?
 
Yo, Yo enough with this show
You boys are way too slow
The girls are limerick writers supreme
Everyone knows you are full of steam
Step aside, cuz us girls will make you say whoa
 
Oh Imp that beautiful young girl
Says "Pirate, I'll give ya a whirl"
So she spins the merry-go-round
Pirate goes flying to the ground
and runs away like a bushy tailed squirrel
 
Last edited:
I know my words come out slow
Cause when I think my head tries to blow
Can't think of good words
when I'm fighting a turd
And now my face is all a glow
 
Pirate, I think I have a crush.
When you say I am 'young' I blush
I'm really an old bat
But, enough of that
I'm feeling a little flush
 
The last time someone had a crush
The blood to my head did it rush
I became so weak kneed
That surely I did peed
Oh well that's the end of that crush
 
I once took a girl on a date
When suddenly she became very irrate
Cause when I unhooked her bra
Her mellons did fall
And I said " Your not even an eight"
 
Pirate is a naughty guy
Nothing about him is shy
I bet he use to streak naked down the street
Nothing on him, even bare feet
Fess up and don't be sly
 
Yes I did streak down the street one night
It wasn't the most beautiful sight
My cheeks were a flopping
My clothes were a dropping
As I ran off in pure delight
 
I can't get the hang of the limmrick
Is there some special little trick
I try to write down these words
But my vision gets blurred
And I end up sounding like a derelict
 
Oh Imp thinks she clever this evening
As I sit here stewing and seething
Does she think its okay
To think that I'm gay
Could it be the way that I'm breathing

This limmrick thread is a lot of fun.
 
Welcome to the limerick thread
Oh, were you mislead?
We tease all the guys about their manhood
But you know it's all good,
We don't care who you take to bed
 
LOL Don't worry, I'm getting a great laugh out of this thread. Love it. Janis just rolls her eyes and laughs.
 
The limerick thread is fantastic
To rhyme here, you can't be made of plastic
Sticks and stones make break bones
But here you may get totally owned
Remember its all in fun, don't be drastic!
 

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