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Did the shine make you go blind
Or is it something you do when you are in a bind?
The Ranch will take care of that
I'll mail you some gift certificates to tuck under your hat
No need to thank me, I'm just being kind :)
 
Ladies like us are hard to find cousin?
Ladies like us are a dime a dozen
A bit on the middle aged scene
With things that jiggle like a fiend!
On some big old moonshine you must be buzzin'!!

Oopsie - I forgot to say - I'm only speakin' for myself. I've never physically seen Carrie's things that jiggle :O)
 
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You are speaking the truth
I've been eating too many Baby Ruths
I'm on a diet
So I don't cause a riot
Bikini's are for the youth
 
Yep - I gave them up about 3 years ago (the bikini - NOT the baby ruths!!). My boobs and hips are just too big LOL!!
 
YEAH they are!! I usually get at set - underwire bikini top - throw a matching tankini over that (gives you that extra lift - unfortunately makes me look like I've had a big old fat boob job!) then the bottoms. After what happened with my skin and this rash at the beach this past summer, I'm doubting I'll be going in the sun much anymore. Moon tan....here I come!!
 
There once were 3 sexy gals
They had grumbly bowels
They went to the beach
The bathroom was within reach
They kept their parts wrapped up in towels
 
Yes, I wrap towels around my legs when at the coast
I wrap towels around my butt the most
Cover up that pasty skin
Lock up the piggie in a furry pen
If people saw under the towel their eyes would be TOAST!
 
This mama hasn't seen a bikini in years
Her pasty skin is what all the men fear
Gimme a muumuu
I won't look like Shamu
Then I'll belly flop off of a big pier!
 
Shanaenae, I do that too (underwire bikini top with a tankini over it). I NEED that extra lift with my huge boobage and it's a nice way to cheat, LOL.
 
The problem is all the horseshit about ya'll not looking good! I won't stand fer it!!
 
Us ladies babbling about our self esteem
makes Farm want to fidget and scream
let him fantasize
about us in a maid disguise
cuz us in muumuu's ain't worth a daydream
 
Ok - my measurements are 36-24-36
Take that and put it in the mix
I have curly hair down to my knees
And guess who wants my honey?? ALL the bees
And if you believe a word I've said, you must think I also have all the lotto picks!
 
It's REALLY all about BatFen and SpiderFarm
one loves his car and the other his firearm
Crohn's Mens calendar 2010
a combo of officers and firemen
They're oh so hunky and full of charm
 
Peaches said:
Ok - my measurements are 36-24-36
Take that and put it in the mix
I have curly hair down to my knees
And guess who wants my honey?? ALL the bees
And if you believe a word I've said, you must think I also have all the lotto picks!
Click to expand...

HAHA! :ylol2:

I don't even know my measurements (well, 'cept for my bra). I don't think I want to know the others...LOL
 
Ya know I'm sexy and built to boot
Too bad I'm built like a shithouse root
If I only had a beard
Santa would be scared (pronounced skeered)
I walk around in my wife-beater and toot!
 
Sometimes I poop my pants
It makes me do a dance
It smells so bad
It makes me sad
But I hear it's rude not to do so in France.
 
BatFen going through pred withdrawal,
Missed lots of limericks from my bud Kawl.
My cough still exists,
To sum up shortly...I'm pissed.
My throat needs an overhaul.
 
Aw man - that is a BUMMER! WTH??? Isn't there a ENT that is super duper good at this that you can go see? OK - that is stupid - it is your lungs, NOT your throat isn't it? A pulmonary doc - I mean, someone - you can't just stay this way buddy!

Maybe it's time to move to warmer clims?
 
My lungs are fine. I'm gonna try to get in to see an allergist.

Let's go back to rhyming sillies,
About the ladies' boobs and the boys' willies.
Y'all make me smile,
your limericks have guile,
Even those from you hillbillies.
 
My poor Fen and that tickling of the throat
have you been wearing your scarf and coat?
an answer we'll find soon
and kick that hack to Neptune
then we'll gladly sing, dance and gloat!
 
I'm so drunk I can barely see
I'll have you know Nessa wouldn't answer me
So I called my sis
Had a drunk talk with Ris
My bladder's full so I gots to pee!
 
It's true I must confess
Drinking with Fat Al was such a mess
There was no fight
We made it out alright
Tomorrow I may remember the rest.
 
Farm is drinkin' on a school night
Hope he's not out looking for a fight
With a bum knee
He may have trouble hobbling to take a pee
Hopefully he doesn't accidentally pee on someone's bike (like the Harley....of a death's angel clansman!)
 
farm said:
I'm so drunk I can barely see
I'll have you know Nessa wouldn't answer me
So I called my sis
Had a drunk talk with Ris
My bladder's full so I gots to pee!
Click to expand...

LMAO! I'm so sorry, Farmie. I would've loved to have listened to your drunken ramblings and try to decipher them. Maybe next time? And there will be a next time. ;)
 
Nessa is going on day two of a headache
I feel as if someone wacked me with a rake
I need a massage
or some man sausage
Maybe I'll just grub on a buttermilk pancake
 
Peaches said:
:ylol2:

Nessa needs to get her toy
And just pretend that it is a boy
One ring of the bell
and her head will feel all well
Then you can relax with some chips ahoy!


OOORRR - you will be like me sometimes. Sometimes that makes my headache SLAMMIN' afterward. Ah...toss o the coin....
Click to expand...

Wanna hear something quite funny?
The batteries are missing from my bunny
Who'd do such a thing?
They sure know how to sting
Little does he know that I've got extras, hunny!

Yeah, I'm serious, LOL. Now that's just WRONG!
 
Ah poor Nessa is having erotic breakfast thoughts
Slathering syrup all over her food in one shot
Get out the silver bullet
Fantasize about guys in mullets
What do you have to lose, give it a shot.
 
vshirey317 said:
Wanna hear something quite funny?
The batteries are missing from my bunny
Who'd do such a thing?
They sure know how to sting
Little does he know that I've got extras, hunny!

Yeah, I'm serious, LOL. Now that's just WRONG!
Click to expand...

That calls for revenge
Batteries you must exchange
Let him hear you use it...
Calling out another guy's name, ought to make him spit
A wrong needs to be avenged
 
I wish my man would come to bed
trying to stay up is hurting my head
He's downstairs with a friend watching basketball
What's the big friggin' deal about a BALL
Oh well, I guess I will go to bed instead.....
 
Put Bengay in his toothpaste
He won't even know it was laced
When his tongue goes numb,
And he starts to act dumb.
You can just ask him, what has caused his distaste?
 
Nessa is going to get rich and patent the "cock pot"
What a nice gift for those who tie the knot!
With a removable head for a lid
Just keep it away from your kid
Buy it for your pals who love a little naught
 
imisspopcorn said:
What do you cook in it?...And don't say chowder!
Click to expand...

Anything you would in a regular crock pot. :p

The first few I make, I'm autographing them and giving them to you, Shantel and my other Crohnie lady friends. You just wait! One day you're going to walk into Spencers, see it and be like, "OMG, that's Nessa's"!
 
imisspopcorn said:
Well, if it steams, maybe we could give ourselves facials too......
Click to expand...

::spew:: ROFLMAO!

Just make sure you have your eyes closed. I hear that stuff can irritate the corneas.
 
imisspopcorn said:
My kids are yelling, "Stop laughing".....Ah thanks, I needed that!!!
Click to expand...

I probably look like an idiot curled up in a ball, laughing at the computer screen, LOL!

Oh, and for the record, yes it will have veins...
 
Ah man, TMI
...Make sure you take into account different ethnicities. You can broaden your market that way.....LMAO.....

Okay, I can see a new bride exchanging it because, well, it doesn't match the kitchen drapes;)
 
imisspopcorn said:
Ah man, TMI
...Make sure you take into account different ethnicities. You can broaden your market that way.....LMAO.....

Okay, I can see a new bride exchanging it because, well, it doesn't match the kitchen drapes;)
Click to expand...

Of course. Can't be leaving anyone out!

LMFAO @ exchanging it. Hahaha!
 
All this talk about cock
Sure does rock
You ladies need to know
We love when you put on a show
I hope you don't pass out from the shock. (For the electric ones)
 
:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
We pass out, that is right
Luckily it is because we are seeing a white light
Angels dancing over head
Like heaven in bed
I'm sure it is a eye popping sight.
 
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I will tell you not all women need a toy
They certainly don't need a boy.
What they need is a big 'ole Man
To make her do a headstand
And fill her with lots of joy!
 
That is what all guys say
There is no need to feel dismay
Not everyone finishes together
Some guys lose it at the drop of a feather
Now everyone has a happy day
 
I won't complain if they get the job done
It makes it less work for me and and for you, more fun.
These one are a little longer
But they're making me stronger
Maybe all women should have one.
 
Let me tell ya about a girl named Carrie
All she wanted was a boy to pop her cherry
So she got some waxing strips
And took care of those lower lips
Now she's silky smooth and not so hairy!
 
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Peaches said:
Um - two actually! Whatcha thinkin......NO YOU DON'T!!! I'm not firing "cock pots" in my kiln!!! I'd never be able to look at them the same!! Hee heeeee!
Click to expand...

LMAO! My "cock pots" will violate your kilns in ways you did not think were even possible!
 
Oh my damn head
I should have called in and said
"I'm too drunk to show"
Then back to bed I would go
My poor eyes are so red.

BTW nessa, I was drinking Shiner Bock on tap and had the waitress take my picture in front of a Shiner Bock sign........
 
farm said:
Oh my damn head
I should have called in and said
"I'm too drunk to show"
Then back to bed I would go
My poor eyes are so red.

BTW nessa, I was drinking Shiner Bock on tap and had the waitress take my picture in front of a Shiner Bock sign........
Click to expand...

YES! Did you do your thumbs up? If not, you should! And then caption the pic, "This one's for you, M&M"!
 
vshirey317 said:
YES! Did you do your thumbs up? If not, you should! And then caption the pic, "This one's for you, M&M"!
Click to expand...
I did the Thumbs Up but she didn't catch it on the pic!

shiner.jpg
 
I wrote this limerick for my gal pal, Heather on Facebook. For years we've been referring to dildo's as "mulattos". Yes, the secret is out...

My girlfriend and I grabbed our mulatto
Had some fun in the Playboy grotto
We squealed with delight
While under the moonlight
Us gals know how to rock and that is our motto!
 
I call them B.O.D's
Not to be confused with C.O.D's
Battery operated device
Oh how nice
No cash on delivery, the O's are free
 
Maybe ya'll need the "Colt"
It takes a car battery, 12 volt
It'll tickle your innards
And play Lynard Skynard
Then kick you off with a bolt.
 
A toy that'll play Free Byrd?
Rumor has it that's the word
Eagles "Hotel of Cali"
Is also right up my alley
After vibing to that, my vision will be blurred
 
imisspopcorn said:
Well, if it steams, maybe we could give ourselves facials too......
Click to expand...

OOOh naughty lady monkeys
feeling all frisky and spunky
just a rascally rabbit
can become a horn toads habit
my laptops at eye level
risen up from saucy drivel..
 
vshirey317 said:
Let me tell ya about a girl named Carrie
All she wanted was a boy to pop her cherry
So she got some waxing strips
And took care of those lower lips
Now she's silky smooth and not so hairy!
Click to expand...


and more aerodynamic? viva brazil!!!:ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2: :ylol2:
 
I have a buddy of mine and his name is Jerry
He'll fart for hours after eating lotsa dairy
I'll be the first to admit
He's funny as shit
Even though he loves "Little House on the Prairie"
 
Jerman said:
Aww c'mon your not afraid of cuddly ole Jerman are ye? saucy sissies! lmao
Click to expand...

Jerms just called me a saucy sissy
Surely he's trying to get the ladies pissy
I'm PMS'ing
So I wouldn't be messing
With Big V who ain't always so proper and prissy!

Word up! LOL :ylol2:
 
vshirey317 said:
Jerms just called me a saucy sissy
Surely he's trying to get the ladies pissy
I'm PMS'ing
So I wouldn't be messing
With Big V who ain't always so proper and prissy!

Word up! LOL :ylol2:
Click to expand...


jerman shudders in fright
at the thought of big V's pure might
he called her a sissy
but she wasn't prissy
she was the object of
everyman's wish & delight:lol:
 
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Josh has been gone for awhile
But came back to make you all smile
He said with a frown
The gallbladder shut down
And since I've been dropping my bile
 
Hey it looks like we got another male
Our rhymes certainly aren't stale.
Sandman I hope you're all better
And not stuck in a Christmas sweater
Rest assured we will never fail!
 
Hey Mike, meet my hubby Josh
Ya know what? Osh Kosh B'Gosh (because not much rhymes with Josh)
For months he's been sick
Hope his surgery comes quick
Damn it.... gotta find something that ends in "osh" LOL
 
Josh is biting my style
Doing weird shit with his bile
His gallbladder's dead
It's not in his head
To his body, it's doing things vile :(
 
Nice to meet you Josh
I'm glad you're back to this thread of bosh.
So you and Ris are married?
Man this group is varied!
Wash, slosh, and squash all rhyme with Josh.

:)
 
Another gallbladder bites the dust
What's in your water, rust?
It's sweet the hubby has sympathy pains
The coincidence is insane
Sometimes this world is not just.......

Ris And Josh, I can't believe this news. I hope you feel better Josh.
 
Two of you in the same house
Little Ris and her lovely spouse
Both have sick bladders of gall
Now, that will not do at all
And nothing else rhymes but mouse, louse and grouse!
 
Let me tell you about a dude named Josh
Living in SoCal with the rich and posh
He cruised in his Caddie
and yelled, "Call me pimp daddy"
Then he went to a rock concert and started to mosh!

Uck, I'm sorry to hear about your gallbladdah! I can't believe yours went to crap after Rissy's. Hope you start feeling better soon. :(
 
Josh should have drank shine
It would have pickled his 'bladder in time
But now it must go
To fix his bile flow
Better hope to Ris you were kind!
 
Off to a great start today,
my bud Jerman has joined the fray.
Josh and Ris are in da house,
with their pets - do you have a mouse?
To celebrate gonna see the ballet.
 
Ris and Josh have something in their watah
Making their G'bladders go to foddeh
So surgery he will seek
At his insides they will peek
And hopefully soon he will feel much bettah
 
I had a dream last night about Farm (!)
It did give me much alarm
Because Cheyenne ran away
Before eating her hay
And then Farm disappeared with his sidearm

It was a weird, weird dream!! My twin and I were desperately looking for his horse and dog and it was *cold* outside! I kept trying to call him to make sure he found her (and his dog!) but I kept getting different people's voicemails! Crisscrossed wires in the brain......
 
Peaches said:
I had a dream last night about Farm (!)
It did give me much alarm
Because Cheyenne ran away
Before eating her hay
And then Farm disappeared with his sidearm

It was a weird, weird dream!! My twin and I were desperately looking for his horse and dog and it was *cold* outside! I kept trying to call him to make sure he found her (and his dog!) but I kept getting different people's voicemails! Crisscrossed wires in the brain......
Click to expand...

HA! I had a dream about Farm last night, too. He was wanting to take random pics together in front of Shiner signs.

All the ladies think Farm is a dream weaver
Even if he hacks deer with a meat cleaver
I'll count my sheep
Just to fall asleep
Cuz when my Farm dreams end, I'll be a griever
 
Can You Hear Me Now is back again
So now I just can't wait to hear Ris and Fen
Farm's was funny too
I guess I'll have to make one that is new
I give that thread a 10!
 
I went to do laundry and frozen are my pipes!
Ready to hear this Texan grumble and gripe?
My clothes really stink
Should I wash them in the sink
Damn you Artic front -- what's with all the hype
 
Farm called me and was sort of drunk
He cut the cheese and then it stunk
Drinking and riding
All while confiding
That he had no boxers and was adjusting his junk
 
I wonder if he could get an "RUI"
At least he couldn't kill someone has he was riding by
Adjusting his junk
While his farts he stunk
Smiling as he rides on by
 

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