Yeah I don't know. I am now officially broke, like, I have 3 dollars broke. I dont know what to do.
I have an idea to start a specialized niche photography company, but I don't have the slightest idea on how to get it started, and I dont really want to go around asking for advice and have my idea taken from me because it is fairly original. So I am at a loss, I wouldn't even know how to get started, I basically want to start doing real estate photography (essentially) but beyond making a DIY website, and getting some business cards, then doing some networking with people I know, I wouldn't know where to begin on learning how to bring in business without spending thousands of dollars (That I dont have) on online marketing.
I have a great idea though, I could be able to run it myself, do quick jobs, take them and schedule them on hours that work for me and around my crohns, and make a reasonable amount of money (Im guessing anyway). I wonder how much people make doing commercial and residential real estate photography, with my niche idea, I could probably charge on the higher end of that scale, and maybe a tad bit more to start, obviously offering "packages".
But taking it from an idea and turing it into something that is profitable. I am lost.
The depression over this crap is starting to kick in again, im going to be 30, no job, no career, moved back to my parents, I feel like a failure. And even if I wanted to get out and just go get a job and move on with my life, I cant. Because of this stupid disease.
And I dont even know if I am still in a flare or not, I still have to take pain meds every day, and all these other meds, and even though there is no blood anymore, and I am feeling 100x better than I did 2 years ago when I got out of the hospital, still every time I eat, my stomach hurts, every time I feel gas bubbles moving around it hurts and is uncomfortable, the "feeling" of needing to use the restroom is painful, the feeling of needing to fart is painful, Even if I do feel enough energy to go out and do something, but the time I get up, take a shower, get dressed and get ready, Im tired again. And I dont know if I should try and push myself harder and harder to build up stamina again and it will work, or if Ill just wear myself out and end up making it worse from pushing myself when I shouldn't be. My doctors dont do anything, especially now that I am on medi-cal, its like they dont give a crap about me, bare min treatment to make sure I am alive, and past that, its like a big **** OFF attitude from them. Every time I need an infusion, I have to jump through hoops, every time I need a refill on meds, I need an approval, or its not covered, or they dont cover the full amount, or the doctor gets it wrong, or it goes to the wrong pharmacy, I cant even get a single refill without someone making a mistake, and I sure as **** dont have the energy acting like im running a business by making sure that everyone else does their jobs right. I would literally sell my left nut on the black market to get 6 months of time where everything goes smooth, I dont have to worry about this or that, and make endless amounts of phone calls trying to get people all on the same page.
How the **** am I supposed to think about starting a business or making money or what I am going to do with my life when its a full time job just trying to manage doctors and medications and spend all day worrying about them not doing their jobs right.
I really cant take this **** (literally) anymore.
Sorry. Needed to vent.