Hello everyone, apologies for the absence lately.
After my scan showed inflammation my consultant and IBD nurse said they felt that my crohns is definitely active and that biologics are my only real treatment option. With this in mind, they gave me some information leaflets and told me to see which one I preferred. They referred my case back to the MDT meeting, but this seemed to be a mere formality since last time we were asked to provide proof of a flare and now we had..surely they couldnt have a problem this time right?
Well guess what. I was wrong.
I got an email yesterday from my IBD nurse saying that they now want me to have another scope with biopsies.. I emailed back and said that this has upset me a little since my last one was really painful and it didnt even pick anything up. She responded saying that they need to get tissue biopsies this time (dont know the difference between these and the ones they usually take?) and that she will arrange for my consultant to do it at their center. Dont worry she says, they will sort it.
Now dont get me wrong I love my IBD nurse, she's been amazing through out this whole thing and always supported me and believed me when i tell her something isnt right. My consultant has also been great, hes a no messing kind of guy. If the patient says they dont feel well then he takes notice and does everything in his power. He has always said that if I'm in pain it means they need to change what they're doing.
So I have no worries about them. I respect them and I trust that they are and will continue to do everything possible to help.
However, I must admit that i am more that just a little upset. My team keep pushing to get me treatment, and the mdt meeting said show us the inflammation.. so we have.. but thats still not been good enough. I am unsure yet if we will have to go back to them after this scope. I am hoping that if they find the inflammation in the biopsies then I will be granted biologics with no further problems. But if they do have to go back to the MDT then I am concerned that they will still say no. Which would be crushing.
I have been in an increasing amount of pain lately. The other week, my boyfriend was staying with me while my parents were away. He was sleeping in the spare room ( I had a single bed and hes 6ft ) and I had to phone him and get him up at 7 am because I'd been crying in pain for nearly four hours and couldnt take it any more. He wanted to phone me an ambulance but I refused and self medicated etc.. I like to think I handle pain pretty well, but that was beyond. Ever since that my stomach hasnt really settled properly, the pain goes a little but then comes right back, and I don't know if i can deal with that another 3 months.
I have tried to be patient, i know these things take time and they have to make sure they check everything, but surely after everything I've been through they should have enough information to do something.
The waiting lists for urgent scopes are around 3 months. 3 more months of horrible pain that makes it impossible to function normally. Surely that's not right? My IBD nurse says my GP should help me with pain management, but they either act like i'm looking for drugs or they panic and send me into hospital. I'm also pretty sure I've been bleeding a little. As I've been seeing small amounts of blood in my underwear. I originally assumed it was periods starting but then nothing came. I'm not 100% sure on where it came from but I have seen blood come out before so im reasonably confident.
Apart from all that, the thought of another load of prep when the last one made me violently sick and I had to be put on fluids plus another scope so soon after the one that went wrong really makes me nervous. I have always found scopes very painful, and I certainly wasnt sedated very well the last time. I know my nurse says she'll get it with my consultant this time but I don't know if she can 100% garuntee that as it was meant to be with him last time and i ended up with someone else. I will be asking if i can get a different prep at the very least and maybe more sedation if thats possible.
I know all this is just a part of IBD and I know I should be used to it, but right now I really feel like I need a break. I'm so sore, barely sleeping and my appetites all over the place and its been like this for the majority of this year if not longer.
I don't really know where I'm going with all this. I just needed to get it out to people who understand. I have an appointment with my nurse next week and have lots of questions to ask. Most of all i just want some relief from this pain. I really dont see that as being too much to expect.
I'm going to try and make a doctor's appointment tomorrow to sort out some pain relief. I just hope they don't send me to the hospital again -_-.