My painful Story

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Finally got my tests booked. The local hospital could n't do the tests for six months. 26th is booked. Seems like forever,six months would've been agony. I do feel better since now I only drink water. No pop(er soda),juice,coffee or tea. Guess my life is pretty plain as in not alot of choices. I do feel lucky to have made it as far as I have. My last grandfather has died...he was 85. He caught Pneumonia and soon after that ...kidneys gave out. He lived a LONG life...out living most around him. He was a proud and old school warrior. He is now with my grand mother and other ancestors.
Suddenly my cousin died in a car accident. She died young and way before her time. It is soo sad to see a young mother leave all that she loves.
On top of that...our chief died of a heart attack. Idk how to feel anymore...
All I know is that my pain seems so small in the picture of my reserve right now.
I prey the situation becomes better for us all.
Thanks for any listening.
 
Made it to my test.
Idk....what happened after. Maybe the pressure of the wand, the ride home(van), or being a bit more active. After the test...my right side began to hurt. That was a 10.
I became angry as my side began to throb in great pain. Lasted about 8 hours.
I just prey something(ANYTHING) was seen in the tests performed today.
 
Omg...past 48 hrs...soo sick.
I woke up 4am vomiting. Again at 9 am, I threw up bile.
Tried to sleep. The back of my legs were sore. Nauseousness continued for 2 days.
Usually the painkillers help...but not this time. This time they made it worse.
I do feel better now a bit sore.
 
Yesterday the was....omg. Worst day I had in a while. I ran out of almost all my medication three days ago. I had been losing alot of blood within that time. First of all, I woke up in extreme pain in my left side. It began to throb getting worse every time. My wife rushed to get my refills. I took a few painkillers and was almost fine. I managed to eat some chicken and rice. I taken the elavil. Soon after that I became dizzy. I do not remember what happened after that. My wife says I was tripping almost every step. I sat down and wobbled back n forth. I then fell forward and hit my head on the table. She got scared and dragged me to bed where I was out before hitting the pillow.
I remember I blacked out like a month ago...in the bathroom. Hit my head on the wall that time. I just hope I don't break anything or hurt anyone. It worries me. My head feels fine...no injuries.
Next appt is on the 10th...I will tell the doc what is happening.
 
nativesith said:
Yesterday the was....omg. Worst day I had in a while. I ran out of almost all my medication three days ago. I had been losing alot of blood within that time. First of all, I woke up in extreme pain in my left side. It began to throb getting worse every time. My wife rushed to get my refills. I took a few painkillers and was almost fine. I managed to eat some chicken and rice. I taken the elavil. Soon after that I became dizzy. I do not remember what happened after that. My wife says I was tripping almost every step. I sat down and wobbled back n forth. I then fell forward and hit my head on the table. She got scared and dragged me to bed where I was out before hitting the pillow.
I remember I blacked out like a month ago...in the bathroom. Hit my head on the wall that time. I just hope I don't break anything or hurt anyone. It worries me. My head feels fine...no injuries.
Next appt is on the 10th...I will tell the doc what is happening.
Click to expand...

Have you heard any results yet? I pray they help you
 
So sorry to hear about all of this, thank you for sharing and i hope they find out what is causing all your problems!
All the best <3
 
Sorry for not being around lately...jus have not felt very good lately.
Tests came back negative. It is soo hard..living like this. Doc is frustrated, imagine how I feel.
Pain messes me up. I forget things really quickly. I don't know if I am trying not to remember and really forget this all. Seems like these symptoms really puts one in the moment right now. Like how am I feeling right now and what will tomorrow be like. I can barley remember last week. I remember yesterday. I remember it since I was nauseous all day. Smelling any food cooking made me feel really bad.
Though I guess not remembering stuff like that would be preferable or jus better for me.
I am on imuran now...which I think is going well. I am noticing that I do use the restroom more.
My weight and eating get me down. I see my family members eating like there is no tomorrow. My sister is HUGE.and my brother is right behind her. Now at 40..my little sister ,mother and brother all are bigger weighing much more than myself. Even my 12 year old son Eli towers over me. Not saying I want to be taller or weigh
more than I do. But I do battle with how much I weigh. Breakfast is almost non existent for me. Well I do eat breakfast..jus not at the time one should. Food an enemy?
There is soo much I cant eat. Then there is getting it down and keeping it down.
That is the fight I fight every day. I know I should eat more.
I m trying hard to be positive. Do not need any more negativity in my life. No matter what happens ...gotta stay positive.
I know that the fight now is less than it was last year(Or the one before that
). Thanks to Dr. Werner...I feel better than before. That is positive :).
I prey we all can find some positivity and happiness in our lives. One must do that...living with Crohns.
 
I wanted to get out of the house today. Wanted to ride the quad I spent a lot on($1200 Daytona Anima 190cc). Once I it 4th gear...it started to hold back. Looked down to see fuel spraying on my leg. Stopped and put the fuel line on as best I could. Making my way back home it stopped all together. I was near my cousin's place. So I pushed it in his yard. I was trying to kick start it when my cousin appeared. Then outta nowhere I began throwing up bile. Then I threw up a bit of blood. I could'nt believe how came out.Since I felt so horrible I asked for a ride home. I knew he would watch the quad for a while. Once I got home I went to my bed. I could feel and hear my heart pounding. Pretty sure it was a panic attack. Then I passed out. Damn I gotta get that fuel line fixed.
Top of all that, I had a small bump on my finger(left beside pinky). It gets worse everyday. I am putting band aids with ointment all the time.Looks like it is getting between the bone in my hands. Looks bruised. Think its a boil...but never can be sure.
 
I m thankful for my friends :).I am soo thankful my hand finally healed up. That was beginning to scare me. I noticed my ribcage was hurting. Specifically my front left bottom rib was very sore. Feels like I took a hit. Or I thought something was pushing against it. It is more noticeable when I sleep. Some days I wish I could stay in bed. But it is soo hard to sleep when I hurt bad. I stay up alone and exhaust myself. If I dont I will lie down for hours fighting the pain. ...idk. Must be flaring up...pain is bad.:(
Must make appt to see my doc soon
 
Its been hard to concentrate on myself lately. Hurt bad, soo bad it was really hard trying to sleep. My left hip pain arose again. Past week I was soo full with pain...but I am na the only one.
A childhood friend just committed suicide. He was a big brother to myself and others. We had a lot of good times together. I remember laughing hard...so hard it hurt with him. I am soo angry at him now. When I think of how many friends and family committed suicide...I can na come up with number. That number is way too high.
Another family was hit hard. A young beautiful woman died. She was so beautiful. Last year she was told she could na have children. Then a few days ago she went to sleep...but she could na get up after that. She still had a heart beat. Her husband rushed her to the hospital. He was told she had a aneurysm. They tried to save her...but it was too late. She is brain dead.
Good bye Trevor and Jolene.you will be missed. :(
 
I am flaring up bad. Anything I eat...seems like a disaster. Flood gates open and I go to the bathroom. Thats when watery stuff comes out of me like a raging river. It hurts soo bad. I screamed out of my bathroom. I went to my room and cried. When I lay down is when I feel it all too much. How can we sleep like that? Now I feel my throat..it is sore. I have a hard time swallowing anything. Jan 1st my tongue began to hurt soo bad it hurts to talk now.
I want this to end...I hate being like this. Can it get any worse?
I prey for us all.
 
nativesith,
Sounds like you need to get to see a doctor soon. They can give you an IV at the hospital to help with hydration if you are having such liquid bowel movements. You could have an infection like C.difficile which is very infectious and needs antibiotics. Also the tongue problem could be due to a B12 deficiency. You may need to try some liquid shakes like Ensure for awhile to keep up your nutrition and to prevent dehydration.
 
You know...I had very little sleep last night.Morning my phone rang...I answered. It was my Ma...She told me my uncle just died. He was my dad Pete"s only brother. He died freezing on the streets of Edmonton. I cried and began thinking THIS IS WHAT IT LIKE BEING INDIAN. No one will help everyone sees us as criminals. Seems like they want us all dead or in jail.
I did try to eat something only to go through my raging river again. So I went to the drugstore for my refills. Next thing I know an rcmp pulls us over. He began talking(very angrily) to me. He said I did have my seatbelt on. Any time I enter a vehicle I put on my belt and I make sure everyone does the same thing. So he asked if I had a iD. I said no...and I told him my name. He came back and told me I was not telling the truth. He said the man I was trying to impersonate was 300lbs. I replied I am sick with crohns...is it a crime to be a skinny Indian? I told em I have no reason to lie and I know my seatbelt was on. Where were the cops when my dad or uncle died? Being a native man is is a hard existence. He was so sure I was lying. He even said that my driver's license says I was 250lbs. Then I said what license?
The whole time I was trying not to throw up covering my mouth. Then I realized he breath smelled like excrement.
That was when my old (white)school teacher came by and asked me what was going on. I told Bill the cop was saying I was lying to him. Bill began talking to the rcmp really loudly. He said things I could only dream of saying to a cop. If I said anything like that to a cop...I would get arrested and beaten. Then he writes a seatbelt fine to me and takes off. Bill hugged me...I was crying. He said he remembers me talking about how bad the cops were...but he never knew how bad it really was.
I was just trying to get my medication. If Bill did not come by...I would be in a cell beaten down. Bill had always known that I was sick.I am going to fight back in court. I had my belt on...only to be called a lier. Boy his breath was disgusting. That is one reason why I never want to leave my house. What do I have to do? Must I report that I have crohns...report every pound I lose? When I was a child My dad and my uncle(also every other family member) told me if I ever see a cop...hide or run away. Now I am saying that to my children.
Why Creator?
 
Wow I have not been here (in the Crohn's forum) in awhile, but reading your story from two days ago breaks my heart. I am so sorry for the way you were treated, all the while you feeling so sick. What a blessing that your teacher came along and was able to vouch for you.

My deepest condolences also on the loss of your uncle. You and your family are in my prayers.
 
Thank all my friends ere. You saved me, all of you, by listening and reading what I post ere. Even when I read it all I can na believe it all...all seems so unbelievable. But it is all too real. I wish that was all not real, some huge lie, or some f'd up nightmare.
The RCMP...wow. I fixed a police scanner that someone gave to me knowing I could fix it...which I did. After it began working my family and I listened to it for days. We all became utterly disgusted and enraged. We became like that because every name that they ran ,charged and went out of their way to invoke up fines and/or jail time.I swear 98% of the time the people being charged, harassed, and racially hated on were my people.Native Americans...West Indians...Canadian Aboriginals are now and always have been in war with the RCMP. I WISH THE WORLD WAS A FAIRYTALE. Who do they serve and protect? They work against and harm(even kill?!) my people. They waged war on us for hundreds if na thousands of years...Why would they stop or become what they are supposed to be now?
Many days I feel soo much pain that I do na feel like myself...trying to sleep and na achieving that adds it that all. But now Dr.Werner has given me HIGH powered pain killers with HIGH powered sleeping pills. This ocean of pain overwhelms me. But now I get flashes of normality. My head gets temporarily out of that ocean of pain. In those flashes...I ave come up with a plan.
All of those who truly know me...know that I hate popularity contests. But there is one contest I feel I must enter and win. That contest? My reserve election for Chief of my tribe. I am going to run...AND I AM GOING TO WIN. Not for me and my family. Not for my own personal gain. For what is right. I want the real criminals of my people to go to jail for stealing from the tribe.
Fifteen years ago Chief and council made up laws that helped the RCMP in their war against us. They proclaimed our tribe was a Dry reserve. Anyone drinking alcohol was charged a $250.00 on top of any other charge the RCMP could dream up of. That money stayed in the "white society". People were and are still being imprisoned for having a drink. Top all of that all, Chief and council then went forward and created our own police force which was really created for that one law that made money for the closest white society to our reserve. All of the reserve police's salary combined came up to over a million dollars a year. Guess who paid for all that? My tribe. Now Chief and council say we are broke any and every chance they get.
One of neighbor tribes which has like ten times the amount of members as my tribe leads the way when it comes to criminals. They went to war on their own. Coming up with a law that takes to home of those who get busted for drugs specifically trafficking drugs. So if anyone gets busted they automatically lose their home?! Guess what my Chief and council did? Without asking anyone in our community they followed that f'd up tribe and made up the same law in my tribe?!
Isn't native life hard enough without our so called leaders joining the war of the RCMP...Are they na supposed to work for us? That sounds like they are working against us! Then the real criminals who inbesil and steal money from us are still free. They are the ones who should be in jail...they are the ones who should lose houses and be BANNED from any reservation.
I am a sick man, but I can no longer stand aside and let this continue. This all has to change.
First item I will put into action? Item one:A referendum asking my people...Should we continue the so called dry reservation and the monies it makes for other communities? Yes or No? Item two on the same referendum...Should anyone lose their house if they are caught selling drugs? Yes or no?
Those are two ideas off the top of my head. I believe anyone in the leadership positions should be full of ideas...not full of shit lol. They should have countless ideas on how our tribe could produce money and positivity. All they have now is countless ideas how to spend money and wage war on our own.
I am Native Orion Sith... and I will be Chief in three weeks.
Thanks for all who read and really listen to my ideas. :)
 
The whole political thing....Who was I kidding?! If I did run for Chief...I would 've easily won. Honestly, everyone is waiting for me to step up to the plate. But the state I am in ..it would 've killed me jus like the late chief we had., My political system is all set up. Only ones that can afford the fee are chief and counsel. If I paid that fee...My children would be forgotten and hungry.
My children...I feel soo sorry for them...it's like they have no dad. They are the members of my family that care the most about me. They know my WHOLE universe revolves around them. I can say with out them...I would've gave it all up a long time ago.
OMG...I wish my pain would be non-existent. I am soo ashamed... I think of suicide EVERYDAY. I haven't ate for 3 days and my left side still aches. It never stops...I jus want it to stop. I try escape it everyday. On preneisdone...it was good for the first week...but I crashed HARD. I gained alot of weight that first week, even ate at IHOP. Everyday since then I feel sore all over especially on my left side and hip.I have a slight fever. When I eat I can feel it all going to diaheria. The best way I can describe the pain...A stab wound one my left side....it never goes away. I am soo ashamed to say that I resorted to drinking and even some hard drugs. They give me temporarily relief and I feel like my old self ....but it slips away. I HATE that THAT! I hate what I become.
All of this coming form the suicide capital of the world. Maskwacis Alberta Canada.
I beg the Creator to save me...save me form myself.
I wish I could say something positive...but the levels of pain I feel is getting too much for me to handle. Even when I do dream...the pain is still there even in all my dreams I am sick?!
I have a appt in the beginning of march..That day I am asking for fenetol. I need the strongest painkiller jus to be half ass normal....I hate myself....:(.
Sorry for not reporting as much as I usually do...but I did na want to bring you all down.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
 
I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain nativesith. :( It sounds like you may have a stricture which could be from active inflammation or scarring or both. If the Prednisone helped a little at first then it's likely both. At your next doctor appointment is it possible to have them run some tests to see how things are looking inside and see if maybe you might need some other medication (I'm not aware of what you're currently taking or what you can take)? Have you tried a soft, bland diet or even an all liquid diet to see if that helps to reduce the pain at all? Keep us posted with how your appointment goes.
 
Eating is hard...but getting easier the past couple days. But there is something happening in my life that is making is all worse. Alcoholism...my wife wont stop. Seems it is her mission to get wasted EVERYDAY. That is really why I did drink...because it was too available to me...but that made me worse. Right now(the past three weeks) it seems like it has jus been me and the kids. She is out now doing gods knows what. I can't take it anymore...I asked my aunt and uncle to come stay with me for a while and honestly I need some kind of support. This woman is putting me more n more in the hole. Why would she do this to me and the children? I love her with all I got...we been together over 20 years. But I can't see it going much further. All this heartache and worry makes this condition worse. Elisha and I cry a lot...cuz we miss her mom...and how we used to be. O my babies...I never wanted this for them. Ill Father and alcoholic mother...now I must stand up for my family when it is hard for me to stand at all. I MUST PUSH MYSELF everyday to do what must be done for the children to have at least one responsible parent.
Now I am going to cry myself to sleep :(. I thought she would always love us and support me in sickness and health.
Pain keeps on hitting me...hard to sleep and stay asleep...I've been staying up for two days at a time. Partly since I must work harder for the kids. I wake up in gut wrenching pain and with muscles all over my legs cramping up. Hurts soo bad... I must jump outta bed and stretch very slowly. Laying back down it feels like that is about to happen any minute.
IDK...what to do anymore or what is gonna happen for that matter.
Prey for me...prey for us all.
 
you have support here.
I am sorry to hear you are doing all of this alone. You are a good dad and your kids are blessed. Hopefully your kids help you out too... as a team.
I pray your wife comes around soon.
take care my friends.
 
Thanks...sorry I have na been round in a while but my life really went to hell.
Right now...I feel nauseous sore and pooping water like crazy...have na ate all day.:(
Everyday I take pain killers cuz I wake in agony rolling round my bed. Seems like both my side start first thing in the morning.
Top it all off...that woman who I loved for over 20 years is breaking my heart. She drinks to black out...then she went off on me. She first came home blacked out like almost two weeks ago...I asked what the hell is going on. So then she wanted to go to her family's house. On the way there she hit me with a bottle in the back of my head saying she hates me. My uncle n aunt tried to pull her off me. But all that did was pull out lots of my hair. Then we got to her family's and they came out and could not believe their eyes. She was going all out on me hitting me repeatedly. I screamed out to them....HELP ME. Get her off! It took 5 people?! Then i told my aunt LETS GO! We came home to my kids crying...my oldest Emily said her Ma told her she has 3 boyfriends. She cried...I cried...then security showed up and dropped HER OFF?! I was opening the door when she kicked it...it hit my big left toe ripping off my toenail. The children began crying and screaming get out of here. i told my Ma to take em next door to my sisters. Then she attacked me again saying I turned the kids against her. I said You have done that YOURSELF...your scaring them and hurting me?!. My foot was bleeding bad with my nail hanging by a thread. I screamed get out go back to your family's. i had to threaten to call the cops...then she left.
Security brought her to my house like that?! I called em and told em what happened. It was a childhood friend of mine who could not believe what he was hearing. He said don't call the cops cuz they would not believe a man getting abused by a woman. Told him that if they ever pick her up again like that to take her to the tank. My god creator...what has happened to her...She was talking like the devil.
 
My toe finally stopped hurting yesterday. For two weeks my whole left side hurt BAD. My head hurt...even my left ear...My sides from this disease...and worst of all my toe which got infected. i am still in shock idk what to do or how to handle it all.
But my children took and stand and all of them said...We are with you dad. I cried soo hard...they dont deserve this. They want to move away from this all...and I agree with them...with all I got.
I am trying to be strong for them...Creator please help us escape it all.
 
Oh geez, I'm really sorry. :( Women are just as capable of being abusive. One of my sisters can be as well when she drinks and I've heard of plenty of other women doing the same to guys I know. I hope she'll be able to get some help. You have to want it though for something like that. No one can really force you to go to AA etc. Being placed in the drunk tank is a better idea then letting her go back home like that. You an your kids are strong though and will make it through this together.

I hope you're able to stay off your foot as much as possible to allow it to heal. Are you actively seeing a GI for the abdominal pain? It's starting to sound a lot more serious.
 
I'm so sorry Nativesith but you need to get away from this situation and stress, this is not good. I was raised by mean abusive alcoholic women and I have a tendency to attract bad girls, and so I give up on them myself. I am the blood type that can take allot of pain, and I can tell you are too. Please work on a way to get yourself into a safer situation so that you can heal and find enough relief to get into a better place.
 
everthin said:
I'm so sorry Nativesith but you need to get away from this situation and stress, this is not good. I was raised by mean abusive alcoholic women and I have a tendency to attract bad girls, and so I give up on them myself. I am the blood type that can take allot of pain, and I can tell you are too. Please work on a way to get yourself into a safer situation so that you can heal and find enough relief to get into a better place.
Click to expand...
Àmen
 
Pain is soo bad...my stomach hips n back are driving me insane. Poop is water. Trying to sleep is next to impossible. Wish I had energy to stand up for Iself and say Enough!
Enough of the relationship I was to true to for over twenty years. Now I cant look at any woman the way I used to. It makes it all worse.
Top it all off...got a huge boil on my right tricep. And one of my uncles commited suicide cuz he had prostate cancer. Good bye Unc...I understand mo than most what you were going though. Its hard not to think of stringing yourself up when something is literally eating you up inside :(.
 
Nativesith, somehow I had missed your last few posts and am SO sorry to read all that has been happening. I've been wondering how you were doing. You are in my prayers for everything you are experiencing. I am so very sorry.
 
Thanks guys making me cry...wish I had more support in my reserve world. That woman does nothing but make my life a HELL. Wanted to go to my uncle's wake...but she is gone. Drunk and passed out at her Ma's right now. Whole reserve is talking about my relationship...she is having multiple affairs. I know two men who are involved...n i want to hurt em all soo bad. i can take whatever pain is thrown at me...when I know the same can not be said for them. Idk...wish she was true to my family n I. Like cooking and cleaning for kids and rub my back once in a while. Instead she goes on Facebook and complains about HER life?! You kidding me? Seems like sex and getting wasted 24/7 are all that matters to her. She does not care about me...I know that now. Soon it will be over...I am going to get professional help to get out of this relationship.
 
I feel like I am going crazy. Like there is so many voices in my head that never stop. Versions of myself...that be all negative. When people see me now they dont recognize me. Feels like I am starting my life all over again. Lookin at the guy in the mirror...ell... I dont even recognize. The bigger guys inside me say what the ell is gowan on. Your losin it. Wish they would jus shut up and let me sleep.
I miss the country. I used to sleep so well out there. I would wake up to the sounds of wildlife...to birds singing. Singing to me...I remember all their songs. I miss that.
All I wake to now is traffic...violence...fights and my pain.
But it made me stronger...like I can take it like it is nothing. Jus wish the negative natives inside would stop. Hate those guys. Idk...
 
This is a long overdue pic of my Baby Elisha with my Ma.
She's acting like ol dad lol.
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Awww, little Elisha is just adorable! I knew she would be! Thank you so much for putting up her photo. Your mother looks sweet too. :heart:

Continuing the prayers for your family & situation.
 
Omg...feel so scared. I have a upcoming scope soon. I fear the worst...idk what that could be. All I know is this is bad. Cant sleep...pain is worse when I lie down. Feel like I have to sleep sitting up. I have had aboot 6hrs sleep in the past 3 days. Constantly feel soo much pain from the back of both sides of my bottom ribs to both hips. I am fighting soo hard to get away from that. This is the fight of my life...one I canna lose. This is soo hard...Feel like a zombie, half dead. Is that why it is hard for me to be intimate or have any type of intimate relations (I.e. sex people)? Like isnt that why my partner did what she did? You know before that happened...I was really pushing myself HARD to have sex. Like it hurt BAD. Now ...I gotta try to live some kind of life, a better life. Because I have a sense that many members of my family are going out live me. Rushed life is one that defines sad.
But you know what I found? I found almost all this medication almost NEVER works the way it should. But I also found something beautiful. I found dat when I am round certain people I feel better. Recently, my cousins Mason and Wesley came back into my life. I feel soo much positivity from them. I feel the pain slip away when I am round them. There is also a woman I know that makes me feel soo good. But what am I supposed to do...say can we move in together? Feel like that love will save me.
 
Well...I feel bad today. Sore all over...stomach hurting making weird noises all day.
But I am happy. I am happy because today...I stood up for my kids n I and said no more...we are done. She choose the bottle over me n the kids. She literally did...showed me a 26 of vodka and tried to tempt me. I told her...jus leave n know that you n I are done now n forever. We are both single now...so you do what you want to live how you want to live. Kids n I will be here trying to have a better life.
She came back here for two days...I let her to visit the children. But I know what happened...I know the truth. I hacked her facebook...and it was all there. The lies...the cheating. She went on there for years stating she hated being with a sick man. She wanted to be single. She wanted to party all the time. I cried soo hard...how could she say all that?
I have a appt tomorrow with Dr Werner...n she is gonna hear about this betrayal. I so need to get tested for stds now ...damn it.
But I am done with her...and that makes me happy:).
 
Well... I surely am sorry to hear all this. Your children are blessed to have a good father who cares about them, so stay strong! Praying for you.
 
Be strong, change is hard, addictive stuff is challenging, she probably ain't gonna change, if so it's only when she is ready. You might sleep better knowing you done the right thing for yourself and kids. If she's abusive then thank god your showing your children this is wrong.
 
Jus me ,the kids, and my Ma. Almost two weeks now. I do feel way better without her dragging me down all the time. Pain doesnt seem soo bad...really. Even the house seems better...like it stays clean now. She is a messy hoarder and now I am spring cleaning all dat.
But being a single father with crohns and a 2 year old....is the hardest thing in the world. Jus glad my Ma is ere supporting me and caring for Elisha 24/7. O my baby...love her with all I got.
Women are banging down my door constantly. Jus had one who came over...she was drinking n I could ve took advantage. But I dont wanna be the creepy guy who takes advantage of drunk women. And she is HOT omg. Soo many hot girls trying to get with me. But I really dont wanna do that now. I wanna be single....I dont wanna do a relationship again. After what I been through...its asking too much from myself. I gotta fix myself...and that could take forever. I also dont want anyone who drinks or does drugs.
I have a extremely hard time trusting anyone now. I cant sleep with anyone beside me. Cheryl abused me BAD. Once she burned me while I slept. She had a lighter...lit it up and held it upside down to heat up the metal part. Then she threw in on me. I woke up in great burning pain. She was standing over me. I was like wth r u doing?! She laughed like a psycho. All because someone was phoning and hanging up. She thought it was a girlfriend of mine. But I had no girlfriend and no clue what the hell was going on. I will never forget er forgive that. Burned me. As if I dont have enough pain er having a hard time sleeping as I do.
But yeah its soo much better without her....I can actually sleep in peace now. And the pain aint soo bad.:)
 
hello!!! I'm Emily, floyds daughter - I'm here to announce the passing of him. He passed away on June 8th and was admitted to the hospital early in the morning of May 28th. We're having a wake ceremony for him right now. On may 27th it was my 18th birthday, I remember he telling me he was so proud of me and how much he loved me, if only I knew that would be the last time I'd see of him. The last words he told me were "I'm sorry, my girl" because I was lecturing him on how he wanted to keep mom in our lives when he knew that she was a toxic person. He had a broken rib and caught pneumonia, and as you all know he had Crohn's on top of that. He was in alot of pain -- coughing up blood and crying all the time. I was sleeping by the time he admitted himself to the hospital. He passed out by the time he got there -- and they sent him to a city hospital far away. They didn't even tell us he was on life support until monday. I didn't cry when I found out because I was in shock, shaking alot and stuff, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. Me, mom and kokum (grandma) visited him everyday, except for my siblings because they said they didn't want to see him in such a state like he was, He couldn't talk or move since he was paralyzed and sedated. I missed alot of school. We all cried the first time we saw him, he wasn't conscious because they had to keep him sedated. He was on like 10 different medications. The doctors told us by the time he arrived at the hospital they thought he was going to die, but he managed to survive, they told us he was going to improve and be out in a month. They told us nothing but good things. I remember going to bed that night before wednesday, thinking "I'm gonna see my dad tomorrow!! I can't wait to hear what he's improved on today!!!" but it was just before 4AM that I woke up to my grandma crying. I knew that he died so I started sobbing too, before you knew it everybody in the house was too. My little sister elisha is too young to understand whats going on. I can only imagine what my little brothers are going through right now. My mom has smartened up a bit - stopped partying, still doing hard drugs - just not that much anymore. I don't care about her though - it's just me and my grandma taking care of the kids now. I remember I had to grow up pretty quickly when I was a child, taking care of my siblings and taking time off school to work when my dad or grandma couldn't, I knew they were too sick to work so sometimes I had to take action myself and grow up. On wednesday I saw his body. I kissed his left hand and his forehead multiple times, said goodbye and "i love you daddy." We're all struggling very hard, struggling to keep strong. The hospital told us nothing but good things, but in reality he was getting worse and leaving us. Even though I know that there's a life after death I can't help but cry because he's left us, hes moved on. I know it's grief. I apologize if any of my writing has any mistakes. I had to write this quickly, my laptops dying.

My dad passed away 12 days after my 18th birthday, and 17 days after his 41st birthday.
His dad died when he was 40.
The wake ceremony started on wednesday and will end on monday.
His funerals on monday.
Thank you for reading his story.
 
Emily-my deepest sympathies. Take comfort in knowing that he is never truly gone when you carry with you his memories and love. :heart:
 
Dear Emily,
My condolences on the loss of your father. I am so sorry that you had to witness his pain and struggle at the end of his time. Thank you so much for letting the forum know about your dad. May you find comfort and support from the healthy leaders in your community as you grieve your dad's loss and while you care for your younger siblings.

We have a "Candle Room" on the forum. Perhaps you would like to visit it and place a notice about your dad there.
 
Emily,I hope you are moving through your grief. I'm sorry for your loss. May our Lord comfort you and give you peace.
 
Linda M. said:
Emily,I hope you are moving through your grief. I'm sorry for your loss. May our Lord comfort you and give you peace.
Click to expand...

In agreement also.

Emily, I was so sorry to hear of your father's passing. My own precious father passed away unexpectedly last month, so I have been grieving too. I started following this "Painful Story" thread a couple of years ago and your dad is the one person I've kept up with on the Crohn's Forum. My heart went out to him for all the pain and suffering he experienced, and it made me cry to read of his death. He surely loved his children and was he so proud of you all!

Praying for your family as you adjust to life without him. As a Christian, God is sustaining me through this loss of my own daddy. PM me if you ever need to talk.

:hug:
 
This man's story, NATIVESITH, is so very upsetting in so many ways. I have lived with crohn's for nearly 46 years and I have had all the stress of the test, doctor's, nurses, etc. but this man's life is so very sad. My heart aches for him and his family.
 

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