My 'Pitty Party'- no invatation needed!

[Welsh-bird]

Hi all, hope you're keeping well, and if not wishing you all a speedy recovery!
Sorry for not having been around much in the past month, health taken a dramtic decline...and now it feels as if my mental health is spiraling downward too!
I understand that compared to the majority of you all out there, my disease (whichever it may be), is not half as bad as yours. I'm lucky to be fistula free, and right now still lucky to have my colon, but for how long is debatable. I'm currently sat in the hospital car par in a friends car- in my pj's and a fleece to keep warm, but just needed to get off the ward and feel free to cry my eyes out without an IBD nurse watching my every move, and nurses looking (but not saying), that I should pull myself together. I don't remember how I ever got to be in this place (in my head not the hospital), but after putting this all down, I know I need a massive kick up the bum, and told to 'Get a bloody grip!'.
I saw my gastro earlier (1st time since surgery), and he's none too convinced the resection will work. He's also p'd off that my preds have been upped to 50mg and wants them tappered asap after being on them 12 months, and also is anoyed that a junior reduced my 6MP back in December due to elevated ALT without his consent- so in all, I've done everything wrong, but not through self medicating but on DOCS ORDERS!
I can't win!!
A lady in the bed next to me passed away a few nights ago, and I found myself thinking 'wish it was me'- how wrong is that? BUT it was how I felt. After a year of this constant never ending c**p, I have now had enough. It certainly isn't the disease they sold me in the brochure. I could go on, but I feel the need to kick myself up the bum and promptly end this pitty party.
Onwards and upwards.

Oh..and before I forget, a BIG thank you to you all for the get well wishes. They really are much appreciated- :thumright:

Take care, and will check in again as soon as I can.
And xx

 

[bushydougie]

So sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment. I've not had to deal with being in hospital with CD so I have no idea what it must be like for you but I can totally imagine how depressing it must be. Having stayed in hospital in the past I know it's no fun plus you are dealing with a horrible disease. No wonder you are feeling so low!!!!
I am always amazed with myself that last year when I was so ill and having to deal with no diagnosis and not being able to work I didn't suffer from depression. The only explanation I have is that I was too damn fatigued to feel anything
Don't think or say that you have done anything wrong! It was other doctors fault not yours.
I hope that you have got family and friends to support you (as well as all of us!) but I also hope that the medical staff know how you are feeling and offer you any help they can.
Please take good care of yourself and if you can maintain that positive attitude. It sure aint easy with all the s**t that happens to your body.

 

[Guest]

aw Andrea ((big hugs)) to you girl.

don't be surprised at the way you're feeling emotionally right now - it's normal after what you've just gone through, and without warning, and also being in hospital is depressing in itself.. it's like being in limbo day after day while the world goes on outside, without you... but one day very soon you'll be home, recovering and working towards getting your life back - just keep hold of that thought!

i hope the resection does work, and that everything settles down obediently - but come in here and rant whenever you feel like it, and if you have good news to tell us, all the better

 

[MADiMarc]

Dear Andrea,
So hard on yourself! Go ahead, cry, scream, throw small breakables. The forum will always be here to hear you. I think we all feel this way from time to time. I had my turn early this month right up till just yesterday and I have not been in the hospital!

I hope you feel better.

Sending you lots of hugs,
Michele

 

[Mountaingem]

:hang: So glad to see you posting again! We all have to just let it out and cry and be mad and feel it's all unfair at times-and who cares what some nurse thinks! I try to give myself a set amount of time so I don't free-fall, so to speak. You've been through a terrible fight for your life and you just have to take the time to process it all. Keep fighting, we're right with you!:hug:

 

[partlycloudy]

Hi Welsh, I hope you're doing better. I had a big breakdown earlier this week. Sometimes we just need to cry and let ourselves feel sorry for ourselves. Sometimes being "weak" is really being strong if it means we're taking care of ourselves by grieving. It's okay to do that and even good for us.

 

[spingirl]

Welsh-Bird - who cares what the nurses think! They are probably hoping someone will bring you chocolates since you can't have anything to eat for a while...and they do like their snacks behind the desk! That's not fair really...I've had some good nurses but I've had some crappy ones too. I had a pity party after joining this forum last night...around 3:30AM my husband woke up next to me and I was in tears...then I started yelling at him for no good reason...just that he doesn't take what can happen to me seriously enough...he is supportive but...well...he can't really understand like you all can...anyhow...I just had a good cry and felt the same way about life...but then I thought of my two kids. I have to be here for them and will fight to the very end. And YOU are in the hospital - facing surgery now - I am not. To be honest though - some of it might be the Prednesone. I know I just get so emotional on it. I forget sometimes when I am on it...but looking back...when I am on lower doses...I am not as emotional. You will have plenty of time to be strong. I wish I could hug you right now. You have plenty of time to be strong...and I am sure you are. I do have to ask though...your surgeon suspects CD and is willing to take out part of your colon? I just don't know why this isn't an option for me. Maybe its where I live and it varies from state to state? I have to see again where you are from. Good luck with your surgery. Post again and keep us updated when you can.

 

[AndiGirl]

Hi Andrea! That sounds weird because I'm Andrea also. LOL! I've been, "Andi," forever though. You have your breakdowns when you need them. I've always tried to remain strong and I found that it frustrated me more and the pain seemed to increase. When I'm at the end of my rope, I find having a good crying session can lessen the pain for a while.