when i had my 2nd child, yes i had 2 kids,( the first one died) anyway when i had my son, i got the "babyblues" god knows why they call it that though. its depression, not "blues" there is a huge black cloud hanging over you and there is nothing you can do to shake it off.
you pretend to all and sundry that everything is ok, but underneath you are screaming. this depresssion then changed into something else.
i didnt like or love my son, i didnt want to feed or care or clean him. i only did this when my husband was due home. this was too keep up the apperance that i was ok.
i didnt want my son at all, i would "accidentty" leave him in the supermarket, only to be chased by someone to tell me i had left the baby.
one day i so wanted to be alone and detested my son that we went to beachy head, a local suicide spot. i wanted to end my sons and my life, i had ever intention to die. there was no way i could think about carrying on my life, nothing was going to change my mind. we got to the top, i got my son out of his buggy and we sat near the edge, just waiting, though i dont know what i was waiting for, but we sat there waiting.
a young lady came and sat by us, in my mental state, i thought she was gonna jump as well, and i asked her "do you mind if we go first?" yes i know that sounds mad now, but when you cant think straight, then anything is normal.
she was a voulunteer for the samariatns, and it was her that got me the medical help i needed. and social service gave me the practical help i needed.
it took me about 3 years to fully recoever from post natlal depresion.
sharon xx
