Relationships

[Essieluv]

At risk of feeling silly and petty, I need to put this out there.

So, I finally feel like I am ready to start a serious relationship, and hopefully settle down and have a family; I feel emotionally mature enough and I really long for this. That being said, I am still quite sick, and I have multiple chronic illnesses (most caused by the lovely Crohn's) that won't go away. I am lonely, and afraid that I will have to stay lonely for ever because no one will find me attractive and love me. I have scars, I take so many medications, and I live at the doctor's. I know that I am a fun person, and that there is so much more to me than Crohn's, but do other people see this?

It makes me sad.

 

[theOcean]

I'm sure other people can definitely see past your illness, and can hopefully learn to understand it, too.

I met my current boyfriend when I was almost one year into a flare-up, and gradually got worse. During the second month we were dating, I already could barely get out of bed and was incredibly sick, and third month I was in the hospital the entire month, missed school, and had to get surgery (for a fistula). My boyfriend was there for me throughout all of it, supported me, and really tried to understand my illness. He waited for me throughout the operation, listened to all the gory details from the surgeon, everything.

He visited me every day he could, and now we've been dating for over a year and he's been a tremendous support to me with my illness. He knows about all the medication I'm on, and even sits with me when I have to do my Humira injections. So there is hope, I promise!

 

[nogutsnoglory]

Don't let your illnesses define you and show your potential mates the fun side of you. Sure some will be scared away but they aren't the right fit anyway. There are people who are nurturing and caretaker types and many who will overlook chronic illness and see past that for a person they love. There are also support groups and maybe you can meet someone else in the same boat. Just make sure you have 2 bathrooms lol!

 

[Essieluv]

I know what you guys are saying; I've said it to myself many times. It's just difficult, because everyone else seems to be moving on with their lives; getting married, having kids, getting dream jobs. And then I am stuck here, in bed, trying to fight my loneliness and the ache I have for true, deep companionship and love.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I'm totally with you on seeing life move forward for everyone else but we gotta keep hope. Maybe our chance to shine is next? I know some of the best things in life happened when I least expected or could imagine possible.

 

[Essieluv]

That just made my night. Every time I am feeling down and post a depressing thread, you guys always cheer me up. I like that, I think it is my chance to shine next. Thanks NGNG, that really made me feel better.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

I hope it is and I'm cheering for you to shine!

 

[Essieluv]

Oh seriously, you help me so much! You are going to make me cry. Thanks for your support, it means so much to me right now. I know you are going to shine very bright soon, too.

 

[Wallace]

I was diagnosed with Crohn's in May of 2013. At the very end of June, I signed up for eHarmony, in the same boat you are now.

I met this guy there, and we started messaging on the website quite a lot. I told him early that I had just been diagnosed with crohns and was a mess. He said he didn't mind, and that he had hypothyroidism, so did his mother and sister, his mother has diabetes. And his sister has celiacs. He could had experience with people who were always ill, including himself.

During this time, I was on a high dose of prednisone, and quite bloated on my tiny frame, and covered with acne. My hair was thin because it was falling out in handfuls from the inflammation in my intestines. (Inflammation can cause hair loss). I was also in a lot of pain, and I couldn't sleep from the meds. I would stay up late sending him random emails, which he said he loved reading, but didn't like seeing at the same time, as he knew they meant I was sick again.

We met at a sushi restaurant. With the increased hunger from the meds, I swear I ate my weight in sushi. I also snorted tea out of my nose when he made me laugh. I was still bloated and covered in acne. Our first date lasted over 5 hours, at least. All of these are first date "no-no's" apparently. Especailly snorting tea out your nose. Fortunately for me, Connor has a good sense of humour. We're still together, and I love him dearly.

We both live in the North, but I had to come South for surgery over Christmas break. He couldn't come down with me as he couldn't get time off work, but he called me every day in the hospital, and when I was home at my parents's place, he we would spend hours on the phone, and he went through all sorts of trouble to find video games I would actually like and set them up so we could play against each other online.

I was home sick the last two days with crohns-y intestines and he called me on and off all day. (We live in different towns.)

Don't worry, you'll find someone who is just as supportive to you as Connor is for me. He gets sick too, with his thyroid is being dumb sometimes. We take care of each other with our illnesses.
Try eHarmony! It really works!

 

[Wallace]

Don't give up Essie! You'll get through!

 

[Essieluv]

Thanks Wallace, that is very encouraging. Ready your story made me very happy.