danman said:
I'm with Ding on this. I never went without them untill I was married, I just didn't want any wee Danman's running around, plus I thought I'm diseased enough, don't want any more diseases.....!!!!!
So, to be honest, I didn't know any better. What you don't know, won't kill ya.
To me, I think the prospect of little Nathans running around is far scarier than the prospect of getting a disease. I like having my alone time, and you get none of that with a kid but a whole lot of it with a terminal illness. So here's my three-step plan for birth control:
1. If the sexual relationship isn't monogamous, wear condoms.
2. Once the relationship is monogamous, condoms go bye bye, but birth control is mandatory. I will gladly pay for whatever form she chooses, but it's an absolute requirement.
3. Once condoms have gone bye bye, practice the donut/pastry method: always glaze the donut, and never fill the pastry.
Regarding sex and Crohn's disease, it's virtually impossible to maintain a relationship without sex. That's particularly true in your 20s, but really I think it's true until maybe your late 40s/early 50s when both parties' hormonal needs have drastically changed. If there is absolutely no possibility for sex, the party with the higher libido will start weighing his/her options. I used to find that thought process morally reprehensible, but I had always been in relationships with girls with high libidos. Once I was in one with a girl whose wasn't (she had a developmental issue with her spine as a kid which caused her vagina to form about 1/2" further back than it would have, and she had been a competitive softball player through high school and the first part of college, playing catcher, which aggravated the condition--consequently, sex was sometimes painful for her), I started to get it. People, no matter how hard they try, feel unloved when they want sex and are frequently denied it. It's a psychological wrecking ball--it will adversely affect everything in their lives, even things completely unrelated to the relationship.
This isn't gender-exclusive, but I think it's more likely to happen to a man, particularly when something like Crohn's disease is in play. Womens' hormones fluctuate more dramatically, so sometimes even if y'all are physically capable, you still just don't feel like it. Additionally, one of my female friends with Crohn's disease made the observation that having an innie complicates the pain/control issue for women in a way that it doesn't for guys.
Having said all of that, I developed a principle years ago in a relationship where I wasn't the sexual aggressor (which a lot of my girlfriends would tell you doesn't seem possible, but it really did happen that way). She needed sex more than I did (10+ times a week, whereas I'm good at 5), and me telling her no half the time made her feel awful, even though she understood intellectually that I still loved her. It caused a lot of damage to the relationship, and it led me to change my philosophy. My next relationship happened to also be with a girl whose needs were greater than mine, and I just made the decision to always say yes. If I was physically incapable of intercourse, we explored a lot of alternatives (not to be too explicit, but mouths and toys can accomplish a lot). Ultimately I found that not once did I regret giving in, and it eliminated a lot of problems in our relationship.
Anyway, that's some food for thought. Exercise some creativity and you may find that you like the results far better than the alternative.