- Joined
- Aug 31, 2013
- Messages
- 127
Perhaps this post which will likely end up lengthy will be moved to the mental health thread, and perhaps I with it to the mental institution.
So like most of you probably I was nervous for Turkey dinner, mostly because even more social and psychological I wanted to enjoy all aspects of TG as I have always done including multiple courses of dessert as well as appetizers, (didn't even try booze but sure missed that), and a large portion of food in one sitting. I mean it was all so good and I just couldn't resist this time, particularly because sometimes I am ok and sometimes I am not, so I just get to the point where I give up where diet is concerned as I see very little rhyme or reason with triggers. I can eat something one time and be fine, eat it another and be ill.
So we traveled to my fiance's parents house. It isn't far a little over an hour. I was a little concerned I would be anxious and therefore antisocial, however I was actually quite relaxed and having a nice time. I enjoyed TG day and was pleasantly surprised to eat as I wanted and not be ill, until of course *I am sure you're shocked at what I am about to say*... today.I knew we were doing marathon black Friday shopping beginning at 4 am today. Yes, yes we are crazy. I actually am not very materialistic or into that business, but my fiances family are really fun and we get all our x-mas shopping done literally in one day. I hadn't gone number 2 since we arrived and had quite a healthy dinner Wednesday night, and then of course turkey day dinner with no poo. So I knew it was coming, but not when. I also knew we would be places where bathrooms were sparse. Again normally this would send me popping xanax, but nope remained relax ( a nice change). However shortly into shopping I started feeling freezing, shaky, off-balance, and my joints started to ache. I also started feeling pretty out of it. This ill feeling remained to the point where I felt I could barely walk, but was also trying not to show anyone I wasn't feeling well. I finally was able to poop and sometimes I will feel relief after. I did a little bit, but then was exhausted from all of the mental/physical stress of the "attack". This type of ill feelings is especially stressful in a public place, you just don't know what will happen and I love my fiance and her family, but I do feel like they don't understand. I am a people pleaser and I don't like to be a burden to anyone. I don't want to be the one who makes everyone go home from shopping because I am sick. When I did try to explain they just said things like that the walking might help you know so I could "go", as if it were just a matter of constipation. I can't explain the sheer feeling of wiped out I was and how it felt like I could not take one more step or I would collapse.
When I finally did come home I came home to find that my kids had misbehaved for my fiances father... I had just started drooling and was dead to the world asleep when all hell breaks loose. So stressed. My kids are generally well behaved and while they test my limits sometimes, NEVER act up for other adult authority figures. I could feel my stomach making all sorts of sounds and my chest tightening. Not fun! So no rest after being so tired, just more stress on top.
The emotional aspect of this is that I am drained and I do feel in many senses I am going it alone. That isn't to say I don't have a supportive partner, I do, but she doesn't get it. Nobody gets how draining this can be and is. How it isn't just oh my stomach hurts, and I may have this or that issue, but then I'll hit the bathroom and things will be fine. Another aspect for anyone crazy enough to have followed much of my story is that I am still in denial big time. I still am hard on myself like I am making this up. I belittle my symptoms because I don't have D all the time, I am not losing weight like crazy, I am not bleeding. Since this just happened I just want to feel it will all go away, like a nightmare. I want my life to go back to normal. I want a TG dinner like I've always had
I have all these weird symptoms my eyes hurt a lot and now for some weird reason my knees kind of behind and to the side almost sting? Like they feel swollen and stinging when I sit in certain positions etc. I am 32 years old and I feel like an old woman. I can't have drinks with friends, eating is the equivalent of walking through a minefield also making social interactions much less pleasant, and I am physically and emotionally drained.
THis isn't to say I am not thankful. I am, and it could be worse for sure. I was very grateful I had a really decent Thanksgiving day with little complications. I just feel like it wasn't really true that I got away with it, it just waited until today to catch up. Like I will get punished.
My stomach feels pregnant at the moment, lots of bowel sounds and bloating. The worst part is I have an appetite... Do any of you have this you do have a good appetite but you feel so bloated and icky already it feels like you are doing the worst thing ever to your body to eat more?
I'm just drained, and really feeling nasty, and I needed to talk about it in a place where maybe someone else can relate.
So like most of you probably I was nervous for Turkey dinner, mostly because even more social and psychological I wanted to enjoy all aspects of TG as I have always done including multiple courses of dessert as well as appetizers, (didn't even try booze but sure missed that), and a large portion of food in one sitting. I mean it was all so good and I just couldn't resist this time, particularly because sometimes I am ok and sometimes I am not, so I just get to the point where I give up where diet is concerned as I see very little rhyme or reason with triggers. I can eat something one time and be fine, eat it another and be ill.
So we traveled to my fiance's parents house. It isn't far a little over an hour. I was a little concerned I would be anxious and therefore antisocial, however I was actually quite relaxed and having a nice time. I enjoyed TG day and was pleasantly surprised to eat as I wanted and not be ill, until of course *I am sure you're shocked at what I am about to say*... today.
I knew we were doing marathon black Friday shopping beginning at 4 am today. Yes, yes we are crazy. I actually am not very materialistic or into that business, but my fiances family are really fun and we get all our x-mas shopping done literally in one day. I hadn't gone number 2 since we arrived and had quite a healthy dinner Wednesday night, and then of course turkey day dinner with no poo. So I knew it was coming, but not when. I also knew we would be places where bathrooms were sparse. Again normally this would send me popping xanax, but nope remained relax ( a nice change). However shortly into shopping I started feeling freezing, shaky, off-balance, and my joints started to ache. I also started feeling pretty out of it. This ill feeling remained to the point where I felt I could barely walk, but was also trying not to show anyone I wasn't feeling well. I finally was able to poop and sometimes I will feel relief after. I did a little bit, but then was exhausted from all of the mental/physical stress of the "attack". This type of ill feelings is especially stressful in a public place, you just don't know what will happen and I love my fiance and her family, but I do feel like they don't understand. I am a people pleaser and I don't like to be a burden to anyone. I don't want to be the one who makes everyone go home from shopping because I am sick. When I did try to explain they just said things like that the walking might help you know so I could "go", as if it were just a matter of constipation. I can't explain the sheer feeling of wiped out I was and how it felt like I could not take one more step or I would collapse. When I finally did come home I came home to find that my kids had misbehaved for my fiances father... I had just started drooling and was dead to the world asleep when all hell breaks loose. So stressed. My kids are generally well behaved and while they test my limits sometimes, NEVER act up for other adult authority figures. I could feel my stomach making all sorts of sounds and my chest tightening.
Not fun! So no rest after being so tired, just more stress on top. The emotional aspect of this is that I am drained and I do feel in many senses I am going it alone. That isn't to say I don't have a supportive partner, I do, but she doesn't get it. Nobody gets how draining this can be and is. How it isn't just oh my stomach hurts, and I may have this or that issue, but then I'll hit the bathroom and things will be fine. Another aspect for anyone crazy enough to have followed much of my story is that I am still in denial big time. I still am hard on myself like I am making this up. I belittle my symptoms because I don't have D all the time, I am not losing weight like crazy, I am not bleeding. Since this just happened I just want to feel it will all go away, like a nightmare.
I want my life to go back to normal. I want a TG dinner like I've always had I have all these weird symptoms my eyes hurt a lot and now for some weird reason my knees kind of behind and to the side almost sting? Like they feel swollen and stinging when I sit in certain positions etc. I am 32 years old and I feel like an old woman. I can't have drinks with friends, eating is the equivalent of walking through a minefield also making social interactions much less pleasant, and I am physically and emotionally drained.
THis isn't to say I am not thankful. I am, and it could be worse for sure. I was very grateful I had a really decent Thanksgiving day with little complications. I just feel like it wasn't really true that I got away with it, it just waited until today to catch up. Like I will get punished.
My stomach feels pregnant at the moment, lots of bowel sounds and bloating. The worst part is I have an appetite... Do any of you have this you do have a good appetite but you feel so bloated and icky already it feels like you are doing the worst thing ever to your body to eat more?
I'm just drained, and really feeling nasty, and I needed to talk about it in a place where maybe someone else can relate.
