Trouble making friends, never have met another Crohnie in person

[fateful_one]

Since being diagnosed in 2005 I have had an aweful time making friends. I know that it is mostly due to the fact that I spend a lot of time at home, feeling like crap. However, even in the weeks and months where I do feel good I just can't seem to connect with people. For example, I started a new job and started making friends with my co-workers, but all they want to do is drink, smoke and eat. I can't do these things becaase they all make me feel like ****, AND I do not want to explain to them all why. (I try to hide my disease from employers and co-workers at all costs, in my experience it is just better this way.) It is the same with other friends that I have known for a long time. They are always asking me if I am okay and try to be supportive, but then they want to go out dancing and drinking when they know I can't! They must all think I am such a drag!

So, this brings me to the second part of my post...Does anyone here have a real world (not WWW) friend with Crohn's? Because I have never met another person with Crohn's, but I am beginning to think that it would be really nice to just hangout with other Crohnies...instead of normal people. I feel incredibly fustrated and isolated and lonely. Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[Guest]

aw i can understand how difficult it is for you.. particularly if you don't feel comfortable sharing your medical details with associates. i only know a couple of people who i'd call friends who have Crohn's, but it's years since i've seen either of them.

i just had a quick look on Google.. i don't know if this is of any help, but if you contact them, they might just have group meetings... http://dogood.boston.com/nonprofits/crohns-and-colitis-foundation-illinois-chapter

 

[Mark33180]

i have only met 1 other person that had crohn's so don't feel bad sometimes its hard to find others that have crohn's but just don't want to talk about it. most likely you have met them just didn't know it

 

[Guest]

it would be really nice to just hangout with other Crohnies...instead of normal people.

:ylol2: i missed that the first time i read your post! i know i'm not completely normal, but does it show that much?

 

[Maggie-Muffin]

I have met a few friends who also have Crohn's.It's nice

 

[Cookie]

Hi Fateful One,

I think that feeling of isolation and loneliness is one of the worst things about this disease...you always fel like you are going at it alone. Until recently, I was very closed off to my group of friends about the details of my disease. Partially out of embarrassment and partially because I never wanted it to look like I was asking for sympathy. When I finally opened up a little bit, I was very surprised to see the level of understanding and support that they were able to give me.

My friends also do a lot of drinking and social activities that involve drinking. I absolutely can not drink and sometimes it gets to be a drag, especially as the evening rolls on. I often end up calling it an early night and catching up on my sleep. But if you absolutely do not want to hang out with people that drink, there are some other outlets to meet people. Have you thought about joining a volunteer group? Do you have a hobby or interest that maybe you could turn around into a volunteer activity? This is a great way to meet people that usually doesn't center around alcohol, plus when you feel good about what you are doing sometimes it's all you need to feel better in general. Just a suggestion...

Good luck with everything and hang in there. You are not alone. At least you have the people on this forum who are always there to remind you of that!

 

[GoJohnnyGo]

I have two co-workers with Crohn's, and one with Ulcerative Colitis. We have become good friends. I'm lucky to have this support.

 

[kello82]

yup im with you too fateful- no "real world" friends with crohns. there is one guy whos is a couple years older than me who was my in high school, and one a couple years younger- only have chatted online with them a few times. have not even talked to them in person!
like someone else just mentioned, i also just recently opened up to my very close friends about my disease. i hid it all through school years and did not talk about it with them. they knew the basics-that i had a chronic intestinal issue, but that was it.
but i too was suprised at how accepting and supportive they are! it is really amazing. of course there are some who arent being as supportive and i just take that to mean that they are just a different type of friend, you know? i love them to have fun with, but i know who i can really lean on.

just my thoughts, but maybe do try to open up to someone you feel you can really trust. see what happens. hopefully you will then have an even stronger friendship as you share something so personal with him/her.
just because they dont have the disease themselves doesnt mean that they are incapapble of being just as understanding as a fellow crohnnie, it is possible.

 

[Agent X20]

Don't think I've ever met anyone who has admitted to having crohns.

Regarding co-workers... you're sort of thrown together with them... whether you make friends is probably down to other factors rather than merely sharing the same workspace. I don't go for the smoking, drinking thing either. I agree with Shadycat... look for some sort of local group that like to do things that you do. The list is endless when you start looking, but depends upon what interests you already have

 

[fenway1971]

My mom had UC. She's the only one out there who understands what I go through other than those of you on this forum. . .

 

[ladyB]

Hey fateful one

Sounds like you are having a rough time of things. I too have a hard time making friends, mainly cuz right now I don't really go anywhere. I am looking into a ccfa meeting about an hour from my house. I do know someone with CD, my cousin. It is nice at times to have someone REALLY understand when you crap yourself or order food and never eat any of the veggies...lol
But, we aren't always on the same page. She has her lifestyle and I have mine. Our styles don't always mesh.
In my experience having a friend that has the same interests as you and knows about your CD is better than someone with CD and no connection.
I think trying the ccfa is a good idea.
Good luck!!

 

[fateful_one]

Thanks, and has anyone been to a CCFA meeting?

Thanks for the posts everybody, I absolutely love this place! I am still a little sad about my lack of social surroundings, but it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone and that advice is plentiful. Taking suggestions into consideration, I am would love to volunteer with some organization, it sounds like fun. I am thinking Habitat for Humanity.

Also, has anyone been to a CCFA meeting...what are they like? My nearest chapter is 3 hours away...

:banana: :banana: :banana:

 

[realtormatt]

I actually know a quite a few people who have Crohn's or UC. There was a girl who lived a few houses down he was diagnosed when she was 8, I was probably 13 or so and she was the first person I ever heard of with Crohn's. Then one of my high school buddies was diagnosed when we were 15 or so, then his younger sisters and then me 3 years later. Since then I have met quite a few people who either have it or have a family members or friends with it.

I am also pretty open about it with coworkers, strangers, etc. I say I have Crohn's and if they don't know what it is I just say it is a genetic stomach issue. (So they understand they can't catch it) If people try to buy me a beer or something when I am out, I just say I am on antibiotics that don't mix well with alcohol.

I know it is hard when you are stuck inside, but there are also support groups that meet around my town. I would suggest trying them around yours, just to be around people who you can connect with can be helpful.