Ron, sometimes my grandma can't remember whether or not her husband/my grandpa is still alive or not. I've had to tell her many times that he died, he's dead. She was the one who found him dead - he died peacefully in his sleep and she woke up and found him and called 911 - but she doesn't remember any of that. Usually now she can remember that he is dead, but she thinks they were in the same memory care unit but kept apart for some reason and that he died there (not true, he died at their condo). She gets very confused by the whole thing and does not remember how or where he died.
Sandy, your mother and my grandma sound SO much alike! My grandma also had a friend at her condo complex, although that lady died shortly after my grandpa did. My grandma is also very paranoid about people stealing from her. She thinks my aunt stole money from my grandpa (not true), she thinks a maintenance man at their old condo was stealing from them (highly doubtful), and now she thinks that her 3 adult kids want her to die so that they can take her money from her will. Sometimes she says she wants to change her will so that I'm the only beneficiary. Um, no. And I know my grandma is depressed and maybe wishes she was no longer alive either. She's told me several times that when she goes to sleep, she wishes that she wouldn't wake up. Sometimes she has extreme anger that comes out of nowhere, and in those moments she's said some really scary things. She's threatened suicide (she asked me if I had any razor blades in my purse) and she's also threatened to set her facility on fire (she asked if I had any matches). I told her those are horrible things to say and she said she didn't mean it. I don't think she does mean it, I think she's just angry and depressed and confused, and a lot of it is the dementia. Of course she's sad that my grandpa died, they were literally together since she was something like 14 years old so she doesn't know what to do with herself now that he's gone. And the dementia is making her confused and angry, that's understandable too.
And like your mother with her cross-stitch, my grandma used to be prolific at sewing. Heck, she's the one who taught me how to sew and she gave me my first sewing machine when I was a little girl. But now she doesn't sew at all, I'm presuming it's because she lacks the mental ability to focus on a task like that. I did buy her one of those coloring books for grown-ups, with pictures of flowers, and I got her some nice colored pencils. I wasn't sure if she still has the capability to color, but to my delight I opened the book and saw that she had colored the first page.
So maybe your mother would like something like that? I mean, there's no wrong way to color, and my grandma even stayed within the lines and picked appropriate colors (the leaves were green and the flowers were pink). That was encouraging.
And like you said of your mother, my grandma is 84 but is in mostly good physical health. She had a mild heart attack maybe 13-14 years ago and had stents put in, and apparently hasn't had any heart issues since (I don't think she was seeing a doctor regularly since then, though - with my grandpa being so physically ill, he took on the role of being "the sick one" and she therefore was the healthy one, and I think she avoided doctors out of willful ignorance). Walking is becoming an issue but she can still walk somewhat, and when we visit her at her facility, we're allowed to take her outside to the parking lot for short walks (she can manage to walk maybe 100 feet down and back). And she's still physically pretty sturdy, she's not frail or weak.
She also loses things constantly and it's because she hides things. She's so paranoid about things getting stolen that she hides everything. The TV remote is often hidden in her purse. She once lost her glasses for a full week. She hides her portable DVD player in a variety of places. She also, and this is apparently another hallmark of Alzheimer's, sometimes she is under the mistaken impression that she's moving out of her room or being moved out, and will pack up all of her things into boxes. (The staff at her facility said some residents will pack and unpack every single day, it's a common behavior.) Once she told me she thought she was being moved to a storage closet where she'd have to sleep on a cot. She also doesn't recognize some of her own belongings, particularly her clothes. She thinks they belong to a lady who previously lived in her room "who is much fatter than I am!" Um, no, these are your clothes and this is your size.
And my grandma is forgetting some of her grandchildren. She's erased all memories of my brother from his childhood, she's made comments saying it's a shame he could never come to any family events over the years - he was like, I was there! She does not remember my cousin at all. She usually knows me and my husband and even our dog, although at my dad's last visit he said she had trouble at first remembering who I am when they mentioned my name. She sometimes thinks my mom is my dad's old girlfriend from high school - um, nope!
