What can I do to help my friend?

[dnjw]

Hey there. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with Chron's. They are going through an extremely difficult 2nd flare up. We want to do what ever we can for them; especially to make him comfortable.

Do you have any suggestions? Maybe something that someone has done for you or even something that you have been meaning to do?

Please help with your suggestions and I will come back and tell you how everything went.

Thank you!!

 

[Cat-a-Tonic]

It really all depends on your friend. He may not even want any help - you should really start by asking him if there's anything you can do! Maybe he'll just need someone supportive to listen to him, or maybe he'll need you to distract him from things for awhile. He might need help with chores - I know that when I'm in the middle of a bad flare, I can barely even manage to fold the laundry. Does your friend have kids or pets? If so, see if he needs any help with watching the kids for a few hours, or maybe you could walk the dog for him. Maybe you could bring him a meal - but, before you start cooking anything, check with him to see what he can and cannot eat in a flare. So, long story short, those are some ideas, but you'll need to check with your friend to see what he really needs and wants. We're all different, and what works for me may not for your friend. Start by listening to him, and go from there. Good luck!

 

[dnjw]

Thanks for the reply and thank you for sharing.

I agree with you, communication is key to discover the needs, likes, and dislikes of just about anyone. Right now everything is quite new and understandably overwhelming. As a friend you can't help but feel under qualified and helpless when you see someone you care about in such pain.

Distraction is something that he seems to want. This reminds me of something one of my other friends likes to do if you find yourself in the hospital. She would come to your room dressed in a cow suit!!

 

[Loriebird]

I love the idea of helping with chores.. when I was in a really bad flare, I couldn't walk, muchless do dishes, take out trash, etc.

When I had a really bad flare, I was bombarded by innappropriate personal questions at work and school about my health (i.e. "what disease do you have?"). I even had a complete stranger get angry at me because I wouldn't let her carry my bookbag for me - it was embarassing. I was always really relieved to be around my close friends who just quietly did things for me without calling attention to the fact that I was sick. Like my friend who knew I couldn't walk without pain, so he would quietly slow down and walk alongside me at my pace. When I was hospitalized before finals, that same person visited me in the hospital to help me study for exams. Another friend printed out my research for me and brought it to my room so I could complete a research project on time. Small gestures like that mean a lot..

And they made fun of me relentlessly (like they normally do) and made me feel normal and not pathetic.

 

[sawdust]

Your friend is lucky to have you!

For me, I appreciate a friend who doesn't minimize what they think I might be going through, but also doesn't define me by it. (The "yeah, I had some bloating the other day" friend, versus the "I'll ask you five Crohn's questions every time I see you" friend.) I know both of these friends care for me great deal.

If your group of friends is wearing the cow costume to the hospital, well that's the greatest distraction I've heard in a while! I'll give extra points for mooing, cowbell, or udder piercing.

If I'm in the hospital or recouping at home, even a quick visit (from good friends like you) are a real bright spot. If you clear the visit ahead of time, making sure it's a blessing after all, it means so much to me. It doesn't have to be a big deal or long stay to be special!