Am i sick or just lazy

[uab grad student]

am i sick or just lazy

Augh! I'm just constantly disappointing myself lately. I'm home again because I am just soooooo worn out. I know I should be thankful that I'm not in as much pain as I was and my bloody diarrhea has stopped, but I'm just constantly exhausted. My lymph nodes hurt like hell also but I feel like these probably aren't strong enough symptoms to be sitting at home.

I'm a PhD student on a fellowship so my schedule can be pretty flexible but I have a lot of work piling up and just can't get the motivation to get to it. This is very UNLIKE me... usually a total go-getter, working extra hours and putting in maximum effort, so what the hell is wrong with me? I thought I was in a remission a couple weeks ago and then tried to go off of Entocort only to get really sick again so I'm back on steroids. Now that I'm back on steroids most of the pain is gone but I'm still exhausted. Does this mean I'm still "flaring" or am I just being a total wimp?!

Thanks for the replies. I am just feeling like a total loser right now. I know I should just put on my big girl panties and muster up the energy to kick butt at work but it isn't happening... :depressed:

 

[MapleLeafGirl]

I hear you believe me. I have had very long periods where I feel like this. I have never really been able to put my finger on what was causing it. I used to try and fight it and keep going and keep doing things, but my husband read me the riot act and said "just rest". He was right. After a week of getting 12 hours of sleep a night and relaxing and just taking care of me, I came out of it. That's about all I can suggest and hope that it works for you. We should never underestimate the yo-yo effect we put our body through when we go on and off all of these medicines. Just allow yourself some time to rest and recuperate and never feel guilty about it

 

[Astra]

Hi Ashlee

She's right you know! Rest is crucial, I learnt that the hard way! Push too hard, and you'll hit the deck! Re-charge your batteries and do yourself a favour, stay off and chillax!
I don't think you're being a big girl's blouse, sweetie you're ill!
xxx

 

[Jeff D.]

Also the steriods may be making you very tired as well. As the others said above, just rest and try to get past this.

 

[Crohn's 35]

Jeff and the others are right. When I was on prednisone I was tired and was in bed so early. I found it worse when tapering to a low dose. My daughter is a University student and she was so tired, the brain drains and drains the rest of your body and she is healthy. You could be lacking something in your system too. B12 or Iron levels and potassium can cause havoc. The disease does tire you out, hang in there, summer time is coming, exams will be over. Let us know how you make out ok? Rest as much as possible! Hugs.

 

[PeninsulaLil]

Lazy? Hah! I highly doubt it. If you are dealing with or coming out of a flare and you feel tired, trust that it is your body saying 'I need some attention and rest'. Being sick and trying to 'macho' through it might work with a cold or muscle ache, but not with a chronic disease that is exacerbated by stress. You are not a loser or wimp; you're sick. I doubt you would think that someone having a heart attack is a loser or wimp for sitting out a marathon. Give yourself a break and some TLC. When you're feeling better you'll be able to whip through everything that seems to be piling up right now.

Lilly

 

[whysoserious]

You aren't lazy! Your body just needs a lot more rest than the average person. Don't push yourself and over-exert yourself, or you could get really sick.

 

[Entchen]

I know I should just put on my big girl panties and muster up the energy to kick butt at work but it isn't happening...

Boo, and sorry you're feeling so unwell these days. Take time off as needed, and in the end, your studies (and you!) will be all the better for it.

Alternatively, see if you feel up to working on a series of small, concrete (read: easier) tasks now -- the data that needs cleaning, the paper that needs another proofread, etc. What tasks do you have that can be worked on in 30 minute segments?

Do some "thinking work" from the comfort of your couch -- what's that tough theoretical question that you haven't time the time to reason through? The best part of being an academic is that it's perfectly legitimate to spend the afternoon reading in a coffee shop. It's work!

Take good care.

 

[InkyStinky]

Hey Ashlee - Boy, do I understand!!!! Fatigue has always been a huge problem for me. And not just physical fatigue - lately even when I feel ok I have to force myself to do even simple things... it drives me nuts because on one hand I "don't feel like" doing anything and on the other hand I feel like a big lazy wimpy slob when I don't do anything!!!!

While I agree that we need more rest than "normal" people, I find that I really don't get quality rest/sleep when I feel like I've been totally unproductive. For me, "underdoing" is almost as bad as overdoing. So I've started writing myself to-do lists and just putting down two or three things I really want to accomplish each day. I have to force myself to get started, but once I'm done I can rest better knowing at least something is done.

But it sounds to me like you're still flaring, so please be careful not to overdo stuff right now (I don't count myself out of a flare until I'm successfully off of steriods - just my own way of measuring my symptoms). Maybe you could just do one or two "easy" things each day so you don't get stressed out at all the work you have to do. That way you can tell yourself that you earned the rest of the day to rest and give your body a break.

 

[InkyStinky]

Alternatively, see if you feel up to working on a series of small, concrete (read: easier) tasks now

Jinx, Kelly! :tongue:

 

[uab grad student]

Thanks y'all. Really, reading all your posts today brightened my outlook to where I did actually get a few things done! I know it doesn't help to beat myself up over what I can't do and I should just recognize the things I actually do accomplish, but it seems I have to learn this lesson over and over again. Thanks for "tutoring" me so so speak. I am taking your advice to heart and starting to make a list of manageable things I can do even when I'm at home (thanks for the tip, inkystinky and Kelly!). So I've organized figures for a research paper I am writing... it's a small step but an important one.

All of you really helped me through today and although I still feel physically weak, I'm feeling emotionally stronger. Tonight I'm going to rest as much as possible so that I can start fresh tomorrow.

 

[Entchen]

Lol, Sabrina!

Ashlee, so glad to hear that you are able to feel as though you are back to making progress. Figures are the bane of my existence, so I think you are a SUPERSTAR to be working on them now!

 

[Guest]

hi Ashlee my thoughts on this - hope they help..

any illness like Crohn's, which is with us all the time, drags us down, and keeps our body in fighting mode, will gradually make us more tired than someone who isn't poorly... and it also brings with it a degree of depression. put all this together, alongside the effects of meds, and i'm not surprised you're feeling the way you have been!

i completely agree about resting, listening to your body - if you're thinking "i wish i could go for a lie down", do it! i've learnt that one the hard way - have so often tried to ignore how i feel because i'm stubborn.. but it does no good being like that, believe me.

any little achievement will lift your spirits and make you more confident and less fed up with yourself, so keep on having little goals, and treat yourself as you would treat someone who's convalescing. you'll know when your strength & stamina has come back

 

[dreamintwilight]

Ashlee! Glad to know you are slowly working your way through this crummy time I'm like you in that I need to feel productive! I really admire the fact that you are battling this flare and getting your doctorate! Before I took school off, and before I knew I had Crohn's, I had such a hard time getting my reading done without falling asleep on the couch. Based on previous stuff you posted, it sounds like your professors are understanding of your situation too and encourage you to do what you can when you can and when you can't, take a rest. Take advantage of that Wouldn't be worth it in the end if you finished it all, but ended up in the hospital because you stressed out and pushed yourself too hard!

You're a very bright young gal, but it's okay to have some crummy days too. I don't know you very well, but it I think you'll be successful in whatever you do, no matter how long it takes

 

[teeny5]

You are not being lazy at all! I feel totally tired and lazy a lot and I know I need a lot of rest. I feel like maybe I am a cat and need like 16 hours if sleep! This disease wears on our bodies and for me when I don't feel good, I am tired. If I feel bad for long enough I start to get depressed and feel worse. Take everyone's advice and rest! Making a simple to do list is a great idea to! Glad to hear you at least got motivated a little bit.

 

[mspaghettio]

I HEAR you on this! It's so easy when you're overwhelmed to feel like you're not getting enough done, but sometimes the problem is just that one person shouldn't have so much stuff going on all at the same time. The good thing is it WILL slow down, you just can't see the future to know exactly when. They say that positive self talk is amazing, and even making yourself smile when you aren't feeling it can actually improve your mood! So basically walk around with a goofy grin saying how awesome you are! Haha. I'll pray that you wake up refreshed and energized!!

 

[Pirate]

Hi Ashlee. I can't add much to what the others have said here. I can give you words of support though. Each and everyone of us have felt this way before and totally understand what you are feeling. Its frustrating to not be able to give 100% to every task at hand, but there are times when you cannot. By learning to understand your body and the signs you may be able to get the rest you need before you gets totally run down. The hardest part is telling yourself that you have to slow down and then doing it.
You hang in there and do what everyone else has said "Get some rest"

 

[merrywidow]

i rest when i can and need to. its when my son is on half term that becomes a problem, as he cant be left alone for too long on his own. so then i throw him next door and have 1 hr rest.

 

[Keona]

Anyone who can get to the point of doing a PhD is not lazy. Seems to me like something must be wrong with your health to come to a screeching halt. I hope you find some motivation soon. I can relate - I feel like Im walking through mud with cement boots on - also very unlike me.
You are far from a loser or a wimp.
Sending positive vibes your way!
Wendy
________
FORD KA PICTURE

 

[uab grad student]

Thanks for the positive thoughts, y'all, I really appreciate it. So, I wish I could tell you I am feeling better, but I'm starting to worry that no drug is going to work for me. I will post a new question since I would like to know what those who have had surgery felt like before they finally threw in the towel and decided to have it done...

I have a stricture in my terminal ileum and disease throughout my colon. I'm just ready to get back to a normal life.

 

[Jeff D.]

I'm sorry you are still feeling bad. I can't say what a doctor would tell you but my entire colon is diseased and I'm getting an ileostomy in a week and a half. I have not had any disease in my terminal ileum so I'm not quite sure what to tell you. I would say go to the doctor and see what they say.

I'm praying for you Ashlee

 

[uab grad student]

Thanks Jeff. I'll pray for you also and your surgery... what day is it?

 

[Jeff D.]

My surgery is on the 25th. Thanks for the prayers. I hope you can start feeling better soon.